Amanda Lester and the Red Spider Rumpus

by Paula Berinstein

  When they arrived Amanda said, “Let’s get a candy bar.”

  “You’re up to something,” said Simon. “You don’t eat that stuff anymore.”

  “Not often,” she said, trying to keep the smile off her face, “but I want some now.”

  “Oh all right.” It didn’t matter if he didn’t want candy. She just wanted to distract him and it was working.

  “Hang on. I’ll just get some money.”

  She started to reach into her bag, said, “Ooooh,” and promptly fainted, crumpling to the ground.

  “Amanda!” Simon said, rushing to her. “What’s wrong?”

  He bent down, felt her pulse, and rolled up each eyelid. Then he started to compress her chest. After about five seconds she coughed and pretended to come to.

  “Are you okay?” he said.

  “Call Salty,” she choked.

  “But he doesn’t work Windermere,” said Simon.

  “Just do it.” She tried to make her voice as weak as possible.

  Simon whipped out his phone and called Salty, who said he’d come right away. He was in the area and would be there in five minutes. In the meantime Simon helped Amanda up off the ground and onto a bench, where he fussed with her jacket so she’d be warm.

  “What happened?” he said.

  “I don’t know. One minute I was hungry and the next I was feeling your hands all over my chest.”

  Simon blushed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  “Never mind,” she said sweetly. “You had to do something.”

  “Hey, here’s Salty,” said Simon.

  Salty and his partner were indeed arriving in their ambulance, siren blaring. They turned off the klaxon and ran to Amanda. Salty felt her pulse.

  “Hm, feels normal,” he said. “What happened?”

  “She fainted,” said Simon.

  “Pain?” said Salty.

  “No,” said Amanda.

  “Muscle weakness?”

  “I do feel a bit wobbly,” she said.

  Salty pressed a thermometer into her ear. “Your temperature is normal.”

  “Well there is something,” said Amanda.

  “What’s that?” said Salty’s very tall partner.

  “It’s in my purse,” she said, and reached inside. “I took these pills. Hm. I can’t seem to find them. Salty, would you mind?”

  She held out the purse for him and nodded. He eyed the purse, stuck his hand in, then yelped and pulled it out. There was a huge red welt on his arm.

  “Amanda!” said Simon. “You didn’t.”

  “Hey,” said the partner, grabbing the arm. He didn’t seem to like what he saw there because he ran to the ambulance and rummaged around.

  “Be quiet, Simon,” she said, and turned to the paramedic. “Salty, do you love Fern?”

  Salty, who was looking a bit green around the gills, said, “With all my heart.”

  “Would you ever hurt her?”

  “I’d rather die.”

  “Hang on,” the partner yelled from the vehicle.

  “Why did you go to jail?”

  By now Simon was staring daggers at her. “You set this up, Amanda.”

  “Hush,” she said. “Salty’s talking.”

  “It was stupid,” Salty said.

  “One second,” yelled the partner.

  “Tell us about it.”

  “Well, I went to a seed savers’ conference,” said Salty. Amanda and Simon looked at each other quizzically.

  “What’s that?” Simon said.

  “You know, where they save heirloom seeds and exchange them. To preserve the genes.”

  Amanda had never heard of that. By the look on his face, either had Simon. What this might have to do with Salty’s arrest Amanda couldn’t imagine.

  “Go on,” she said.

  “Well, it was kind of a convention and a protest at the same time. You know, genetically modified food. Very unhealthy.”

  “Okay.”

  “The cops came and I sort of accidentally got into a little skirmish with one of them. It was just a mix-up.”

  Wherever he was going with this was definitely not a place Amanda had expected.

  “So they arrested me and I got a difficult judge. He would not listen to anything I had to say. He threw me in jail. It wasn’t my fault that I accidentally fell on the guy.”

  Nick may have been able to beat the spiders but he’d been trying. Salty had never even heard of them and couldn’t possibly be resisting the venom. As weird as his story was, he had to be telling the truth.

  “Why were the records sealed then?” said Simon.

