Beware the Tiny-Spino

by Dustin Hansen

“Sure. Pretty cool, but unfortunately it wasn’t brave enough to pass the test. No IMPA for you. Guess we better head back to your new home. Otherwise known as the bug jar,” Lin said.

  “That’s not fair. I can totally tame him. It’s just that he’s too stuffed up to smell that I’m not dangerous. His eyes are so swollen that he can’t see it’s me. My dad has allergies, too, and while they make him grumpy, he says the best medicine in the world is a hug from the world’s greatest hugger.” She turned to Lin. “And after the wake-up hug I gave you this morning, we both know exactly who the world’s greatest hugger is.”

  “You two hugged?” I asked, more shocked at this news than I was at just about anything I’d ever experienced in the Microterium. “I guess I should have come over earlier. I would have loved to have seen that in person.”

  “It was fast. I barely remember it,” Lin said.

  “That’s not true. Nobody forgets a hug from Victoria Van-Varbles,” Vicky said. “I’m not done yet. In fact, Frank-N-Kitty and I are just getting started,” Vicky said. She stood up and jumped from the stick pile, landing with both feet back in the bog.

  She marched right up to Frank-N-Spine, a big smile on her face and her hands outstretched. In typical Vicky fashion, she started to talk. And talk, and talk, and TALK to Frank as she approached him. The Microsaur might not be able to see her or smell her, but he sure could hear her.

  “Oh, Franky-Wanky. Do you have the sniffle-wiffles?” she said in a high-pitched voice.

  “I think she’s lost her marbles,” Lin said.

  “Come here, you poor wittle baby Microsaur. Do you need a huggy-wuggy?” she said as she got closer to the spinosaurus. Frank was facing her now, ignoring the mushroom he’d been trying to eat as he watched the strange, brightly colored mess of a girl approach him, talking in her sweet, rhyming baby talk.

  “Yup. She’s lost her marbles. They’ve rolled to the bottom of the swamp, and we’ll never see them again,” Lin said, which gave me the giggles.

  “Oh, wook at you, you itsy-bitsy sweetie. Vicky knows what you need. You need a great…” she said as she took a big step toward Franky, “… big…” Another step, so close she could almost touch his wrinkly-skin. “… HUG!” Vicky shouted as she lunged for Frank-N-Spine.

  For a second, maybe two, I thought that it had worked. Frank looked down at the odd critter wrapped around his large back leg. The confused look on his face combined with the half-mud, half-purplish-pink Vicky Van-Varbles clinging to him is one I will never forget. But the moment didn’t last long before Frank-N-Spine literally FREAKED OUT!

  The fin that had been lying down his back popped up to attention, displaying colorful markings and spikes that looked like a row of spears. He bucked like a rodeo bull, snarling, kicking, and spinning around as he tried to free himself of Vicky’s world-class hug. Of course, at this point, the hug had turned from a loving feel-better snuggle into a hold-on-for-dear-life death grip.

  But even with her best squeeze, Vicky was sent flying. She landed with a sploosh, right in the middle of a footprint-shaped puddle. Franky slipped in the bog, lost his balance, and launched himself right into the big red-clown-nose mushroom, his spiky dorsal fin leading the way. The moment his fin touched the leathery skin of the mushroom, the red mushroom top tore open.

  I expected red goo to ooze from the open rip in the mushroom, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, billions of tiny, bright golden particles poofed from the hole in the huge fungi. As the particles from the first mushroom made contact with the surrounding clown-nose-shaped mushrooms, they poofed open, too. One by one all the other mushrooms opened up and coughed out cloud after cloud of tiny particles.

  Poor Frank-N-Spine was caught right in the middle of the yellow cloud of mushroom dust. He sneezed, wheezed, and coughed. In a few seconds, the cloud had spread to Vicky. She coughed and tucked her nose and mouth into the collar of her shirt. Lin sneezed, then rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. Then all of a sudden my eyes started to itch, and I sneezed, too.

  Frank-N-Spine ran away from the cloud of golden mushroom dust, and I decided we should do the same. But before we left, I pulled out my camera phone and took a few quick pictures. I had a feeling they would come in handy soon.

