Amanda Lester and the Red Spider Rumpus

by Paula Berinstein

  “Maybe,” said Blixus. “Although he’s too stupid to be able to use them.”

  The insult pushed Amanda’s buttons. Before she knew what she was doing, she blurted out, “Nick is not stupid!”

  “Another country heard from,” said Waltz. “My dear, perhaps you know where the formulas are.”

  Amanda shook her head. She had no idea where Nick kept things, if he even had the formulas. He had mentioned something about Blixus’s secrets, but whether he’d been referring to these she had no idea. But she was still under the influence so she said, “I don’t know where Nick keeps his secrets.”

  Waltz looked up. “Secrets? What secrets?”

  “Nick told me,” she said.

  “Excellent,” said Waltz. “Another lead. So if Moriarty here doesn’t tell us, perhaps Nick will. Where are the secrets, Blixus?”

  Blixus was so out of it he didn’t even try to resist. He looked at Waltz blearily and said, “Earful.”

  Waltz seemed taken aback. “Earful? He’s been dead a hundred years. How can he have your secrets? Hugh, what’s he talking about?”

  Hugh was surprised to hear his name. “How should I know? I’m just a kid.”

  “There’s nothing kidlike about you except your sense of humor, little man. Where are the secrets?” He took out a pocket knife and brandished it. “Nice fingers. I wonder how fast you’ll be able to type with a few less.”

  Hugh blanched. “I really don’t know. I wasn’t kidding. He doesn’t tell me everything.”

  “Very well. I’ll deal with you later. However, I’m loving this idea of a criminal’s bible. Sort of the analog of The Detective’s Bible, which we all know and love. Perhaps Professor Moriarty created such a document?”

  How he had got from secrets to a criminal’s bible was a mystery, but it was an interesting thought. Perhaps one of the Moriartys had compiled them into a book. Or did Waltz know more than he was letting on?

  But back to Blixus. Whatever did he mean by “Earful”? Earful wasn’t a place. He was a person. So how could the secrets be at Earful? Of course Blixus was pretty addled so maybe he didn’t know what he was talking about.

  “I’m not sure this venom is working,” said Waltz. “Or maybe it’s working too well. He’s completely gaga. Let’s try a little test, shall we? Blixus, tell me a lie.”

  Blixus sat there with a goofy expression on his face.

  “All right, if you insist I’ll prompt you,” said Waltz. “Are you Blixus Moriarty?”

  Blixus stared at him.

  “Are you Blixus Moriarty?”

  “My name is Blixus Moriarty.”

  “Tell me your name is Brian Boru.”

  Blixus looked off into space.

  “Is your name Brian Boru?”

  “No.”

  “Well, you don’t seem to be able to lie. What did you mean when you said the secrets were at Earful?”

  “I loved my brother.” Blixus started to sob. “He was everything to me. He died, you know.”

  “You miss him very much.”

  “We could talk telepathically.”

  Waltz started and a grin spread across his face. “So you knew each other’s thoughts?”

  “Yes.”

  “And Amboy knew the formulas?”

  “Yes.”

  “Which means you knew them as well.”

  Now Blixus broke down completely. Amanda was almost embarrassed watching this normally stoic man fall to pieces.

  “Blixus, look at me,” said Waltz. Blixus turned his tearstained face up. “Do you know Moriarty’s formulas?”

  “He’s out of his mind,” said Editta. “He doesn’t know what he’s saying.”

  “Blixus!” Waltz said sharply. Blixus looked up blearily. “Can you lie to me?” Blixus just sat there.

  Waltz sighed. “Very well. We’ll try again later.” He turned to David. “Send the video to every person in the Moriarty organization and copy me. I want them to see what their boss is really like and introduce them to their new leader. Now!”

  While David was sending the video, Waltz tied Blixus up. Editta and Hugh shrieked but Waltz quickly took care of them. He extracted a spray bottle from his coat and doused them and Amanda, with a special squirt for Blixus just in case. Soon they were completely loopy. He tied them up, threw them into the closet with Kate, and locked the door. Then he grabbed Amanda and Blixus and shoved them into the back of his van, retrieved the spiders, and took the driver’s seat.

  22

  TRAVELS WITH BLIXUS

  When Amanda came to she found that she was in the back of Waltz’s van with Blixus and Hugh, who were both still out cold. Her head was pounding and she tried to remember what had occurred. Blixus had interrogated her, hadn’t he? Had she said anything that would lead the Moriartys to the detectives? Compromise Nick? She didn’t know.