  “They’re sealed?” said Salty. “That doesn’t sound right.”

  The partner rushed back with some supplies and started messing with Salty’s arm.

  Amanda was beside herself with joy. The whole issue was evaporating in front of her. She elbowed Simon.

  “Salty,” he said. “Have you ever been arrested for anything else?”

  “What’s that?” said the partner. “You’ve been arrested?”

  “I jaywalked once,” said Salty. “I got off with a warning.”

  “But nothing violent.”

  “Of course he hasn’t done anything violent,” said the other guy. “Why would you say something like that?”

  “Are you serious?” said Salty. “I’m a healer. Why would I hurt anyone?”

  Amanda gave Simon an aha look. “Anything else you’d like to ask, counsel?” she said.

  “Just one thing,” said Simon. “Has Fern said anything about me and Ivy?”

  After Salty had left, Simon turned to Amanda and said, “Nice work. You had me completely fooled.”

  “You liked that, did you? Sorry there was nothing to report about Ivy.”

  “I thought it was rather smooth, and yeah, it is a shame, but I know she loves me. I don’t need other people to confirm it.”

  “You know, Simon, she might not.”

  “Yeah, I know,” he said. Amanda was surprised. He’d been putting on a pretty good show.

  “Or she might,” she said brightly.

  “She might at that,” he said, grinning. “Anyway he’s innocent. We need to tell her.”

  “Tell you what, lover boy,” said Amanda, winking. “You tell her. You might get a kiss out of it.”

  15

  THE GHOST

  When Ramon claimed that a ghost was haunting Legatum, the only person who took notice was Amphora. When he reported that the ghost was strongest and most easily detected in the chapel, one of the oldest parts of the school, Simon told him to shut up and go back under the rock he’d crawled out from. So Ramon decided he would concoct a little demonstration.

  One Sunday night, he called everyone to the area outside the chapel (not inside because the building had been condemned following its collapse) and set his tablet on a tripod. Then he plugged some kind of a probe into it and pointed it at the chapel.

  “No talking,” he said. “I need absolute quiet or the ghost won’t show himself.”

  Amanda turned to Ivy and whispered, “Gag me.” Ivy giggled.

  Ramon waved the probe around and looked at the screen. Amanda couldn’t see a thing happening. He held the probe up higher, but again, nothing. Then he picked up the tablet and moved closer to the building. Still nothing. He walked around with the kids following him and probed until he had all but exhausted the possibilities. Then he turned around and glared at them.

  “You’re scaring it away. Your hostility is insulting it. This was once a person, just like you and me. It’s not a thing. No wonder it won’t show itself.”

  Some kids burst out laughing. A voice from the back said, “Poor little ghost. We’re just so scary, are we?”

  Ramon peered toward the source. “Who said that?”

  Carlos Fapp raised his hand. “That would be me.”

  “How dare you?” said Ramon. “I’m trying to conduct a serious demonstration here. This is a damaged soul and you laugh?�
�

  “Give it up,” came another voice.

  “Who’s that?” said Ramon.

  An older boy named Pericles Nomen stepped forward and said, “I, your lordship.” Then he burst into guffaws.

  “Heathen,” said Ramon. “Your ghost won’t rest. It will wander the world in search of the brain it never had.”

  “Ooooh,” said Pericles. “Now I’m scared.”

  “Shut up,” said Amphora. “If you’d keep an open mind you might learn something.”

  “What, like you?” said Pericles. “You’re the most gullible person here. You’ll believe anything as long as the guy’s good looking. Which, by the way, this one isn’t. You’re lowering your standards.”

  Amphora practically lunged at him. Simon intercepted her.

  “Careful,” he said.

  “Get off me, Simon Binkle,” she yelled.

  Ramon took one look at the two of them together and flung himself at Simon, who dodged him. He knocked Amphora down and fell on top of her. The crowd roared.

  “You stupid twit,” said Ramon.

  “What did you call me?” said Amphora.

  “Not you. Simon.”

  “Just trying to help,” said Simon nonchalantly.

