Love and Happiness

by Ben Burgess, Jr

  “I think you handled the questioning well,” she said reassuringly.

  I gave her a curt smile.

  She patted me on the back. “I wouldn’t worry about anything. It sounded like they have nothing, and they were trying to pressure you into confessing.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  After she stepped away to take a call, I paced the hall and constantly looked at my watch. Eventually, I sat down on the bench outside the conference room and texted Chris, but he didn’t respond. I tapped my fingers against my legs, anxiously awaiting my fate with the company.

  When the recess was over, I returned to the conference room, sat down, and tried to see if I could read anything from the near expressionless faces of the three corporate representatives. When everyone was present and seated, the lead representative, who sat between the other two, spoke. He was a white man with an intimidating face, thick square-rimmed glasses, and a yellow and blue polka-dot bow tie.

  “While we were conducting our investigation, we determined, based on the video footage from our cameras around the premises, that the allegations about Pamela Stevens sleeping with another employee are true.”

  I was nervous again. I wondered whether at any point I’d slipped up and they had footage of Tyrell and me.

  The lead representative went on. “When we confronted her with the footage, Mrs. Stevens became irate and was threatened with termination. Her allegations about you and her husband were conflicting, and when we interrogated her further, she dropped all her accusations against you and Mr. Stevens. She was subsequently suspended. We still needed to do a thorough investigation, which is why we have interviewed you and others in your department.”

  My heart was pounding. I couldn’t take the tension of not knowing what was going to happen next.

  “Upon further investigation, we haven’t found anything that disproves your testimony,” the lead representative noted. “Mr. Stevens’s job performance improved substantially after your additional training. Considering, too, the fact that Mrs. Stevens had a motive for being dishonest with her accusation, we find you not guilty of improper conduct, but a verbal warning will be noted on your record for having Mr. Stevens in your office for unauthorized reasons.”

  I didn’t give a shit about the verbal warning. I was elated to have my fucking job.

  The lead representative cleared his throat, then declared, “Mr. Stevens will be transferred to another department. This investigation is closed. You may go back to performing your usual duties.”

  I stood up, shook everyone’s hand, gathered my purse and coat, and left the conference room. I ran into the nearest bathroom and cried tears of joy. I was lucky to emerge unscathed by the investigation. I gathered myself and headed to Roger’s office.

  “Congratulations, Karen. I heard everything went well,” Roger said when I stepped inside his office and came to a stop in front of his desk.

  “Yes . . . I’m very happy.”

  “That’s good to hear. I know you need to go to your father-in-law’s funeral. Do you want to take the remainder of the day off?”

  I nodded, and my eyes filled with tears. Roger noticed, but he didn’t pry.

  “Enjoy the rest of the day. Go and spend time with your family. I’m sorry for your loss.”

  I thanked him and headed to the door. As I reached for the door handle, Roger said, “Karen?”

  I turned to face him. “Yes?”

  “Whatever you had going on with Tyrell, I hope this was a wake-up call.”

  My eyes widened. I nodded, then left his office and closed the door slowly behind me.

  * * *

  I shook off my queasiness, adjusted my heels, and hurried to the function Chris had planned for after the funeral. I figured that if I showed my face, Chris would see that I cared. When I entered the building, I stopped in my tracks in the doorway. Jealousy swirled in the pit of my stomach. A woman was standing next to Chris and was consoling my children. The way she stood so comfortably by him, and the way my children looked so at ease in her embrace, brought me to tears.

  “What are you doing here?”

  I jumped when I heard Lou’s question. I quickly straightened up, wiped my face, and turned to face him. Will was standing beside him.

  “Yeah, Chris said you were too busy to make the funeral,” Will said.

  “I came right after work. Who is that woman with my children?”

  “That’s Nadine. She works with Chris. Unlike you, she wasn’t too busy with work to be here today,” Lou replied coldly.

  “Fuck you, Lou. You don’t know what I had to go through today. I’m hurting just as much as Chris is.”