  She looked to the front of the van and saw Waltz’s head in the driver’s seat. She could see his eyes looking at her in the mirror. He’d obviously seen her stir.

  “Good morning, sunshine,” he said cheerily. “Have a nice sleep?”

  Amanda glowered at his reflection. “Where are Editta and David?”

  “Are they your friends now?” Waltz said snidely. “I didn’t think you cared.” Amanda kept silent. “You know, those two have a lot of potential. Editta is quite the firebrand. Loyal as all get-out. And David is the perfect lackey. Very malleable. But I need to travel lighter at the moment.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “I’m glad you asked. You will like it. We’re going to Blackpool.”

  The town with the amusement park that Professor Sidebotham had taken them to? Why would he—oh no! He knew about the secrets. He was headed for Sidebotham’s safe deposit box to get them! But how did he know? Unless the kids’ theory was all wrong. Maybe Sidebotham hadn’t moved the secrets at all. Maybe Waltz had. The idea of Waltz bringing monkeys to Legatum didn’t make sense though. It didn’t seem his style.

  “You know they’re not there,” said Amanda. It was a lame thing to say. It wouldn’t stop him and she wasn’t sure it was true.

  “The detectives’ secrets?” he said. “You must think I’m an idiot. I know all about them. Your mum tells me everything.”

  This made Amanda so mad that she thrashed and kicked and screamed at the top of her lungs. The noise woke Blixus and Hugh, who looked around blearily.

  “What’s going on?” said Hugh.

  Amanda screamed even louder.

  “Shut up, Lestrade,” said Blixus. “Oh, my head.”

  “Quiet back there,” said Waltz. “Blixus, I advise you not to get cute. If you try anything I will destroy the entire Detective’s Bible.”

  “You don’t have it,” said Amanda to the reflection.

  “Oh really? Would you like to risk losing it?”

  “Don’t bait him, Lestrade,” said Blixus.

  “Daddy, my head hurts,” said Hugh.

  Blixus didn’t even look at him. “Don’t be a baby.”

  The van turned and slowed, then came to a stop. “Ah, I see your friend Gaston Thrillkill is here. Amanda, come with me.”

  He went around to the back of the van, sprayed Blixus and Hugh again, and pulled Amanda out. He ripped off the ties binding her wrists and legs and told her that if she tried so much as one little thing he would shoot her dead. Then he forced her into the building.

  Thrillkill was standing at the counter filling out the form to get into Sidebotham’s safe deposit box. Waltz came up behind him and spoke quietly in his ear. Thrillkill whipped around. When he saw Waltz his face fell.

  “Sir,” said the clerk. “Would you like to get into your box now?”

  Waltz nodded at Thrillkill and the headmaster turned back to the little man. He hesitated for a moment and then said, “Yes. Yes I would. And I should like to bring my friends with me.”

  “Yes, Mr. Thrillkill,” said the clerk. “This way.”

  The clerk, who was wearing a rumpled
blue suit that looked like a relic from the sixties, led them into the safe deposit vault. It reminded Amanda of the secrets trove except it was lighter and brighter and the floors were tile instead of dirt. She marveled at the number of secrets that resided there: the critical papers, artifacts, and cash belonging to thousands of people. What if the place exploded and it was all lost? It was a sobering thought.

  The clerk stopped at Box 9999. With Thrillkill, Waltz, and Amanda looking on, he turned the master key. Then he held his hand out and Thrillkill gave him Professor Sidebotham’s key. Where he’d found it Amanda had no idea. The man unlocked the box and stepped aside.

  “You may use that room,” he said, pointing to a little cubicle. “Take as long as you want.”

  Thrillkill turned to Waltz and gave him one of the dirtiest looks Amanda had ever seen but he didn’t say anything. Then he walked into the cubicle. Waltz pushed Amanda in front of him and followed.

  Thrillkill placed the box on the desk and lifted the lid. It was empty! Where were the secrets? Had the entire monkey enterprise been a ruse? Or had someone else got to the box first?

  “Blast!” said Thrillkill. He picked up the box and looked carefully, but there was nothing hiding in the back.

  “Where are they?” said Waltz.

  “I have no idea,” said Thrillkill.

  “But Sidebotham had them. She had to or you wouldn’t have come here.”

  “Sorry, Waltz, but I think someone’s got here before us.”

  Waltz snapped his fingers. “Get the clerk to check the records.” Thrillkill gave him an icy look. “Do it!”

  Thrillkill rang the buzzer and the clerk reappeared.

  “All finished?” he said as if to a child.

