Uncle Wiggily in Wonderland

by Howard Roger Garis

"I can't understand it," said the Lobster. "Alice said I was to walkuntil I met her, and she'd take me to the party. And we certainly havebeen walking a long time."

  "We have," agreed Uncle Wiggily. "It is so late I'm afraid I'll have toleave you and go home to supper, as I promised Nurse Jane."

  "That's too bad," went on the Lobster. "I wanted you to see how well Ican dance on the end of my tail. But I can't understand why we don't getto the quadrille. We certainly have walked down the beach, haven't we?"

  "We have," answered the bunny. "But--Ah! I have it!" Uncle Wiggilysuddenly cried. "You have been walking BACKWARD, and I have beenfollowing you. We have been going =away= from the dance instead of =toward=it."

  "Of course!" cried the Lobster, in a cold and clammy voice. "Why didn'tI think of that before? I always have to go backward, on account of myclaws being so heavy I have to pull them after me, instead of pushingthem ahead.

  "And so, of course, going backward as I do, and as all Lobsters do, whenI want to get anywhere I always turn my back toward it, and get to itthat way. This time I forgot to do that."

  "But what can we do now?" Uncle Wiggily wanted to know. "How can we getto the dance?"

  "I'll just turn around and back up to it," spoke the Lobster. "I'm sorryto have mixed things up for you, especially as you were so kind as toget me from under the pile of seaweed."

  "Oh, don't worry!" laughed Uncle Wiggily, jolly-like. "I dare say itwill be all right. Come on!"

  So the lobster turned around and began to back toward where he hoped tofind the dance. It grew darker and darker, and the star fish weretwinkling more than ever, and then, all of a sudden, they came to thehollow stump bungalow where Uncle Wiggily lived.

  "Hurray!" cried the Lobster. "Here we are at the quadrille. Now I'llexplain to Alice--"

  "No, this isn't the dance," said Uncle Wiggily. "This is where I live.But I'd be pleased to have you come in to supper, and we can go to thedance tomorrow."

  "I will!" cried the Lobster, after thinking about it.

  Into the hollow stump bungalow they went, the Lobster backing in, ofcourse, and Uncle Wiggily cried:

  "Supper for two, if you please, Nurse Jane!"

  "Right away!" answered the muskrat lady. And she began to set the table.And then, while Uncle Wiggily and the Lobster were talking togetherNurse Jane called:

  "Oh, dear! I've lost the can opener, and I can't open this tin ofpeaches. What shall I do?"

  "Let me try!" begged Uncle Wiggily. But his paws were not big enough.

  "I'll do it!" said the Lobster. And with his strong, pinching claws hepunched open the can of peaches as easily as you can eat a chocolatecream drop. It was no trouble at all for him. So it was a good thingUncle Wiggily brought the Lobster home for supper, you see.

  And if the stairs don't stand on their heads and with their toes tickleall the holes out of the lawn tennis nets, I'll tell you next aboutUncle Wiggily and Father William.

  CHAPTER XIII

  UNCLE WIGGILY AND FATHER WILLIAM

  One morning, soon after he had finished his breakfast, having taken hisred, white and blue striped barber pole rheumatism crutch down frombehind the clock, Uncle Wiggily Longears, the rabbit gentleman, startedout from his hollow stump bungalow.

  There were quite a few friends of the little girl named Alice inWonderland whom he had not yet met, and he hoped to have an adventurewith one of them. So, tossing up in the air his tall silk stovepipe hat,and letting it bounce three times on the end of his pink nose, UncleWiggily hurried off.

  The rabbit gentleman had not gone very far, over the fields and throughthe woods, before he saw something very strange indeed. This somethingwas what seemed to be a funny sort of flower vase, with two thingssticking up in it, and on the end of them were two shoes.

  "My goodness me, sakes alive and some chocolate cake pudding!" cried thesurprised bunny uncle. "What's this?"

  Then, as he looked again, he saw a funny face, and a pair of bright eyeslooking at him from the bottom part of what seemed to be a flower vase.

  "Why, it's a man!" cried Uncle Wiggily.

  "Of course I'm a man," was the jolly answer. "But don't be afraid of me;I'm not a hunter man."

  "And you--you're standing on your head!" went on Uncle Wiggily, moresurprised than ever.

