Hard to Say Yes (The Fallout Series Book 3)

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “I wish you could come in,” I said quietly in the darkness. Just enough light fell over us from my porchlight that I could see him.

  “Woman, you have no idea. But I’m going to go before I can’t. I just needed a kiss goodnight. Especially since my schedule is insane this week.”

  “Boo. Well, you can always come by for a goodnight kiss.”

  He quickly pressed his lips against mine. “I’m going to keep you to that. Now I’m going to go before I really can’t.” He released me and began to walk away.

  “You say that like it’s a threat,” I quietly called out to him.

  “Maybe it is.”

  That was a threat I’d love for him to keep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Every night, or morning when Tegan was on call at the hospital, he’d text to make sure it was OK with me for him to stop by. I always said yes. Even if Dylan wasn’t asleep, at night he was at least already in bed. Once in the morning, Dylan wasn’t awake yet and once Tegan came by work on his way home to get some sleep. I brought him back to the breakroom and shut the door. We spent five minutes in there kissing goodnight.

  Finally, Saturday arrived. It was one of the weird days that didn’t happen very often. Zac had to work and he almost never worked weekends anymore except at times like this when he had to cover someone else who needed time off. He didn’t mind, but this one happened to fall on his weekend with Dylan. Which meant he’d still get Dylan Friday night but then drop him off this morning on his way to work. Luckily for me, he wasn’t opening but instead only working from one to six. Short shift for him. Then he’d pick Dylan up on his way home.

  Zac hated it, though. He hated anything that interrupted his time with his son.

  “Thanks for taking him,” he said when he brought Dylan by. Noticeably, the kid didn’t have his bag with him. He knew he was going back to his dad’s.

  “Of course. But you know, I was thinking.” I shut the front door behind him. Dylan ran directly to his room, barely saying hello to me. “We should try a split schedule again.”

  “You think so?” Zac shoved his arms into his jean pockets. Splitting time fifty-fifty had been his goal since the kid had been born. He’d even stayed with me at my parents when Dylan was a newborn so he could share getting up at night with me.

  “Yeah. It wouldn’t affect things like today because of course there are going to be times when one of us has to work and the other is available. But he’s older now. About to start school. I think he might understand it better.”

  I’d known Zac long enough and well enough to know that he was trying to keep his excitement from getting out of hand. He kept wetting his lips and biting the corner of his mouth. “What if his behavior tanks again?”

  I sighed. Neither of us wanted that because the kid had become a little shit before. “I don’t think that will happen. Since he’s older, time with his dad is more important to him. We can explain to him that if he can’t handle the schedule, we’ll go back to the way it was. Not to threaten him or anything.”

  “So we’d make it clear that not being at my house isn’t punishment for bad behavior. I don’t want to become his punishment.”

  “Exactly. No. Just that if he needs the structure of living with one parent, then that’s what we’ll do. But I really don’t think it’ll come to that.”

  “How would it work?”

  I shrugged. “We’d have to figure out what works for both of us, but I was thinking Monday through Sunday. That way we each still get every other weekend with him. I can drop him to you on Monday morning then you bring him to me on Sunday evening. That kind of thing.”

  “What about school?”

  “Then I’d drop him at school on Monday, but you’d pick him up, have your week, bring him back on Sunday. And vice versa on your week. You take him to school. I pick him up.”

  He thought about it all and began nodding. “I think that could work. You know what would be even better?” he asked.

  “What’s that?”

  “If you could move into our neighborhood. Across the street or next door then he could just flip flop back and forth so easily.”

  I laughed. “Yeah. That would be great but I don’t think I’m ready to buy a house and I’m not sure any are for rent around you.”

  He held up his hands in defense. “It’s just a suggestion.” Then he chuckled.

  That would’ve been ideal, though.

  “How about you talk to him while he’s with you this weekend?” I asked instead. “I’ll talk to him too of course, but he’s in a place right now where I think a man talk with you will be more productive.”

