Love and Happiness

by Ben Burgess, Jr

  “I don’t know,” I said, ashamed.

  “Sis, what you mean, you don’t know?”

  “I honestly don’t know. It could be Chris’s or Raheem’s.”

  “Shit!” Chloe said.

  “K, this is your decision alone to make, but I think you should reconsider having this child. If the baby is Raheem’s, do you think you’ll be happy raising the child with him? Do you think he’ll step up and be a good father? If Chris is the father, do you think he’ll love this child after everything that went down before it was conceived? I don’t know, K. I honestly don’t think this is the right time,” Lindsey said.

  “I know I can’t have this baby,” I said, shaking my head. “This is a fucking disaster right now. I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “When do you want to take care of this, sis?”

  I hated having this conversation about aborting my child. Chloe had had a couple of abortions, but me personally, I had never imagined I would have one. I had never believed in doing that, and I was sure my parents were rolling over in their graves, seeing my actions lately. I hated myself because I knew I was going to go through with it. This had to be done, though. Right now, having a child wouldn’t help me at all.

  “I’m going to make the appointment for next Friday. I need to take care of this ASAP.” I grabbed their hands. “Please, don’t tell Judy or Vivian about this. If you see Chris, promise me you won’t ever mention it to him. I never want him to know I was pregnant.”

  “You know I’d never say anything,” Lindsey assured me.

  Chloe stayed quiet.

  I stared at my sister. “Chloe?”

  “I’m really going to try, K. When I see his smug-ass face, sometimes I can’t help myself.”

  “Chloe, promise me.”

  “Okay, okay. I promise I won’t say anything.”

  I needed to take care of this pregnancy pronto. I had never thought I’d ever have an abortion, but there was no way I could have this child. Too many negative experiences surrounded this conception for the child to have the loving, nurturing environment it deserved.

  Chris

  “Hurry up, slowpoke,” Nadine said. We held hands as we maneuvered through the huge Manhattan crowd. We were on Fifty-Fourth Street and were rushing to get to our room at the Marriott on Broadway.

  “I can’t keep up with you. We’ve been nonstop all day.”

  “I know. That’s a good thing!” she retorted.

  “I hate crowds—”

  “Ah, you said hate. You know the rules. Five things!” Nadine had a rule that every time one of us used the word hate, we had to list five things we loved. It was her way of making sure we stayed positive.

  “Ugh, I know. I love my kids, my pops, my Mustang, my house, and Kar . . .”

  Shit. I had almost said Karen.

  “It’s okay. You still love her. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  Nadine had everything planned perfectly for this weekend. Yesterday and today, we’d been all over the city, doing things that tourists did but that most New Yorkers took for granted and never did. First, we’d visited the Statue of Liberty, on Liberty Island in New York Harbor. Then we’d gone from borough to borough. On Staten Island we’d visited Postcards, the sculpture honoring the Staten Island residents who lost their lives on 9/11. In the Bronx we’d gone on a tour of Yankee Stadium. In Queens we’d gone to the Museum of the Moving Image. In Brooklyn we’d strolled hand in hand on the Brooklyn Bridge and explored Coney Island. We’d finished off our sightseeing in Manhattan by visiting the Empire State Building and seeing the musical Jersey Boys.

  I felt so alive and comfortable with Nadine. She had helped me realize there could be a good life after Karen. We weren’t constantly fighting, as Karen and I had on our date nights, but I wondered if this was because our relationship was new. I feared that the sugar with Nadine would soon turn to shit, like it had with Karen. While that was in the back of my mind, I couldn’t deny I was having one of the best weekends of my life.

  On our first night, when we’d entered our hotel room, I was surprised to find only one bed. I’d expected two.

  “I’m going to shower,” I said, feeling awkward about the sleeping arrangements.

  “Okay. I’ll hop in right after you finish. We have another exciting day tomorrow,” she said, winking at me.

  I was nervous. We had had a great day, but I felt I had made things awkward when I kissed her last time. I didn’t want to ruin our trip.

