Condemned to Love: 

by Davis, Siobhan

  Tears roll down her face again, but she’s smiling.

  It’s a pivotal moment in our relationship.

  Neither of us needs to vocalize it to feel the winds have changed. Fate has altered, and our axis has tilted. Whether it’s for the better or not is yet to be determined, but we both know there is no going back. There is a certain serenity in accepting it. In trusting fate to take over and guide us along the right path.

  If Leo was privy to my thoughts right now, he would never let me live it down.

  “This isn’t just about Rowan, Sierra.” I cup her face firmly. “This isn’t just a marriage of convenience.” I draw a brave breath, preparing to say words I have only ever spoken to my sister. “I—”

  “Mommy!” A shrill cry slices through the air, cutting me off.

  “Rowan!” Sierra jumps up as Rowan’s crying escalates.

  I hop out of bed, rushing out of the room after her, trailing her into Rowan’s bedroom. He is sitting up in the bed, sheets tangled around his little body, and his cheeks are soaked with tears.

  “What’s wrong?” Sierra asks, racing to him.

  “I had a bad dream,” he sobs, flinging himself at her as she sits on the side of the bed, alongside him. “Can I sleep with you?”

  I crouch down beside Sierra, touching her arm. “You can stay here, and I can go back to my room, if you want.”

  Rowan lifts his little face, and the sight of his tearstained eyes guts me. I want to eradicate his heartache and remove every trace of worry from his life. “I want to sleep beside Ben too,” he mumbles into his mom’s neck.

  “We can all sleep in my room,” I rush to assure him. “That bed is the biggest.”

  He nods, and Sierra stands with him in her arms. I move back to the master bedroom and pull back the covers.

  Rowan crawls into the bed without hesitation, and Sierra and I lie on either side of him. We pull the covers up, turning on our sides so we are facing one another, with our son in the middle. My heart is racing so fast it feels like it might burst from my chest.

  Sierra has her arms around Rowan from behind, and she’s pressing kisses into his hair. I want to touch him, to comfort him, too, but I don’t want to startle him or upset him any more than he’s already upset.

  “Sleep, Firecracker,” Sierra murmurs into his hair. “You’re safe now.”

  He closes his eyes, and I don’t take mine off him. His features are so perfect yet so small and fragile looking at the same time. An outpouring of love swells my chest, and I will do everything in my power to keep him innocent and safe. I want him to grow up loved and cherished and ignorant of the world I live in for as long as possible. I want him to have dreams and goals and to feel like he can achieve anything he sets his heart to. I never want him to suffer disappointment or fear or regret, but I know that’s just wishful thinking. Experiencing those things is part of growing up, but I want to shield him from everything in a way I was denied.

  I want him to be a kid. To be free of burden for as long as possible.

  “Ben,” he whispers, and his eyes pop open.

  “Yes, buddy?” I whisper even though there’s no need because Sierra is still awake too.

  His big blue eyes are trusting and hopeful as they stare into mine. “Are you my daddy?”

  I can scarcely speak over the messy ball of emotion stuck in my throat. “Yes, Rowan,” I croak. “I am your daddy.”

  “Forever and ever?” he asks, and Sierra clasps a shaky hand over her mouth as tears roll down her face.

  “Forever and ever, buddy.” I smile at him as my heart tries to beat a path out of my chest. “I promise I will never leave you or Mommy. And I know we have lots of things to catch up on, but we will have fun doing that.”

  He sniffs, and I stiffen. “Daddy?” he whispers, and I can’t hold my emotions inside anymore. Tears well in my eyes, and I purposely avoid looking at Sierra because I will break down if I do. He wiggles closer, and the second his soft little hand presses on my chest, I wrap my arms around him without hesitation. He melts in my arms, no trace of fear or anxiety tensing his little body. “I love you,” he whispers against my chest.

  “I love you too,” I tell him, closing my eyes and pressing my nose into his hair. “I love you so much.”

  Mommy too.

