Chasing the Sun

by Melanie Hooyenga

  I send her a smiley emoji, but as soon as I hit send, my smile drops. Yoshi and Rick started planning a camping trip the day after Kit’s bonfire. Bailing on them for a girl I barely know feels like a mark against the bro code. If I believed in the bro code. If anyone would understand, it’s them, but is it stupid to blow them off for people I barely know? Yoshi would shrug and tell me to do what’s right for me, and Rick always rolls with whatever happens, so I’m sure he wouldn’t care. It’s me. I’m the thinker. But I’ve been looking forward to seeing them and canceling feels like a dick move.

  My thumb rubs the pendant hanging around my neck. Dad talked about the date of this eclipse for so long he engraved it on the back of the moon pendant that now hangs from my neck. It’s a flat sphere—which is how the moon apparently looks when it’s in front of the sun—with the familiar craters etched onto the front. Below the date is my name: Nebula.

  Yes, they named me after a giant cloud of space gas and dust. I’ve gone by Neb for as long as I can remember and very few people know what it’s short for.

  The pendant hangs on a cord long enough to keep it close to my heart—and safely tucked inside my shirt. Because as much as I love all things space, I don’t need people making fun of the one thing that makes it feel like he’s still with me.

  Dad would tell me the same thing as Yoshi—to do what’s best for me—but he would make me explain why that’s the best decision. No lazy answers in the Connelly household.

  Seeing the eclipse is the obvious first answer, but since I would see it with either group, it cancels itself out.

  Second: meeting people before starting at a new school my senior year. The last time I moved was after Mom and Dad’s divorce and I met Yoshi my first week. Yes, I’m already friends with Kit, but high school is different.

  And finally, Sage. I’m feeling a connection with her that I can’t explain. She gets my jokes and seems interested in my ramblings about space. And even though it seems like she’s holding back, she’s funny and thoughtful and makes me smile, something I thought I might never do again.

  I run a hand over my face. As Dad would say, “Looks like you’ve already made up your mind.” And I have. I should tell Yoshi and Rick now, and hope Sage goes from a maybe to a yes.

  Me: I might have to bail on camping

  I head downstairs while I wait for him to answer. Mom’s stirring a red sauce on the stove and the scent of meatballs fills the air.

  “Dinner’s almost ready. Can you set the table?”

  I grab silverware and plates for two people, something I did a million times with Dad, but it feels lonelier now that it’s just me and Mom. More final. “Can I help?”

  “You’re good.”

  My phone dings and I sit at my place at the table.

  Yoshi: u owe me $20

  Me: ??

  Yoshi: rick bet you’d pick the girl over us

  Heat prickles the back of my neck. Part of me is impressed my friends know me better than I know myself, but I feel like a jerk.

  Me: it’s not like that

  Yoshi: i know man, just giving u shit

  Yoshi: and u know my account info

  A laugh catches in my throat. This is the longest we’ve gone without hanging out and I miss him.

  Me: I feel like a dick

  Yoshi: u gotta meet new people. i get it

  Yoshi: me n Rick will keep each other warm in the moomoo meadows

  This time I do laugh, a loud bark that echoes off the walls.

  Me: please keep those pics to yourself

  Yoshi: no promises

  Yoshi: u tenting with her?

  Me: umm no

  Me: we haven’t met in person

  Me: and she isn’t 100% sure she’s going

  Yoshi: so ur dumping us for a maybe

  Me: I said might

  Yoshi: maybe u should be upfront with her. that ur only going if she does

  Is that true? I really do want to meet people and a group interested in the eclipse seems like a good place to start, but I’d be lying if I said it’d be the same without Sage there.

  Yoshi: but still send me $20 lol

  Me: I’ll make this up to you

  Yoshi: i know man don’t sweat it

  “Dinner’s ready.” Mom sets a basket of garlic bread in front of me and I jump up to grab the spaghetti and meatballs. She waves a hand over the spread. “Sorry this isn’t more exciting. Cooking was always your dad’s thing.”