  Ramon disentangled himself from Amphora and helped her up. “You people have no idea.”

  But Ramon wasn’t daunted. The next day he announced that there were ways to find out who the ghost was. Of course they were dangerous, but the opportunity to contact the ghost and help lay him—or her—to rest was too valuable to waste.

  The first method was a ouija board. This was familiar to many of the students, although few believed it was anything but a parlor game. Ramon claimed that it was a rather blunt instrument and he’d prefer something more sensitive.

  Next there was the possibility of recording electronic voice phenomena (EVP). This approach was kind of like what they’d done in the dining room, except taken further and lasting longer. It would probably detect the ghost but not identify it.

  You could also scry, using an object like a crystal or a stone, or gaze into a mirror. This, Ramon explained, was just too Harry Potter for him, even if it did work.

  Or, you could hold a séance. This was Ramon’s method of choice. You could talk to the ghost and receive instant, detailed replies. You could also get a feel for its personality. If the ghost showed up, of course, but that was true of all the methods.

  The next thing the kids knew, Ramon had sent out a formal invitation. Amanda had to admit that it was artistically done. The drawing was excellent (and very atmospheric), as was the calligraphy. Perhaps the kid had positive qualities after all. He might even make a decent filmmaker for all she knew. But he was still a twit.

  “This is so bogus,” said Simon when the friends had gathered ahead of the event.

  “He thinks I’ll be able to sense the spirit because I’m blind,” said Ivy. “Amphora told me. She keeps bugging me about it.”

  “He’s trying to use you,” said Simon.

  “I’m not going to do it,” said Ivy.

  “I’m going,” said Amanda. “I want to see him fall on his face.”

  “Me too,” said Clive. “That was awesome out by the chapel.”

  “Who all was invited anyway?” said Amanda.

  “Amphora told me it was very exclusive,” said Ivy. “Just the four of us and Owla.”

  “Not Scapulus?” said Amanda, who very much hoped he hadn’t been. The less she had to see him the better.

  “Nope,” said Ivy. “That’s it.”

  “Okay, I’ll go,” said Simon.

  “Please be nice to Amphora,” said Ivy.

  “On one condition,” said Simon. “You go too. Otherwise I’ll be totally honest.”

  “Simon!” said Amanda. “That’s mean and it’s also extortion.”

  “Sorry,” said Simon. “This is no time to be nice.”

  “Why not?” said Amanda.

  He went red. “Uh, well, uh.”

  “Thought so,” said Amanda.

  “I’ll go,” said Ivy, “but not because you’re being a doofus, Simon. I think it will be fun.”

  Simon slid over and flung his arm around her. “Thank you, my darling.” Ivy giggled. Amanda liked seeing them that way. Maybe their relationship would work out.

  “You mean you’re going to give Ramon a taste of his own medicine?” said Clive.

  “Something like that,” said Ivy, grinning.

  When it came time for the séance, which Ramon insisted on holding in an unheated outbuilding so as not to pick up vibes from inside the school, everyone gathered around a makeshift table and held hands. They needed to. It seemed that Ramon had chosen a particularly frigid evening for his event and they were shivering. He had placed candles around the room, and the flickering light made the room look eerie, but of course they gave off no heat. Amanda had to admit that the guy had a nice aesthetic sense. If Ramon weren’t so annoying she might want to hire him as one of her lighting directors.

  Thinking of film reminded her of Darius. She missed him so much. She still couldn’t believe he was gone. He was such a nice man who didn’t deserve to die the way he did and—OMG! What if the ghost was Darius? Wait, that was impossible. There were no such things as ghosts. But in the weird light and with owls and wild animals making weird noises and Ramon all dressed in black, there was enough atmosphere to forget and get carried away.

  This was the kind of thing Darius would have been all over. He loved the dramatic and the weird. Well, if he couldn’t be here Amanda would do it herself. She would turn the situation to advantage and use the evening as a basis for one of her own films. And so she surreptitiously turned on her recorder.

