Chasing the Sun

by Melanie Hooyenga

  My stomach drops when I see the first couple words from Neb: I’m really sorry. I swipe to read the full message and my heartrate slows.

  Neb: I’m really sorry we’re running late. let them know we’re still coming

  Naomi peers over my shoulder. “Typical Kit.”

  “Do you think they’ll leave without them?”

  “Possibly. Mr. Mauro’s pretty strict when it comes to being late, and Ms. Kim is more of a hardass than he is. But hey, it’s not like they can’t still come.” She taps the side of my head. “Stop worrying. This is gonna be fun.”

  But when they still haven’t arrived ten minutes later and the teachers shout for us to get moving, the dread I’ve worked so hard to forget settles in the pit of my stomach.

  8

  Neb

  “Do you have ten bucks?” Kit rubs his hand over his head and pops the gas tank. We were supposed to be at the school five minutes ago but if I’ve learned anything in the past two months, it’s that Kit is never on time for anything.

  I shove a ten dollar bill at him and clench my jaw.

  “Calm yourself. She’ll still be there,” Kit says through the open window, his dark eyes locking on mine.

  My gaze shifts to a guy filling the tank of his motorcycle. I hate relying on someone else but my car’s in the shop, plus this whole thing is with Kit’s friends. Right now he’s the only person I really know, but that should be changing this weekend. Kit’s friend Theo seems cool, and I don’t want to admit that I’m looking forward to meeting Sage almost as much as I’m looking forward to the eclipse.

  “Don’t get all moody on me.” The car bounces as Kit climbs back in. Shocks are not a thing in his car.

  “Blow me. I hate being late.”

  He starts the engine and pulls onto the street, and my stomach flips. The high school is a mile up the road. She’s only a mile away. While I don’t care what she looks like, the curiosity is driving me crazy. But it’s her personality that’s brightened the past couple weeks and made all these changes a little more bearable. It’s been six months since Jennie and I broke up—she didn’t want to spend all of high school dating one person—and I was beginning to think the only girl I’d talk to would be Tara.

  But Sage seems different. The first time she asked why I had to move right before senior year I kind of freaked, and she’s been chill about it ever since. Instead of getting into a ton of personal details that neither one of us seemed excited to share, we’ve talked about stars. Or I’ve talked, and she’s added color commentary. She’s witty and intelligent and hiding something she’s not ready to talk about. Just like me.

  My phone buzzes and my heart flips thinking it’s her.

  Yoshi: good luck on ur 3 day date

  Me: it’s not a 3 day date

  Yoshi: keep telling urself that

  Yoshi: i will say this - you go big

  Yoshi: rainbow road big

  Me: it might not even turn into anything

  Yoshi: have faith bro

  Me: you leave yet?

  Yoshi: waiting for Rick

  Me: I feel that

  “Are you freaking kidding me?” Kit’s outburst yanks me from my thoughts, and when my gaze lands on the empty parking lot, my groan matches his.

  “This is your fault.”

  He unlocks his phone and fires off a text. “No worries. There’s no way Mauro is going over the speed limit. We’ll catch them.”

  “We better.”

  Minutes later we’re back on the road, chugging through the half tank of gas we just put in. “The fun doesn’t start ’til we get there anyway,” Kit says.

  I swallow back my frustration. He didn’t have to come on this trip and I would have gone with Yoshi and Rick like we’ve planned for years. But now that I’ve been looking forward to camping with this group—and with Sage—even the smallest delay is torture. “No bigs. The eclipse isn’t for two more days.”

  My thumb slides back and forth over my phone, and when we reach the highway, I give in and text Sage.

  Me: I guess the anticipation is gonna build for a couple more hours

  She’s probably laughing and having fun with her friends and won’t reply for—

  Sage: this is becoming very dramatic

  My mouth curls into a smile. I can’t help it. There’s something about her.

  “There’s the smile I know and love.”

