Like You Mean It

by Jillian Liota

  «««« »»»»

  “I’m so glad you’re here!” Jess says from where she stands next to me, clasping her hands together under her chin. I know immediately that her choice to answer the door at my side is a strategic one. This is a statement that we’re a couple and Annie’s a guest in our house. Even though it’s my house, not ours.

  But I don’t call her on it. The last thing I should do is stoke the fire by undermining her in front of someone she still sees as a threat.

  When I look at Annie, I’m a little startled. There’s this firm, concentrated look on her face. Too tired to try and decipher it, I choose to focus my energy on Jones, which I know she’ll appreciate.

  “Dude, did you forget I have a pool?” I ask, eyeing his swim trunks, goggles, and the floaties already strapped to his arms.

  He giggles and throws his arms out wide. “No, Cole! Look, I’m already ready!”

  “Well then lets get to swimming!” I say, waving my hand back towards my backyard.

  Jones takes off running, and I can’t help but smile and stalk after him, picking him up and throwing him into the pool once we get close.

  He surfaces, laughing and coughing a little bit on the water.

  “You go ahead and play for a bit, alright? I have to cook dinner.”

  He pouts just slightly. “Awww, man.”

  “But don’t worry. I’ll get in with you soon.” Then I squat down near the edge of the pool and hold out my fist to him. “Promise.”

  He swims closer to me.

  “Promise, promise?”

  I smile.

  “Promise, promise.”

  He smiles this brilliant kid smile that’s full of trust, and bumps his fist against mine. And then he’s turning around and swimming off. It takes me a second to swallow the little lump in my throat. But then I head to the grill and get it lit and start unwrapping the burger patties that Jess must have set out before they got here.

  My feelings about tonight are mixed, so I think my game plan is to just sit back and observe rather than insert myself into anything. On one hand, I’m glad that Jess has invited Annie and Jones over to eat and spend time together. My hope is that Jess realizes that Annie’s not a threat.

  On the other hand, I’m worried that Jess has an alternate motive that I’m not entirely aware of. There’s a part of me that worries she’s using this as an opportunity to demonstrate to Annie that she has no place here, rather than use it as a chance to see that Annie can have a place, but that the place has no bearing on my relationship with Jess.

  I let out a sigh. Who knows how this will turn out? I just hope Jess doesn’t embarrass herself by doing something stupid. Although part of me is entertained at the idea that she’s going to continue to do strange little things to try and establish dominance. If I was watching this from the outside, I might actually laugh at some of it.

  “Jones, hop out for a minute while I grab some stuff from inside okay?”

  He nods and crawls out of the pool, laying flat on the concrete a few feet away from the edge.

  “I’ll be back in a second. Don’t go in while I’m gone, okay?”

  He gives me a thumbs up and a cheesy smile, and I head into the house to grab tongs and buns.

  “Oh come on, it’s no big deal,” Jess is saying to Annie when I enter the kitchen. “Just head home, throw something on, and come back. It won’t take more than a few minutes.”

  “I’m not sure,” Annie replies.

  “What’s happening?” I ask, my brow furrowed. It doesn’t sound like anything’s wrong, but with Jess, you never really know.

  “I’m just telling her she should go change into a suit,” Jess responds to me, then looks back at Annie. “You’ve got to be exhausted up on your feet all the time. Your belly is huge. You must be ready to pop any minute, right?”

  I glance at Jess, my brow furrowing. That was a pretty bitchy thing to say. Tell her she’s exhausted and fat? But before I can dwell on that too much, Annie gives her a beaming smile.

  “Actually, I’m just around eight months. 32 weeks today. So I still have a bit of growing left to do.” She rests her hand on her stomach and gives it a slow rub in a loving gesture. “I’ve got a big girl on my hands. But all of the women in her father’s family were born with absolutely massive heads, so I’m worried if she gets much bigger, she’ll rip me apart.”

  Annie laughs at that and I can’t help but join her.

