The Distance

by Alexa Land

  “He did. I helped him paint these big, portable display walls for the event, and then he and I finalized what’ll be included in the show. He even offered to print them onto canvas for me. He’s excited about this. He said he’ll share the blame if Chance is mad we’re doing this without asking him, but I told him I’d take the blame. Chance’s husband and Christopher’s are cousins, so I don’t want to cause problems among family.”

  Cole came over to refill our water glasses, and I said, “Since this place has emptied out, why don’t you sit down for a few minutes?” I slid over to make room for him in the booth, and he put the pitcher on the tabletop and sat beside me. “You know I have to ask what’s going on with you and River,” I told him. “I’m worried about you guys. This separation is just temporary, right?”

  Cole sighed and said, “I don’t know.”

  “What happened? I thought everything was going great between you two.”

  “It started out so good. We totally clicked when we met, right from the start. But over time, it just started unraveling. Conversations that should have happened didn’t. Little resentments got pushed down instead of being aired. Feelings got hurt. A hundred little things kept building and building, until I couldn’t take it anymore.” Cole looked like he wanted to cry, but he didn’t give in to it.

  “I can tell you still love him,” I said gently.

  “Of course I do. I always will. But we were making each other crazy. I know a lot of it was my fault. This is only my second real relationship, and the first one ended horribly. I was trying not to make the same mistakes with River, but instead, I made all new ones. I think you know I used to date Hunter, the former porn star,” Cole said. “He and I used to fight like cats and dogs. Every little thing would turn into a yelling match. I vowed I wouldn’t do that again, so River and I never fought at all. I was too afraid of ruining our relationship the way I ruined the last one. If something he said or did bothered me, I just kept my feelings bottled up. You can only do that for so long though, before you reach your breaking point.”

  “You seem to have a really good grasp of what went wrong,” I told him.

  “I should. I’ve been in therapy for a long time,” Cole said quietly. “I started a year after my first relationship ended, when I realized I couldn’t move past it on my own. But the thing is, even though I understand what happened with River and I can clearly see my role in it, I can’t seem to let go of all this anger and hurt.”

  “Have you told River any of this?” Zachary asked. He’d stopped eating and was fully focused on his coworker.

  “I tried, but it just ended up sounding like I was blaming him for all those little things that had been building up. I really wasn’t, but I guess it came across that way. He started to get defensive, and I got upset, and that made me withdraw from him again. It’s like there’s this disconnect when we try to communicate. I’m saying ‘apples’, he’s hearing ‘oranges’, and we both just end up frustrated and angry. Since I don’t see that changing, I don’t know how this could ever work out.”

  “But you love him, and I know he loves you,” I said.

  Cole slid from the booth and said, “If only that was all it took to be in a relationship. But if you can’t talk things out, you’re kind of doomed from the start. Anyway, sorry if all of that was TMI. I just wanted you to know what happened, and that it wasn’t River’s fault. I know you’re friends with him, Jessie, so I hope you’ll be there for him. I know he has to be hurting right now.”

  “It sounds like you both are.”

  He nodded, trying to keep his voice steady as he said, “I wanted to be with River forever, but we can’t keep making each other miserable. We just can’t.” Cole took a step back from the table and gestured at Zachary’s plate. “I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch with all of that. Please keep eating. I’m going to go change, I’ll talk to you both later.” He turned and fled the dining room.

  Zachary watched Cole leave. His voice was almost a whisper as he said, “I don’t get it. If I ever found someone I loved, who loved me in return, I’d fight for that person with everything I had. But it seems like he’s just giving up.”

  “There’s a context, though. His relationship with Hunter completely devastated him. Maybe he’s afraid of getting hurt that bad again, and it’s making him pull away from River. I mean, I’m just guessing, but that makes sense to me,” I said. “But it sounds like they still love each other, so maybe there’s a chance they’ll find their way back together.”

  “I hope so. I don’t know them very well, but I hate to see any couple struggling like that.”

