Fueled Hate: A Dark College Bully Romance

by A. J. Logan

  I jerk out of his grasp. “Have you not done enough? Why can’t you just let me move on? Why would you try so hard to hold onto whatever we had when you were fucking her? All you had to do was break it off.”

  “I couldn’t. Sadie, I need to tell you something.” Kyle glances behind me.

  “Is there a problem here?” Jett asks from behind me.

  “Sadie, just a few minutes,” Kyle begs.

  “No. You’ve taken enough from me.”

  “Just give me a call when you get off work. I will tell you everything. You deserve that.”

  “I already know everything I need to know.” I turn, heading into the kitchen as Jett follows.

  “Hey, don’t let him get to you.” Jett rubs his palm up my arm as I shift away.

  “I’m not. I just need a minute.”

  “I get it. Let me know if you need anything.” Jett gives me an encouraging smile and heads back into the main area of the diner.

  Taking a deep, slow breath I walk through the doors and continue on with my shift, grateful that Kyle is nowhere in sight. I don’t ever stop watching for the other idiot, and I’m thankful when he doesn’t show.

  Nearing the end of my shift, my section has cleared out except for one last table that should be done soon. Stepping near the bar, I glance back to see the couple laughing about something.

  “How you doing over there?” Jett asks.

  Giving him a pitiful excuse for a smile I reply, “Great.”

  “Doesn’t sound like it. Maybe we can hang out if you want to take your mind off it or if you need a friend. I’ll be heading home in a few minutes too.”

  “Thanks, but I’m just gonna head back to my place. I have a lot of coursework to catch up on.” And I should be doing it now instead of picking up an extra shift to make up for lost wages because I went out of town for a disastrous wedding.

  “Okay. Just don’t forget to take a break every now and then.” Jett smiles, sliding me a glass of lemonade.

  I’m gonna need something much stronger than lemonade to do the trick, but I attempt to enjoy it anyways as I watch the couple, glancing their way just long enough to see if they need anything. It’s not that I don’t want to see other people happy, I just want to be happy too.

  The guy finally holds his hand up, waving for my attention as I head their way. After paying their ticket, they head out while I quickly clean up their table, watching as the other lingering customers finally do the same.

  I walk to the back to clock out when I stumble a bit, catching myself on the doorframe.

  “Hey, are you feeling okay?” Jett asks as he steps into the kitchen and punches out on the time clock.

  “Yeah. It’s just been a long day,” I say, still clutching the doorframe as I attempt to steady myself.

  “You don’t look so good,” Jett says, placing his hand on my forehead. “Come on. I’ll help you to your car.”

  “I’m fine.” The room spins a bit as I feel Jett’s hand on my arm. It doesn’t belong there. Dylan’s does. I don’t feel safe or protected with anyone else’s touch. Only his. “I need to call Dylan.”

  “He’s only gonna hurt you. I won’t,” Jett’s smooth voice says as we stumble through the empty lobby.

  “I need to sit down.”

  “I got you.” Jett’s arm loops under my legs as he lifts me.

  I want him to put me down, but I can’t tell him. My mouth won’t say the words. Then I’m placed gently on a seat, an unwanted hand grips my thigh.

  Dylan. I need Dylan.

  “Stop saying his fucking name.”

  Jett. I hear his harsh tone, but I don’t understand why he’s so angry.

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  That’s not Jett. I think it’s Kyle, but my eyes won’t open. Everything feels strange. Sounds and voices distort until there’s nothing.

  51

  Dylan

  Blinking, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Her car was still parked at Big Tobe’s, but the place had closed hours ago. There were a million scenarios that went through my head as to why. But the ZR1 parked in front of her dad’s house was the last I’d expected to see there. How can she turn me away then run right back to him again?

  Throwing my car door open, I make my way to the house. Hammering my fist against the door, I turn the knob, shouldering against it. What if she wasn’t here with him by her own doing? What if he fooled me and he’s eviler than I’d thought, and her dad is part of it? There has to be something that is keeping Frank in line with Kyle. My shoulder repeatedly slams against the door until it opens and I stumble a few steps, then regain my footing.