  We showered separately. While she dressed in the bathroom, I stood at the window in my tank top and pajama bottoms and stared blankly at the tourists still walking around Times Square below. Nadine walked out of the bathroom and wrapped her arms around me from behind. I turned and faced her. She had on a pink nightie that showcased her curves. She touched my cheek, then drew my face close to hers, and we kissed. My hands explored her body. Then I pulled her nightie over her head. She had nothing on underneath. She excitedly pulled my clothes off, and we stood naked in front of each other. Then I guided her over to the bed, pulled her down onto it, and kissed her.

  “Wait,” she said.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I really like you, Chris, but I don’t want to be a rebound. I don’t want to sleep with you, invest feelings, and you end up going back to your wife.”

  I nodded. I knew she was right. “I understand.”

  “Can I be honest with you?”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “I’ve always had a crush on you . . . And I feel kind of guilty spending so much time with you when you’re still married.”

  I held her hand in mine. “My marriage is over. Karen is getting served with our divorce papers on Friday.”

  “I never wanted to break up your family or disrespect your wife.” She looked down at her feet. “I know what that feels like, and I don’t want to be that woman.”

  “You’re not, and you didn’t. It’s okay.”

  “I feel really stupid right now. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”

  “No. You’ve been nothing but good to me. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know. I couldn’t be happier.”

  She smiled, sat up, and reached for her purse on the nightstand. She dug inside it, then handed me a condom.

  “You sure?” I asked.

  “I trust you. I’m not a casual-sex kind of woman. I’m sharing myself with you only because in time I feel we can be more than friends and have a future together. Do you feel the same way?”

  “Yes, and I’m not bullshitting. I really mean that.”

  “Then I want to share this experience with you,” she said.

  The reality of what was about to happen hit me when I took off my wedding ring. When I’d acted out after finding out Karen was cheating, every time I slept with other women, I’d always left my ring on. A part of me had felt Karen and I would get back together. But now the act of taking off this ring to be intimate with Nadine helped to close the door on that part of my life.

  Nadine playfully pushed me down on my back on the king-size bed. She held my manhood in her hand. She wrapped her fist around the base of my dick and worked her mouth up and down the length. She kept a strong suction around the head, which made my toes curl. I moaned, panted, and rocked my hips. I felt like I could cum any second. I gently stopped her and eased her away from my cock. The head glistened with saliva.

  “I want you inside me,” Nadine whispered.

  I sat up and put on the condom she’d handed me.

  Nadine patted the bed next to her. “Lie down,” she whispered.

  After I lay down next to her, she climbed on top of me and slid all the way down on my length. She moaned as she leaned back and placed her hands on the sides of her thick thighs. I twirled the tip of her clit with my thumb as she rode me. The headboard slammed against the wall. Nadine held it in place as she kept her rhythm going. I thrust my hips up while she gyrated. I pinched her nipples, and she swiveled faster
and gazed into my eyes. I watched her face glow as her orgasm started to build.

  “Oh God!” she screamed.

  She quivered on top of me, wearing a smile on her face. Then Nadine slid off me and positioned herself to be taken from behind. I held her waist and worked my right hand up to her breasts. She turned her head, watched me, pushed her ass back at me, gripped the sheets tightly, and moaned through gritted teeth. She wasn’t like Karen. Nadine liked it hard and rough. I squeezed her cheeks and smacked her ass. I slapped her hips and pulled on her long jet-black hair.

  “Yes, Chris,” she moaned.

  She was lost in ecstasy. Hearing her say my name sent me over the edge. I felt connected with her. I felt like she was with me and only me. I quickened my pace. I gripped her shoulders. My orgasm snuck up on me. I came hard and fast, and then my strokes slowly wavered. We collapsed next to each other, panting. Nadine giggled.

  “What are you thinking?” I asked.

  “I needed that. I haven’t had sex this good in a long time.”

  She laid her head on my chest. I ran my fingers up and down her skin as we held each other under the covers.

  “I’m feeling you, Chris.”

  “I’m feeling you too.”