  I want to say that out loud, because I was interrupted before I got to tell Sierra, but now isn’t the right moment. This is about Rowan, and Sierra understands. She moves closer, snuggling against Rowan’s back as he snuggles into my chest. I place my arm around them, and I fall asleep feeling more content than I have ever felt in my life.

  36

  SIERRA

  “Oh my God, Ben. This place is magnificent,” I say, poking my head out the window of the SUV as Leo drives us along the sweeping driveway leading to Ben’s exquisite Connecticut estate. Majestic trees line the wide smooth driveway as we advance, and the massive gardens are well-maintained with an abundance of shrubs and flowerbeds, but there are no colorful displays this time of year. The air is biting as it flows through the window, but I welcome the stinging freshness as it zings across my face. It makes me feel alive, and there is a lot to be said for that today.

  The driveway seems to go on forever until gradually an expansive two-story property comes into view up ahead. It’s on a circular plot within the sprawling estate, with various entrances. A line of tall trees forms a border around the house, granting privacy, while the vast use of glass offers plenty of light, I’m guessing. I thought my parents’ lavish mansion was excessive, but this modern build puts their traditional three-story property to shame.

  Ben confirmed his main home is on a five-acre site in an area known as The Golden Triangle in Greenwich, Connecticut. Lots of wealthy people have homes here and many are regular commuters to the city. The property is surrounded on all sides by a large whitewashed wall, and I spied several cameras mounted above the barbed wire fencing on top. The humongous wooden gates are only accessible via a code, and several armed guards man the entryway. A separate house near the front of the property houses a full security team. Ben explained they patrol the grounds twenty-four-seven, and no one can get in or out without their approval.

  It’s clear Ben takes security very seriously, and I can’t deny the sense of relief I felt driving through the gates a couple of minutes ago.

  It took just under an hour to drive here from New York, and Rowan was as excited as I’ve ever seen him. He has accepted the news about Ben better than I expected. If he was older, I assume he would have lots of questions. But he seems happy with the news—thrilled even—and he has fully embraced it, readily calling Ben Daddy this morning at breakfast in front of Leo and Alesso with no qualms. The guys were delighted for Ben, I could tell. Ben seems to be in a permanent state of shock, but he looks happier, more rested, and less stressed than I’ve seen him in recent weeks.

  The events of yesterday seem almost like a dream to me now; however, the threat is all too real. And I haven’t forgotten Ben promised to give me answers either. I will get us settled in our new home, and when Rowan is asleep tonight, I’ll be cornering his daddy and asking my questions.

  Something changed in our relationship last night. Like some invisible wall came crashing down, and I trust him to tell me the truth. I think he was going to tell me he loved me, or maybe I’m reading too much into things. Although he did tell me our night together was special to him too and that he’s also had a hard time forgetting about me. His admission did funny things to my insides. Hope is no longer a fickle beast. He’s a confident larger-than-life presence, waiting expectantly in the wings for things to develop.

  My head and my heart are a mess, and the only thing I know with certainty is that I want to be here. Ben makes me feel safe. Being away from Chicago makes me feel safe. And I need that now more than anything—even if it means everything is changing.

  “Look, Mommy!” Rowan screams, almost leaping out the window as he points at an enclosed playground on the
vast lawn to our right. My eyes pop wide as I skim over the various slides, swings, and climbing frames, large tree house, and the miniature obstacle course.

  “I took the liberty of installing it when I first found out about Rowan,” Ben explains, noticing my expression. “This house is my safe haven, so I don’t go out in the town or socialize with any of my neighbors. My staff does the shopping, and they have all signed NDAs. No one knows I live here, and I intend to keep it that way.”

  “Daddy! Daddy!” Rowan throws himself into Ben’s arms. “I want to play in the tree house!”

  Ben chuckles, ruffling his hair. “You need to see your new room first, and I have some other things to show you as well. But we’ll visit the playground later.”

  I’m only half-listening to their conversation, mulling over his previous words. “That means we can’t leave either, I assume?”

  “It’s not safe.”

  I look out the window, my excitement dimming a little. The surroundings might be beautiful, but it’s still a prison.