  I punch Kit in the arm and the car jerks into the next lane.

  “What? Sage is cool. If she cheers up your grumpy ass before you’ve even met, I can’t wait to see you once you’re in the same room. Or tent.” He waggles his brows and my breath catches. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t imagined that, but it’s hard to picture making out with the sage plant in her profile pic.

  We promised we wouldn’t stalk each other before we met, but I caved early on in a moment of weakness. All I found was her name and the plant because the rest of her account is locked down from public view. Now I want to ask about the plant, but that would require confessing that I broke my word and I don’t want to give her any reason not to trust me. Because I’ve already learned that she doesn’t trust easily.

  I switch to the group thread.

  Me: Kit says sorry we’re late

  Theo: sure he does

  Me: how long have you been on the road?

  Sage: less than 10 minutes

  "We’re only ten minutes behind,” I say.

  “We’ll totally catch them.”

  Theo: Did anyone bring any sunblock?

  Theo: get it? sun block

  Theo: because the eclipse

  Me: I’ve changed my mind about this trip

  Sage: me too

  Theo: come on! that’s funny!

  Sage: Naomi says PUNNY

  With each text, Kit glances at his phone in the center console but doesn’t grab it. “You gonna read these to me?”

  “In a minute.”

  Theo: How can there be an eclipse with someone as bright as you around?

  Sage: not to throw shade at your question but, who’s that at?

  Theo: my beautiful loving sister

  Sage: you’re not controlling the stereo

  Is it weird to be jealous of Theo right now? Sage and I are counting down the minutes until we meet, but it doesn’t feel soon enough.

  Me: why didn’t the sun go to college?

  Me: it already had a million degrees

  Theo: GROAN

  Sage: why was the sun too embarrassed to shine?

  Sage: because it got mooned!

  Sage: for the record, Naomi is laughing

  Theo: it’s a pity laugh

  I switch back to my private conversation with Sage.

  Me: I thought that was funny

  Me: and I’m bummed we were late

  Sage: haha you must not expect much from me

  Sage: that’s Kit for you

  I type out several replies before settling on the truth.

  Me: you’ve already surpassed my expectations

  9

  Sage

  “Whoa, that cranked it up a notch.” Naomi’s gaze bounces between me and the road.

  My heart pounds as I reread Neb’s text. “He can’t mean it. We barely know each other and we haven’t even met.” Although he’s been direct since the first time he texted me in the separate thread and I’ve grown more and more curious about him ever since.

  “Trust me. He’s not going to be disappointed.”

  “But still.” As much as I want to believe Neb, it feels too much like a line.

  Trust is not an easy thing for me—THANKS PAX for peeling away my self-esteem until I assume everyone has an ulterior motive. He beat down my self-confidence until I believed no one could see value in me without him saying so, and now it’s a struggle to accept that people mean what they say and aren’t playing games.

  Theo’s head pops up next to mine. “Neb doesn’t seem like a bullshitter. Although he might just be desperate
for friends.”

  Naomi slaps the side of his head. “Not helping.”

  Theo holds up a finger. “Three Good Things About Dating the Nice Guy.”

  “You keep suggesting episode titles and I’m gonna make you do more than edit.”

  He stretches forward to look in the review mirror and strokes his cheek. “Then you’ll have to switch it to video because my face is too pretty not to share with the world.”

  “Three Good Things About Not Being Full of Yourself,” she mutters.

  “Theo might be right about Neb,” I say. “Yeah, we’ve made a connection, but it’s probably just the excitement or the mystery or whatever. When we meet it’s going to change.”

  “Why can’t it change for the better?” Naomi asks.

  That’s what I keep asking myself. Ever since Pax and I broke up, I’ve questioned everything I thought I knew about myself, including why anyone could possibly be interested in me. Naomi not-so-subtly loaned me a couple of her mom’s self-help books and I’m slowly learning to trust myself again. Because apparently, ‘I can’t trust other people until I can trust myself.’