  “Mom, this is great. Really. I love pasta.” I take a big bite and swallow before the sauce can burn the roof of my mouth. I follow it with a gulp of water, then smile at her. “And I can help with the cooking. Dad taught me how to make lots of stuff.” A lump lodges in my throat and I take another drink of water, but it doesn’t stop the tears burning in my eyes.

  She reaches for my hand. It’s awkward and a little forced, but she’s trying. “We’ll get through this.”

  “I know.”

  This may not be how I saw my life playing out, but it’s where I am and all I can do is make the best of it.

  Later, I take Yoshi’s advice and text Sage.

  Me: I don’t want to pressure you

  Delete.

  Me: no pressure but

  Delete.

  Me: do you have a minute?

  Send.

  And wait.

  Yoshi’s right. If I’m considering ditching my best friends for the chance to hang out with her, it’s only fair she knows that. Or maybe it’s not fair and it’ll freak her out.

  Sage: what’s up?

  Too late now.

  Me: my friends from home are planning a camping trip for the eclipse and I’m trying to decide which to go on

  Sage: oh

  Is that a sad oh? A disappointed oh? I take a deep breath and reply without overthinking.

  Me: it’d be cool to see them, but

  I stop. Does the pause in the bouncing dots drive her as crazy as it does me? If I’m going to be honest with her, I need to spit it out.

  Me: it’d be cool to go with them, but I’d like to see the eclipse with you

  I hit send and toss my phone on the bed. My heart thuds against my ribcage. The last time I put myself out there for a girl was with Jennie. Yeah, it went well, but this dating thing is like a foreign language for me.

  My phone dings and I freeze. If it’s another one-syllable answer, I can keep my twenty dollars and spend the weekend with Yoshi and Rick like I planned. But if it’s not…

  Sage: are you asking me on a 3 day date?

  Now my heart’s really pounding. My hands shake a little as I reply.

  Me: I don’t want to pressure you

  Me: but I need to tell my friends what I’m doing

  Sage: it does sound fun

  The dots bounce as she replies, and I wait her out.

  And wait.

  When her answer finally comes through, I don’t care that it’s a one-syllable word.

  Sage: k

  Me: really?

  Sage: yeah. I want to watch the eclipse with you too

  Me: then it’s a date

  She replies with a smiley and once again I’m grateful she can’t see me. Because I’m sure I look like a little boy who was just promised a trip to Disneyland.

  Still smiling, I switch conversations.

  Me: bad news Luigi

  Yoshi: u forgot my account info?

  Me: it’s coming

  Me: you sure you’re not mad?

  Yoshi: i’ll get over it

  Yoshi: years of foreplay with my princess and no payoff

  Me: you’ll need to explain that one

  Yoshi: uv talked about the eclipse for years and now ur watching it with someone else

  Me: you’ll always be my number 1

  Yoshi: i hope she’s worth it

  Me: I think she is

  7

  Sage

  “I still can’t believe you convinced me to do this.”

  Naomi paus
es with her bag halfway in the trunk and raises her brows at me. “As if I’m the one who convinced you.”

  Heat warms my cheeks. After I told Neb I was coming, our conversations stayed light, but an unspoken promise lingered between the texts. I’m still not sure what this trip means for him, but for the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m excited for the possibilities.

  Even though I still don’t know what he looks like.

  “I can’t get over the fact that you straight-up asked him if he was asking you on a three-day date.”

  “It seems to have worked in my favor.” But the moment of boldness fled as soon as I hit send. I’m trying not to worry about everything that could go wrong on this trip. There will be a lot of people in Portland, and probably where we’re watching the eclipse, and if I think about it too long I start to freeze. When Mom dropped me off she made me promise to text several times a day, then chewed her thumbnail, watching me like a mama bird witnessing her baby trying to fly for the first time.

  Naomi slaps the roof of the car to get my attention. When I meet her gaze, she gives me a reassuring smile. “This will be fun. I promise.”

  “I know…”

  “And I promise to help if you need it.”