  “Hey.” Ben touches my arm. “I know it will be hard for you, but I have tried to ensure you have everything you need so you don’t feel too isolated.”

  “What about Rowan’s schooling?”

  “When things have quieted down, we can consider enrolling him in the local private school. Until then, I thought we could hire a tutor?”

  I’m not comfortable at the idea of Rowan spending an extended period of time cooped up here without kids his own age to play with, but this is about safety first, so I nod.

  “Natalia is lining up some options. I asked her to show you the applicants, and I can organize interviews with those you deem suitable?”

  “Natalia is here?” I’m pretty sure Ben said she lived in the city with her husband and stepsons.

  He nods. “I called her yesterday and asked her to help get things set up for you. I want you both to be as comfortable as possible.”

  Warmth spreads across my chest at his thoughtfulness. He is trying so hard, and I appreciate it so much. I lean in and press a kiss to his cheek, trying not to be obvious when I inhale the familiar delicious spicy scent of his cologne. “Thank you.”

  Leo swings the car around to the front of the house, parking to the side of an ornate water feature. A few steps lead up to a large paved area in front of the main entrance. Natalia and an elderly man in a wheelchair wait in the doorway. “Is that your father?” I whisper in Ben’s ear as Alesso opens the back door, lifting Rowan out.

  “That is Angelo Mazzone,” Ben confirms.

  Nerves fire at me from all angles, and I smooth a hand over my silk blouse, trying to rub out the wrinkles. “If I’d known I was meeting your father, I would have made more of an effort.” I’m wearing skinny jeans with ballet flats, a silk blouse, and a cashmere cardigan.

  “He won’t even notice what you’re wearing when he gets a look at your stunning face.” Ben squeezes my hand. “Besides, you look beautiful no matter what you wear.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking a tad anxious. “I, ah, should have mentioned he lives here.”

  I arch a brow because that’s the first I’m hearing about it. Ben has been notoriously quiet on the subject of his dad. “He’s sick. Dying. He has stage-four lung cancer.”

  My face pales. “I’m so sorry.”

  He shrugs. “He’s been ill for years with different ailments, and then he was diagnosed with cancer eighteen months ago. His condition has deteriorated a lot these past few months. He doesn’t have much longer left to live.”

  “You should have said something.”

  “I know.” He sighs, dragging a hand through his hair. “I had every intention of asking you to come here for a weekend soon. I have always wanted him to meet you and Rowan before it was too late.”

  “He knows about us?”

  “Of course. I told him and Natalia as soon as I found out,” he says, keeping a hold of my hand as he slides out of the car.

  Rowan is clinging to Alesso’s back while Frank retrieves our bags from the trunk. Thankfully, Ben left Ciro in the city. That guy is always grumpy and unfriendly. I don’t like being around him. Ian has come with us, because Ben wants him to train with the security detail at the house, while Frank and Alesso will continue to be our permanent bodyguards. It seems unnecessary now if all we will be doing is hanging around the house and grounds. There are enough guards on the property to keep us safe, but this is one area I am happy to leave to Ben’s expertise. If he wants Frank and Alesso around, I’m not going to argue.

  Ben takes Rowan from Alesso, letting our son crawl onto his back as I cling to his hand. Then we walk as a family toward his father and sister.

  Natalia rushes forward to meet us when we get closer. “I’m so glad you are safe.” She bundles me into her arms. “I was freaking out when Ben told me what had happened.” She keeps me at arm’s length, studying the wound on my cheek and the clear bruising on my neck with a frown. “Does it hurt?”

  I shake my head. “I barely feel it.”

  “Daddy,” Rowan says. “Who is that pretty lady?”

  “Oh my.” Natalia’s eyes fill up as she looks at Rowan. His chin is resting on Ben’s shoulder as he peers curiously at his aunt.

  I slip my hand from Ben’s as he pulls Rowan around to his front. “This is your Auntie Natalia,” he says. “Natalia. This is my son, Rowan.”