  “I’m seriously going to kick Paxholes’s ass the next time I see him,” Naomi says. She’s got a gift for reading my mind and knowing exactly what I need to hear.

  “Thanks.”

  “I mean it. You’re amazing and just because you wasted half of high school with him doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness.”

  “Tell me how you really feel.”

  She cracks a smile. “How long do you got?”

  I wave at the caravan of cars in front of us. “At this speed, hours.”

  Theo reaches between the seats to change the radio station and this time Naomi lets him.

  “My Pax rage is amped. Read his email again so Theo can weigh in.”

  “Pax is a waste of space,” Theo says.

  “Well, yes. But listen to this,” Naomi says.

  I read the email, cringing that, as Naomi said, I wasted two years of high school with him. But it didn’t start badly. In the early months he was romantic and charming and made me feel special. It wasn’t until he felt confident that I’d do anything he asked that he became controlling. That he trained me not to think for myself.

  And now his sister’s on this trip. She and I always got along well enough, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s somehow behind her being here.

  “He always seemed slimy,” Theo says.

  I whip my head toward him and our foreheads smack. “Ow! Sorry.”

  “Gah!”

  I rub my head and level my gaze at him. “What do you mean, slimy?”

  He rubs the side of his head. “I don’t know, like he’s up to something. Or he’s got some evil plan.”

  Naomi tightens her grip on the steering wheel. “Yeah, being a controlling jerk.”

  “Did you answer him?” Theo asks.

  “No. I mean, what the hell would I even say? Yes, he’s selfish and possessive and made me feel worthless. But writing him back gives him the satisfaction of still making me jump through his hoops, and I’m done.” I’m not really a punch my fist in the air kind of girl, but thinking about the way Paxton used to make me feel has me fired up and my fist shoots toward the roof of my car as if independent from my body.

  “Yeah you are!” Naomi pumps her fist too and Theo flops against the back seat.

  “Are we doing this the entire ride?”

  “Yes!” We both shout, then burst into giggles.

  “Theo, can you seriously not tell me more about Neb?”

  He leans forward again. “I dunno. He was cool. Not really my type. Kind of serious but laid back.”

  “No slimy vibes, though. Right?” Naomi asks.

  “That’s not really the first thing I look for when I meet a guy, but no.”

  Ahh, the perks of male privilege. To never have to be on alert, wary that the other person might not have your best interests at heart. Or worse, may not even be considering your interests.

  “That’s super helpful, thanks.” My eyes roll even though Theo can’t see them.

  “I thought you girls thought this was romantic?” he asks.

  “It is,” Naomi says. “But she’d like SOMETHING to work with.”

  Theo wedges his shoulders between our seats and makes a show of scratching his chin. “Let’s see. He seems to have English or Dutch heritage. He’s taller than me, I guess his hair is your color, and—”

  “Me or Naomi?”

  “You.”

  “Okay.”

  “And he looked like he belongs in Oregon.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Naomi asks.

  “Lumberjacky. Flannel. Reusable water bottle.”

  My fingers trace the cap of my reusable water bottle. Naomi tugs at the sleeve of my flannel but I brush her off. “We live in Oregon. It’s pretty much required that you wear a flannel.”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “If you want my advice,” Theo says. “Be cool this weekend. Forget about Pax and his bullshit and enjoy the weekend away.”

  Easier said than done with Ariana around.

  “Did you hit up mom’s bookshelf again?”

  Naomi and Theo’s mom has been on a self-help kick since we were in middle school—which I suppose negates the term “kick”—and as much as we like to make fun of her books, some of them actually have good advice. And Naomi’s interest in psychology and the podcast might not have happened without those overflowing bookshelves.

  “Just telling it how I see it.”

  “Well see this, little brother.” She hooks her thumb at the window and we both look over our shoulders. A car that looks a lot like Kit’s approaches in the left lane. My heart nearly leaps out of my throat when I realize it has to be Neb sitting in the passenger seat. But instead of pulling alongside us, Kit hovers in our blind spot.