  "Of course I'm standing on my head!" said the funny man. "I have to dothat to make things come out as they do in the Alice in Wonderland book.I'm Father William, you know," and with that he gave a nimble spring,turned a back somersault, putting himself right side up, and began torecite this verse:

  "You are old, Father William, the Young Man said, And your hair has become very white. But yet you incessantly stand on your head. Do you think, at your age, that is right?"

  "But is it?" asked Uncle Wiggily quickly, as soon as funny FatherWilliam had ceased speaking.

  "Of course it is," was the answer. "Otherwise it wouldn't be in the bookand I wouldn't do it. At first it came very hard to me, but now I caneasily manage. And you'll find you get quite a different view of things,looking at them upside down as I do every now and then," he went on.

  "I wonder if I could stand on my head?" spoke Uncle Wiggily.

  "Try it," said Father William.

  "I'd like to," went on the bunny uncle. "But I might crush my tall silkhat."

  "Take it off," suggested Father William.

  "Yes, I could do that. But suppose some one were to see me?" asked thebunny. "It would look sort of queer."

  "No one will see you here behind the trees," spoke Father William."Besides, if they do, learning to stand on one's head is very useful.There is no telling when you may want to do it at home."

  "That's so," agreed Uncle Wiggily. "Well, I'll try."

  At first he couldn't stand up on his head at all, just turning over in asort of flip-flop every time he tried. But at last Father William heldup the bunny rabbit by the heels, and then Uncle Wiggily did it better.After a while he could stand straight, right side up, on his hind paws,give a little wiggle, and then suddenly, with a funny twist and asomersault flop, there he was, standing on his head, with his silk hattwirling around on his upper paws. And Father William could do the samething.

  If you had happened to walk through the woods when Uncle Wiggily andFather William, who had a little holiday from the Alice book, werestanding on their heads, surely you would have laughed.

  "And, now that I have learned a new trick, I must go look for anadventure," said the bunny.

  "I'll go with you," spoke Father William. Together they went alongthrough the woods and over the fields and, all of a sudden, from behinda currant jam bush, out jumped a bad, old, double-jointedskillery-scalery alligator.

  "Ah, ha!" cried the alligator. "At last I have caught some one to whom Ican do it! Ah, ha!"

  "Do what?" asked Uncle Wiggily, while Father William looked around for aplace to hide. "What are you going to do?"

  "Tickle your feet!" was the surprising answer. "I am the ticklishalligator, and feet I must tickle! Get ready now, here I come."

  "Oh, dear!" cried Father William. "I never can bear to have my feettickled. For, when that happens I laugh and then I sneeze and then Icatch cold and have to go to bed. Oh, dear! I don't want my feettickled!"

  "Hush!" whispered Uncle Wiggily, as the 'gator was hopping toward them."You won't have to suffer that! Quick! Stand on your head as you taughtme to, and hold your feet up in the air!"

  And in the twinkle of a spiced pear Uncle Wiggily and Father Williamwere standing on their heads. The surprised alligator saw them, andafter trying to reach their feet with his claws, which he couldn't do,as they were up in the air, he cried:

  "Ah, ha! Thought you'd fool me, didn't you, by standing on your heads!Well, I'll tickle your feet after all. I'll climb a tree and reach downto them!"

  "Oh, dear! He'll make me catch cold no matter what I do," sighed FatherWilliam.

  "No, he won't," said Uncle Wiggily. "The alligator is very good atclimbing up tree
s, but it takes him ever so long to climb down. As soonas he climbs up we'll stop standing on our heads. We'll flip-flop to ourfeet and run away."

  And that's exactly what the bunny and Father William did. As soon as thealligator was up in the tree branches they turned a flip-flop, stood upstraight and away they ran, and the alligator was all day getting downout of the tree. So he didn't tickle their feet after all, but he mighthave if Uncle Wiggily had not learned to stand on his head.

  And if the ice wagon doesn't slide down hill and throw snowballs at thepotato pudding in the parlor I'll tell you next about Uncle Wiggily andthe magic bottles.