  If, not when, even though we both know the odds of my panic rearing its ugly head is more likely than not.

  We get in the car and she curses under her breath. “We have to be at school in twenty minutes.” She lays on the horn and I jump, then she yells out the window. “Theo! Get your butt out here!”

  Moments later, the front door swings open and her twin brother jogs down the sidewalk toward us. They both have the same green eyes and pale skin with a dusting of freckles across their noses, but Theo got their dad’s black hair while Naomi was graced with their mom’s red curls.

  He pushes his hair out of his eyes and hikes his backpack higher on his shoulder, coming to a stop next to my open window. “If Sage gets shotgun, I get to pick the music.”

  “Not a chance, baby brother.” Naomi’s seven minutes older and never lets him forget it. “Hurry up or they’ll leave without us.”

  He climbs in the backseat and she twists in her seat to give him a side-eye. “How are you gonna function when we’re at different schools next year?”

  His bag lands on the floor behind me with a thump and he grins. “Maybe I’ll go to U-Cal too. I may not have my future mapped out, but I hear it’s a good school.”

  Naomi rolls her eyes and starts the car. She’s had her heart set on studying psychology at the University of California in Berkeley since freshman year, while Theo and I still have no clue what we want to do with our lives. “Even then, I won’t be responsible for getting you to class on time.”

  “Aww, you know you will.” He leans forward to squeeze her arm, then reaches past her for the stereo. She elbows him away, and keeps elbowing him away, as she drives across town to our high school.

  “Do you know how many people are coming?” I ask. Or how crowded it will be?

  Theo shoves his narrow shoulders between the front seats. “Mr. Mauro said the campsite will hold twenty, and it was full last time I checked the group page, but people are getting amped for this eclipse. There could be lots more.”

  Naomi pokes my side. “She only cares about one person.”

  I swat her away. “Shut it.”

  “I can’t believe neither of you has met him.” Theo pokes me in the same place his sister did. “He’s excited to meet you, too.”

  Butterflies zip through my stomach and I try to swallow my excitement. “I’m afraid it’s going to be weird.” And not just because I can’t remember the last time I hung out with guys who weren’t Pax.

  “You’ve been chatting for weeks,” Naomi says. “Why would it be weird?”

  I pick at the hem of my shorts. “I don’t know.” I don’t want to say it out loud, but I’m worried that the easygoing banter I’ve had with Neb over texts will turn awkward once we finally meet face to face. When he moved here two months ago, I was nursing a broken heart and had no interest in ever speaking to another member of the male species again. But Naomi’s persistence has helped me realize that what I had with Pax wasn’t love—it was toxic—and that I’m allowed to be friends with said members of the male species.

  I’m not sure when my brain shifted from mild curiosity about the new kid to an excitement with each new text, but once I agreed to go on this trip, the anticipation nearly swallowed me whole. And now we’re finally going to meet. And not just meet, but go on a three-day date with twenty of our classmates.

  Naomi turns into the school parking lot and groans at the crowd gathered near the entrance. It’s an odd mix of science kids, nature enthusiasts, and people who live on the fringe of other groups—like me. Not quite a jock, not quite a nerd, but friendly enough with most of the people trapped at school with me.

  “It’s weird being here on a Saturday,” Theo says.

  “And not weird being here during the summer?” Naomi asks.

  “I’m just saying.”

  A dozen cars form a neat row pointing toward the exit and Mr. Mauro stands at the center, his bald head reflecting the early morning sunshine. He waves and points at the end of the line while Ms. Kim studies a clipboard. She’s half the size of him, her straight black hair pulled into a high ponytail that makes her look more like a student than the hardest teacher at school.

  “I don’t see Kit’s car,” Naomi says, pulling behind a blue pickup truck. “It’s gonna be hard to follow each other if they aren’t even here.” She turns off the engine and we pile out of the car to join the others.

