Fueled Hate: A Dark College Bully Romance

by A. J. Logan

  “What?” I ask, shaking my head. The liquor might be talking, but the asshole who drank it is responsible.

  “Leave. You don’t belong here. Get the fuck out.”

  My anger flows out in tears. Unable to recognize the bastard in front of me. “You asked me to come here. You said you didn’t want to come without me. And all you’ve done is treat me like shit. You won’t talk to me. You haven’t touched me. You’ve barely looked at me, and when you do you look like you hate me.”

  “You’re here because he’s not.” Dylan surges forward as he yells, “Now get the fuck out of here.”

  Immediately, I jump back, terrified of what I see. Absolute, sheer hatred. And nothing else.

  “I hate you too.”

  Rushing out of the room, I hurry upstairs, grab my things, and walk downstairs to find Bryce waiting, his hands tucked into his pockets, his lip and jaw already bruising.

  “Come on, Sadie. I’ll take you home.”

  Home. That definition has been ever-changing recently. Everything I’ve known has shifted and just when I thought Dylan and I were in a good place, he does this. He’ll always rip my heart out and stomp on it. He’ll never be my home.

  47

  Dylan

  “Hey, dumbfuck,” Bryce says. His legs are crossed at the ankles, his fingers laced together behind his head as he casually reclines against the headboard of my bed. The only thing that’s out of place is the bruising along his jaw that trails to his swollen lip.

  “Get out.” I step into the closet, pull on my clothes, and return to the bedroom. Sure enough, Bryce hasn’t moved anything except his eyelids which are now closed as he looks peacefully at rest on my bed. “I said get the fuck out of here.”

  “Yeah. I heard you.” Bryce opens his eyes, tilts his head to the side, and gives me a serious look. “But I know you’re full of shit. Sadie, not so much.”

  The mention of her name sends a jolt of anguish through me. “I meant what I said.”

  Bryce slides off the bed, nonchalantly walking over to me. “We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. There’re times where I’ve felt closer to you than my own brother. We’ve had arguments, fist fights, had it out about stupid shit because neither of us wanted to give in, but we’ve always had each other’s backs. I’d run into a burning building by your side without thinking twice. But this, this I won’t do. I won’t follow you into the flames just because you insist on setting yourself on fire.”

  The tightness in my chest returns as I move to walk out of the bedroom. “Good. So, fuck off.”

  “He’s gone,” Bryce says. His stern tone slices through me. I halt and rotate to look at him. “This was never about him. This has always been about you. You wanting to be angry, finding someone to blame because it’s easier than grieving for your brother. Burn down every building in that town, burn every vehicle in sight. Noah will still be dead.”

  Lunging forward, I grab his shirt. Moving into his face, he remains motionless. “Shut the fuck up.”

  “No. I won’t sit by while you sabotage everything good in your life just to feel worse pain than losing Noah.” He looks down to my fingers gripping his shirt then back to me. “If I have to drag you kicking and screaming away from the flames, I will. Noah would want that. He wouldn’t want this.”

  Shoving him back, my fingers thread in my hair as I pull the strands roughly and pinch my eyes closed.

  “I can’t be here without him and have her in my life. She’s only here because Noah is dead. If he hadn’t gone to Sunland, I never would’ve met Sadie. She wouldn’t be in my life. The thought of not knowing her makes me sick. How can I be thankful to have her when the cost was my brother?”

  “There. Right there. That’s the dumbfuck I’m talking about, and Noah would say the same thing. Being with her isn’t betraying your brother. You didn’t wish him dead in order to have her. He was already gone. And even if you never see her again, Noah will still be dead. Only … you’ll be miserable too. She brought you out of your self-imposed hell until you decided to dive back in headfirst last night. And fuck, she’s been through hell and back too. Have you ever thought just maybe y’all were supposed to find each other to get through hell together?”

  Sadie. She’s been the only serenity in my life since Noah died, but still, whenever I look at her, I feel guilt. How can I be happy with her when my brother was the price to pay? And after last night, the choice isn’t mine. I incinerated every sliver of trust I’ve built with her last night.

  “It’s too late,” I mumble, walking out of the bedroom because I can’t hear it, I can’t think it. I have something to finish, and I won’t be able to hold onto her and cross the finish line.

  Bryce follows me down the hallway, lecturing and cussing as we descend the stairs.

  “Dylan,” my mom says from behind me. I stop and rotate to see her standing with red-rimmed eyes through her smudged makeup. She hesitantly walks up to me, her eyes probing, wary, studying me. It’s the first time I’ve looked in them since last night when she slapped me. It had been the first time my mom has ever lifted a hand to me, but it didn’t sting as bad as her walking away, unable to look at me.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told Noah about the race.”

  “No.” She emphatically shakes her head as tears slip down her cheeks. “I wasn’t upset that you told Noah to go there. I’m upset that you went there. What if something happened to you? I’ve already buried one of my sons, I won’t survive burying another.”

  My breath comes out in short bursts as I unsuccessfully attempt to swallow down my emotions, unable to fathom my mom not hating me. “It’s my fault. Noah was only there because I told him about the race.”