  We sexed each other up the rest of the night, exploring each other’s bodies. I felt at peace. That was last night.

  Tonight, after we got back to the Marriott and showered, Nadine stood in front of me, naked.

  “You ready for an encore presentation of last night?” she asked, licking her lips.

  “If it means falling for you all over again, I’m ready!”

  Karen

  “I got you, K,” Lindsey said as she pulled up in front of my house.

  I’d been vomiting and feeling nauseated ever since I left the clinic. That morning I had sobbed the whole way there when the reality hit me that I was actually going through with the abortion. Emotionally, I was sapped. Lindsey turned off the engine, got out, and hurried to the passenger side to help me out of the car. I grimaced as I got out. My abdomen was cramping, and I was achy and weak. She walked me to the door, fumbled through my bag, in search of my house keys, and finally found them. While I waited for Lindsey to open the door, a middle-aged white woman with bright red hair came out of nowhere and approached us.

  “Excuse me, ma’am. Are you Karen Davis?” she asked as she looked me in the eye.

  The pain in my stomach was killing me. “Yes,” I said through gritted teeth.

  She handed me a manila envelope. As soon as it was in my hand, the woman said, “You’ve been served, ma’am.”

  “What the fuck is this? Ah . . .”

  I doubled over when I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. Lindsey grabbed my arm and held the envelope for me. The woman swiftly walked to her car and drove off. Lindsey opened the front door and helped me inside the house. Chloe was watching TV, while the kids were playing with their toys.

  “Mommy!” they yelled excitedly, then ran into the foyer and hugged me.

  “Easy, girls. Your mommy isn’t feeling well. That’s why she went to the doctor,” Lindsey said.

  “Sorry, Mommy,” they said in unison as they stepped out of the hug. Then they each gave me a kiss on the cheek.

  Chloe walked up to me. “You all right?” she asked.

  “I’m okay. Did a woman ring the doorbell while I was gone?”

  She shook her head. “No. Nobody has called or stopped by while I’ve been here.”

  “Some white lady was waiting for Karen outside and served her with papers,” Lindsey said.

  Chloe and Lindsey walked me to the living-room couch. Lindsey pulled the ottoman out so I could put my feet up.

  “I need to see what these papers are,” I said. Lindsey handed me back the envelope.

  The kids went back to playing with their toys on the floor, while I opened the envelope. I pulled out a three-page document. At the top of the first page, in big bold letters, were the words Summons with notice.

  “That motherfucker!” Chloe yelled when I showed it to her.

  “Ooh, Aunt Chloe said a bad word,” Jocelyn noted and giggled.

  “I’m sorry, girls, but your daddy is a piece of . . . work,” Chloe said.

  Lindsey took the document from me. “This is horrible timing right now,” she said after she’d read the summons.

  Of all days to be served divorce papers, this had to be the worst one. A feeling of heaviness came over me. This news only drove me further into a depression. As I was trying to deal with this latest blow, my phone chimed, letting me know that I had received a new text message. It was from Tyrell.

  I miss you. Let’s get back what we had.

  I threw my phone across the room. I needed this fucking black cloud of bad luck to pass me already.

  Chris

  I had never thought I’d be doing this. I’d gone into my marriage with a promise that my kids would have both parents in their lives. I had wanted my marriage to be the blueprint for our children’s future relationships, but here I was, driving a U-Haul truck with Will and Lou to pick up the rest of my things at a house that no longer felt like my home. This week I had made sure to stop by the house and pack my boxes while Karen was at work. She had texted me several days ago, saying that since I no longer lived there, I shouldn’t be using my key to go in the house. I’d responded that since I was still paying most of the mortgage, I’d come and go as I pleased. That had led to her call me, and we’d had another huge argument.

  Will interrupted my train of thought. “Yo, Chris. Chloe is gonna be there, right?”

  Lou answered for me. “Yeah. Why you keep asking?” Lou shook his head.

  “This fool wants to know because him and Chloe are feeling each other and won’t admit it,” I said.

  “Nah, that ain’t true,” Will said defensively.