  Kyle stands there, bare chested and groggy like he’s been sleeping. Rage sails through me as I lunge forward. Kyle anticipates my move pretty quickly for someone who just woke up, and he steps back, my fist barely making a connection.

  “Dylan, stop!” Sadie’s screech pierces through me as I halt mid strike, looking to her where she stands. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

  Frank rushes down the hallway, looking to me and taking in the scene as he asks, “What the hell is going on out here?”

  “I don’t know what the fuck to think.” I just know I don’t like anything I’m thinking.

  “She was drugged,” Kyle says, dropping down on the couch as his head falls back.

  “Drugged. By who? You?”

  “No, asshole,” Kyle replies back annoyed.

  “Hard to believe you’d force her to do something against her will, right?”

  “He didn’t do it. Jett did. He slipped something in my drink at work last night.” Sadie’s voice trails off as she looks to the floor.

  “Are you all right? Did he hurt you?” I ask, swiftly moving to her, but she takes a step back. Away from me.

  “Kyle protected me.”

  Everything about it makes me sick. What Jett did to her. What could’ve happened. That I wasn’t there. “I’m sorry. Where is Jett now?”

  “I don’t know,” Sadie replies.

  “He won’t be doing it again,” Kyle says, looking at his busted knuckles.

  “Bullshit. Why didn’t you take her to the hospital or the police?” I still can’t believe he’s playing her knight in shining armor after all the vile things he’s done to her.

  “I couldn’t.” Kyle stands, pulling on his T-shirt and grabbing his things off the coffee table as he goes to leave.

  “Because you’d be turning yourself in.” Looking to Frank I add, “And you too.”

  Kyle halts at the door before rotating back to look at Sadie. “Yes. Jett deals for me.”

  “You son of a bitch.” I move forward as Sadie grabs my elbow.

  “Dylan, stop. Please,” Sadie pleads. For his sake.

  “After everything? You’re going to defend him?”

  “I didn’t know. I never would’ve—” Kyle attempts to explain.

  “What the fuck did you think Jett and every other person was doing with the drugs? This is on you as much as it is him. Both of you,” I say, pointing to Kyle and Frank in turn.

  “That’s enough, Dylan. You need to go,” Sadie says, stepping in front of her father.

  “Me. I need to leave.”

  “Yes. I can’t handle you right now. I can’t do this with you again and again. I told you to stay away from me.”

  “But he’s welcomed back with open arms to sit on your couch like he’s done nothing wrong.” I look to Kyle. “Tell her. Tell her the rest of the story. Just how great her savior is.”

  Sadie looks to Kyle who hangs his head down. “I don’t want to know.”

  “Oh, yeah. You do. Tell her, Kyle.”

  Her eyes focus on him as he looks like he’s about to puke.

  “Or maybe your dad would prefer to tell you.”

  Sadie looks over her shoulder and then back to Kyle. “Will someone just tell me what’s going on?”

  Kyle looks to Frank. “Your father knows about everything. He found out becau
se your mom was pregnant.”

  “No.” Her pained tone guts me.

  But she wanted to know the truth. I pin Frank with a glare. “What I can’t figure out is why you’d still want your daughter with him after he fucked your wife, repeatedly.”

  “Shut up, Dylan,” Sadie cries, shoving me back. “How do you even know? How do you know all of this and I don’t have a fuckin’ clue?”

  “Because you won’t see what’s right in front of your face. You want to believe the nice, easy version instead of seeing them for what they truly are. These people are using you for their own pleasure or needs, and then they just toss you aside.”

  “Get out,” she lunges, ramming her fist against my chest as she forces me back.

  Me. She’s hiding from me and running to them and it’s gutting me, the agony spilling out in my words. “It’s still them. It’ll always be them because they’ve been around you forever.”

