Rock Star Returns: Carlie's Story (Access All Areas, #2)

by Starr, Candy J

  If the paint wasn't dry by Saturday, there'd be hell to pay.

  It wasn't going to be just any old crowd up there either. Violet sent out invitations to every label in town, even if they only had one band signed to them. Every music shop owner and everyone who'd ever worked for the music press or the local paper or a radio station, even TV. This gig was a showcase. A bribe even, to get attention for Trouble and for Alex himself.

  The tickets that had been leftover for the general public were given away through radio contests and other promotion plus Holden’s management company had asked for a bunch – which had really annoyed Alex. Even if you wanted to buy tickets, your money was no good unless you had the right connections.

  After Alex had shown Violet the changes and they came back downstairs, I got to ask her about going away.

  "It was fun," she said. "Exhausting but awesome."

  Before she could say more, Drew came in.

  "Drew, where have you been?" Violet grinned. I hadn't had time to explain the Drew situation to her.

  "I don't work here anymore. I've come to collect my last pay."

  Violet's mouth hung open. I really should've told her before she found out like that. She glanced from me to Drew. I couldn't explain with Drew standing there.

  I handed Drew his pay, expecting him to hang around for a while. Surely he'd want to talk to Violet and Jackson, but he put the envelope in his back pocket and walked towards the door.

  "Drew," I called after him.

  When he turned around, I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to apologize. I really wanted to make sure he was getting on okay. It weighed on my mind. But the words weren't there for me to say. I couldn't apologize. And I couldn't ask about his life now. Everything felt weird and he seemed too far away from me, as though I was looking at him through binoculars. Without that day-to-day banter, the distance had already started.

  "Do you want tickets to Saturday night's gig?" I asked. It was so far from what I wanted to say.

  "Not if they're from you, Carlie." He pretty much spat the words at me.

  He walked out the door and Violet turned to me with all the questions burning in her eyes.

  "I had to sack him. Sorry, Violet." I wasn't sure why I was apologizing to her. "And don't you say anything," I said to Jackson.

  Jackson just glared at me.

  "I hope he's okay," Violet said.

  "So, tell me about the festival," I said, wanting to change the subject. There was nothing I could do about Drew now.

  "When are you going to hire Drew back?" Jackson asked. "It's only a matter of time. Poor little bastard. Did you see the hurt in his eyes?"

  "Shut it," I replied. "You know what I'm going to say. Are we going to have this conversation every day until the end of time? You need to build a bridge."

  Jackson just shook his head.

  Then he walked in. This day kept getting worse. All I wanted to do was sit down and have girl talk with Violet, not deal with stuff.

  "What are you doing here? You aren't sound checking until tomorrow so there's no reason for you to be here."

  He sat down next to Jackson.

  "I'm not leaving until I get you back. You need to understand that." His lip curled into that smile as though there was no question that I'd end up going back to him.

  Even though he said that, when a girl came over to ask to have a photo with him, he put his arm around her and grinned for the selfie. The sight of him touching her shouldn’t have sent chills down my spine but I shudderED. I flexed my fist and inhaled deeply. It was nothing, just a fan excited about seeing him in the bar.

  When she ran off, his attention turned back to me.

  "So, what about this big rock career of yours? That's going to suffer if you spend all your time around here waiting for hell to freeze over."

  He grinned and my stomach jumped. But I was in charge. I didn't need to fall just because of my stomach's reaction.

  "I don't think it'll take that long."

  "It might," said Jackson. "She's a very angry woman."

  Holden laughed. I didn't think it was a laughing matter. I was still angry that he’d walked away from me when I’d asked him into my house. I’d not cave to him again just so he could reject me.

  "Do I need to get a restraining order? Because I will if you keep stalking me."

  "Whoa, that's going a bit far," Jackson said.

  "You think. I keep telling him to leave me alone but he is constantly here. What does that mean? In my book, that's stalking."

  "It might just mean he's got a powerful thirst."

  "A powerful thirst combined with telling me he means to get me back. Look, Holden, just spare us both." I glared at him. Screw him, he should get the message. Every word I said to him was to discourage his interest.

  "Oh, I'll have you back, Carlie. I'll have you back before this week is out."

  The scary thing was that, when he shot me with that smile, I almost believed him.

  Chapter 16

  THE BAND ROOM WAS PACKED by the time I got there. Violet had been working all day. Alex wanted Sally on the door because Violet had to focus all her attention on managing Holden. I don't know why he needed so much management but Alex wanted everything perfect, even if it meant driving us mad in the process.

  I tried to get there as late as possible to avoid seeing Holden and found a spot by the bar.

  Violet came out to get drinks for the band.

  "What about their rider? They should have a ton of drinks backstage."

  "They want vodka with cranberry juice. They don't have cranberry juice backstage."

  She sighed, obviously having had requests like that all day.

  "Holden's a wanker, that's for sure."

  "Oh, he's okay. It's the rest of the band. That guitarist, Shun, is the worst. He thinks I'm his pig slave. 'Fetch this', 'get that', 'no, not that, something else' all damn day. Luckily, he'd be out of this place after tonight or I'd have to cut his throat."