  CHAPTER 6

  THE SNUFFLE CLOUD

  We coughed and sneezed our way out of the bog, toward the place where we left Bruno and Zip-Zap. The mushroom dust wasn’t bothering us much anymore, but it still floated in the air around us.

  “What is that stuff?” Lin asked. “Have you ever seen a plant blow up like that before?”

  “I saw something on a documentary one time about jungle plants that do that. They explode, sending bazillions of little seeds everywhere. It’s how they survive, but it felt like it was killing us,” I said.

  “I know, right?” Vicky said. “I was worried there for a moment.”

  I was about to point out that the air was still thick with golden mushroom dust, when I heard sneezing and coughing up ahead.

  “That’s Zip-Zap,” Lin said, then sprinted toward the noise.

  Sure enough, by the time Vicky and I caught up to her, Lin was with Zip-Zap and Bruno. Their eyes were puffy, and their noses were all clogged up just like Frank-N-Spine’s. The two helpful Microsaurs were coughing and sneezing so much that the area around them was covered in slime.

  “Look what you did, Vicky. You ruined everything!” Lin said.

  “No I didn’t. I didn’t do this. I was only trying to tame the spinosaurus. The rest was an accident,” Vicky said.

  Bruno sneezed up my back. I turned to look at him, and he smiled like he was happy to share his boogers with me. “Sorry you’re sick, buddy,” I said. I wiped a handful of goo off the back of my neck. “Really sorry.”

  “Well, what do we do now?” Lin asked. “We have to help Zippy and Bruno.”

  I listened carefully to the marshy woods surrounding us. One thing about being in the Microterium is that, even if you can’t see them, there are Microsaurs hiding in the trees and shrubs all around. But even the best hiders in the world have a hard time staying hidden when they are sneezing and coughing. Lin and Vicky were still arguing when I held up my hand to get their attention.

  “Wait. Can you hear that?” I asked.

  “Hear what? The end of the Microterium as we KNOW IT?!” Lin said dramatically.

  “Oh, give me a break,” Vicky said, rolling her eyes.

  “No. Seriously. Listen for a minute,” I said. Much to my surprise, they stopped arguing and listened.

  “There is coughing everywhere,” Lin said. “They are all sick. Every last Microsaur in the Microterium. We’re doomed!”

  “Maybe I did ruin everything,” Vicky said, and for the first time that day, she looked really worried.

  “Maybe?” Lin said. “MAYBE?”

  “Before we panic, we need to make a new plan,” I said.

  “A plan for what? Catching fifty quadzillion microscopic dust particles?” Lin asked.

  “That’s not even a real number,” Vicky said. “But yeah. I think that’s what we have to do. We have to catch all this golden dust stuff.”

  “I don’t think we can catch all the particles, but we have to do something fast. And I don’t think we’ll be traveling by Microsaur this time. Bruno and Zip-Zap look worn out. But I have an idea. Follow me,” I said.

  I led Vicky and Lin through the forest to the river that runs from the bog and ends up pretty close to the Fruity Stars Lab. Part of the river ran underground, and Lin and I had used it to travel once before.

  “What are we going to do?” Lin said as Bruno and Zip-Zap joined us at the riverbank. “It’s going to take us forever to get back to the lab.”

  “And even if we do get back to the lab, how are we going to clean all this up? Look, the gold dust cloud is getting thicker,” Vicky said. She was right. At this rate, it’d cover the whole Microterium in minutes.

  We had to get down the river, and we had to get there fast.
I thought about just jumping in and swimming with the current, but there had to be a better way.

  “The last time we sailed in this river, we floated on a big egg,” I said. “Remember that, Lin?”

  “How could I forget? That was Pizza and Cornelia’s egg,” she said. “Quick. Look around. Find an egg!”

  “Does it have to be an egg? Couldn’t we just ride a boat down or something?” Vicky asked.

  “Sure. Just run to the micro-boat shop and grab one,” Lin said.

  “Uhh, I don’t think the Microterium has one of those, Lin,” Vicky said.

  “Exactly my point,” Lin said.

  “Guys! Stop! This isn’t helping,” I said.

  I heard crunching noises to my left and turned to see Bruno trying to wipe his nose on a bush. It wasn’t working all that great, but as he brushed his wide head back and forth, I noticed the leaves on the plant were larger than a bathtub. It gave me an idea.

