Home with the Cowboy

by Mary Sue Jackson

  “From what you told me, you weren’t really living in Texas, though. You were just staying there temporarily, right? So there’s no reason why it should take you long to settle things. Just pack up your clothes and whatever else you took and come back here. I’ll see you next week. No excuses.”

  Willa sat down heavily onto the bed, staring at her phone. In a way, Grayson was right. She’d been living at a place that was furnished with furniture (albeit cheap) while she’d been working for Stacey and Robert. Luckily, her lease had been up when she’d needed to take Bobby to Daniel, so she hadn’t had to worry about paying rent on an apartment she wasn’t living in.

  She’d need to find a new place to live, though. She could contact her previous landlord, but that apartment would be a long commute to Sensation. Besides, she would be making just enough to get a semi-decent apartment now. She smiled wryly. Semi-decent in New York meant a tiny one-room studio having hot water and maybe a small window if she were really lucky.

  Willa sighed. She’d accepted her dream job. She’d be living in New York again. She needed to tell someone . . . anyone. She considered calling her dad, but he’d just lecture her about going back to the big city.

  She decided to text her New York friends and sent messages to five different people. She waited for responses, only to get one from a girl named CeCe saying, I’m in Barbados right now, but nice to hear from you and congrats!

  Another girl, Ashley, called Willa right after that. “I haven’t heard from you in forever!” she gushed. “How have you been? I can’t believe you got a job at Sensation!”

  Willa smiled for the first time that day. “I can’t believe it, either. I need to celebrate with somebody. I know it’s last-minute, but do you want to get drinks tonight?”

  “I wish! But I have a work thing. We have this huge project, and we’re all working overtime to finish it. It’s super boring so I won’t go into detail.” Ashley paused and then asked, “How long are you staying? I could do something this weekend.”

  After Willa explained she’d be back in Texas that weekend, she hung up, feeling disappointed and lonely. The other three people never responded to her messages, showing how good of friends they were.

  Willa considered going out again on her own, but she found the idea depressing. She’d order room service, get some sleep, and then fly home tomorrow.

  She winced at the thought. Home? She wasn’t going home. This was home—New York.

  Suddenly, a wash of homesickness threatened to overwhelm her. She wanted to talk to Daniel—to tell him about accepting the job, she told herself—so much that her heart ached.

  Her thumb hovered over his number on her phone. She warred within herself: wanting to be honest with him while wanting to avoid hurting him further.

  He’ll be happy for me, but it’ll just be one more thing he’ll hate me for, she told herself. And hadn’t she done enough already?

  She couldn’t tell him. At least, not on the phone. She’d have to tell him when she got back, of course.

  But he didn’t need her anymore—not for Bobby, at any rate. It was best this way. She was doing what she loved, and Daniel would return to his own life and continue to raise Bobby.

  “I can’t keep moping inside this hotel room,” she muttered as she grabbed her purse. She’d wander around Manhattan all day if it would help her get her mind off everything. Maybe she’d get drunk tonight while she watched bad movies and ate room service. Anything was preferable to this guilty feeling that was eating at her, all the while knowing she hadn’t done anything wrong.

  By afternoon, Willa had resolved to stop feeling guilty for making her decision. This was her life, and Daniel didn’t have any input. They’d been lovers—nothing more, nothing less.

  Twenty-Eight

  Daniel almost dropped the hand-painted sign he and Bobby had made (Bobby had provided the handprints in red and yellow paint) when Bobby spotted Willa walking toward them in the airport.

  “Wiwah! Wiwah!”

  Daniel had to crouch down and keep a firm grip on Bobby. The last thing anyone needed was him getting lost in the mass of people at the airport.

  “Bobby!” Willa hurried through the crowd. She picked up Bobby with a laugh and hugged the little boy so hard, he tried to squirm from her arms.

  “Put me down,” commanded Bobby, which Willa obeyed, only for him to cling to her pants leg as he usually did.

