The Distance

by Alexa Land

  Kai asked, “What kind of place are you looking for?”

  “Anything that’s affordable, which will probably include several roommates. Nana’s been paying me an overly generous salary, which actually needs to change now that I’m working fewer hours. I managed to build up my savings since I’ve been living rent-free, but I’ll burn through my money way too fast if I get a place on my own.”

  “The cost of living is insane. If my grandparents hadn’t bought that house in the sixties, there’s no way in hell my family could afford to live in this city.”

  “What happened to your granddad?”

  “He died of heart disease before I was born.”

  “I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to know him. My grandpa and I were pretty close. Before…well, you know.”

  “Fuck,” Kai murmured, and I looked up from my soup. “I hate it so much that your family did that to you.”

  I tried to smooth out a wrinkle in the pale yellow tablecloth as I looked down again and said, “When I was a kid and realized I liked boys, I spent a lot of time wondering why God hated me so much. I’d been taught that being gay was a sin, and I was also told that God made us, so I couldn’t figure out why he’d make me that way and condemn me to burn in hell. I used to go into our church when it was empty and kneel in front of the altar and pray to Him to change me, to make me like everyone else so I could go to heaven with the rest of my family.” I pulled up a smile and added, “Obviously I was a clueless little kid, and in my teens I finally learned I’d been misled all my life.” I was startled when two big tears spilled from my eyes, and I wiped them away quickly. “Shit, I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to do this.”

  He reached across the table and took my hand. “Don’t apologize.”

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I mean, they disowned me years ago. I should be able to put this behind me, and I sure as hell shouldn’t still be crying about it.”

  Kai’s voice was so gentle when he said, “Mourning doesn’t come with an expiration date. Believe me, I know. My dad’s been gone a decade, and I still miss him every damn day. You lost more than that, you lost your entire family. If you need to cry, or scream, or yell, or do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better, you go right ahead and do that.”

  “I can’t. The pain of losing my family almost swallowed me whole at first, I thought I’d never find my way out. But I realized after a while that it’s kind of like driving through mud, you know? If you don’t slow down and keep moving forward, you won’t get stuck. The second you stop moving though, you’re done for. That’s what all of life feels like to me. I keep busy, I don’t dwell on what happened to me, and I try so hard to stay positive, because if I don’t, I’ll drown in all that mud.”

  “That sounds exhausting.”

  I let go of his hand and got up, and as I cleared away the soup bowls I said, “That’s just life.”

  He followed me out of the tent and touched my arm. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with me, Jessie. If you’re hurting, I want you to talk about it. You need to let this stuff out.”

  I felt tears cueing up, but I held them back. “I don’t want to break down in front of you and make you think I’m this pathetic little thing. You have enough on your plate without also feeling like you have to take care of me.”

  His voice was so soft when he said, “What if I want to take care of you?”

  I shook my head and said, “I’m a full-grown man. I know I barely look it, but I need to take care of myself.”

  Kai stepped forward and touched my cheek. “What if I want you to take care of me, too?”

  “How does any of this conversation fit with taking it slow?” I asked, retreating again by backing up to the table by the window. “This is our first real date. We should be talking about cars, or current events, you know, stuff like that! Light topics! I have no idea how we even got on the subject of my family.”

  Those intelligent dark eyes watched me for a moment, and then Kai said, “You’re right. Light topics.” He turned to the covered chafing dishes and said, “Whatever’s in there smells terrific.”

  It was a clunky attempt at changing the subject, but I appreciated it. “I made lasagna. It’s Nana’s recipe, which means it made enough to feed twenty people. I hope you like it, and if you do, you can take some leftovers home with you.”

  He ended up polishing off two huge slabs of lasagna while we did, in fact, talk about cars. After he cleaned his plate for the second time, he said, “That was delicious, thank you. I’m so full now. I shouldn’t have eaten that second piece, but I couldn’t help myself.”

  “There’s dessert too, but we can hold off on that for a while if you want.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. Do you mind if we move the table out of here and just relax for a bit?”