  “Hey, you two. See that plant over there? We need five, no six, of the biggest leaves, fast. Bruno will help, but you might need to hang on the leaves until they rip off. You’ll have to work together,” I said.

  “What for?” Vicky asked.

  “I think we’re going to make an egg,” Lin said.

  “Not exactly, but I like the way you’re thinking,” I said.

  As Lin and Vicky worked together to tear down the big leaves and drag them to the edge of the river, I found ten long blades of grass twice as long as me and added them to the pile.

  “Okay, now we need to use this grass to tie the leaves together,” I said.

  “We’re going to make a boat, right?” Lin asked.

  “Yeah, but more like a raft. Or maybe even a raft train,” I said.

  “We should braid the grass together into one long rope. It won’t take long, and it’ll be much stronger,” Vicky said. “I’m an excellent braider.”

  “Good idea,” I said. “Can you show us how?”

  “Sure. It’s easy,” Vicky said as she picked up the ends of three grass blades.

  “I’m not sure Vicky should be the one coming up with ideas. Her last one got us in this whole mess,” Lin said. But that didn’t stop her from helping us braid the grass together. Turns out, Lin was an excellent braider as well, so I let them work on the grass rope while I lined up the leaves and searched for three long sticks we could use as oars.

  By the time I returned with the oars, Lin and Vicky had not only made the rope, but they had already started tying the leaves together to make the raft train.

  “Is this what you were thinking, Danny?” Lin asked.

  “It’s perfect,” I said.

  We finished making the raft train as Bruno and Zip-Zap lounged on the muddy riverbank, looking totally worn out. We stepped back to inspect our work and make sure we had thought of everything before we pushed off into the slow-moving river.

  “I think this looks more like a canoe train,” Vicky said.

  “Yeah. It kind of does,” I said.

  “As long as it floats and gets us to the Fruity Stars Lab soon, I don’t care if we call it a banana-sundae train,” Lin said. She stepped in the first leaf, grabbed her oar, and pushed off into the river current.

  “I’m next!” Vicky said, climbing aboard the second canoe.

  Lin called for Zip-Zap, and the big birdlike Microsaur jumped into the third leaf canoe. The braided grass tied to their rafts pulled at the third, and it started floating out into the river.

  “Better hurry, you guys. You don’t want to get left behind,” Lin said with a grin.

  Next up, two leaves were fixed together to make a wide boat, twice the size of the others. “Come on, Bruno. This one’s yours,” I said. He walked slowly into the river, then pounced on his leaf raft. It took on a lot of water, but it held him just fine. The last leaf was tied to the end of Bruno’s. I grabbed my oar, then ran out into the water and climbed onto my leaf. And just like that, we were on our way to the Fruity Stars Lab 3.0.

  CHAPTER 7

  AHOY, MATEYS

  “Arrgh, this be so relaxing,” Lin said in a pirate voice as she lay down in the bottom of her leaf canoe.

  “I know. It’s almost as good as being in the best spa in France. I’ve been there, you know. You should really try it out,” Vicky said.

  “Nar. This pirate prefers chilling in the Microterium,” Lin said.

  I was standing in my boat, using my oar as a rudder to steer the raft train. Bruno and Zip-Zap were still wheezing and coughing, but it looked like the calm water of the slow river was good for them, too.

  “Hey, if you look up into the golden dust, you can make out images. You know, like you do with clouds in the sky,” Vicky said.

  “Oh yeah,” I said as I looked up. “I can see a hot dog with extra mustard.”

  “Look, look. Right there. It’s a kitten chasing a ball of yarn,” Vicky said.

  “With my good eye—the other is covered in a patch, of course—I spy … a bug jar. And guess who’s inside?” Lin said.

  “Oh boy. I can’t imagine who,” Vicky said.

  “It’s you, Vicky,” Lin said. “Big shocker, eh?”

  “Um, I think there is a bigger shock coming up soon,” I said.

  “What’s that? Is it you in the bug jar?” Lin joked.

  “No. It’s that.” I pointed ahead of us. Lin and Vicky sat up in their rafts and looked. Ahead of us the river was moving faster. Rocks poked out of the river, and white bubbles and foam were crashing up against them.

  “Whoa. This slow river looks mad up ahead,” Vicky said.

