A Father's Dreams

by Andrew Petoski

  I put down the tailgate and climb into the bed of the truck. Resting my head on the spare tire in the back I try to find a good position for my back to relax. I try one side, then the other and then straight on my back. There are now cushions in the bed and the hard metal just wasn’t comfortable in any position I tried. So I give up on my star gazing and hop into the truck to go home.

  I pass Ed’s shop which is dark and silent. Taking a little detour, I pass by the diner I was at earlier today with the car to spark that memory and get myself to smile before heading home.

  The lights in the kitchen and living room were on and waiting for my arrival. People get so worked up about leaving a light on and saving power but power will never go away. It simply will change forms for all eternity. It’s just how we get our power will change. It changes everyday with geothermal power plants, nuclear plants, coal, water plants, windmills, tidal turbines and solar with more and more sources being discovered and used all over the world. So no, you don’t have to worry about power being taken away or turned off so long as you pay your bill, and in that case I just think some people are cheap. The extra couple bucks to keep the lights on and feel welcomed and safe when I arrive home are well worth it to me.

  Just as I talk about leaving the lights on though I do walk inside and turn them all off except for the one lamp in the living room. Yeah, I can kinda be a hypocrite at times but everyone has there own opinions. Some people listen and abide by them, some people don’t.

  I settle into my chair and turn on the television. Now you can really tell I’m on a fixed budget. Having only the free local channels from the digital antenna I placed on the roof I flip through my free options. News, News, News, public TV, late night show, news.

  Returning to the late night show, I watch as some celebrity guest comes on endorsing and talking about their new movie coming out to theaters. Even late night comedy is all promotional now. The only comedy that they tried were stories and clips of bloopers of the star messing up their act on set. I notice the cup of coffee that the host has and get the urge to go to the kitchen and make a pot for myself.

  Now most people can’t take the caffeine this late but with ADD the stimulant has a way of calming the nerves, doing the opposite of what most experience. This makes for an unhealthy coffee addiction as I try to take it to stay awake, but it doesn’t help. It still pounds the hell out of my heart surely making murmurs or other nonsense that my doctor would scold me for, but damn it tastes so good.

  Sipping on my hot brew, I get sick of the actor and the perfection so I click over to the local news. Hey what do you know, negativity, negativity, and more negativity. A shooting, a car accident where some kids perished, oh that’ll go over well for me and a local drug ring that got busted. Finally, they move on to weather.

  The five minutes of usefulness tells of how the cold will persist and drop throughout the week. Expect ice on the roads Friday morning, chance of showers Tuesday, and blah blah blah.

  Not being able to really get tuned into anything, I give up and turn off the television opting for the radio.

  The rock station is already tuned, and I turn down the volume so that it is a sweet melody of guitar and drums fading away my world.

  Starting to drift now, I get up and pour another cup of joe then head to bed. I place the coffee on the nightstand and go back to the living room to grab the extra pillow that Ed was using before.

  Tonight I’m going to imagine going back to when I had the little ones, and I’m going to hold that pillow like it’s Hadley or Matt all night long. Keeping them safe, I check the closet and turn on the light. Peeking under the bed I find all my shoes but no monsters.

  Satisfied, I take a sip of the cooling brew and set it back down before crawling in with my substitute kid.

  My mind races of images from the computer today and the coffee does its thing so that I’m unable to fall right asleep. The images comfort me, and I imagine as if they were yesterday and today.

  Fighting to sleep now, I open my nightstand drawer and take out a sleep aid. Two should do the trick. They won’t exactly knock me out but will slow my thoughts enough where I can get myself there.

  Tomorrow is my regular meeting with Dr. Schuder, and I’m going to have a lot to fill her in on. I’m sure she will be pleased with my recent progress and look forward to seeing her when I wake but for now I get to go spend some time with the kids.

  10

  Matt’s in the shower getting ready. Today is his first big date. He has asked Clara from school to go out with him to the movies and the poor thing actually said yes! Laughing to myself, I imagine Matt in the shower scrubbing every inch of boy smell on him and using his sister’s shampoo for body wash as I had used the rest of the man stuff this morning.

  Just minutes earlier, Matt came running into the house letting the screen door slam behind him as he ran straight to the bathroom to get prepared. I asked him what the hell was going on and he yelled, “I got a date with Clara tonight at the movies, and I smell like butt.”

  “Well who do you plan on taking the two of you to the movies and how you paying?” I yelled back.

  “You of course. Come on dad, it’s Clara,” he pleaded.

  “I’ll think about it. You think of what you can do to pay me back,” I tell him. Before I could walk away from the door he responded.

  “I’ll do the dishes for you and Hadley for a week,” he proposed.

  “Three,” I said directly.

  He pauses.

  “Fine, three,” and I leave him to whatever he had to do.

  This was probably the longest most thorough shower the kid has ever taken. Fifteen minutes later and my patience is up. Going over to the bathroom I pound on the door.

  “Time’s up kid,” I tell him. He doesn’t say anything but ends up turning the shower off about twenty seconds later right before I pounded again. Walking back to the kitchen I still had to figure out something for me and Hadley for tonight. Right now she was in her room doing homework, but that usually only lasts about forty minutes until she’s ready to be entertained.