  CHAPTER XIV

  UNCLE WIGGILY AND THE MAGIC BOTTLES

  Uncle Wiggily Longears, the rabbit gentleman, was hopping along throughthe woods one morning after having eaten breakfast in his hollow stumpbungalow, when, just as he reached a nice, grassy place, near a springof water, he saw the little flaxen-haired girl, Alice from Wonderland,coming toward him.

  "Oh, I'm so glad to see you!" cried Alice. "You are just in time to winthe first prize."

  She handed the gentleman rabbit a little bottle, filled with what seemedto be water, and stoppered with a blue cork.

  "First prize for what?" asked Uncle Wiggily.

  "For getting here early," answered Alice. "And you also get secondprize, too," and she handed him another bottle, stoppered with a redcork.

  "Why do I get second prize?" asked the bunny.

  "For not being late," answered Alice with a smile. "It is very simple.First prize for being early, second prize for not being late."

  "Hum!" said Uncle Wiggily, sort of scratching his pink, twinkling nose,thoughtful like. "It's much the same thing, it seems to me."

  "Not at all," said Alice, quickly. "The prizes are very different. Thosebottles are magical. They are filled with water from the pool of tears.If you drink a few drops from the one with the blue cork you will growvery small. And if you take some of the water from the red-stopperedbottle you will grow very large. Be careful of your prizes."

  "I will," promised Uncle Wiggily. "Are there any others coming?" heasked, looking about through the trees.

  "Any others coming where?" inquired Alice.

  "Here. I mean, might they have gotten prizes, too?"

  "No, only you," said the flaxen-haired girl. "You were the only oneexpected."

  "But," spoke the puzzled bunny rabbit, "if I was the only one expected,what was the use of giving prizes? No one else could have gotten hereahead of me; could they?"

  "Please don't ask me," begged Alice. "All I know is that it's one of theriddles like those the March Hare asks, such as 'What makes the mirrorlook crooked at you?' The answer is it doesn't if you don't. In thiscase you get the prizes because there is no one else to give them to. Sotake them and have an adventure. I have to go see what the Duchesswants."

  With that Alice faded away like the Cheshire Cat, beginning at her headand ending up at her feet, the last things to go being the buttons onher shoes.

  "Well," said Uncle Wiggily to himself, "I have two prizes, it seems, ofmagic bottles. I wonder what I am to do with them?"

  He looked at the red and blue corked bottles, holding one in each paw,and he was wondering whether it would be best to grow small or large,when, all at once, he felt himself caught from behind by a pair of bigclaws, and, looking over his shoulder, as best he could, Uncle Wiggilysaw that he was held fast by a big alligator; a skillery-scalery chapwith a double-jointed tail that he could swing back and forth like apantry door.

  "Ah, ha! I have you!" gurgled the 'gator.

  "Yes, I see you have!" said Uncle Wiggily, sadly.

  "You thought you and Father William would fool me by standing on yourheads so I couldn't tickle your feet," went on the 'gator, as I call himfor short. "But I got down out of the tree, and here I am. I have younow and you can't get away from me!"

  Indeed it did seem so, for he held Uncle Wiggily very tight and fast inhis claws.

  "What are you going to do with me?" asked the rabbit.

  "Take you home to my den, and my dear little foxes, Eight, Nine andTen," said the alligator.

  "Foxes!" cried Uncle Wiggily. "Have you foxes?"

  "I have!" answered the alligator. "I am keeping them until their fathergets back from a hunting trip, and they are very hungry. Their fatheris the fox who went out 'in a hungry plight, and he begged of the moonto give him light, for he'd many miles to go that night, before he couldreach his den-O.'"

  "Oh, now I remember," said Uncle Wiggily. "It's in Mother Goose."

  "Yes, and so is the rest of it," went on the alligator. "'At last thefox reached home to his den, and his dear little foxes, Eight, Nine,Ten.' Those are their names, though they sound like numbers," said the'gator. "I'll soon introduce you to them. Come along!"

  Now Uncle Wiggily did not like this at all. He wanted to get away fromthe alligator, but he did not know how he could do it. At last hethought of the magical bottles Alice had given him.

  "Ah, ha!" thought Uncle Wiggily. "I'll give the alligator a drink fromthe blue-corked one, and we'll see what happens." So Uncle Wiggily slylysaid to the 'gator:

  "Before you take me off to your den, would you not like a drink fromthis bottle to refresh you?"