  Babs handed her the drinks and she ran off.

  I settled myself in with a beer, ready to watch Alex's band, Zero, when Gina and Jackson joined me.

  "Whoa, Jackson, it must be a big night to get you upstairs. Is anyone left in the bar?"

  "A few people who couldn't get tickets. Hoping they'll catch a sight of Holden when he finishes. Alex has hit gold with this night. From now on, any rumor of a big band doing a secret gig here and he'll have half the town queueing to get in."

  Gina stood next to Jackson with a slight gap between them. A gap that said together yet not quite.

  Alex had put on security downstairs to stop too many people crowding into the bar. He didn’t want it to become the nightmare Violet had dreaded, and also we didn’t have enough staff to cover the bar, not with everyone up in the band room.

  I had my earplugs in my pocket but I'd watch Zero first. I pulled them out to check they were still there.

  "Just listen to the guy's band. If you're over him like you say, what harm is it going to do?"

  "I only said I'd turn up. I never said I'd listen."

  Jackson snorted. "The attraction between the two of you is like a force of nature. You're only delaying the inevitable."

  "Dude, that's almost romantic."

  The three of us took our positions against the wall. We had a view of the stage, something to lean against and even a ledge for our drinks. That was enough for me. I'd stay in the background and then I'd collect the rest of my dollars from Alex.

  Zero came on stage with a bang, literally. The whole place went crazy. That would be great for Alex's ego. When he started playing though, I forgot all the crap he'd put me through and what a wanker he was. He really became another person on stage, so sleek and sexy. He moved like a cat. A sexy cat in leather pants.

  He was right, the new drummer was great. It sounded like he'd been playing with them forever. The music filled me and I wanted to get closer to the stage.

  I left Gina and Jackson behind. I knew
enough of Alex's songs now to sing along with them so I sang and I did a little pushy dance. I moved up to the front of the stage, squirming my way through the crowd. They were so tightly packed, even near the back of the room but I was an expert at getting to the front. They were no match for my squirming ability.

  "Alex," I screamed. "You rock, even if you are a wanker."

  My voice got lost in the general screams around me but I felt better for having said it.

  By the time Alex finished playing, I was squished into the front barrier. I couldn’t move back without hurting people. Like Jackson said, what harm would it do to listen? Well, apart from maybe I was lying about being over him. I wanted to move away but my feet wouldn't let me. It was like they refused to obey my command.

  If I stayed in the front row, he'd see me. He'd think I wanted to see him. But it wasn't that at all.

  The lights went down and the crowd hushed. Then Holden came out on stage. Nothing fancy like Alex but he didn’t need it. Just a simple white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He looked every bit the country boy but the sexiest country boy ever.

  Watching him, I felt all swoony inside. I didn't want to listen to him sing, I didn't want to watch him. He had some magic that I didn't want him working on me. He leaned over his guitar, lost in concentration.

  He spotted me from the stage. For that moment, when our gazes met, there was just me and him, and all those past hurts melted. But then he broke away and left me with a bitter emptiness. What the hell was I thinking? This was how it started, but then I’d be back in his arms while he had another woman lined up for afters.

  I smashed my way back through the crowd, wanting to get away from his influence. I wasn't a weakling, ready to be seduced by a guy on stage with a guitar. I had to be stronger than that. I got another drink, a double vodka, and found Gina and Jackson to distract me from my own evil thoughts. Violet was with them, looking like she needed to sleep. That relaxed look she’d had when she'd gotten back hadn't lasted long.

  I downed my drink and tried to relax. If Alex caught me slipping out early, I'd lose that money he still owed me so I had to stay. And I couldn't put my earplugs in. Not while I was with the guys. That would be rude. So I stood and listened and plastered a smile on my face to show I wasn't affected, not one bit.

  Holden had talent, that much was true. He couldn't be the star he was without it. He knew how to get into your heart. He did it so effortlessly.

  That was his strength and his weakness. He worked it on stage, even though it looked so simple.

  Between songs, he stopped to push back his hair. That got to me, that move.

  He went into an oldie. A real oldie. I could remember him writing it before we left home. The tune was much simpler than his new stuff but the lyrics cut right to the core. All the misery of being a misfit had been poured into that song. I couldn't listen to it. The music took me back to those times. I could almost smell the freshly cut hay and the cow shit. The sun beating down on us and the taste of stolen whiskey on his lips. The crazy optimism that told us no matter what happened, we had the whole future laid out before us. We'd be more than we were.

  My fingers traced the words on my collarbone. Then I noticed Violet watching me with comprehension on her face. She'd asked me a few times what the words I had tattooed there meant. I'd never answered her but now, as Holden sang those words on stage, she obviously made the connection.

  Then the song finished.

  He ended his set with “Rock Princess”. No matter how much the earlier song had softened me, that song sent me into a rage. I hated him. I hated what he'd done to me and I'd hated the person I was when I was with him.

  "I'm going downstairs," I said.

  Screw Alex and screw the money. I'd stuck around for long enough. I couldn't be in the room while he sang that song. I'd end up exploding from anger.