  Taking out my phone I look up the movies playing tonight at the theatre. There were two kids movies playing, one horror and a chick flick. If he has any sense he would take her to the chick flick, but I’m not going to give any advice on this one. He’ll figure things out. Both the horror flick and one of the kids movies were at six and the other two started at seven thirty. Given Matt’s haste to get ready, I bet he’s planning on seeing the horror flick.

  With the night now made into madness by my son, I throw a pizza in the oven and call it good. It should be done around the same time Matt is ready and Hadley is done with homework. I take a little time to myself to sit down at the table and work on some sudoko. Pencil in hand, I erase about every other number I put down on the paper. If I want to stoke my ego I have another soduko book that even Hadley can complete with a little concentration, but I like the safe challenge.

  Getting one puzzle done, I am able to just turn the page before the buzzer goes off indicating the pizza was done. Grabbing a hand towel, I take the pizza out of the oven, then set the timer again but for only five minutes to allow it to cool off enough that we don’t all burn our mouths.

  Getting a few numbers in, Hadley walks into the kitchen and stands behind my chair, looking over my shoulder. I can’t concentrate with people staring at me work, so I wait for her to sit. Instead, she takes her finger and points to a square and tells me seven. I look back, and up at her, then at the puzzle and fill in the square she pointed to with a seven, it fit, at least so far.

  Satisfied, Hadley walks over to the drawers and pulls out the pizza cutter and begins cutting. I let her know it’s still too hot, but she plates herself two pieces anyways then walks over to the freezer and tosses the plate in. She waits about thirty seconds then pulls the pizza back out and takes a huge bite.

  “Perfect,” she says walking over and sitting down across from me. She gets the whole first
piece down before the rolling buzzer sounds. I go to get up, but Hadley beats me to it, plate in tow and returns to her seat.

  I finish one of my boxes then walk over to get myself some food. At the same time I finish preparing my food Matt walks in and takes my plate.

  “Thanks dad,” he says as he walks away and sits. I sigh and redo my same order, just a little bit of mozzarella and some crushed red peppers on top. Finally able to eat, I take my seat next to my book and stop to stare at Matt.

  Instead of down and natural like he normally has his hair. He had used a bunch a gel and slicked his hair straight back.

  “What?” he asks while I stare.

  “Go back in the bathroom and fix your hair. Take a brush to that thing if you feel like going anywhere tonight,” Matt scoffs and walks off. About ready to finally take a bite out of the pizza I stick my tongue out and try to burn the tip on one of the red peppers. I hold it on a single one as long as I can, then pull back and take a bite.

  Matt returns with his hair brush and the three of us finish scarfing down our food. I look at the time on the oven.

  “It’s five thirty, you two ready to go?” I ask.

  “Yup,” both of them respond and get up to put their dirty plates in the sink. Getting up, I follow with the keys.

  Outside the two are fighting over the front seat.

  “Hey Matt, you get the back or you don’t get to sit next to CLARA,” I coo. Begrudgingly and embarrassedly Matt gives up the front to his sister and goes into the back seat. I get in and turn to Matt, “So where are we suppose to pick this Clara up from?”

  “She’s waiting for us at the gas station by school.”

  “Do her parents know she’s going out tonight with you?”

  “Yes dad. She asked them after school before they took her home. She’s meeting us at the gas station because she’s embarrassed about living in the apartments that are down the street from there.”

  “Okay, you better not be getting me into trouble for this.”

  “I’m not.”

  We head towards the gas station Matt was talking about. Standing outside is a sweet looking girl with auburn hair and a smile she tried to hide. That girl was all kind of flushed as we pulled up. Matt jumps out and gives her a hug then walks her over to my window.

  “Clara this is my dad. Dad, Clara.” introduces Matt.

  “Nice to meet you Mr. Curry.”

  “Nice to meet you dear. Can I have your parents number quick to make sure we’re good to take you?” I ask.

  “Sure.” Clara gives me her parent’s number as I dial it into my cell. We speak briefly confirming that it was okay for the two of them to be going to the movies and then hang up.

  “Alright you two, hop in,” Matt and Clara run to the back of the truck and slide inside, Clara to the middle and Matt behind me.

  I listen in but can’t make out the excited talk between the two of them other than something about the horror flick. I’m just glad she’s excited to be seeing it and isn’t being surprised by something he’s into and she’s not.

  We pull up, and I let the two out and give Matt thirty bucks to cover the movie and popcorn for the both of them. Clara waves Hadley and I pull away, and Hadley waves back for the two of us.

  Pulling out of the movie theater parking lot I drive around the block and park the truck randomly on the side of the road.

  “What are we doing?” Hadley asks.

  “We’re just going to wait here for a few before we go. Nothing to worry about.” I tell her. I put on some music so the time goes by quicker for her, and I agonizingly count down ten minutes before pulling back out into the road.

  We circle around and head back to the theatre.

  “What are we doing here? Did they forget something?” Hadley asks.