  “This is going to be AWESOME!” Lin said, giving up on the pirate talk. She stood up in her boat and grabbed her oar.

  Our raft train started picking up speed as we left behind the slow, peaceful water and entered into the rapids. Bruno and Zip-Zap looked nervous, Vicky had no idea how to control her boat, and I was feeling pretty worried myself, but Lin looked totally under control.

  “All right, guys. Listen up. We have to row together, or this could get a little crazy,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong. I like a little crazy, but I’m not sure Bruno and Zip-Zap are up for swimming in the roaring river right now.”

  “They’re not the only ones,” Vicky said.

  “When I shout ROW, you paddle with your oar,” Lin said.

  “Won’t that just make us go faster?” I asked.

  “Yes, I guess. But it’ll help us be in control. That’s what we need right now,” Lin said. “Let’s give it a try.”

  “Row! Row! Row!” Lin chanted from the front. Each time she shouted, the three of us dipped our oars in the water and pulled it back. It didn’t take long for Bruno to figure out what we were doing, and he tipped his long tail in the water and paddled, too.

  “Okay. Now when I say LEFT, move your oar to the other side of your boat. Ready?” Lin commanded.

  “Row! Row! Row! LEFT!” Lin said. We shifted to the left, and the boats weaved gracefully around a jagged bunch of rocks. We glided past them, then picked up even more speed as the river began to drop.

  “Row! Row! RIGHT! Row! Row! Row! LEFT!” Lin continued to direct us as we rushed down the river. We slipped around rocks. Our boats rocked and bobbed up and down as we smashed into waves and crashed through dips and valleys in the river. Water splashed and covered us, filling the bottoms of our leaf boats with water. Bruno’s double-leaf raft was so full of water I was afraid it might sink, and then I heard something up ahead that really made me nervous. Lin heard it, too.

  “Oh YEAH! Here comes the big one!” Lin said.

  “The big what?” Vicky asked as she spit water out of her mouth and pushed her hair back from her forehead.

  “Pull in your oars and hold on tight to your boats, people. We’re going over a waterfall!” Lin shouted.

  One by one, our leaf rafts went over the edge of the water, plunging into a dark hole in the earth. Cool water showered down on us, and Zip-Zap’s CAW and Lin’s YAHOO echoed inside the underground
cave the river had taken us to.

  “Is everyone all right?” I asked as my boat stopped splashing and rocking in the river.

  “I think I am. It’s too dark to tell,” Vicky said.

  Bruno woofed, then blew out a very wet-sounding sneeze. I found a flashlight in my backpack, flicked it on, and shined it around the inside of the cave. Everyone was soaked, but other than that we all looked fine.

  “That was incredible,” Lin said. “Have you ever done anything that cool in your whole life?”

  “Honestly,” Vicky said, thinking for a second before she went on. I shined my light on her face, and she smiled really wide. “No. That was the coolest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.”

  “Even cooler than cooking in Paris?” Lin asked.

  “About a bazillion times better, actually,” she said. “In fact, I want to do it again.”

  “I know, right?” Lin shouted. “I LOVE THE MICROTERIUM!” Her voice echoed in the cave.

  “ME TOO!” Vicky yelled, and it echoed again.

  “ME THREE!” I joined in, and we laughed as it echoed again.

  The water slowed down again, and we rolled along in the dark with only my flashlight to see the way. After testing out the echo with a bunch of yells, shouts, and Microsaur sneezes, we discussed different ways we could clean the golden dust out of the air. We thought about using a big fan. We wondered if we could somehow vacuum it out of the air. Vicky even suggested we pack up all the Microsaurs and move them to a new spot while we waited for the dust to settle, but nothing seemed right.

  “Hey, what’s that up there?” Vicky asked. There was a hissing noise coming from in front of us, and I swung my flashlight forward to have a look.

  According to a map that Profess Penrod had drawn in his leather-bound field guide, the underground river curled its way beneath most of the Microterium. It passed through a cave with stalactites dipping from the ceiling and stalagmites rising from the floor. But that wasn’t the only thing twisting through the cave. An elaborate system of pipes snaked through the cave, too. Some carried hot water and helped keep the Microterium warm above, and some carried cold water like the one making the hissing sound in front of us.