  I pushed through the crowd and ran downstairs. There were only a few people downstairs and they were chicks waiting to see if Holden appeared.

  I hated Holden King. I hated him so much. I'd run but not far enough. I needed to put up more distance between us. I wiped a tear from my eye.

  Violet’s office. That would be safe.

  Wow, new sofa. Alex must've done that while she was away. I sat on it, testing the comfort. It was amazing. Was he doing that to try to get into her heart? It wouldn't work but it was a nice try. She hadn’t mentioned it to me but then she’d been so busy rushing around.

  Even in the office, I could hear that song. It echoed down the back stairs. I fished in my pocket for my earplugs and jammed them in my ears. They blocked out the sound but my heart still knew he was singing those words.

  I wondered if Violet still had that bottle of vodka in her desk drawer.

  Chapter 17

  I'D FALLEN ASLEEP ON the couch after polishing off the rest of the bottle of vodka. It still swung from my hand when I woke up. I wasn't drunk but woozy from sleep and a bit tipsy when the door opened.

  "Violet?" I called.

  She could get me more vodka. Vodka was good. Vodka made all the worries go away. I rarely drank much nowadays. Working in the bar, it was too easy for it to get out of hand. A few beers were okay but more than that and it became a problem. I'd had enough when I was younger. Waking up with black spots and blurred memories was now firmly in my past. But I'd forgotten the good bit about drinking. Floating on that happy cloud to a deep sleep. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had an unbroken sleep but I'd put money on it being before Holden came to town.

  When I looked up though, I wondered if I was still stuck in a dream. One of those crazy, mixed-up dreams I'd been having.

  "Holden? Where's Violet?"

  It was definitely him but why was he in her office?

  "I've got some expensive gear I need to pick up tomorrow and was worried about leaving it in the band room so Violet said to put it in her office. I didn't realize you were here."

  He might not have realized but he didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave either. He stood in the middle of the room, staring at me. I sat up, placing the vodka bottle on the floor.

  "Carlie, we need to talk."

  "We don't need to talk, Holden. We need to not be alone together. Leave your stuff and go."

  He leaned back against the desk. Fuck this. This was exactly the situation I wanted to avoid. My stomach flipped around. In this confined space, he was so close to me. There was no way to get out without pressing past him and nowhere to escape from his eyes.

  "You don't understand. I'm not the person I used to be. I've changed. I might've been a shit in the past. We were so young, too young, and we both had so many issues to work through. But I think we're worth another shot. If I picture my future, you're the only woman I see me with."

  I stood up. I couldn't handle this. My brain was too fuzzy from the booze.

  "Well, I don't picture you in my future at all. Ever. I'd forgotten you ever existed before you came back to town."

  He locked me in his gaze, reaching out and moving his fingers along my collarbone, tracing the tattoo I had there.

  "You forgot I existed? When you see this every time you look in the mirror?" His other hand went to the same words tattooed across his chest. The words to that song he'd sung. When he'd first been signed to his label, to celebrate we'd gotten the tattoos. That had been the happiest day of my life. We were on the edge of achieving all of our dreams. We had everything, and the world opened before us. There was nothing that could stop us; we could fly.

  "I don't even notice it anymore."

  "You're lying, Carlie. You will never forget. Forgetting isn't part of the deal we made."

  The deal that we made? The deal to be together forever. Forever hadn’t lasted long.

  "You broke that deal. That deal is dead now."

  I pushed him away and walked out. I could've almost vomited as all those feelings I'd pushed down for so long came bubbling up and mixed with the vodka.

  He grabbed my wrist.
>
  "Don't keep walking away from me."

  My pulse pounded in my ears. I hated Holden Ford. I hated him with every fiber of my being. Hatred throbbed through my whole body. It swirled through me in crazy patterns.

  "All I can do is walk away," I shouted. "Do you even remember what you did to me? You broke me. You broke me into a thousand pieces and then left me destroyed so you could go on tour with the band and keep fucking groupies. I was nothing, absolutely nothing when you left. I had to put those pieces back one by one. If I could afford it, I'd get this fucking tattoo removed. In fact, I might do that with the money Alex paid me to watch your band."

  Holden dropped my arm and stepped back. He obviously hadn’t known about Alex paying me.

  "You weren't the only one that was hurt. You're not the innocent victim you make yourself out to be. Or have you conveniently forgotten that?"

  "At least I never cheated."

  "You'll never forgive me that, will you?"

  "Not until the day I die."

  "Even though you feel like this."

  He grabbed me tight, wrapping me in his arms so I couldn't escape. I pushed against him but, when his lips met mine, I didn't pull away. I tried to resist but my body responded to him like it always did. I reached up and locked my arms around his neck, not wanting this kiss to ever end.

  My toes curled. They hadn’t curled in three years but, as soon as Holden kissed me, that reflex returned.

  I kissed him back. I was impossible for me not to kiss him. I pushed it all down, the fears I had and the inevitable future where he’d leave me again.

  I’d deal with the hurt when it came because the feel of Holden’s body against mine was better than anything I’d felt in a long time.