  Daniel drank in Willa like she was water in the desert. Despite her rumpled clothes from traveling and the dark circles under her eyes, she was beautiful to him. He wished he could kiss her, but he knew that after what had happened, she wouldn’t welcome the embrace.

  It was ridiculous how much he’d missed her. He only hoped that she’d missed him, too.

  “How was your flight?” he said abruptly upon realizing he hadn’t said a word to her yet.

  He could feel the awkwardness already building between them, and it didn’t help that Willa wouldn’t look him in the eye.

  “It was fine. What, Bobby?”

  “I make this.” Bobby pulled at the sign to show Willa.

  She crouched down to be on the little boy’s level. “Did you? I love it. Those are your handprints, aren’t they?”

  Bobby nodded as he patted the painted handprints. Bobby had “helped” with the sign, inasmuch as he’d made a mess and gotten covered in paint, but Daniel had made sure to paint the sign outside so they hadn’t made a mess in the house. Even though Daniel normally hated messes, he’d enjoyed painting with Bobby and helping the little boy press his hands against the poster.

  “Were you a good boy while I was gone?” said Willa.

  Bobby nodded solemnly. Daniel’s lips twitched: Bobby had been a good boy—until Daniel had told him no. But Daniel no longer got frustrated with the toddler’s tantrums; they always ended once Bobby had gotten his frustrations out and tired himself in the process.

  A man jostled Willa, reminding Daniel that they were in the airport, not the best place in the world to catch up. At least Willa only had a carry-on, so they didn’t have to deal with baggage claim. “Come on, pardner,” he said to Bobby. “Let’s go hitch up the horses and high-tail it outta here.”

  “I want chicken nuggets!” the little boy crowed.

  Although both he and Willa laughed, he could’ve sworn he saw her wince, like she hadn’t wanted to seem too happy. That thought made Daniel’s stomach sink.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” he said to her as they walked to the car.

  Willa shot him a surprised glance, her cheeks reddening. “It’s nice to be back,” she said, not looking at him.

  On the ride home, Daniel said a silent prayer of thanks that the two-year-old couldn’t stop talking; otherwise, he and Willa would have had to fill the silence. Daniel desperately wanted to ask her what the end result of her job interview was. When she hadn’t texted him the whole time she’d been gone, he’d assumed she hadn’t gotten the job.

  She certainly didn’t look excited, which only strengthened his belief that she hadn’t been hired. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that the thought of her not getting the job pleased him. In his gut, he was certain that she wasn’t meant to go back to New York, no matter what she said.

  Willa’s absence had only strengthened Daniel’s resolve to show her how much he still loved her and wanted her to stay. He figured Bobby offered another great reason to remind her of why staying here would be a good thing.

  Bobby occupied them both until he went down for his afternoon nap. By the time Daniel was alone with Willa, he was about to burst with impatience, wanting to know what had happened in New York.

  Willa sat down next to him on the couch, a tentative smile on her face. Daniel noted that she kept a safe distance between them, as if she was afraid he’d touch her if she got too close. It both amused and exasperated him.

  “I wanted to tell you this in person,” said Willa, “but I was offered the job.” She took a deep breath. “And I accepted the o
ffer.”

  Daniel was sure that he’d heard her wrong. He’d been so certain she hadn’t gotten the job that hearing the opposite didn’t click in his brain.

  “You got the job,” he repeated numbly.

  Her smile wavered. “I did. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now, but I thought it would be better if I waited. I didn’t want to drop it on you over the phone.”

  Anger stirred inside him. Anger at her that she’d made this decision without his input, and anger at himself that he’d thought she’d consult him. No matter what, it stung. She’d made the choice without so much as a word to him. His thoughts hadn’t mattered to her. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

  “Congratulations,” he said, lying through his teeth. “I know this was what you really wanted.”

  She wouldn’t look at him as she added, “I’m moving back there in a week, too, so it’s going to be kind of crazy around here.”

  He stared at her. One week? She’d drop this town, drop Bobby—drop him!—in a week and never look back without a single regret? The anger he’d tried to keep at bay boiled over.