  Ramon closed his eyes and began to speak in a melodramatic fashion. “Dear departed brother or sister, we gather to bring you peace.”

  Amanda glanced at Simon. He was rolling his eyes. She wondered why Ramon had invited him.

  “Speak to us, gentle soul,” said Ramon. “Help us to understand, lead you out of this misery you live every day and into the light.”

  Ivy squeezed Amanda’s hand in a way that said “Give me a break.” Amanda squeezed back.

  Suddenly Ramon threw his head back and his eyes rolled up into their sockets. His face went even pastier than usual, then turned red. He started speaking in the most awful voice. It sounded like scratching on a record. Ivy jumped. With her hearing the noise must have been torture.

  “Blfl amtiber pertept sumino,” said Ramon.

  “What’s that?” Simon whispered.

  “Sh,” said Amphora.

  “Embrokt matifl monest,” Ramon continued.

  “What’s he saying?” Clive mouthed.

  “Mannilah repikat alange,” said Ramon.

  “Poppycock,” said Simon.

  “Ivy skamptippy,” said Ramon.

  “Say what?” said Simon. “He said ‘Ivy.’”

  “No he didn’t,” Ivy hissed.

  “Be quiet,” said Amphora. “You’re ruining the séance.”

  “He did,” said Simon.

  “Simon, shut up,” said Owla. She didn’t like Ramon any more than the others, but she was a serious girl who felt that decorum was important.

  “Ivy norema,” said Ramon.

  “There, he did it again,” said Simon.

  “Simon, shut up!” yelled Amphora.

  “What’s he up to?” Simon stood up and said, “That’s enough, bozo. You leave Ivy alone.”

  Ramon snapped to and coughed. The red in his face disappeared and his skin began to fade back to its normal eggshell color.

  “You!” he pointed at Simon. “You ruined my séance.”

  But before he could do anything, Amphora scooted around the table and started to hit Simon with her fists.

  “You are the most horrible person I’ve ever met,” she sobbed. “You ruin everything. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.”

  Amanda lunged for the two of them. “Stop it.” She t
ried to grab for Amphora’s arm and got hit in the face.

  “What’s going on?” Ivy screamed.

  “Amphora is punching Simon,” said Owla.

  “Stop it, Amphora,” said Ramon very loudly. He launched himself into the fray, attempting to keep the parties apart. “Simon, get out of here. I thought I might convert you but obviously I was wrong.”

  “No,” said Amphora. “He’s had this coming a long—oof!” Ramon had accidentally hit her in the stomach. That got everyone’s attention and they all stopped fighting.

  “Oh, my dearest,” said Ramon. Amanda wanted to hurl. The idea of Ramon and Amphora making lovey-dovey was too much for her. “I am so sorry.” He turned on the other kids. “All of you, out. I am very disappointed in you. We may have lost the spirit for good because of your boorishness. I can tell this is a very cultured soul—obviously too sensitive for the likes of you.”

  Simon opened the door and the kids filed out, leaving Ramon and Amphora to their own devices. Amanda was holding her face where someone—she wasn’t sure who—had hit her.

  “I’ve got to get some ice,” she said, and ran ahead.

  “Well, that went about as well as I thought it would,” said Simon when everyone had congregated in the dining room.

  “You shouldn’t have provoked him,” said Owla.

  “I thought it was awesome,” said Clive.

  “What was all that gibberish he was saying?” said Ivy.

  “Stuff he made up,” said Simon. “It sure wasn’t a language.”

  “You don’t know every language,” said Owla. “It might have been.”

  “We can find out,” said Amanda.

  “Oh?” said Simon. “How?”

  “I recorded it,” she said.

  “Amanda, I could kiss you,” said Ivy. “That was brilliant.”

  “Play it back,” said Clive.

  Amanda took out her phone and with the hand that wasn’t holding ice to her face started the video. Of course it wasn’t a video at all because she’d had to hold the phone under the table, so all anyone could see was everyone’s legs. However they could hear Ramon’s weird voice. Listening to that gave Amanda the creeps all over again.