  Jess looks a little grossed out and turns to grab a water bottle out of the fridge.

  “Well, you should definitely go swimming tonight. I’m gonna grab my suit, too.”

  I can see a brief moment of hesitation. But I also see the moment she decides whatever fear she has isn’t worth getting in the way of her enjoying herself.

  “Alright, you’ve convinced me.” She glances my way. “You’ll watch Jones while I’m gone?”

  I nod. “No problem. He’s waiting patiently next to the pool for me to go back out. I’ve got him.”

  Annie’s eyebrows pull together. “You got him to get out of the pool without a fight?”

  I nod and she walks past me to the window that overlooks the backyard. Sure enough, Jones is sitting patiently next to the pool, drumming his hands on the concrete.

  Annie looks up at me with wonder in her eyes.

  “You sure to have a way of getting him to do what you want. I wish I possessed that magical ability.”

  “Oh, I’m sure it will wear off soon enough,” I say on a laugh.

  A few seconds later, she’s out of the house and heading over to her place to grab a bathing suit.

  “She’s nice,” Jess says. “I still think she idealizes you a bit much for my liking. But she is nice.”

  I swat Jess on the ass and give her a wink.

  “Go change, then bring me the buns,” I say, grabbing the tongs off the counter. “The bread ones. But I’ll take yours as well.”

  Jess winks and then prances out of the room. I turn and head back out to the patio.

  “Alright. You can get back in,” I say to Jones, who is up in less than a second and launching himself back in, his belly hitting the water with a smack.

  The kid is seriously a fish.

  A few minutes later, Jess is outside with me in a sarong, seated comfortably in a patio chair and sipping on a vodka tonic.

  “Miss Jess, are you gonna come in?” Jones asks, slapping the water around.

  She smiles at him. “In a little bit, Jones.”

  She seems uncomfortable with him, which is a weird thing to watch. Come to think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jess around kids before. And the only time I can even remember her mentioning kids is complaining about the obnoxious ones at the grocery store or movie theatre or anywhere else we’ve gone together.

  “I’m back!” Annie says, walking firmly and confidently out of my house. “I don’t have a pregnancy suit, so, I hope you enjoy seeing the guppy in all her glory,” she says on a laugh.

  And she’s not kidding. She has on a two-piece that she probably wore pre-pregnancy, but she still looks fantastic. Blue with white polka dots, a banded top with a single strap that lifts up and around her neck. Her tits are definitely a little too big for that top, and I immediately look back at the grill. I shouldn’t be looking at her chest like that. I shouldn’t be looking at her body regardless.

  “And with how often this kid sits on my bladder, I wasn’t trying to squish myself into a one piece that I used to wear when I was thinner,” she adds, chucking her towel onto a patio chair and strolling over to the edge of the pool.

  Annie was clearly a fairly thin, athletic person before she got pregnant. Because she looks like she’s smuggling a massive bowling ball. Apart from her stomach and, I’ll begrudgingly admit, her boobs, she doesn’t really look pregnant.

  I give her a smile.

  “Well, you look great,” I say. “Don’t worry about anyone’s opinion. You’re pregnant, and your body is beautiful, no matter w
hat.”

  I heard my mom say that to a very pregnant woman once, and the lady burst into tears. The happy kind. So I figure it’s a good thing to repeat.

  My intuition is rewarded by a beaming smile from Annie before she steps down into the pool and sinks in. I turn my gaze back to the burgers, which are starting to brown perfectly. I flip them, then close the top to wait a few minutes.

  And it’s then I catch Jess’ eye. There’s a glint in them that I don’t like, and I’m immediately on edge, wondering what’s going on in her mind.

  She stands and slowly peels off her bathing suit cover. And I’m left speechless at the suit she has underneath. It’s basically all strings, with only small pieces of material covering her nipples and between her thighs. The thin ropes that link it together are laid out in a visually enhancing way that draws in your eye and keeps it there. I can vouch for this because I can barely look away.