  We decided we were done eating and packed up the remainder of our lunch in to-go boxes. I then helped Zachary wipe down his tables and restock his station, then asked, “Do you want a ride home?”

  “I’d love one, but I don’t want to go home yet. Chance and Finn are spending the day together before working late shifts this evening, and I don’t want to intrude on their couple time, so could you drop me off at the LGBT community center instead?”

  “Not a problem.”

  We said goodbye to his bosses and coworkers and headed to my car. After the quiet calm (at least after the lunch rush) of the restaurant, San Francisco’s Richmond District felt frenetic. The sidewalk was crowded with people, who all seemed to be in a hurry. A massive double-length bus, jointed in the center with what looked like a huge accordion, cut through the ever-present traffic. It pulled up right in front of us with a loud hiss of hydraulics, and the door swung open and even more people began spilling out.

  I fed off the city’s energy, but I watched Zachary recoil as all that noise and activity battered him. He put on his sunglasses and hunched his shoulders against the throng, almost shrinking into himself. My heart went out to him, and I linked my arm with his. “On second thought, come to Nana’s house with me,” I told him. “I have plenty of time before my date, and we can hang out.” I wanted to give him an oasis, at least for a little while, since he didn’t want to go home. He really needed that. He gave me a grateful smile.

  Chapter Ten

  Kai was right on time. When he rang the bell at six p.m., I looked down at myself and unfastened an extra button on my shirt. Then I decided it made me look like I was trying too hard and buttoned it again. I was wearing my version of a sexy outfit: a fitted, bright blue, button-down shirt that I’d been told brought out my blue eyes, and a pair of dark indigo jeans that made my butt look good. That was about all I could manage, as far as sexy went. I adjusted the rolled-back cuff of my shirt and headed for the front door.

  Kai was trying to smooth down his thick, unruly hair with his palm, but stopped as soon as I swung the door open. “Hey. You look great,” he said, juggling a couple items under his arm.

  “So do you.” He was wearing a tight Henley, jeans, cowboy boots, and a motorcycle jacket, all in black. Now that was how to do sexy.

  I stepped back and held the door for him, and when he came in, he handed me a brown paper shopping bag and a bouquet of white daisies. “I brought wine, but I have no idea if you like it, so I also brought beer.” He was nervous, which struck me as incredibly cute.

  “Thank you.” I stretched up to kiss his cheek.

  We went into the kitchen together, and as I looked for a vase I said, “I don’t remember if I thanked you the first time you brought me flowers. I probably didn’t since it all went wrong that night, and I’m so sorry about that. They meant a lot to me, and so do these.”

  “I’m glad you like them. I probably shouldn’t have brought daisies again, but there’s not much else blooming in my yard right now.”

  “You grew them? Now it’s doubly sweet.”

  I filled a blue glass vase with water, and as I carefully arranged the flowers, he said, “I wanted to tell you about something funny that happened this week. Remember the guys on the roof, the ones who caught us in the act when we were messing around on the picnic table?” When I nodded, he said, “Well, one of them b
rought his car to me this week. He said he’d never realized it was a gay-owned business until he saw you and me…you know. He also said he wasn’t sure if the garage was open, since it looks abandoned from the outside. I need to do something about that.”

  “If you decide you want to paint it, I’ll be happy to help. A little color would do wonders.”

  “Thanks. I’m rebuilding this guy’s transmission, so I’ll have some money coming in soon. Maybe I can use some of it on paint and supplies.”

  I grinned and said, “Who’d have thought an act of public indecency would lead to a job?”

  “It’s weird, I know, but I’m glad to get the business. It might even be more than just a one-time thing. This guy Ash is a DJ and knows a lot of people, and he said he’s going to tell his friends about me. I guess some other garages can kind of feel like hetero boys’ clubs, which makes him uncomfortable. That’s not going to happen at my place.”

  “It sounds like you two hit it off.”