  “So that’s it, then? You’re done with everyone and everything in this town?” He got up, shaking his head, not sure if he was more disgusted with himself or with her. “Nothing I said or did mattered, did it?”

  “What are you talking about?” Her cheeks were flushed now, and she dug her fingers into the couch cushions. “Of course, I’ll miss everyone, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go to New York or accept the job I’ve worked so hard to get.”

  He huffed out a breath. “I don’t get how you could be so selfish. I really don’t. You didn’t even consider telling me that you’d gotten the job offer, let alone accepted it, before now? I didn’t deserve that courtesy?”

  “I told you I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

  “You didn’t want to tell me, period.”

  When she winced, he knew he’d struck at the truth. If she hadn’t had to come back here to get her things, she wouldn’t have set foot in Texas again. That realization hurt more than he could say.

  “I just didn’t know how to tell you. I know we left things in a weird place when I left.” She wrung her hands, her voice shaking a little now. “I didn’t want to hurt you again.”

  “So you thought keeping it from me wouldn’t hurt me? Come on, Willa. Don’t act like this was about sparing my feelings.”

  Her eyes flashed. “Now you’re just being an asshole. I’m going in a week, so you might as well accept it.”

  “I can accept it, but what about Bobby? You’re just going to up and leave and think he won’t notice?” His voice rose despite his best intentions.

  Guilt assailed him when he saw her eyes shining with tears. But she didn’t let them fall—he knew she wouldn’t. Not his brave, stubborn Willa. She refused to show weakness, the same way he did.

  “I hate the thought of leaving Bobby, but it’s for the best. You’re his uncle. I came here with him so you could be his father. Do you think I’d abandon him if I didn’t think he’d be loved and cared for? What kind of a monster do you think I am?”

  “I never said you were a monster,” he growled before softening his voice. “Willa, I love you. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted.”

  She froze. “Please, don’t.”

  “Don’t, what? Tell you the truth? I love you.” He felt like his heart was going to burst from his chest right then. “I want you to stay. I want us to be a family. And you haven’t given me a good reason why that can’t happen.”

  She looked like a rabbit he’d seen once, caught in a trap. “I already explained everything to you. I can’t stay here. I was never meant to live in Texas.”

  “Bullshit. Those are just excuses because you’re scared. You’re scared to admit that you love me, too.”

  Her lower lip trembled. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

  “I’m not.” He stepped so close to her that only a few inches separated them. “I’m telling the truth, unlike you.”

  Her anger returned, and as she stood up, she put her shoulders back, her chin up. “If you refuse to accept what I’ve said, then that’s your problem. I kept thinking I’d made a mistake in accepting this job. That I should stay here with you. What if I’d made the wrong choice?” She swiped angrily at the tears on her face. “But obviously, I didn’t make the wrong choice. You’ve shown me that staying here with you wouldn’t make me happy, if this is how you act when you don’t get your way.”

  Daniel stared at her. He felt like a bug nailed to the wall, because she was right. And he hated himself for it. Now he was just angry with himself: angry that he’d let the rules fall by the wayside. Angry that he’d let his heart get engaged when he’d warned himself over and over. He started to speak, and then stopped himself. Mostly he was angry that he couldn’t control this situation like he controlled everything else in his life.

  “I’m going to bed,” said Willa tiredly. “Good night.”

  He flinched when he heard her door shut and lock. He wanted to wrench it open, apologize, beg her to stay. He wanted to rail at her, demand to know why she wouldn’t love him. Couldn’t love him.

  Instead, he went to his own bedroom and shut the door, knowing that he’d never have Willa in his bed again. And soon, he’d never have her in his house—or his life.

  Twenty-Nine

  A week passed in the blink of an eye. Willa spent the time saying goodbye to all the friends she’d made: DeeDee and Izzy, Sarah, even Uncle James. DeeDee had cried when Willa had told her that she was leaving so soon, but she’d been the most supportive of Willa’s decision to return to New York.

