by Kasey Krane
But dad was now dead. I was free to look.
I went over to his cupboard and when I opened it, my eyes first fell on a leather cut that I remembered him wearing all the time. I pulled it out and looked over it carefully. It had The High Rollers patch on it and I stared at it for a few moments. My dad belonged to an MC. What kind of an MC was it?
It was obvious there was more involved in his business than an innocent garage. Why did they need a patch? Why was dad so secretive about what he really did?
There had to be more. How dangerous was his work that he was willing to send me away to live in a different State with a woman who had abandoned him and her motherly duties?
For the first time in my life, I was beginning to look at the incident from a logical rather than an emotional standpoint. Maybe dad dying had softened me to a certain extent. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because I missed him and I wanted to believe that whatever he did; he did for my sake. Even though I didn’t want to believe it at the time.
I kept the leather cut aside so I could put it in my box too and I started looking through his other things. I hoped I could eventually find out what happened to him.
***
Even though I still had a mother, dad’s death felt like it had rendered me an orphan now. I’d spent a long time with her, several years…and despite all this time with her, we were never close.
I was shocked when I landed in Texas and she arrived to pick me up from the airport. I was already in a terrible mood, I was raging mad at my dad and trying not to cry and then I saw her run towards me with her arms open with excitement. Even when we hugged, I felt no warmth towards her. She was a complete stranger to me and it was ridiculous that my dad now wanted me to build a life here, with her.
Her welcome-plan for me was for us to go to a nearby bar. She was surprised to hear that I didn’t drink but she ordered herself several shots of tequila and by the time we were walking out of the place, she was stumbling and unsteady on her feet.
I was afraid to get into the car with her. I could see how drunk she was. I was not accustomed to this behavior or this kind of parenting. Dad would never have done this.
Within a few days, before I even had a chance to settle into the new living conditions; I’d figured one thing out pretty quickly. My mother was an alcoholic.
Maybe the only reason she had agreed to have me come and live with her was because she needed someone to look after her as she got older and later I found out how much money dad was giving her every week—and obviously, that was a big enough motivation for her as well.
It became obvious to me that I wasn’t living in her apartment to be cared for or nurtured. She never really looked at me as her child who she should be looking after. I was always going to be a source of income for her.
After the first few weeks passed and my pride and anger had died down a little bit; frustration and sadness took over. I called my dad and tried to tell him how mom was and how much I hated it here in Texas. There was nothing I liked about this place—the school, the apartment, my mom, my useless room. But dad, to my horror, refused to believe me.
He said he couldn’t believe that everything was so bad here and either way, it was best for me to just stay away from Vegas for a while. I cried over the phone. I threw a tantrum and I sobbed and I threatened him to let me come home but he refused. He didn’t want me to get anywhere close to Vegas again, and he had the audacity to claim that he was doing all this because he loved me.
Even then, even after he had turned me down like that; I hoped against hope that it as just a phase; that pretty soon, in a few month’s time maybe, he was going to let me come back home.
So, I pushed myself to study and keep my head down and then I graduated high school. Mom had no clue what was going on in my life and she didn’t care. But I had graduated so I could call my dad and ask if I could apply to UNLV and come back.
He turned that suggestion down too.
He said he was offering me any amount of money I wanted to go to whichever other college I wanted to go to. In the country or abroad. But it could not be UNLV. He made it clear that he did not want me to come home. At the time I just couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. Why was he willing to go to such lengths, push me so far away from his life to just keep me away from Spade?
But now it was beginning to make sense to me.
It wasn’t just Spade. He was trying to keep me away from his life too.
I found more patches and more stuff from the MC in his room. His life revolved around the High Rollers. There was a diary in the desk drawer in his study that contained lists of names and dates. There were numbers crossed out, notes made about people and deliveries.
As I flipped through the pages of the diary, I could sense this had nothing to do with the garage. This was some other business he was running and I’d been blind to this reality all along.
I walked around the house, looking in every drawer I could find. Checking every cupboard and the pockets of his clothes. I was yet to uncover the exact details of his business or the kind of danger he was involved in, but there were more lists and scraps of paper with names and dates and numbers that had to mean money.
Was this some kind of import/export business? Drug trade? Gambling?
I had no idea.
Once I let that idea run in my mind I knew that it could be anything. Even though all those years as a child I’d convinced myself that my dad and I were close; the truth was that I didn’t know anything about him.
More importantly, that was exactly what Spade and the other guys from the MC were involved in too. Ace, Edge, Bingo…and everyone else I’d seen at the Church today.
They all knew what happened to dad. Whatever this ‘accident’ was, they weren’t going to tell me about it because like dad, they considered it their duty to keep it from me.
I’d walked into the house, miserable and crying but now I was feeling stronger. Like I was ready to face my past again. I kept collecting more and more things for the cardboard box and it made me feel better about everything.