  “Man talk?” Zac asked through a laugh.

  “Yeah. He’s been trying to imitate you all summer. It’s an age thing, I’m told.”

  He smiled with so much pride it almost hurt my heart. In a good way. “Yeah. I’ll talk to him. I’ll be by around 6:15.”

  “Perfect.”

  Then he left.

  One of the things I loved about Zac was how he and I worked together as parents. Neither of us had entertained the idea of a relationship even for the slightest moment. We weren’t that way.

  As a matter of fact, I thought we were both extremely uneasy with the fact that we’d had sex in the first place. I’d never wanted to see him or Porter naked once. Shirtless, sure. They were stupid hot but naked, no. Naked would’ve been too intimate. If we both hadn’t been drunk and sad, it never would’ve happened. I would’ve burst into a loud donkey laugh long before either of us had gotten our clothes off. I barely remembered most of it and the idea that he and I had even kissed still wigged me out.

  Dylan and I were having a bit of a lazy day with the promise of some ice cream later. It was too hot outside to be out there for very long so inside for the early afternoon was a solid plan. It wasn’t like I had anywhere for a kiddie pool like Zac did. Though I began to wonder what Laney was doing today because if she was just hanging out at home like we were, maybe Dylan could enjoy the pool after all. But before I could text her, Tegan’s name flashed on my phone screen as it rang.

  “Happy day off,” I said instead of hello. He’d been crazy busy this week and deserved this day to himself.

  His deep chuckle vibrated over the line. “Thanks.”

  “What have you been doing with it?”

  “I went for a run, hit the gym, took a shower, you know. All the exciting stuff.”

  I gasped. “It’s eight thousand degrees outside. You went for a run?”

  “No. I ran on the track at the gym. It’s indoors.”

  Right. “That makes more sense,” I told him.

  “What are you doing today?” he asked.

  “I have Dylan for a while because Zac had to work, but after that, I’m free.” I’d been hoping we’d get together tonight. Maybe get food, then do some other things.

  “I meant what are you and Dylan doing today?”

  My heart beat harder in my chest. I had to take two breaths to feel normal again. “We’re having a lazy day watching cartoons and playing games. Might get crazy and read a book together.”

  “How about we go to a movie?” There was no hesitation in him asking and I thought back to a week ago when I’d considered it might be time to merge my two worlds. But I hadn’t made the final decision.

  “Tonight?” I asked for clarification, though I really didn’t need it.

  Tegan sighed against the phone. “No. You, Dylan, and me. I happened to notice that Dreams 2 came out recently. I also noticed Dylan was wearing a T-shirt with the first movie on it the other day. Would he want to see the sequel?”

  Didn’t need to think about that. “Of course he would. I just don’t know if—”

  “Please don’t say you don’t know if it’s time yet. If not now, when? We lose so much time together because you won’t let me come over just to hang out when he’s there. Did Zac do that with Laney?”

  “No, but—”

  “No. He didn’t.” He sig
hed again. “Listen, I’m not going to try to be his dad. He has a great one. But he’s part of your life. The biggest part and I just want to be a tiny part.”

  I wet my lips and looked down at my kid rolling a hunk of Play-Doh into a noodle shape. “You’re right. Yes, let’s go to a movie.”

  Tegan yelped into my ear as if he’d just won the lottery and I laughed right along with his celebration.

  “What time?” I asked.

  “There’s a showing at two. How about I pick you up at 1:15?” That would give us about twenty minutes to get ready. Shit.

  “Sounds good, but I have to go right now if I’m going to look remotely human by the time you get here.”

  He chuckled into the phone. “You’re always beautiful, Maddie.”

  My heart picked up the pace. “Thank you,” I told him. “But I have to go.”

  He sighed but said, “Go.”

  I hit the end button and clutched my phone in my hand. “Hey, buddy.” I called Dylan’s attention from his Play-Doh. “You know my friend Tegan, right?”

  “He’s Daddy’s friend.”