  Mr. Mauro’s voice carries over the whispers and giggles. “We’ll be stopping halfway to the campsite for a bathroom break. But before we leave, does everyone have at least half a tank of gas?” Everyone nods, and he smiles. “Excellent. We’re already off to a great start. We’re at T minus ten minutes from launch, but we’re still missing a few people so sit tight a little longer.”

  Theo wanders toward a pair of girls with long dark hair and my stomach drops when they turn around. They’re both beautiful—one as pale as Theo and the other with gorgeous olive skin—and their matching T-shirts say, “These boobs are like an eclipse. If you stare too long, I’ll blind you.”

  But that’s not the problem. Tara, the one giggling and sticking her boobs out at Theo, hates me and the other one, Ariana, is Tara’s best friend. And Paxton’s sister.

  My gasp is audible. “Why are they here?”

  Naomi follows my gaze. “Shit.” She grabs my arm and turns me so I can’t see them, like that’ll somehow make them disappear. Her eyes narrow as she watches them over my shoulder. “This doesn’t change anything.”

  It one hundred percent does. I’ve learned to ignore Tara and her side-eye that followed me whenever we were both at the Juarez house, but there’s no way I’ll be able to relax around Neb if Ariana’s spying on me the whole time.

  Naomi grabs my shoulders and stares into my eyes, her face inches from mine. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise. You’ve been dealing with those girls for years. What’s a couple more days?”

  My breakfast churns in my stomach but I force a bright smile that Naomi sees right through.

  “Sage, you know I would do anything for you. If you want to bail, we can.”

  And that’s precisely why I can’t. “You’re right. It’ll be fine.”

  “Just think about your Science Boy and forget about them.”

  Tara squeals with laughter and we roll our eyes. “Easier said than done,” I say.

  “I’ll never understand what girls see in him.”

  “That’s because he’s your brother and it would be weird.” I roll my neck from side to side, scanning the parking lot in a way I hope is super subtle, but Naomi snorts.

  “It’s okay to be looking forward to this.”

  My eyes close against the sun and I sigh. “I know. It’s just been so long since I’ve been…” I trail off, not
sure how to describe this feeling that’s coursing through my body, like I’m finally seeing a crack of light after way too long in the darkness. As we’ve gotten to know each other, the idea of meeting up with him has slowly shifted from an impossibility to intriguing. But I’m scared to trust my instincts.

  “Happy?” she finishes.

  “Something like that. Optimistic?” Neb seems smart and funny—if that’s possible in a group text when everyone’s trying to outwit or out-gross the others—and when he texted me separately from everyone else, the ice around my heart warmed ever so slightly. Not melted into a gushing mess that could sweep me away, but a tiny crack that let in a glimmer of light. Of hope.

  “I still can’t believe you haven’t exchanged pics.”

  My head snaps to attention. “Is this stupid? This is dumb, right?” Either Kit warned Neb about my recent trainwreck of a relationship, or he’s so intuitive he picked up on my skittishness on his own. Our conversations hover at a safe level, never digging too deep, but his intelligence is obvious. That, and a quietness like he’s protecting himself, too.

  She leans her shoulder against mine and smiles. “You deserve happiness. Stop letting Pax tell you that you don’t.”

  My throat tightens. Pax swept me off my feet at the end of freshman year—literally, he scooped me up after I twisted my ankle on the front steps of the high school—but that romantic beginning morphed into a never-ending manipulation that dictated everything I thought and did. “I’m trying.” While Pax never hit me, his mind games burrowed so far into my subconscious that I sometimes worry I’ll never be able to flirt and laugh like normal girls.

  And now his sister will be here reminding me of him all weekend.

  “Well, he’s not here. We’ve got three days of dirt and campfires and stars with this weird-ass group of people and I’m guessing by the time this trip is over, you’ll have forgotten all about that loser.”

  I clink an imaginary glass against her hand. “Here’s hoping.”

  A few more cars trickle into the parking lot, but there’s still no sign of Kit and Neb. I’m starting to worry they aren’t coming and that once again we won’t get to meet, when my phone buzzes with a text.