  Pride suffuses his tone and stretches across his face, and I find myself tearing up again. When Rowan asked Ben if he was his daddy last night, I could barely contain myself. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life, and I cried silent tears of joy watching them hugging. Nothing could have prepared me for the tsunami of emotion I feel every time I watch father and son together.

  Seeing them together is beautiful.

  Visualizing our lives together as a family is beautiful even if it’s scary too because so much is hanging in the air.

  “I’m really happy to meet you, Rowan,” Natalia says, choking back tears. “You look so much like your daddy.” She glances briefly at me. “And you’re every bit as beautiful as your mommy.”

  “I think you’re beautiful,” Rowan says. “A princess, just like my mom.”

  Natalia laughs, swiping tears away. “Oh, you’re most definitely your father’s son.” She clasps Ben’s hand and mine at the same time. “He’s so precious.”

  A gentle whirring sound captures all our attention at once, and we turn as one toward the man wheeling toward us. His clothes hang off his skeletal frame, and his arms look like they might break as he pushes the wheels of his chair with feeble strength. A thick gray-and-blue-plaid blanket rests at his waist, covering his legs. His breath puffs out in wheezy spurts as he comes to a stop in front of us. Ben kneels, bringing Rowan with him. “This is your Grandpa Angelo, Rowan.”

  “Hello, young man.” Angelo extends a shaky arm, clasping bony fingers around Rowan’s hand. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for weeks.”

  “Hi.” Rowan’s voice is meek as he clings shyly to his dad. He has never seen anyone in a wheelchair or anyone this sick before.

  “Come sit.” Angelo pats his knee.

  “Papa.” Natalia shakes her head, but Angelo raises a hand.

  “Stop fussing.” A rattling sound erupts from his chest, and I’m questioning the wisdom of letting Rowan sit on his lap when an older woman, with her graying hair pinned into an austere bun, rushes out of the house. She’s wearing blue scrubs and carrying what looks like an oxygen tank. “Quick, Rowan,” Angelo wheezes. “Give your nonno a hug before Nurse Ratchet locks me away in my dungeon.”

  Rowan looks petrified now, so Ben keeps a hold of him, leaning across and whispering in his ear. Rowan doesn’t sit on Angelo’s lap, but he gives him a quick hug from the safety of Ben’s arms.

  “He’s a good boy,” Angelo says, beaming with pride. His gray pallor seems to warm a little under his shaky smile.

  “Unlike some.” The nurse glares at Angelo. “What have I t
old you about exerting yourself?”

  “It’s my fault,” Natalia says. “I got excited and left him at the door.”

  “Relax.” Angelo waves his hands in the air, pushing the nurse away as she tries to fit an oxygen mask around his face. “I’m not dead yet, and I wanted to see my grandson.”

  “Let’s go inside,” Ben says. “It’s cold out.”

  “Not before I say hello to my future daughter-in-law,” Angelo says, wheezing heavily. The nurse tries to put the mask on him again, but he slaps her hands away.

  I can see where Ben gets his stubborn streak from.

  “I’ll make you a deal,” I say, crouching down so we’re eye level. “You put your mask on, and I’ll stop by your room after I get Rowan settled so we can get acquainted.”

  His cold, trembling hands grasp mine. “Don’t go making deals with the devil. They’ll only land you in trouble.” He says it with a smile, and it’s hard to look at this frail, sickly man and remember he was once a fearsome mafia don. Angelo keeps a hold of my hands, ignoring my deal as he looks up at his son. “She’s even more beautiful than you said.” He lets go of my hands to point a finger at Ben. “Don’t go messing it up.”

  “Inside, Angelo.” The nurse pins him with a “don’t mess with me” look that’s impressive.

  Ben takes my hand as Angelo finally allows the nurse to fit the oxygen mask over his mouth. Natalia pulls the blanket up over his shoulders before pushing her father inside the house.

  “Ready to see your new home?” Ben asks, just before we step over the threshold.

  The moment feels huge. Like I’m not just crossing the threshold into a house but a new life. Ignoring the butterflies in my chest, I squeeze Ben’s hand and smile as I take a step forward. “Lead the way.”