  But when she turns and walks towards the pool, I see it’s a thong. I step forward and grab her arm, and she looks back at me over her shoulder, her gaze seductive.

  “You need to change,” I say. “You can’t wear a thong around the kid.”

  Her face morphs instantly into something just short of rage, but I glare back, not caring that she’s upset. She should know better.

  “It’s not appropriate.”

  She very subtly yanks her arm out of my hold and heads back inside the house. I’m quickly overcome with disappointment. I’ve never seen her like this before, and it’s really not attractive.

  I look over at Annie and Jones, floating happily in the pool, completely unaware of Jess’ little show.

  “Having fun?” I ask.

  And when Annie beams up at me, I can’t help but smile back.

  «««« »»»»

  I do a fairly good job of avoiding Annie and Jones for a few days. I don’t really know why I’m doing it, but something feels… different. It feel like we are getting to be pretty good friends, which is great. I’ve always wanted to be friends with my neighbors in an old school, 50’s kind of way, with street BBQs. I mean, I live on a cul-de-sac. It’s the perfect place for that to happen.

  My mom has always been a firm supporter of the right to have really good friends of the opposite sex, whether you have a partner or not. But she also said you have to use discernment in deciding when those relationships become detrimental to your romantic relationship. While you shouldn’t have to choose either or, you do have to prioritize. Who takes precedence?

  Jess should be the priority. Obviously. We’ve been together two years, we care about each other, we get along pretty well. She’s… yeah, she’s my girlfriend. So, while nothing going on between me and Annie is in any way wrong, I feel like I need to sort out shit with Jess before I spend any more time with Annie or the kid. And, well, I just also want to be good to my girlfriend.

  I chuck off my shirt and dive into the pool. It’s not massive, but just long enough for me to do laps without issue, and doing laps always helps me clear my mind. Which I definitely need this morning.

  I’m still angry with Jess for that little stunt she pulled with the thong bikini and then pouting like a child through dinner. We definitely got into a fight, and definitely did not have sex. I was so mad at her, I wasn’t even disappointed about it.

  “I just wanted to make sure she knew the competition she was up against,” Jess had said to me. “And you ruined it!”

  My mouth had dropped open.

  “Did you seriously talk a pregnant woman into wearing a bathing suit so you could make sure she felt like shit about her body compared to yours?”

  She glared at me and crossed her arms, which was Jess-speak for yeah, so?

  I was horrified.

  “Who the fuck are you and what did you do with Jess?” I barked at her. “I liked Jess. She was this hot, friendly chick who didn’t treat people like shit. But instead, I’m looking at some insecure child who thinks real life works like Mean Girls. Get the fuck over yourself, Jess. Let this weird aggressive behavior go, because I can promise you I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who does shit like this.”

  Her arms dropped, then. Her entire body slackened and her expression morphed into one of shock. “What?” she said, her voice barely a whisper, the surprise and fear clear in her eyes.

  Instead of responding, I left the house and went on a bike ride. When I came back an hour or so later, Jess was showered and in sweats, sitting on my bed, like she’d been waiting for me.

  “I’m taking the guest room,” I told her.

  Her eyes welled with tears, and she began to protest, but I closed the bedroom door from the other side and went down the hall to the room next to my home office. And when I woke on Monday morning, there was a note from Jess telling me she’d left early to go home and that she’d text me later.

  Other than a text to let me know she made it home safe, it has been radio silence. And now, it’s Wednesday morning, and I know it’s time for us to talk it out like mature adults, rather than stew separately and let the frustration build.

  I keep swimming until my limbs are tired and my mind is clear of thoughts about Annie or Jess. I heave myself out of the deep end and grab my towel, patting myself dry as I walk towards the house.

  I’d rather crawl into bed than get ready for work, and if there was ever going to be a day to call in sick and just say fuck the world, I feel like today would be a good choice. I’m just exhausted.

  Before I can make it to my bathroom, I hear my phone ringing. I step over quickly and grab it off my nightstand.