  “Then that makes it my fault too.”

  “What?”

  “Did you know your father and I considered a move to California just after Noah was born? Bill wanted to move, but I wanted to stay here in Marcheur, so we did. If we’d gone, Noah would’ve likely been attending a school on the West Coast, far away from Sunland. So, my choice led to him being on the path that led through Sunland. Is it my fault too?”

  I get it. I understand what she means, but that doesn’t ease the guilt. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have told him about the races.”

  “Every decision we make, every choice we choose, leads us down a path. Outside factors contribute to the direction we’re heading, but no one truly determines our path except for us.” My mom steps in front of me, lifting her palm to cup the cheek she struck last night. “I’m so deeply sorry for my reaction last night. I never meant to hurt you, and I know beyond a doubt that you never would’ve hurt Noah.”

  A load of guilt is instantly lifted off my shoulders as my arms encircle my mom. She wraps her arms around my shoulders as I take a deep breath. “I don’t know how to do it. He’s always been there. There’s not a time in my life that I remember living without my little brother. I don’t know how to exist without him.”

  “We’ll figure it out together,” my mom whispers as she wraps her arms tighter around me.

  “I have to go back. There’s something that I need to do.” I can’t stop without knowing the truth about what happened to Noah. There’s still something inside me that says it wasn’t an accident.

  Mom reluctantly releases me, standing back as she says, “It’s your decision. Just make sure your path is headed that way for the right reason.”

  And Sadie. Even if I have to follow her through hell and back, I have to make things right.

  48

  Sadie

  Sheets. That’s what’s driving me mad right now as I shove them into the washer, pouring four times the amount of washing detergent than necessary. It’s maddening. Even without him here, I can smell him, feel him everywhere. Cleaning every single piece of bedding is my latest quest to forget about him. Staring down at the sheets, I pour another heaping capful of detergent in for good measure before slamming the lid shut and pushing the buttons as
the machine begins filling with water. Is his mocking presence ever going to leave me alone?

  I begin cleaning the already clean kitchen when I hear a loud knock on the door. Ceasing, I look over to the door as Willow emerges from her bedroom, glances at me, then walks to the door. She peeks through to see who it is, and when she turns to look at me, I already know the answer.

  “No,” I whisper as the pounding continues on the door.

  “I’ll get rid of him,” Willow says before pulling the door open as I make a beeline for my bedroom, but it’s not fast enough.

  “Sadie, please.” His voice is full of agony and anguish as I halt, my back to him as he continues, “Please. I just need to talk to you. Please give me a chance to explain.”

  A chance. Another one—until something else crashes down on my heart.

  “No. She doesn’t want to see you. You don’t get another chance. The least you can do is stay the fuck away from her,” Willow defends, remaining in the doorway, keeping him outside the apartment.

  I can’t do this again.

  Slowly rotating, I walk to the door and stand in front of him as Willow steps to the side. “No. I won’t allow you to hurt me again.”

  “Sadie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it. I was angry with myself. You were there and he wasn’t, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I only met you because I lost him, but I can’t imagine my life without you. I felt like I was wishing him dead, and I couldn’t handle it.”

  “No. I won’t do it again. I can’t.”

  Dylan drops to his knees, his hands reaching out to grip my hips as he looks up at me. “Sadie, I swear I’ll never hurt you again. I’ll do anything to prove it to you. Just tell me what to do to make it right. You’re engrained in every piece of my soul; I need you and I know you need me too. We’ll get through this. We have to.”

  “You made the choice when you told me to leave. Deal with the consequences.” My fingers grip his, removing him from my skin as I shove him away. Stepping back, I slam the door shut and lock the dead bolt.

  “Sadie …” Willow says as I walk to my room.

  “I’m fine.” Fuck. I hate that word too. “I’m not fine but I will be.”

  Willow wraps her arms around my shoulders as she pulls me into a warm embrace. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thank you.” I step out of her embrace and look to my best friend that I’ve been lying to because of Dylan. That’s the reason I didn’t give her the details of the hellacious weekend because it’s impossible without telling her the entire story. “Noah. Dylan’s his brother.”

  Her sharp intake of breath explains exactly how I felt at the revelation. “Noah? But …”

  Nodding. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to. I wanted to tell Parker too, but I was worried about dredging up everything for him since he can’t talk about the accident without downward spiraling.”

  “Yeah.” She says her eyes darting around the room. “He still won’t talk to me about it. Every time I’ve mentioned it, he shuts down. Dylan can’t be here. It will send Parker off the deep end. Just ignore Dylan and maybe he’ll go away.”

  “Have you met him?” I let out a sigh. “Dylan doesn’t back down from anything once he has his mind set.”

  “You’re right,” she utters, her hand clasping over her neck. “Just stay away from him, Sadie.”

  “That’s my plan.” Even if it isn’t his. I have to. There’s nothing good that will come out of something that started with such tragedy and continues to plummet into misery.

  49

  Dylan

  It’s too late. I’m too late. I screwed up and hurt her, maybe beyond repair this time.