  I bit back a smile. “Yes, he is Daddy’s friend, but he’s my friend, too. But you know who I’m talking about. How would you like you and me to go see Dreams 2 with Tegan?”

  His eyes widened as excitement took over his entire face. “Yes. I want to see that. Daddy said maybe Sunday, but let’s go, Mommy. Let’s go.”

  Damn it. I hadn’t considered this movie was something Zac might want to do with him. “OK, well, go get into some clean shorts and a T-shirt while I get ready because he’s going to be here in twenty minutes.”

  Dylan haphazardly jammed his clay into random containers, then put the tops on. He might care later that the colors were mixed, but right now, he couldn’t have cared less. He ran off to do exactly as I asked.

  As for me, I almost ran as fast as he did to get to my room. This was a first and I wanted to look fantastic. But while I fingered through my closet, I hit Zac’s name on my phone. I almost never called him at work, but this time, I needed to.

  “What’s up?” he answered, but he didn’t sound particularly annoyed.

  “I need to run something by you.” I pulled this cute pink skirt out of my closet and paired it with a tank top. Should be semi-sexy but totally laidback. I also snagged a white hoodie from the side of the closet. The movie theater always had me freezing though Dylan never seemed to notice.

  “Run it.”

  “Tegan called and asked to take Dylan and me to see a movie, but then Dylan told me that you said you might take him Sunday to see the same movie. I already said yes to Tegan, but I’ll call him right now and cancel if you want me to.”

  “Calm down,” he said, now sounding a bit irritated. None of them loved it when I rambled without taking a breath. “I don’t care. Take him to the movie. I’ll think of something else to do with him.”

  “If you’re sure.” I began changing my clothes while putting him on speaker.

  “I’m sure. We can go bowling or something. I don’t care, but hey, you’re letting Tegan around Dylan. Big step for you.”

  I sighed. “I know. I’m so worried, but you’re at work and don’t need to be occupied by boy drama.”

  “I never need to be occupied by boy drama no matter where I am.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “You know what I mean.”

  “Maddie, I think it’s good. Dylan’s not so fragile and it’s not like you have a revolving door of men.”

  I dropped onto my bed because that was what I was worried people would think. “I feel like I do.”

  “Fucking please.” That was a brush off telling me I was being ridiculous. Something I became familiar with. “I gotta go, but I’m going to have Laney address this with you later.”

  My stomach turned. I didn’t honestly want to talk about this with anyone. Even him. “Please don’t do that.”

  “Bye.” He ended the call.

  The last thing I wanted was a Rhian and Laney intervention, but I’d think about that later. Instead, I pulled my shirt over my head and tucked it into my skirt, slid on some simple sandals, and scurried off to the bathroom.

  “How you doing, bud?” I called out.

  “Almost done.”

  Well, I wasn’t. I did the best I could with my hair. Left it down because there were already some waves in my blonde mess. Then I did a quick once-over in the makeup area. Kept it natural with a smear of gloss on the lips. I looked pretty good if I did say so myself.

  “Ready.” Dylan hopped into the opening to the bathroom.

  “Awesome. Me too,” I said. Tegan knocked on my front door. “And just in time.”

  As we made our way to the front door, I hit every light switch that was still on and turned off the TV before pulling the front door open.

  “Hey,” Tegan said with a smile as he stepped in.

  “Hi. I just have to grab my purse.” It was the one thing I’d forgotten. Once that was slung over me, we were ready to go. “Ready.”

  On the way to Tegan’s car, I stopped at mine to get Dylan’s booster seat. We’d need that to go anywhere. Tegan got it situated in his backseat and Dylan buckled himself in. It only took twenty minutes to get to the theater and Dylan was bouncing with excitement at the unexpected turn of the day. He tried to talk Tegan’s ear off.

  “Did you see the first move?” Dylan asked. He wasn’t talking to me because I’d been the one to take him He knew I’d seen it.

  “He means you,” I told Tegan.