  “No, we’re going to go see a movie too,” I tell her. Hadley’s excitement builds as we pull in and exit the truck. I tried to give Matt enough time to get their tickets, popcorn and sit so that he didn’t know the two of us were there. It just seemed unfair to have Hadley sit at home or do something else while Matt was having fun with his date at the movies. That is why I decided to take Hadley to the children’s movie playing at the same time. The wait we took would just mean that we would miss some previews, but that really wasn’t a big deal.

  We got our tickets, and instead of popcorn Hadley wanted cotton candy, which was cheaper so there was no way I was going to try to sway her otherwise.

  When we entered the theater I told Hadley she could pick our seats, and thankfully she decided it would be fun to climb all the way to the top row of the theater. I just hate sitting up front because I can never focus on the whole screen at once and feel as if I’m missing half the movie.

  As we walk up to the top row, the lights dim out, and the movie begins. I really don’t get into the kid’s movies like I used to, so I end up watching Hadley most of the time as she smiles at the characters, cowers when the evil villain is threatening the good guys. A tear comes to her eyes at the end as one of the characters sacrificed himself to kill the villain so that everyone else could escape. And finally, she cheered when the fallen hero returned at the end of the film.

  We get up when the credits roll and head outside to the truck. Hadley and I decide to sit on the tailgate as we waited for the young couple to return. Their film was about twenty minutes longer than ours so everything was working out perfect.

  Soon a mass of people came out from the theater doors talking in excitement about what they had just seen. Matt with Clara come out too, taking up the rear of the crowd. They hold hands until Matt spots us coming out and then immediately drops his grasp.

  “How was the movie?” asks Hadley.

  “Good,” Clara tells her handing Hadley her popcorn.

  “That’s good. Ours was good too,” Hadley says. Matt looks at me scoldingly, and I can’t help but laugh before I get down to put the tailgate up.

  We load into the vehicle and Clara and Matt are quiet all the way back to Clara’s, as if we were spying the whole time. Hadley breaks the silence by talking about the movie we had seen, and they figured out that I was giving them their space. Then, the three of them chatted the rest of the way back about the scary parts and how everyone made it out okay, (though I’m pretty sure they didn’t in the horror movie but they said so anyways as to appease Hadley).

  Driving by the gas station, I deliberately go down the block to where I knew Clara’s apartment complex was and dropped her off. Matt hugs her good-bye and she runs in without even realizing what I had done.

  “So how was your night?” I ask Matt as we pull away.

  “It was great. Thanks for letting us go, but next time please tell me if you’re going to see a different movie so I don’t freak out.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I tell him. Got to leave it open so that he never really knows if I’m watching or not.

  Getting home, Hadley is exhausted and goes straight to bed. Matt is up and chattier than an old hen. He keeps going on and on about his date and how they held hands the whole time and how she put her head on his shoulder. No talk about kissing though, thank god. Let’s give that one a couple more years.

  I cut Matt off as he repeats his tale for the third time and remind him he has school again in the morning. He yawns at the reminder and then says his good nights before heading off. I check on Hadley, and she is already out so I give her a little kiss on the cheek and whisper good night before heading to the kitchen and picking up where I left off on the sudoko. The coffee is cold so I warm it up in the microwave for two minutes to get it piping again. The timer goes off, and I open the microwave. Pulling out the cup of joe, the timer is still going off. I close the door and press the cancel button, but nothing is turning off the alarm.

  My hand gets wet, and I look down. Shoot I dumped over the coffee from my nightstand, and my phone fell to the floor from its vibrations telling me to get the hell up. Cursing at myself, I get out of bed and pick up the phone fro
m the floor and hit the on screen button to stop the annoying noise.

  Luckily, I got hardwood floors so I grab a towel from the chair on the other side of the room and wipe up the coffee running down from the nightstand to the floor. Tossing the towel in the laundry pile, I go to my closet and randomly pick out the outfit today. Well, I guess I’m feeling green so the green polo and slacks it is.

  Coffee still in the pot, I refill my now empty mug and reheat the thing. Standing by the microwave I turn it off and open the door before it has the chance to buzz, and I walk to the sink. Transferring my coffee to the thermos, I look around for where I stuck my pills and spot them by the bread. I set my coffee down and butter a plain piece of bread before taking out a pill and swallowing it. The bread and butter will have to suit for breakfast as I wanted to get out the door.

  My appointment with Dr. Schuder wasn’t for another forty minutes, but I wanted to take a quick cruise through town beforehand. Even though the air is cold, I have to keep my windows down. It’s the best thing to get me awake and going in the morning, hot joe and cold air. Driving up and down the lakefront, I kill some time while watching the waves crest on the beach and surfers taking their boards off their roof racks to head out for a dip.

  Arriving ten minutes early, I’m in a good mood. I sit in my corner but skim through the magazines for once. Most of them were doctor tailored to some kind of mental health issue, but it was still cool to look at the brain diagrams in them. Running out of coffee in my thermos, I walk up to their coffee machine to refill it. Should take probably three of their dinky cups to fill it up, probably four. I would just pour it in directly from the machine but the thermos does not fit under the dispenser. I’ve tried.

  Getting halfway through my filling process, Dr. Schuder comes out and calls me back. I settle for what I got and cap the lid while following her back to the office.