  “Sure, or we could go down to the living room.”

  “I like it inside the blanket fort.”

  “Dining pavilion,” I corrected with a smile.

  “Call it what you want. It’s still a blanket fort, and I think it’s awesome.”

  He helped me lift the coffee table carefully, and we moved it out of the tent and put it beside the serving table. I took a moment to extinguish the candles beneath the chafing dishes, and while I did that, he made a nest with the pillows and stretched out on his back. When I ducked inside the canopy, Kai held his arms out to me and I curled up beside him with my head on his bicep.

  “Izzy would love this,” he said, looking up at the twinkle lights, which bathed him in a golden glow. “I’m going to make her a blanket fort this weekend and include some Christmas lights.”

  “Make sure they’re LEDs like these, they don’t get as hot as traditional bulbs,” I said. “I wouldn’t want it to be a fire hazard.”

  He grinned at that. “Thank you for the blanket fort tip.”

  “Any time. Oh hey, speaking of Izzy, did she end up bringing a doll house home from the show in Sacramento?”

  “She did. It’s a kit, and it’s in about a million tiny pieces. I’ve been working on that thing like a second job all week, and I’ve barely put a dent in it. Once it’s together, I’ll have to paint it, and then I’ll need to start building furniture for it, because of course it didn’t come with any.”

  “You’re such a good dad. I feel guilty for taking you away from your daughter tonight.”

  “Don’t feel guilty. She goes to bed at eight, and she’ll have a great time hanging out with her Aunt Mal for a couple hours before that. They’re really close, and they love spending time together.”

  “What’s your sister like?”

  “God, how do I describe Mal?” He thought for a minute, and finally said, “She’s rough around the edges, but she has a heart of gold. And she’s funny. No joke is too dirty as far as she’s concerned. She’s also a tomboy and spends absolutely no time worrying about her hair, clothes or makeup. Actually, my mom and grandma are like that, too, they’ll wear anything as long as it’s comfortable, sometimes with horrifying results. Meanwhile, here’s my six-year-old, carrying a handbag and making sure her jacket matches her outfit. I’m not sure how Izzy ended up as such a girly girl, given her role models.”

  “What does Malia do?”

  “She works at a fancy B and B where she does a little of everything, from cooking breakfast to cleaning the rooms. The second part of that isn’t her idea of a good time, but this job’s not forever. Malia and her boyfriend have been trying to buy a food truck. He’s a line cook, and they’re both tired of working for other people. He has some savings, and she still has some of the money she inherited from our dad, but I guess those trucks are way more expensive than you’d think. They’re looking for a second-hand one, and I’ll get it running if the engine needs work.”

  “It’s nice of you to help out.”

  “Malia and I always have each other’s back. I’m happy to do whatever I can for her and Adam.” I rolled onto my side and draped an arm ov
er Kai’s chest, and he said, “She’s dying to meet you, by the way. Dying. It just kills her that you were both at the Valentine’s Day open house, but she didn’t know to check you out.”

  I grinned and said, “You told her about me?”

  “Of course. We don’t keep secrets from each other. I did try to tell her you and I are just starting out and she needs to chill a bit, but she’s incredibly curious.”

  “Given your dating history, or lack thereof, I can see why she would be.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, I look forward to meeting her.”

  Kai smiled at me. “Be forewarned, she’s going to ask lots of embarrassing questions. Don’t feel you have to answer them. I refuse to tell her anything about our sex life, apart from the fact that you and I have one.”

  “Yeah, I really won’t feel the need to elaborate.”

  Kai rolled onto his side and kissed me gently. After a while, he said, “I want you to know how much I appreciate all you did tonight.”

  “I’m glad you liked it.”

  He grinned and looked embarrassed. “It made me feel special. I know I sound like an idiot saying that, but it’s true.”

  “Well, good. Then it was totally worth the effort.”