  “How’s Daniel handling it?” DeeDee had asked.

  “Badly,” was all Willa would tell her.

  After their fight, things had gone from awkward to painful between her and Daniel. Daniel only spoke to her when necessary, and she did the same. She was too angry with him to care that she was being petty. The only reason they managed to remain civil to each other was for Bobby’s sake, although Willa had a feeling Bobby had caught on to the tension anyway.

  Bobby had clung to Willa even harder this past week, despite not being old enough to understand that she was moving away. Willa didn’t know how he could sense that she was leaving, but he hardly even let her go to the bathroom by herself. One evening, she’d been taking a bath when Bobby had thrown a tantrum because Daniel hadn’t let Bobby go into the bathroom with Willa. Willa had finished up her bath in record time so she could console the angry toddler.

  Guilt filled her every time she thought of how she was leaving Bobby behind, despite knowing that she was leaving him with his own uncle. Willa might hate Daniel for what he’d said to her, but she knew he loved his nephew and wanted the best for the little boy. She had no doubts that Bobby would be loved and cared for.

  Early on the morning of Willa’s flight to New York, she sat in her art shed to finish up the scrapbook she’d been putting together for Bobby. Between seeing people, wrapping up her responsibilities here in town, and caring for Bobby, she’d barely had time to finish the project. She was determined, though, to give something to Bobby that he could look back on, especially when he was older.

  The first part of the scrapbook was dedicated to Robert and Stacey. Willa had gathered all the photos she could find and had ordered prints of them. They’d arrived just in time to put them in the scrapbook.

  Willa smiled through her tears as she looked at one of her favorite photos: Robert, Stacey, and Bobby at the Bronx Zoo in front of the lion exhibit. Bobby was pointing at a huge lion lounging in the background, and Robert and Stacey were both smiling at their son without realizing Willa was taking a picture. It was such a lovely candid moment.

  Her heart ached. How she wished those two hadn’t been taken away. She wished she’d never had to bring Bobby to Texas at all. It wasn’t fair to him, losing his parents so young. He’d never remember them. He’d have to rely on other people to crea
te memories for him.

  Willa wiped the tears away as she began to cut out a photo of herself and Bobby during the first week that Willa had worked as his nanny. Willa sat on the floor with the newborn in her lap, the two of them staring into each other’s eyes, infant Bobby’s eyes wide with wonder. Willa couldn’t help but think that the girl in the photo looked so young and innocent, even though that photo had been taken only two years ago. That girl had had no idea how quickly things could change in an instant.

  “Willa, you’ll need to leave for the airport soon,” said Daniel through the door of the shed.

  Daniel would be staying at the house with Bobby while Uncle James drove her to the airport. Willa had asked Uncle James for the ride when she’d last seen him, mostly to avoid another awkward scene with Daniel. At least this way, she could say her goodbyes at the house instead of trying to do them at the airport.

  Willa started. She looked at the time on her phone and swore under her breath. “Almost finished! Be in the house in five minutes.”

  She heard a faint grunt and then departing footsteps. She rolled her eyes. Men were so annoying when they were mad.

  But Willa’s feelings of annoyance melted away when it was time to leave. Her heart splintered as she picked up Bobby and hugged him hard.

  “I’m going to miss you so much,” she said through her tears. “You’ll be a good boy for your Uncle Daniel, won’t you?”

  Bobby frowned at her. “Wiwah’s sad,” he said in confusion.

  “I’m sad because I’ll miss you.”

  Bobby soon wriggled in her arms, wanting down. Willa set him down with reluctance. It was partially because she didn’t want to leave him, but also because she didn’t want to face the man standing awkwardly in front of her.

  She crouched down and handed Bobby the scrapbook she’d just finished. “I made this for you. So you can look back and remember me and your mom and dad.”

  Bobby opened the book and turned a few pages. When he started to tear one of the corners, though, Willa gently pried the book out of his fingers and held it out to Daniel instead.