  “Are you serious? You’re really trying to compare your shitty day to Chris’s? Chris lost everything. And when he needed you the most, you weren’t there,” Will said.

  “If I didn’t take care of what I needed to today . . . You know what? I don’t need to explain myself to you. I did what was best for my family. I’m here for Chris now,” I snapped.

  “You stopped caring for Chris and your family when you opened your fucking legs for those other men. You hurt him enough. Leave and be gone, bitch,” Lou growled.

  I balled up my fist. I was ready to start swinging. I wanted to curse and beat their asses. I wanted to scream. I looked at Chris, who was still standing comfortably next to that woman Nadine with our children. I sighed, opened my fist, turned around, and walked out the door. I knew if I went in there, I’d make a scene. I was too angry, and out of respect to Pops, I knew this wasn’t the time or the place for that. I climbed back in my car, started the engine, and drove off. Maybe it was better if I wasn’t around.

  Chris

  I tucked my daughters gently into bed. They were exhausted from the funeral. I softly closed the door to their bedroom and walked into the living room. Nadine was standing next to the fireplace, looking at photos of me and my father on the mantel. She heard me come in the room and turned around.

  “How are they doing?” she asked.

  “They’re good. They passed out as soon as I put them in their beds.”

  “How are you doing?”

  “I’m fine. I have a few things to handle for my father, but I should be back to work in a week or two.”

  “Chris, I’m worried about you.”

  “I’ll be fine . . . I’m fine.”

  “I know you’re trying to be tough and to hold everything inside, but it’s easy to see that you’re hurting.”

  I shifted uncomfortably.

  The look in her eyes was sincere as she continued. “I know you’re strong, but you don’t have to act tough in front of me. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling. Holding it in is toxic. If you need to vent or yell or cry, it’s okay. I’m here for you, Chris.”

  I was overcome with emotion. I thought about Karen and how quickly my life and marriage had started to unravel. My father was the only person in my life who had ever given me meaningful advice, and now he was gone. A wave of loneliness washed over me. My lips quivered. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Nadine wrapped her arms around me, and I cried long and hard. In my mind, I heard my father’s voice. Stop acting like a pansy. Be a man. I didn’t raise a daughter. I raised a man. But for once, I ignored it.

  When I had no more tears left, we lay down on the couch. Nadine wrapped her arms around me and gently kissed my forehead. I fell asleep in her arms and slept more comfortably than I had in a long time. Nadine helped me to release the stress that was killing me inside. She helped to remind me that my tears weren’t a sign of weakness. Nadine was there when I needed someone to be there for me. In one day, she did more for me than Karen had done in years.

  * * *

  “Hey, Daddy. Look at me!” Jocelyn yelled.

  She zoomed past her sister on her skates. Jaclyn was trying her best to keep up, but she was losing the battle. We were at Hot Skates, a roller-skating rink in Lynbrook. Nadine had thought it would be good for me to get out of the house and
do something fun with the kids.

  “Are you going to just watch them or join in?” Nadine asked, handing me a cup of coffee as I sat at a table and watched the girls.

  I shook my head and toyed with the stirrer in my cup.

  “Snap out of it, Chris. You have to start having fun and enjoying life. That’s the only way you’re going to feel better.”

  I knew she was right, but I wanted to sulk and wallow in my sorrow. Nadine wasn’t having it.

  “Hurry up and drink your coffee,” she ordered. “I’m taking you out on the rink with me. What size skates do you wear?”

  “Nadine . . . I’m not going out there.”

  “Yes you are, Chris. I’m not going to leave you here to mope around while your kids are enjoying themselves. You need some fun in your life. Now, what size are you?”

  I sighed and reluctantly said, “Size twelve.”

  “Now, was that so bad?” Nadine asked, smiling at me.

  She rented us skates, and we spent half the time busting our asses all over the skating rink and the other half racing and laughing with the kids. Nadine was right. I needed this. Skating with my kids was a great distraction from the disaster called my life. It felt good to laugh again. It felt good not to think about my problems.