  I kissed him again, and he slipped his hand around my waist and pulled me against him as he deepened the kiss. I draped my leg over his thigh and ran my fingers into his thick hair as my eyes slid shut. I let myself get totally immersed in him, in his taste, his scent, the way his warm body felt in my arms, the sound of his breath in my ear when he licked my lobe.

  I was startled when Kai jerked his head up and asked, “Are the dogs home?”

  “No. Ollie’s friend Ignacio Mondelvano is dog-sitting tonight while Nana and Ollie are at a fundraising gala. Why do you ask?”

  “I thought I saw the Chihuahua just now.”

  I sat up and said, “I think I would have heard Iggy if he brought them back early. What did you see?”

  He pointed out the back of the tent, past the serving table. “I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye. It was back in that dark corner, by those stacked chairs and…are those stripper poles?”

  “Yup. Nana got them ostensibly to change up her exercise routine, but really it’s because she and her girlfriends like to watch Skye’s sexy husband pole dance.”

  “I met him at Sunday dinner last weekend. I thought he was a ballet dancer,” Kai said as he got to his feet.

  I got up too and told him, “He’s been both to pay the bills.”

  I turned on all the lights in the room while Kai went to the dark corner and leaned over the chairs to get a look behind them. While he did that, I tilted my head and enjoyed the view of his ass in those tight, black jeans. When he jumped back suddenly and exclaimed, “Holy shit,” I jumped, too.

  “What’s in there?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure, but it’s pretty big. Bigger than a mouse.”

  “Oh God, is it a rat?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Kai yanked the chairs from the wall, and we both swore in surprise when a crab came scuttling out sideways. “It’s one of the last two escapees! How the hell did she get to the third floor?” I exclaimed. “There’s no way she climbed the stairs.”

  “Maybe she hitched a ride in a laundry basket or something.”

  “Maybe. The poor thing must be so stressed, it’s been days.” I ran after her and scooped her up gingerly while she tried her damnedest to pinch me. I turned to Kai and said, “I’m going to take her down to the backyard, want to come along?”

  “Sure. How do you know it’s a she?”

  “The claw tips are red, which indicates a female. I’ve learned a hell of a lot about blue crabs in the last week.” I slipped my shoes on, holding the crab at arm’s length to avoid her pinchers, and Kai pulled on his boots. I asked him to grab the dish with the lasagna before we headed downstairs, and he put it in the refrigerator for me as we cut through the kitchen.

  I was surprised to find Skye, Dare and their dog Benny in the yard. Skye was prying a jagged metal panel off the sculpture with a crowbar when we stepped out the back door. “Hey,” I called, “you’re working late.”

  “Hi! We were at Haley’s apartment when inspiration struck, so I talked Dare into stopping by for a few minutes on the way home,” Skye explained.

  “That was over an hour ago,” his husband said with a smile from a nearby patio chair, stretching his legs out in front of him and tucking his hands in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie.

  Skye told us, “Nana gave us a key to the back gate, so we let ourselves in. We didn’t think anyone was home. I hope we’re not disturbing you.”

  “Not at all,” I said. “We didn’t even know you were here. Do you want to come in and warm up a bit? I could make you some coffee.”

  “Or I could,” Kai said with a little grin. Benny wandered over to investigate, and Kai scratched him behind the ears. “I seem to recall you and the espresso maker have a strained relationship.”

  “He has a point,” I said.

  “Are you sure we’re not intruding? You two look like you’re on a date,” Dare said.

  I turned to Kai, and he said, “It’s fine. You guys must be freezing out here.”

  “Awesome, thanks. I’d love some coffee,” Skye said.

  “Just let me drop this girl off in the crab condo. Kai just found one of the last two missing crabs. She was up on the third floor, go figure.”

  Kai followed me to a prefabricated greenhouse in a far corner of the yard. The ground beneath it had been excavated a bit that week, and Nana’s grandson Vincent had installed a nice saltwater pond with a pump and filter, and a little, sandy beach with a few edible plants around the edges. “Holy shit,” Kai muttered as I opened the door, leaned over the baby gate, and turned the crab loose to join her friends. “You built them a resort.”