  “I watched it last night, actually,” Tegan said. Then, to me, he added, “In case you said yes.”

  “Can I get popcorn at the movie?” Dylan asked.

  “That’s up to your mom.”

  I turned in my seat to look at my kid. “When have you ever gone to the movie and not gotten popcorn?”

  Dylan shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  True. We didn’t go to the movie often. They could be expensive but he was also just now getting old enough to really enjoy it. His first movie was at age three yet that was more for the experience than actual enjoyment. Now, he loved the movies.

  “Exactly,” I told him as I righted myself in my seat.

  “I love the movies,” Tegan told Dylan. “Especially when I get to bring people with me.”

  “I’m so glad you thought of this today.” I could hear Dylan bouncing in his seat. “My dad said he might take me on Sunday. He won’t be mad, right Mommy?”

  “No, he won’t be mad,” I assured him. “I called him while you were getting dressed. He said it was fine. That maybe he’d take you bowling instead.”

  “Yes.” I could picture the little guy punching his fist into the air. “I love bowling.”

  Tegan and I chuckled. My kid would’ve loved whatever his dad wanted to do with him. Actually, Dylan just loved to do things. Whatever that was. Sometimes I wished I had friends with kids for him to play with. It was coming eventually. I knew this. But Dylan would be much older and probably not want to play with them anymore.

  As we approached the ticket line, Dylan pulled on my arm. “I have to go to the bathroom, Mommy.”

  “OK. One sec.” I turned to Tegan, taking the two small steps toward him, and said, “He has to use the restroom. Let me give you cash for our tickets and then—”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Get the fuck out of here with that. I invited you. I’m paying.”

  “OK. We’ll be back.” I began walking away, then spun back toward him. “And thank you.”

  His smile was worth it. The thing about it was I never assumed someone was paying just because they invited me somewhere. If I couldn’t afford to go, then I didn’t go. But with Tegan, I probably should’ve assumed. I knew what he was doing. He was wooing me and part of that meant treating my kid and me to a movie.

  Dylan and I checked the family restroom first, but there was an out of order sign on it. I didn’t even want to know. So we headed for the women’s room. Didn�
��t have to go too far because the line was out the door and down the hall, as even more people came out of the closest theater. Damn. Bad timing.

  “I really have to go,” Dylan said as he began to bounce on his toes.

  “I know, baby, but we have to wait in line.”

  Honestly, I didn’t think we’d even moved at all when Tegan came up behind us.

  “What’s going on?” he asked with a hand on my lower back.

  “Restroom line. But someone needs to go really badly.”

  “Why don’t I take him?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I mean… he goes himself, right? I don’t have to hold anything.” He gave me a lopsided grin. The one he did when he was fucking with me.

  “Go.” I gave Tegan a gentle push. “I’ll get in line for popcorn.” I made it halfway through the line by the time the guys came back. It wasn’t that long. “Hey.” Dylan slid right in beside me.

  “We even washed our hands,” Tegan said to me. I tried not to laugh or smile, but the smile won.

  After getting Dylan a kids’ popcorn, Tegan ordered a medium for us to share and a drink for each of us. We slid into our seats as the previews began. Dylan wanted to sit between us and while Tegan didn’t object, something deep in my chest protested. Whenever Zac and I took Dylan somewhere like this, he always wanted to sit between us. If it was me and anyone else, he sat on the outside. I let it happen anyway but the level my kid was comfortable with Tegan, scared the crap out of me.

  Dylan laughed throughout the movie and I think I laughed more at him than anything else. The movie was great but watching him watch it was even better. Every once in awhile, Tegan would lay his arm across the back of Dylan’s seat to rest his hand on the spot where my neck met my shoulder. He’d give it a little squeeze and hold there for a moment before snaking around me for a handful of popcorn.

  “Did you love it?” I asked Dylan as we left the theater. Tegan took all of our trash from us and dumped it into the can on the way out.

  “I loved it. It was so good. I can’t wait for Daddy to see it.”