  “Do you know why I can’t let you hurt me again? Why it’s easier for me to forgive them, only for them to do it again? Reveal some sick fucking secret that drags my heart further into a nightmare?” She steps in front of me, red-rimmed eyes cutting me to the quick. “Because it hurts worse when you do it. And you always do. Just like right now. You couldn’t just let it be. You have to plunge the knife deeper. And it fucking hurts because you also make me feel safe, protected. When I was defenseless, being swallowed up by the darkness, realizing that I was unable to protect myself, all I wanted was you. You to protect me, you to shield me, you to keep me safe. Only you can’t protect me from you.”

  She’s right. I protect her from everyone else only to turn around and hurt her myself. Reaching up, I go to touch her face but stop. Lowering my hand, I take a step back and walk out of the room, leaving a wake of destruction. Exactly as I’d planned to do. Only I thought it would bring me some satisfaction, but it doesn’t. They haven’t been the ones that suffered the most—Sadie has. Instead of destroying Kyle’s life, burning his and Frank’s treacherous partnership to the ground, I incinerated Sadie’s world.

  52

  Sadie

  How can a person that hasn’t taken a breath in years cause so much destruction?

  “Pregnant,” I say aloud. It doesn’t make it feel any realer, it’s all too much. “Why would you push me to stay with Kyle?”

  My hands grip my stomach, pressing as I try to suppress the nausea flowing through me. Between the drugs Jett gave me and the latest revelation of all things fucked up, I can’t handle much more. “I want to know why. Why she did it. How she could do that to you. And how you could be okay with all of it.”

  “I was never okay with it,” Dad says, looking past me down the hallway. “I should’ve done so many things differently, but I wasn’t good with any of it, I’m still not.”

  Jumping up from the table, I slam my fist against the hard surface. “Why? Why did she do it? Why did you tell me to give him another chance?”

  “We’ll never understand. I’ve accepted that and you need to also,” Dad says nonchalantly, like nothing about this is a big deal. I stare at him in disbelief.

  The door opens as Levi steps into the kitchen, his wrinkled clothes evidence that he hadn’t been home and had been out all night.

  Levi gives me a smug look. “Pretty princess gracing us with her presence.”

  I’m so fucking sick of his attitude. I lost my mother too. But not once, over and over again as I discover who she actually was. “Shut the fuck up, Levi.”

  He stops, looking at me with shock because I don’t feel like being his punching bag for a change. “What’s this? Sweet, innocent Sadie finally decided to grow a pair.”

  “Shove it up your ass, Levi.” I stomp over to him, getting in his face. I need to unleash my anger on someone, and he needs a wake-up call. We’re all hurting. All because of her. Not me. “I’m so sick of you being a selfish asshole. You’re not the only one who lost her.”

  “That’s enough, you two.” Dad darts our way, wedging between us as he shoves Levi down the hallway.

  Levi doesn’t follow directions, as usual, and keeps his malicious stare on me. “It’s your fault. It’ll always be your fault. So go find your rich little fuckboys—you shoulda been fucking them in the first place so they wouldn’t have fucked our mother.”

  No. Levi knows. He knew all along. That’s why he blames me. “She made the choice. She did it. She probably fucked your friends too.”

  Levi charges forward, hurling slurs at me as I stand and watch. It doesn’t hurt anymore. This is the destruction a mother left for her children. She’s to blame.

  “I said that’s enough.” Dad shoves Levi back, continuing to yell for him to shut up.

  “I should’ve put a bullet through your fucking skull instead of hers.”

  All the air is sucked out of my lungs. It can’t be. He wouldn’t. Why is Dad still forcing him back, shoving him towards his room, telling him to keep his mouth shut. Protecting him. Dad is protecting Levi.

  “You killed her?” The words don’t feel real leaving my mouth as I stare at my brother.

  Levi looks at me through hooded eyes and a sickening look stretches across his face. “Yes. I did.”

  “I told you to shut your mouth,” Dad yells.

  “No. Pretty princess wants to know what happened. Guess what … she wasn’t fucking my friends, just your boyfriend. Oh, and they weren’t just fucking, she loved him. At least that’s what she said when I confronted her about it and asked why she would pick him over us, all of us. She was abandoning me either way. She used me as an excuse. All those times she said she was at practice watching me play or driving to a game. She was with him. She didn’t give a fuck about anyone but herself.”