I wanted some answers and I wanted closure. I really wanted to forgive my dad for what he had done.
Chapter Six
Spade
I was glad Rook called me back to the clubhouse when he did. I might not have been able to resist going into Buck’s house and confronting River again. Ever since I saw her again, she was the only thing on my mind now. I was worried about her.
There was so much I needed to tell her. She had to find out the truth at some point. How long was I and the rest of the MC going to keep lying to her? Buck had managed to do that for twenty-seven years; all of her life—but I had no intention of keeping her in the dark. What she did with the rest of her life would be her decision, but she needed to make an informed choice.
But I had no clue when to do it or how.
I was not the kind of guy who knew how to have heart-to-heart conversations. It was the reason that had caused so many problems between me and my sister Tenley too. But I couldn’t keep continuing this way for the sake of River.
I was back at the clubhouse and I was glad to focus my attention on the guys instead. Everyone was here. It wasn’t officially Church because nobody had called for it, but it had all the features of one.
We were all drinking and everyone was talking loudly. Without Buck here, there wasn’t anybody around to pull the guys together and get everyone in line. Of course, everybody had an opinion. All these guys wanted to voice it and they were talking over each other and barely paying attention to what the others had to say.
From the moment I walked into the clubhouse; I could sense chaos.
Our President was dead. Our business was in danger, and we knew exactly who was after us but we had no idea where he was or how they were going to strike us next.
Mr. Money and his thugs had already claimed the lives of two of our own and he was not about to stop here. This time, we had stepped on th
e wrong fucking toes and if we could do things differently, maybe we would have but it was too late to back off now.
The High Rollers had vengeance to take care of and we couldn’t shut shop now. The only way for us to survive was to make sure Mr. Money was defeated. But he had more money, more control of the police force and more men. And also, he was in hiding and we hadn’t been able to gather intel on where he could be.
What we really needed, was for Buck to tell all these guys to shut up and stop them from talking over each other so we could come up with an actual plan for what to do next. But it seemed like nobody was interested in taking Buck’s place.
***
While the rest of the guys shouted and yelled at each other, each coming up with their own idea for what the next steps should be—I looked at Shark standing in the background. He was standing behind the bar, holding his can of beer to his lips.
Shark had been the VP for a long time. He was just a little older than the rest of us but he had always been the guy that Buck trusted most amongst us. And we had never questioned that decision.
Shark was strong, a good shot and more than capable of making split second decisions. He had never done anything to make us think he was not an appropriate VP.
So, it was surprising that Shark hadn’t spoken up about that position yet. Traditionally, this was the time that Shark had to step in and accept responsibility of the MC. I knew that was what all the guys were thinking too but while I looked at him from my corner, I could sense he was hesitating over something.
Eventually, it was Ace who spoke up. The shouting and the yelling had gone on for too long and Ace growled at everyone to shut up. Unlike with Buck, who could silence us in a matter of moments—it took Ace a few good tries before he’d managed to get everyone to keep quiet. Then slowly, he turned to Shark who looked like he was being forced to stand under a magnifying glass.
“Okay, man, it’s time for you to accept the role as the new President of the MC. We all know how difficult it is going to be to fill the shoes of a guy like Buck, but this is how it is supposed to be.”
A buzz was still going around the bar while Ace spoke. This was the moment of truth, when the baton was going to be passed to its new owner. However, Shark remained silent for several moments before he finally spoke. Everyone was staring at him, just waiting to say something.
“Thanks Ace, but I don’t want to take up the responsibility of being President of the MC right now.”
I was expecting this response from Shark, even though I had no idea why. I could sense he was not ready and could we really blame him? Maybe we could. Maybe he should have turned down the role of VP if he wasn’t ready to become President when he was needed most.
All the other guys lost their temper. Ace charged towards him, growling.
“Why the Hell not?”
Rook was the one who held him back, and Bingo too.
“Give the guy a chance to explain himself to us,” Bingo suggested and Shark breathed in deeply and ran a hand through his hair.
“I don’t think it’s fair. I was never voted in by the club. Buck appointed me as VP in a hurry at a crucial time some years ago without consulting anyone else. I couldn’t say no for obvious reasons. But I wasn’t voted in and I think we should vote for it this time.”
***
The others were talking about the Presidency and Shark. They weren’t exactly talking; Shark had caused an uproar. Everyone was in a bad mood and by him refusing to take up the role; people were offended—he’d ended up rubbing these guys the wrong way. They were looking at it as one big defiance against Buck’s wishes.
Personally, I wasn’t that bothered. The last thing I wanted was for us to be fighting amongst each other. Besides, Shark had a pretty good reason for refusing to take up the position. And he might have even had a different personal reason too. It was none of my business. Shark did not want to take up the responsibility and it would be wise for us to just move on to Plan B. But the guys wanted to fight it out.