  “We did, even though he’s the exact opposite of me, really talkative and social. Actually, he reminds me of you.”

  “You think you and I are opposites?”

  “In some ways. You know how I am, we’ve been in the same racing club a long time. We have our love of cars in common, but you’re colorful, and upbeat, and you have a million friends. I have one, his name’s Sawyer. I’m not counting my twin, because that’s dorky.”

  “I’m sure you have more than one friend.”

  “Not really, but that’s all I need. It did get a little lonely when Sawyer joined the Army and got shipped overseas, but Malia’s still here.”

  “I hope I get to meet your friend sometime,” I said.

  “You will.”

  I opened two of the beers he’d brought, and as I handed him one of the bottles, I said, “You’re so different with me than you are with the other guys in the racing club. Why don’t you let them see this side of you?”

  “Why should I?”

  “So they know they’re wrong about you, just like I was.”

  “I really don’t care what they think of me. They decided I was an asshole a long time ago, just because I tend to keep to myself. If they want to believe that, let ‘em.”

  I thought about that for a moment, then said, “We really are different. I try so hard to get people to like me. Too hard. It’s kind of pathetic. One guy I dated compared me to a needy little puppy, always jumping around trying to please everyone. It obviously wasn’t a compliment. It wasn’t even a very good analogy. It still hurt, though.”

  “That guy was a dick. It’s sweet, the way you love your friends so much and try to take care of them. That doesn’t make you needy, it makes you one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.”

  “He was a dick.” I took another sip of beer, then changed the subject. “Are you hungry?” He nodded and I said, “Let’s grab a couple more beers and head to the third floor. I thought it’d be fun to eat upstairs in the grand ballroom.”

  He picked up the remainder of the six-pack and the bottle opener. “Is there anything else I can carry?”

  “No, everything’s already up there.” I took the flowers along, and as we climbed the stairs side by side, I asked, “What’s Izzy doing tonight?”

  “She and my sister are going to make popcorn and have a princess movie film festival. I’m lucky to have three in-house babysitters.”

  “Aw, but you’re missing the princess movies,” I teased.

  “Oh believe me, I have them all committed to memory. Izzy watches those things over and over. I guess we all need an escape from reality sometimes, and those movies are her happy place.”

  “She struck me as a pretty serious little kid when I met her.”

  Kai said, “I’d describe her as cautious. She’s so afraid of making mistakes. I really don’t know where she gets that. I make mistakes all the time and try to show her it’s no big deal. But she holds herself to these impossible standards, and she’s only in kindergarten. I worry about how that’s going to play out later in life.”

  “I think, with a parent as loving and supportive as you in her corner, she’s going to be just fine.”

  We reached the open double doors to the grand ballroom, and he stopped in his tracks and murmured, “Holy shit.”

  I said nervously, “I hope it’s not too over the top.” I’d suspended cording from a panel in the high ceiling, which held up several patterned and striped sheets. They formed a tent over a low table and a bunch of colorful pillows. Because it was kind of dark inside, I’d lined the tent with multiple strands of white Christmas lights, so the whole thing glowed like a paper lantern. I told him as we walked up to the tent, “This is my favorite room in the house, because of that mural of the snowy birch forest on the walls. It was painted by my friend Christopher Robin for a winter wedding a few years back.”

  “Is the blanket fort usually in here?”

  I grinned and said, “I think of it more as a dining pavilion, and no. I rigged that for tonight. The room’s so big, and I wanted to give us a more intimate place to have dinner.”

  “You went to so much trouble.”

  “It was no trouble at all,” I said as I slid my shoes off. He pulled off his jacket and cowboy boots, and we both climbed into the tent and settled onto the pillows.

  “Sure it was. My God, look at all this.” He seemed a bit stunned as he gestured at the elaborately set table. The china and silverware sparkled in the soft light.