  “I wouldn’t forgive your stupid ass either,” Bryce says, leaning against the side of the building.

  Rising from my knees, I stare at the door that she’d just slammed in my face. “You’re not helping.”

  “I don’t plan to. I’m on her side until she decides you’re worthy of forgiveness.” Bryce walks off towards the parking lot.

  Following behind him, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m heading in the wrong direction. Away from her isn’t the course I want. I only want a path that leads to her.

  “I need you to come with me somewhere.” I open my car door, dropping inside as Bryce drops in the passenger seat.

  “Is this gonna result in another ass chewing for me? Because I’m running really low in that department.” Bryce shakes his head as he jokingly looks at his backside. “For real, my parents are still calling me every few hours to yell at me for joining in on your crusade.”

  “I need to do what I should’ve done from the beginning.”

  “What’s that?”

  Glancing down the path that leads to Sadie’s apartment, I reply, “Ask for answers. Ask what happened that night and be ready to accept the truth, even if it was an accident.”

  “Yep. Another ass chewing coming my way, but what the hell.” Bryce clicks his seat belt on, as he reclines in the seat.

  Steering out of the parking lot, I head to the last place I want to go, but the first place I should’ve stopped when I arrived in Sunland—Kyle’s doorstep. The person who knows the truth. Whether he will give it to me is his choice, whether I accept his truth is mine.

  The moment we pull up to his place, I question my sanity. But I need answers, and I need to put this behind me if there’s any chance for me to get Sadie back.

  “Let’s get it over with,” I say, shoving the door open as we both exit the car.

  “Are you sure about this?” Bryce asks.

  “I’m sure about her. Finding answers and figuring this shit out puts me closer to her.”

  “That I can get behind.”

  Walking up to the door, I pound my fist against the solid wood, waiting until it finally opens.

  Kyle stands in the doorway, even more shocked to see me than I am by the decision to be here. He eyes Bryce then looks back to me. “I know who you are.”

  “What happened that night?”

  “I don’t know,” Kyle says, shoving his hands in his pockets, casually leaning against the doorframe.

  “You were there. I need to know what happened to my brother.” My hands ball into fists as I try to calm my racing heart. “Did you kill my brother?”

  “Kill him? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “What happened?” I grit.

  “I. Don’t. Know.” Kyle covers his face, rubbing harshly.

  “How do you not know? You were there.”

  “Yes. I was there, but I didn’t see what happened. I was a little preoccupied with someone.” He rubs his hand over his mouth, his fingers clawing at his skin.

  “Who?”

  “Fuck, I don’t know. The first girl that opened her mouth to suck my dick.”

  “Classy,” Bryce chimes in.

  “I was high as a fucking kite. I’d lost the race to Noah that night, and he challenged me to race for pinks. I chickened out and found the first bitch that would have my miserable ass.” He shakes his head looking to the ground. “We were screwing behind the hangar when I heard the crash. I ran over and saw the car in pieces and Noah … I called 911 but he was already gone. I’m sorry for what happened to your brother, but I tried to help him.”

  I can’t push the image of Noah lying there helpless out of my mind. Taking a deep breath, I step back and move away.

  “Talk to Parker or Andrew. They both know what happened, but neither have said anything to me.”

  “Parker wasn’t there, so it looks like Andrew is the one I need to chat with.”

  “Parker was there.”

  “No he wasn’t,” Bryce insists.

  “I saw him take off. They’d raced for pinks earlier. He’d beat all our asses. Andrew said to keep Parker out of it because he would turn us in for … something else.”

  “Pills,” I respond as Kyle slightly nods.

  “Andrew told the
police I was racing Noah, and I went along with it. I just wanted to forget all about that night.”

  “Some of us can’t forget.” Stepping back, I turn and head to the car.

  On my heels, Bryce says, “I saw the security camera footage at his workplace. I paid a pretty penny for it too. Parker wasn’t at the Dome when it happened.”

  “No, he wasn’t. But his car was.”

  Andrew. It has to be. The question is was it an accident or something more sinister? The pill smuggling definitely played a part, but not the one I’d thought. Either way, I need to put a stop to that too. How do I do that without pushing Sadie even further away by turning in her dad?

  50

  Sadie

  I hold my breath every time the door opens, watching to see who’s walking into Big Tobe’s. I don’t want it to be him. I want Dylan as far away from me as possible, yet I keep watching, waiting for him to show up. Maybe he got the hint and returned to Marcheur. It’s a possibility because I haven’t seen him since last night. He wasn’t in government class this morning, not that he needs the class. It was just a sham to torment me, a lie to get closer to me.

  I’m taking an order from my table when the door opens and I look over. It’s not the person I’d been watching for but it’s definitely someone I don’t want to talk to. Kyle.

  He hovers nearby as I wrap up the order and head to place it.

  “Sadie, I need to talk to you.”

  There’s no amount of sincerity in his voice that would make me believe for a single second that he’d felt bad about anything he’s done.

  “I’m working. And even if I wasn’t, there’s nothing, or no one, we need to talk about.” I hurry to walk away but he grabs my arm.