  Mom Calling

  “Hey mom,” I say with a smile after swiping to answer. “I was just thinking about you yesterday. How’s Florida?”

  “Humid,” she says, “and I can’t wait to come home.”

  “Is Gary enjoying himself?”

  “Oh of course,” she drawls out. “He’s golfing with his brother and I’m just reading in the lounge at the hotel. Seeing his family is always a good time for him, regardless of how miserable it makes me.”

  I smile. My mother loves Gary’s family, and they normally visit every fall, when the weather cools down a little bit. But apparently, the heat and humidity are agonizing this year. When she called me last week after they landed, she said there was so much water in the air, she had to swim to their hotel.

  “How are things with you, Coco?”

  Oh that horrible nickname. My sister started calling me Coco because she couldn’t pronounce her L’s. Unfortunately, it stuck even once she was old enough to tell me I was a lame loser who could go to hell.

  “Things are… good,” I reply, opening the fridge and digging towards the back for a beer. “The shop is good, and Jess is good. Overall, it’s just…”

  “Good?” she asks. “You’re really convincing me here.”

  I let out a small laugh. “Yeah. Okay, so maybe not so good.”

  “Tell me,” she says, and I can just picture her settling back into an overstuffed armchair at the hotel, a coffee next to her on the side table, along with a book and her Feel the Bern bookmark.

  My mom has a way of turning me back into a kid. And I don’t mean that in some way where she doesn’t know how to treat me like an adult. I just mean she knows what to say to make me open up and share things that most 34-year-old men don’t say to their moms.

  So I tell her about my fight with Jess. Or, I start to, but when she asks me who Annie is, I realize I haven’t told my mom about my new neighbors, so I fill her in. I tell her everything I can, from meeting her to spending time with her kid, to our conversation in her living room and how Jess is treating her. And my mom just sits in silence, taking it all in, mmmm-ing every now and then, but not enough to make me feel like anyone has done anything wrong.

  “So, I was about to call Jess to hash things out when you called,” I finish up, draining the last of a glass of orange juice.

  “Mmmmm.”

  Then silence.

  “Come
on mom. I know you have an opinion. You always do.”

  She laughs. “Oh honey, I absolutely have an opinion. I’m just not sure you want to hear it.”

  My brows furrow. “Obviously I want to hear it or I wouldn’t have told you the whole thing.”

  “Yes, and I understand that. But just because you want me to say something doesn’t mean you want to hear what that something is. Trust me.”

  “Mom, just lay it on me. I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

  She lets out a long sigh.

  “Cole, you are an amazing man.”

  I smile. Callie and I are in a constant fight about who is the favorite child. My first instinct is to store this little bit of praise away to rub in her face, but I can sense a but coming.

  “But when it comes to relationships, you are so far from knowing what you’re doing, that sometimes I worry.”

  At that, my smile drops away.

  “And I don’t mean just romantic relationships either. There is something inside of you that keeps you from really investing in anything. It’s like you’re physically there, but not emotionally and mentally. It’s like that with your friends, with your schoolwork when you were younger, with your relationships.” She pauses. “Even the ones with your family.”

  “Mom,” I pipe in, sure that I’m not hearing her right.

  “Cole, you asked, so you have to wait until I’m done.”

  When she’s sure I’m not going to interrupt, she continues.

  “Whenever you talk to me about Jess, all I hear is surface level interest. In fact, most of what you say actually makes it sound like you’re incredibly disinterested in her. You don’t care about visiting her. You barely bring her up. You talk occasionally but not about anything deep or meaningful. I’m sure your sex life is great, but that’s not what makes a relationship.”

  I rest my head in my hands. I do not want her bringing up sex, but it wouldn’t be a real conversation with my mom if she didn’t mention something sexual.

  “So if you want my honest advice, you need to sit down and really think about this relationship with Jess and whether or not you see it going anywhere. And I mean the long-term anywhere. Like marriage and kids.”