  “Levi,” Dad warns, but it’s too late. There’s nothing more Levi can say to make this worse.

  “You knew. And you’re protecting him. Why? Why would you let him get away with that?”

  My dad looks to me. The dark circles under his eyes are more pronounced than I remember, the sagging of his shoulders even lower. “It’s my fault.”

  “What?”

  “Levi overheard me yelling at your mother. I’d just found out about the baby and I lost it. I’d caught them together, but I didn’t care because it kept your mother off my back. She said she’d ended it, but I knew she hadn’t. I let her think she was getting away with it until she came up pregnant. I should’ve stopped the affair. I shouldn’t have let my son find out about his mother like that.”

  “You have to tell someone. Do something.” No. Dad can’t be okay with this.

  “If you tell anyone what he did, I’ll take the fall for it. Kyle knew the same. He used Levi against me. He knew I’d do anything to protect Levi, so we had a deal. I’d help him smuggle the drugs in, he’d keep his mouth shut about Levi and what happened with your mother, and I’d never tell you about the affair.”

  I’m on another fucking planet. There’s no way. Dad knew what was going on and turned the other way, allowing for it all to happen without a fucking care in the world. He didn’t just barter for my tuition. He fed me to the wolves while protecting them at every turn. Them. All of them. Kyle. Levi. My own mother who he had no problem standing by while she fucked my boyfriend. “What about me? Why didn’t you protect me? Get Kyle away from me? Keep Levi from blaming me for mom’s death? What about me?”

  Levi casually tucks his hands in his pockets as he laughs. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? No one gives a fuck about you.”

  “Shut up, Levi,” Dad says flatly.

  Tears well as my mind flashes to Dylan. I don’t know what to think, but I know he tried to protect me. Unlike my dad. Even Kyle saved me from Jett. Now my dad stands here, with no remorse, justifying his actions to keep a murderer safe, all at my expense. “No. Levi’s right. If you did love me, you would’ve told me the truth even if it hurt. You wouldn’t have been involved in smuggling pills, knowing that they were being sold right under my nose where someone could easi
ly use them on me, and did. And you wouldn’t have let me grieve for a woman that I never knew. I don’t know who you are, and I don’t want to know. I don’t ever want to see you again. Either of you.”

  No reaction. Not the slightest hint of sadness on Dad’s face. And Levi stands there straight-up snickering. Nothing. There’s not an ounce of anything resembling love.

  “Why? Can you just tell me why? What did I do that was so bad? That made you turn your back on me while protecting him.” I glare at Levi, who is more than amused at the conversation. How had I not seen what a psychotic nutcase he is?

  “It’s all because of her. She adored you, she just loved herself more. She was manipulative, selfish, uncaring of what she put others through to get exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it, and by any means. She wanted to have you. I didn’t. I tried. I tried to be there for you. Be a good father, but you look just like her, talk just like her, and eventually will become the deceitful woman she was.

  “Kyle threatened to have his father strip away the dealership’s business. Without it, the shop would struggle, and that vile woman would yet again take something away from me. It wasn’t enough that she made my life miserable when she was alive, she’s able to do it in death too. I figured Kyle deserves whatever hell you’d deal him the rest of his life, but I’m done suffering at her hand.”

  My own father doesn’t love me enough to fight for me, protect me against what she did to him and all of us. I’m nothing more than a piece of her that he wanted to let go of while I held onto her so tight.

  “You hate me because I’m a part of her but you’re the manipulative, selfish, uncaring bastard that I wish wasn’t a part of me.”

  Hurrying out of the house, I run down the street. Running from my dad, my brother, my mom, all the things I thought I knew about them. Running from the place I should call home but feels like nothing more than a nightmare.

  I can’t run fast enough, but I head to the one person I can get to on foot who I trust to help me escape this nightmare. As I see my dad’s shop come into view, a great sense of relief fills me when I spot Mr. George’s truck parked on the side of the building.