  “The greenhouse was my idea. I didn’t want seagulls and raccoons to carry them off. We’re concerned that it’s still a bit too crowded for them though, so Nana’s been trying to get some of the crabs adopted out, by people who aren’t just going to throw them in a pot of boiling water.” Kai grinned at me, and I told him, “What can I say? We bonded with them.”

  “Is Nigel in there?” he asked.

  “Virgil, and no. He lives in a punchbowl in my room.”

  Kai’s grin got wider. “Of course he does.”

  “Good night, kids. No fighting,” I told the crabs before closing the door to the greenhouse.

  Skye, Dare and Benny followed us inside, and while Kai worked his magic with the giant espresso machine, Dare asked, “You don’t really have raccoons here, do you?”

  “Sure we do. Haven’t you ever seen them running down the sidewalk at night? They hide in the storm drains. They’re big, hearty critters, too. Life in the city agrees with them,” I said as I found a box of cookies in the cupboard and put some on a plate.

  “I hope one never gets in the house,” Kai said as he steamed some milk. “You’ll probably adopt it as a pet, too.”

  I exclaimed, “Oh man, I’d love a pet raccoon! They’re so cute with those little hands. I’d name him Laurence, and I’d make him a little red vest.”

  Kai chuckled at that. “Why?”

  “Because raccoons look adorable in little red vests,” I said, and gave him a playful smile.

  He beamed at me as he handed lattes to Skye and Dare. Both drinks had a perfect crab drawn in foam on their milky surface. “I was going to make you a crab, too,” Kai told me, “but hang on, let me see if I can pull off a raccoon.”

  As he turned back to the machine, Skye exclaimed, “Holy shit, you’re seriously good at latte art!”

  “I worked at a coffee house when I was in high school,” Kai explained. “The assistant manager was the best barista I’ve ever seen in my life. He was an artist too, and showed me how to do this. Whenever it was slow, which was often after a Starbucks opened up right across the street, we’
d practice. He actually went on to win a few regional barista competitions.”

  Kai turned to me and put a white ceramic cup in my hand. A three-dimensional face of a raccoon peered out at me, and little foam hands gripped the edge of the cup. “Oh my God,” I murmured. “It’s way too cute to drink.” I put it on the counter and felt my pockets for my phone, then spotted it on the kitchen island.

  As I grabbed the phone and snapped a few photos of Kai’s creation, I asked, “Whatever happened to that assistant manager? I hope he went on to open his own coffee house.”

  “That was his dream. He wanted it so bad, but he knew he could never afford it. When he graduated from college, he followed in his dad’s footsteps instead and enlisted in the Army.”

  I asked, “You don’t mean your friend Sawyer, do you?”

  “Yup. It’s funny, you’d never guess he could do something like these delicate little foam drawings. He’s this huge guy, almost six and a half feet tall, and he looks like he can bench-press a Buick. But this was his art. It’s a shame he doesn’t do it anymore, but I still try to practice what he taught me whenever I can,” Kai said. “I guess it’s my way of keeping his dream alive, even if he didn’t.”

  Skye took a sip from his cup and said, “This is a damn fine cup of coffee. He taught you well.”

  “Thanks,” Kai said. He’d left his latte plain, and blew on its surface before taking a sip.

  “Which coffee house do you work at now?” Dare asked him. “We’ll be sure to come by.”

  “I don’t anymore. I own a garage in Bernal Heights.”

  “I know Jessie’s a total gearhead, so is that how you guys met? Through the garage?” Skye asked.

  “We’re in the same street racing club, actually,” I said as I sat on the counter and snapped a picture of Kai.

  “How’d you two meet?” Kai asked my friends.

  Skye smiled at his husband and said, “We both briefly moonlighted as pole dancers. I was a rank amateur, but Dare was something to behold.”

  “I noticed the poles upstairs. This’ll sound stupid, and feel free to say no, but could you show me a couple moves sometime? I know that’s totally random, but I’ve always wanted to try it,” Kai said, coloring slightly.