  I made room for the daisies amid several low vases of wildflowers, and fidgeted by smoothing the yellow tablecloth. “Well, you told me you haven’t dated since high school, so I wanted to do something special for you. I tend to get a bit carried away, sorry if I overdid it.”

  Kai crawled around to my side of the table and pulled me into an embrace. “Don’t apologize. This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. I just feel kind of bad, because I’ll never be able to top it.”

  “Who says you have to?”

  “Okay, wrong choice of words. It’s not like I’m going to try to out-do you,” he said, leaning back to look at me. “But I want to try to reciprocate. If I just take you to Nolan’s next weekend like I was planning, it’s going to seem like I’m not even trying.”

  “I’d love to go to Nolan’s with you. Or anyplace at all,” I said softly.

  He touched my cheek and kissed me tenderly, then said as he held me to him, “Thank you for doing all of this for me.”

  “It was my pleasure.” I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. He smelled so good, like soap and cotton and Kai. “I missed you,” I whispered.

  “I missed you, too. I thought about you all the damn time.”

  Kai sat back a bit and ran his hands down my upper arms. I felt shy all of a sudden, and said, “Make yourself comfortable while I bring us the first course.”

  He arranged the pillows while I got up and retrieved the soup I’d made. Zachary had given it a big thumbs-up when I fed him a bowl before he went home, but I still worried about whether Kai would like it and the rest of the meal. I’d set up several chafing dishes on a table beside the wall of windows and checked them quickly to make sure they were keeping dinner warm. One of the great things about entertaining at Nana’s house, besides the beautiful setting, was that she owned enough housewares to fully stock a major department store.

  I served the soup and a basket of sliced Italian bread, then took a seat across from Kai. “It’s minestrone. I hope you like it. The bread turned out a little dense, but it’s not terrible if you dip it in the soup.”

  “You baked bread for me?”

  “I tried to. Nana showed me how to make it once, but I clearly need another lesson.”

  I watched him from beneath my lashes as he tried the soup. When he said, “That’s so good,” I let out the breath I’d been holding.

  As we ate, Kai asked, “What did you do this week?”

  “I spent a lot of time in dress shops. I dr
ove Nana and her girlfriends to nine different boutiques over four days, so we could try on wedding gowns.”

  “We?”

  “Nana likes to see several gowns at once, but on people, not on hangers. So everyone joins in, me included.”

  “That’s incredibly nice of you.”

  “I’m happy to help. Nana’s getting married in June, which isn’t all that far away, and she was nervous about finding the perfect dress. She never did find one after all of that, so she finally decided to let one of Mr. Mario’s friends make something for her. He’s a professional clothing designer, and he’s also a drag queen with quite a flair for the dramatic, so it’ll be interesting to see what he comes up with.”

  “Are you in the wedding party?”

  “Yeah. There are a couple dozen groomsmen and almost as many bridesmaids. Her grandson Dante is best man, and he’s walking Nana down the aisle.”

  “How many people are coming to the wedding?”

  “About seven hundred. That’s Nana’s idea of keeping it small.”

  “I can’t even imagine a wedding that big. Where’s she getting married?”

  “She rented out an entire boutique hotel in Nob Hill for the ceremony and the reception. That’s also where she and Ollie are putting up their out-of-town guests. The banquet room is really pretty, it has panoramic city views and great art deco details from the 1920s.”

  “Sounds nice.”

  “It is. I hope it all goes off without a hitch. It’d break my heart if Nana didn’t get her dream wedding.”

  “You really care about her.”

  “I love Nana. It meant so much to me when she made me feel like I was one of the family and invited me into her beautiful home. I’m going to miss living here and being a part of all this.”

  “You’ve moving out?”

  I nodded. “Nana doesn’t need me like she used to, now that she has Ollie. I’ll still be her driver when she wants to go somewhere in the limo and I’ll help out whenever I’m needed, but it’s already not full-time anymore, and after the wedding I’ll be needed even less. It’s time to find my own apartment.”