  "Yes, I would," said the skillery-scalery creature, not at all politely."I was going to take some anyhow whether you asked me or not."

  With that he took the blue-corked bottle from the paw of the bunnyrabbit gentleman, pulled out the stopper with his teeth and drank a fewdrops.

  And, no sooner had he done that, than the alligator began to shrink.First he became as small as a dog, then as little as a cat, then as tinyas a kitten, then no larger than a bird and finally he was no biggerthan a baby angle worm. And when the alligator became that size UncleWiggily was not afraid and easily got away from him, taking the twomagic bottles.

  "Oh, dear!" cried the 'gator in a baby angle worm voice, which was aboutas loud as the head of a pin. "How foolish I was to drink from the magicbottle and grow small."

  But it served him right, I think, and the bunny uncle was safe. And ifthe head of the table doesn't step on the front door mat and make itslide off the porch I'll tell you next about Uncle Wiggily and thecroquet ball.

  CHAPTER XV

  UNCLE WIGGILY AND THE CROQUET BALL

  "Why in the world are you taking those bottles with you?" asked NurseJane Fuzzy Wuzzy, the muskrat lady housekeeper, as she saw UncleWiggily, the bunny rabbit gentleman, hopping off the front porch of hishollow stump bungalow one morning.

  "These are the prizes which Alice from Wonderland gave me," answered Mr.Longears, as he looked at the blue and red corked bottles. "The red onemakes things grow larger and the blue one makes them smaller. I am goingto take them with me as I go looking for an adventure today, as there isno telling when I might need them. I did yesterday, when the alligatorcaught me. I gave him a drink from the blue bottle and he shrunk untilhe was no larger than a baby angle worm."

  The rabbit gentleman had not gone very far, twinkling his pink nose ashe hopped, before, all of a sudden, he came to a place where a bigstone grew out of the ground, and near it he heard a voice, saying:

  "Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!"

  "Ha! That sounds like trouble!" exclaimed the bunny. "Who are you andwhat is the matter?" he asked, kindly.

  "Oh, I am a Lady Bug," was the answer, "and I am so small that I eitherget lost all the while, or all the other animals and bugs in the foreststep on me. Oh, I wish I were larger so I could be more easily seen!"

  "Indeed, you are rather hard to see," said Uncle Wiggily, and he had tolook twice through his glasses before he could notice the Lady Bug. Atthe first look he only half saw her, but the second time he saw herfully.

  "I'd like to be about as large as a June Beetle," said the Lady Bug."But I don't s'pose I ever shall be."

  "Oh, yes you will!" cried jolly Uncle Wiggily.

  "I will! How?" asked the Lady Bug, eagerly.

  "I have
here some water in a magic bottle," said the bunny. "I'll giveyou a few drops of it, and it will make you grow larger." So he tooksome water from the red-corked flask, and let the Lady Bug sip it.Instantly she grew as large as a turkey.

  "Oh, now I'm too big," she said.

  "I see you are," said Uncle Wiggily.

  "I'll have to give you some from the other bottle and make you growsmaller." So he did, but he must have given a little too much, for theLady Bug suddenly grew as small as the point of a baby pin.

  "Oh, this is worse and worse," she said sadly.

  "I know it!" agreed Uncle Wiggily. "Wait, I'll give you a little of bothkinds," and he did, so the Lady Bug grew to the size of a small potato,which was just right, so she would not get lost or stepped on.

  After the Lady Bug had thanked him, Uncle Wiggily, with his two magicalbottles, hopped on through the woods. He had not gone very far before hesaw Alice of Wonderland and the Queen of Hearts playing croquet on agrassy place.

  "Come on, Uncle Wiggily!" called Alice. "You're just in time for thegame."

  "Fine!" said the bunny uncle, taking a mallet and round wooden ballwhich the Queen handed him.

  "Three strikes and you go out!" warned the Queen.

  "What does she mean?" asked Uncle Wiggily of Alice. "This isn'tbaseball."

  "She means," explained the little flaxen-haired girl, "that if you missstriking the croquet ball three times with your mallet you have to goout and bring in some ice cream."

  "Oh, I shan't mind that," the bunny rabbit said. "In fact, I shallrather like it. Now, what do I do--?"