  “Is he cute?” Naomi asks. “I can’t see!”

  The sun reflects off the windshield, making it impossible to see anything except a blueish-green flannel. Theo presses his face to his window and squeals. “He’s dreamy! His eyes are like heaven and his smile could stop wars.”

  “Oh my god, Theo!” Naomi taps the brakes and he falls against the back of her seat, doubled over laughing. The sudden deceleration means Kit and Neb are now right next to us, but before I can see anything more than his flannel, Kit slows and the glare is back.

  All three of our phones ding with a text.

  Kit: not yet, lovebirds

  “I’m going to kill Kit,” I say.

  “No texting while driving,” Naomi shouts at the closed window.

  Theo scrambles onto his knees and gives me a wink. “You might want to look away.”

  “Theo, sit down and put your fricking seat belt on.” Naomi’s voice carries a serious tone Theo calls her Mom Voice. Being older gives her an edge over him, and she uses the full authority of those seven minutes whenever she can.

  “In a minute.” His hands fumble with the waistband of his shorts. “Or you can watch,” he says to me, then yanks his shorts over his butt and shoves his bare ass against the window. I once locked eyes with my neighbor’s dog while she was pooping, and the determination and concentration that was on her face is the same on Theo’s now.

  “Oh my god, Theo!” I shout, covering my face with my hands like it can somehow erase the image from my brain.

  “You put the idea in my head,” he says.

  Naomi taps the breaks again, but Theo must have himself wedged between the seats because he doesn’t fall. “You are so cleaning that window.”

  “Can I look yet?”

  “That’s your call,” Theo says.

  “That’s a no,” Naomi says. “Theo, put your fricking pants back on.”

  “Technically, they’re still on.”

  “I’m gonna technically throw you out of this car if they aren’t on in ten seconds.”

  Fabric rustles in the backseat but I keep my eyes closed
. He sighs and kicks my seat. “I don’t know why the thought of me with my pants down is so horrifying to you.”

  I twist around to look at him. “You’re like my brother. And I most definitely do not want to see my brother’s bits and pieces.”

  He presses a hand to his chest. “I’m hurt.”

  “And I’m scarred.”

  “Theo, in what world does rubbing your ass on my window make sense?” Naomi asks.

  “It’s a total eclipse of the fart.”

  I burst out laughing as Naomi says, “What?!”

  “That’s what Kit gets for being late.”

  “And what about Neb?” she asks. “What did that poor guy do to deserve your nether region in all its glory?”

  He shrugs. “Collateral damage.” Then he whistles the theme song from the movie Annie about the sun coming out tomorrow.

  Kit squeezes into the caravan behind us, and I get my first glimpse of Neb. His hair is the same color as mine—a mousy brown that until this moment I’ve always hated, but now I realize is quite fabulous. A light scruff covers his jaw, and the sudden urge to feel his face beneath my fingers knocks my breath out of me.

  “Talk to me, Goose,” Naomi says.

  “Isn’t there some rule that says I’m supposed to wait a certain amount of time after one relationship before getting into another?”

  “Ooh, so you’re already thinking relationship,” Theo pokes my arm and I swat him away.

  Naomi sighs. “Theo, can you just not for two seconds?” She shoots me a look. “Obviously you don’t want to jump into something if you’re still hung up on your ex. But you aren’t. You want nothing to do with that slimeball. So give Neb a chance. But more than that, give yourself a chance.”

  Theo laughs. “’Cause I’m the only one reading mom’s books.”

  She smiles. “Okay, so maybe they’re helpful.”

  “Don’t worry,” Theo says. “You’ll meet your Starlord soon enough.”

  My head whips to Naomi and she mouths ‘sorry.’ Because she’s the only one who knows I call him that. My phone dings again but this time it’s just for me.

  Neb: please tell me that hairy ass wasn’t yours