  * * *

  “Good night, girls,” I said, tucking my daughters into bed hours after we returned home from the rink.

  “Good night, Daddy,” they chorused, giggling.

  I closed their bedroom door and went into the kitchen to join Nadine, who was standing at the window and looking out.

  “I had so much fun with you and your kids today,” Nadine said and smiled.

  “They enjoyed you too,” I said as I went to stand next to her.

  “What about you? Did you have fun?” she asked, winking at me.

  I smirked. “You know I had a good time.”

  “I don’t know anything unless you tell me.”

  “I had a great time. I’m glad you dragged me out of the house. Seriously, thank you. You were right. I needed to get my mind off things and have some fun with my kids.”

  “It’s no problem. I’m happy I could help you, Chris. You’re a good man . . . I like you.”

  “I appreciate you,” I told her.

  “What are you doing this weekend?”

  “I honestly don’t know. Karen is taking the girls. With everything that’s going on with her and my dad passing, I feel like my life is so out of order. I’m probably going to move my Mustang here and spend my weekend working on it.”

  Nadine nodded. “I have a thought. Hang out with me this weekend.”

  “What do you want to do?” I asked her.

  “I’ll plan everything, just say yes.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay, what?”

  “Okay, yes,” I laughed.

  “Cool.”

  Nadine took my hand and gave it a squeeze. She raised her other hand and caressed my face. I was happy that she was here to cheer me up, but I was also irritated that Karen wasn’t doing that. And I was scared, because I didn’t know what the future had in store for me. Then I summoned some courage. I wrapped my hands around Nadine’s waist and pulled her into my arms. I drew her face close to mine and kissed her. Nadine wrapped her arms around my neck and deepened the kiss.

  After she slowly pulled away, she smiled and said, “Good night, Chris. I can’t wait to spend the weekend with you.”

  “I look forward to it too.”

  I walked her to the front door, and she gave me a nice firm hug. I watched her climb behind the wheel and pull off in her car, and then I closed the door. I hoped I hadn’t scared her off or made her feel uncomfortable by kissing her.

  PART FOUR

  To Love and to Cherish

  Chris

  “Who’s the bitch in your car?” Karen asked bluntly.

  It was seven in the morning. Karen stood in the front doorway, wearing her silk pajamas and tapping her fingers on her crossed arms. As soon as I had rung the doorbell to drop the kids off, she’d flung open the front door, her nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed. I figured she had looked through the bay window before I rang the doorbell and had noticed Nadine sitting in my truck.

  Chloe was sitting on the couch in the living room, playing with the girls, when she heard Karen’s question. She walked over to the front door and stood next to her sister.

  “She’s not a bitch. She’s my friend from work. She’s been helping me cope since Pops died,” I said.

  “I bet she has,” Chloe said, then made a blow-job gesture as she sauntered back to the couch.

  “Why is that cunt here?” Karen shouted. “I don’t care how friendly you are with her. I don’t want that bitch around my kids.”

  I shook my head and sucked my teeth. “First of all, they’re not your kids. They’re our kids. And nothing is going on. She’s been good about keeping their minds off Pops’s death.”

  “You’ve had this . . . fucking strange woman I’ve never met around my kids on a regular basis? How long has this been going on?”

  “Really? You’re asking me how long shit has been going on? She was the one who convinced me to come back home to you and try to work things out, before I saw that fucked-up video from Raheem. She was at Pops’s funeral. She was there to help me and the kids mourn. Where were you?”

  Karen tried to talk, but no words came out.

  Before she could answer, I said, “You know what? I don’t want to know. The divorce papers are being drawn up. I’m out.”

  “Wait, what do you mean, divorce papers?”

  “I’m done.”

  “So, what? You’re leaving me for her?”

  “I’m leaving you because of you. She has nothing to do with this. I’ve always been faithful to you. You did this to us.”