Instead of joining in the arguments, my mind wandered off to River again.
There was very little about her that had changed; even though she was a grown woman now. She still had that dazzling spark in her green eyes—like she was ready to take on the world. Her bee-stung lips were delicious and kissable. Her skin looked silky smooth and soft. Even though I’d seen her at the funeral of her father and tempers were rising high; I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to be with her again.
I knew that was not going to happen. That ship had sailed years ago when I broke her heart.
But the least I could do now was tell her the truth so she could move on. So, she could grieve for her father properly.
I’d seen the look of hatred in her eyes. Maybe she hated both of us; but I’d also seen the look of sadness there. She was upset over her father’s death. As far as I knew, they hadn’t seen each other since she left Vegas and now he was gone. It couldn’t be easy for her, that much was obvious. I wished I could just pull her into my arms and make it better.
But, someone was tapping me on my shoulder.
“You alright, man?” Rook asked when I turned to him.
“Yeah, fine, everything’s fine.”
Rook didn’t look convinced. He was glaring at me with his brows crossed. He was the only one in the MC who knew about the connection between River and me. And thankfully, he wasn’t going to talk about it publicly.
“We’re waiting for you to give us your opinion, man,” Rook added. That was when I looked over his shoulder and saw that the rest of the MC were staring at me. Clearly, they’d been trying to get my attention for a while. I’d been lost in thought.
“About what?” I asked, clueless.
“Are you in for a vote for who becomes President?” Rook asked, looking a little annoyed now. He could sense I hadn’t been paying attention.
I nodded at that.
“Yeah, that’s fair. We should have a vote,” I replied and then emptied the remaining beer down my throat.
Chapter Seven
River
I was feeling better now, since I decided I was going to take charge of this situation and stop moping about the past. I could either sit here and feel sorry for myself because I’d lost my dad and the guy I thought loved me had betrayed me…or I could move on and find some closure.
It was in the midst of one such energetic flurry around the house that the doorbell rang, startling me. Even that ringing sound was familiar and reminded me of my childhood spent in this house.
I had no idea who it could be…Spade? Had he come looking for me? I didn’t know what I would do if I looked through the peephole and saw him standing on the other side. However, when I actually looked, I saw it was Marley standing there. She was in the process of pulling the sunglasses off her face but I recognized her immediately.
I pulled open the door and she threw her arms around me. We hadn’t seen each other in so many years but now it felt like I’d never left.
We couldn’t stop gushing. I thought we were both going to burst into tears, instead, we couldn’t stop giggling.
“I’m sorry, I know this is a horrible time. We should probably not be giggling and laughing and I probably shouldn’t have brought this bottle of wine either.”
Marley held up a paper bag that was doing a bad job of hiding a bottle of wine inside it.
“It is the perfect time. You knew my dad. He would have hated seeing us moping around. You always know exactly what I’m craving!”
I ushered her into the house and shut the door behind her. We couldn’t stop staring at each other in awe. So much had changed about us but so much was still the same.
“Same ol’ Marley!” I commented as she followed me to the kitchen. She beamed.
“And it feels like the old times too. Spending time in your kitchen together. Remember when we went through that phase of baking? We used to keep baking batches and batches of inedible cookies after school.”
“And then once we made this huge batch of lemonade and tried to sell it outside the house so we could buy tickets for a Bon Jovi concert.”
“Bon Jovi!” Marley rolled her eyes.
I’d poured the wine into two glasses which I’d pulled out of the cupboard I knew dad used to keep them in. Of course, that habit of his hadn’t changed either.
“I thought we were going to see each other at your place later this evening,” I said as we clinked our glasses together. Marley shrugged.
“I couldn’t wait and when you told me you were going to come here I figured you might want some company. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.”
I drank some of that delicious wine and tried to put on a smile. If Marley was anything like the girl I used to know, she would see straight through that. Instead of buying that smile, she reached for my hand and squeezed it gently.
“I’m so sorry about everything, River, about how everything worked out for you. You didn’t deserve any of that.”
I nodded.
“But I’m back now and I have you. At least I have you,” I said and reached for her. We were hugging again, cradling our glasses of wine.
There were tears in both our eyes when we parted and Marley fanned some air in front of her face, trying to dry any tears from her eyes.
“Change of topic. Tell me something interesting. Every time we spoke you kept saying you weren’t actually seeing anyone in Texas. Was that really true?” Marley cocked one eyebrow up on her forehead and flashed me a devilish smile. It made me blush but I shook my head.
“I’ve kept you truthfully updated with my life, hun. I haven’t been in a relationship with anybody in a very long time. The last time I was dating someone was like three years ago, and we went on a few dates and then I called it quits.”
Marley chuckled.
“Oh yeah, I think I remember you talking about that. Steve wasn’t it? Sounded boring.” She was rolling her eyes again. The wine stained her mouth so I was guessing it stained mine too.