  “Oh yeah? Every time you see each other, you squabble and fight. Then y’all end up fucking later on that night,” I said.

  Will nodded slowly and licked his lips. “Not every time, but she’s a wild one.”

  Lou and I laughed.

  Minutes later we pulled up to the house. I decided to ring the doorbell instead of using my keys. Chloe came to the door, opened it without acknowledging us, and then sat back down on the living-room couch, next to Karen. Lindsey sat on the other side of Karen. I knew they’d be there to support her, so I was glad I had Will and Lou around to have my back.

  As usual, Chloe was the first to strike. She shook her head and snapped, “You know, that was a real dick move sending that process server here. Why couldn’t you man up and give Karen the divorce papers yourself, you pussy?”

  “Chloe,” Lindsey said.

  “Nah, fuck him. He gets no respect from me. He stays having some ugly bitch around K’s kids and tries to rub it in her face by bringing her around when he drops them off. Now he springs this shit on her? He doesn’t even know everything she’s been through, so fuck him!”

  “Chloe,” Lindsey repeated. Karen and Lindsey looked at her like she’d said too much.

  “I don’t have time for your shit,” I told Chloe and then turned to Karen. “Are the girls in their room? I want to say hi before we start loading my things on the truck.”

  “Where else would they be, Chris?” Karen asked snidely.

  “There’s no need for an attitude. I’m asking you a simple question.”

  “Ladies, ladies, y’all don’t have to be so mean. Especially you Chloe,” Will said, giving her a hungry look.

  “Oh, shut up, with your corny ass. You shouldn’t even be here,” Chloe said.

  Will chuckled and licked his lips. “Now, Chloe, you don’t have to act wild in front of your friends. If you need a man in your life to tame you, I’m right here.”

  “Just because we fucked a couple of times when I was drunk and horny doesn’t make you the shit.”

  “You weren’t talking that shit when I was inside you.”

  “Oh please. You’re only five inche
s,” Chloe returned.

  Karen’s crew chuckled on the couch. Will played it off.

  “I’m five inches, but I’m as thick as a soup can. Call me Mr. Progresso, baby.”

  Chloe couldn’t help but shake her head, laugh, and blush.

  “You’re a clown,” Lou said, patting Will on the back.

  I appreciated Will’s bickering with Chloe. It helped to ease the tension while I went to see the girls. I opened their bedroom door. They were playing with their toy kitchen.

  “Hey, girls!”

  “Daddy!” they yelled as they ran and hugged me.

  I knelt down and gave them hugs and kisses.

  “Mommy said you’re not going to live here anymore,” Jaclyn said with a frown.

  “Yeah, she said you were going to live at Poppa’s house now,” Jocelyn added.

  I sighed. “Yeah, that’s going to be my house now.”

  “Why aren’t you going to live with Mommy anymore?” Jaclyn asked.

  “Yeah, Chris, why aren’t you?” Karen asked from the doorway. I hadn’t even noticed she was standing there.

  “Daddy isn’t getting along with Mommy, that’s why,” I told them.

  “Real nice, Chris,” Karen said.

  I rubbed my face and stood up. “All right now, girls. Daddy has to pack his stuff. Mommy will bring you to my new house on Sunday.”

  Jocelyn was in tears. “No. I don’t want you to go. You and Mommy are always fighting, and when it’s over, you leave us,” she said.

  “How come you’re not getting along with Mommy anymore? Is it me or Jocelyn’s fault?” Jaclyn asked.

  The girls cried hysterically.

  I hugged my daughters, wiped the tears from their faces, and kissed their foreheads. The questions they had asked showed me the toll that this drama with Karen was taking on our children. They were just as hurt and affected by this as Karen and I were. Seeing my daughters crying broke my heart. I tried to find the right words to say to calm them down.

  “It’s not either of your faults that me and Mommy are fighting. Your mother and I don’t agree on a lot of things, and it’s making us argue a lot. We want you guys to be happy and not see us fighting all the time, so we think it’s best that we live in different houses.”