  “You know what? Fuck you! Good riddance, Chris,” Karen said as she slammed the door in my face.

  As I walked back to my truck, the front door flew open. Karen and Chloe ran toward me. The kids stood in the doorway. Karen caught up with me when I was reaching to open the driver’s door on my truck.

  “No, fuck this! Bitch, were you fucking him this whole time? Did he have me thinking I was the only one doing dirt, and he was fucking around too?” Karen screamed through the truck window.

  Karen ran around to the other side of the truck and tried to open Nadine’s door, but it was locked. When she couldn’t get it open, she pounded on the window. By then Chloe had caught up with me. I dodged punches as Chloe swung at my face. I grabbed Chloe by the wrists and threw her on the grass. Then I ran around the truck and grabbed Karen from behind. She squirmed, kicked, screamed, and cursed at Nadine.

  “Get off her!” Chloe screamed as she punched me.

  Some of our neighbors had their doors and windows open by now. They mumbled and pointed at the scene we were making. I spun Karen around and shook her.

  “Our fucking neighbors and kids are watching you act crazy right now. Is this what you want them to see?” I yelled.

  I let her go, and Karen calmed down. She stopped Chloe from hitting me. Chloe’s chest heaved while she glared at me. I just got in my truck and sped off. I turned to Nadine when we were halfway up the street. She looked shaken up.

  “I’m sorry you had to see that,” I said.

  “I’m okay.”

  I sighed, then pulled the truck over to the curb, came to a stop, and faced her. “If you want to hang out some other time, I completely understand.”

  Nadine smiled. “No way. Let’s make the best out of this weekend!”

  Karen

  Chris had some fucking nerve bringing that bitch to my house.

  “You see, this is why I have no respect for him, K. He’s trying to be slick, and he brings some other chick in your face out of spite,” Chloe said.

  That feeling of queasiness hit me again. I rushed to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet.

  “Damn. You okay, sis?” Chloe asked as she stood i
n the bathroom doorway.

  “No. The stress from all this shit has me fucked up. I’ve been sick to my stomach and throwing up a lot lately.”

  “Throwing up? K, are you sure you’re not prego?”

  The realization that this could be a possibility hit me. The last time I slept with Raheem, he didn’t use a condom. Chris didn’t use one, either, and I wasn’t on birth control.

  I covered my face and screamed, “Shit!”

  “You want me to go to CVS and get some tests?”

  “Yeah. And call Lindsey.”

  “You want me to call Vivian and Judy too?”

  “No, just Lindsey. If I am pregnant, I don’t want them to know about it. They already know too much of my business.”

  * * *

  My hands trembled. I sat on the edge of the tub, shaking my head in disbelief. I had taken five different fucking tests, and they all had shown the same result. I was pregnant. I stood, washed my hands in the sink, and splashed water on my face. Chloe and Lindsey were playing with the girls, but all eyes were on me when I walked out of the bathroom.

  “What’s the verdict, sis?” Chloe asked.

  My eyes filled with tears, and my throat tightened. I slowly nodded and burst into tears. Seeing me crying, the girls ran and hugged me.

  “Are you sad, Mommy?” Jocelyn asked.

  “A little bit,” I replied.

  “Is it because you miss Daddy?” Jaclyn asked.

  I didn’t know how to answer that.

  “Girls, Auntie Lindsey and Auntie Chloe have to talk to Mommy. Do you guys want to watch a movie?” Lindsey said.

  They nodded in excitement. Lindsey set up the Disney movie Brave for the kids, while Chloe and I sat on the living-room couch. Chloe rubbed my back.

  “What are you going to do? You know I got your back, no matter what,” Chloe said.

  “Thanks.” I held her hand. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Fuck it. Keep it! If you get divorced, you can get even more money from Chris.”

  Lindsey heard Chloe’s response. She sat down on the other side of me on the couch. “K, you know I’m not trying to disrespect you, but is Chris the father?” Lindsey asked.