  “Yes,” said Thrillkill. “May I ask whether someone else requested access to this box recently, please?”

  The man gathered up the box and indicated that they should precede him. “If you’ll come to the front I’ll check for you, sir.”

  The clerk replaced the box in its compartment, turned the keys, and locked it back into place. Then the four of them returned to the counter while the clerk checked his records.

  “Hm, it seems that the box was accessed December 10th by a Trixie Sidebotham.”

  “Anyone else?” said Thrillkill.

  “No, I don’t see anything,” said the clerk. “Sorry, that’s incorrect. Apparently Ms. Sidebotham was here on December 28th too. But there’s nothing else recent.”

  Thrillkill looked at Waltz as if to say, “Ha ha.” Waltz grabbed him by the arm, took Amanda by the hand, and marched out of the bank without so much as a thank you. When he got to the van he sprayed Thrillkill, pushed him into the front seat, and tied him up.

  “Where are the secrets, Amanda?” he said when he’d retied her.

  Amanda had had just about enough of this. “Why don’t you ask my mother?”

  “Miffed, are we?” said Waltz snottily. “You know, your mother is much happier with me than she was with that milquetoast Herb Lester. You should be thrilled for her.”

  He got back into the driver’s seat and drove off. He turned this way and that, moving slowly through the town. Then after about five minutes he sped up.

  “I wish I had better news for you, Gaston,” he said, “but I’m afraid—”

  He reached over to the lefthand door, pressed the handle, and shoved Thrillkill out into moving traffic.

  Amanda screamed. “Stop! You’ll kill him! Go back!” Waltz just laughed. Then Blixus and Hugh joined him and within seconds the three criminals were laughing their heads off.

  Amanda was devastated. It was likely that Thrillkill was dead. Even if he’d survived the fall, the street sounded busy and he’d probably been hit by a car. Her mother had badly wanted Thrillkill’s position. Was it possible she’d put Waltz up to this so she could get it? It was unthinkable. And yet she had tried to kill Nick. Who was Lila Lester anyway? Had she changed or had she always been like this, whatever “this” was? And was it possible that whatever “this” was was in her genes and Amanda had it too?

  “I’ll miss him,” Blixus said, breaking into her thoughts.

  “Waste of space,” said Hugh.

  “Not really,” said Blixus. “In his own way he was quite effective. He’d got the wrong end of the stick, of course.”

  “Don’t you talk about him!” Amanda yelled. She could hardly contain her grief.

  “You sound like David,” Hugh said. “What a loser.”

  Amanda refused to rise to the bait and said nothing. She was getting good at that.

  “Now talk about a loser,” said Blixus. “Your boyfriend.”

  Amanda was stunned to hear him speak like that. “He was your child.”

  Blixus’s expression was icy. “He was Wink’s child, not mine.”

  So he did know. Or did he? “Then why did you adopt him?”

  “Why indeed?” said Blixus.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” said Hugh.

  “You didn’t need to know,” said Blixus matter-of -factly.

  “Do you know who Nick’s mother is?” said Amanda.

  Blixus just smiled.

  “It isn’t Mum?” said Hugh.

  “No,” said Blixus. “Not Mum.”

  “So I’m not related to him at all?”

  “No.”

  “Good,” said Hugh.

  What a little jerk he was. Amanda was hopping mad, and not just about that brat. She was worried sick about Thrillkill, repulsed by the Moriartys, and furious with her mother for bringing Banting Waltz into her life. But the thing that bothered her the most was what Blixus had done to Nick.

  “You abused Nick,” she spat.

  Blixus laughed wryly. “Family heritage.” That was something she hadn’t considered. How far back in the Moriarty line did that behavior go? But it didn’t justify anything.

  “That’s an excuse.”

  “Excuses have their place, little one.”

  God, he was annoying. “Don’t you miss your wife?”

  Blixus shook his head. “She betrayed me.”

  “All that stuff happened before you met.”

  He stared at her with those piercing blue eyes that were nothing like Nick’s. “She should have told me.”

  “Obviously she was afraid to. Look at how you reacted. Why are you so insecure?”

  “Why are you so annoying?”

  Silence.

  Then she said, “Did you kill Darius Plover?”

  He seemed surprised. “I’m sorry to have to admit it, but no.”

  He was still under the influence, or might be. He was probably telling the truth. “What happened to him then?”

  “I haven’t the faintest idea.”

  “Who’s Darius Plover?” said Hugh.

  “Nobody,” said Blixus. “You ask too many questions, Lestrade. Go back to fantasizing about my son and shut up.”

  Amanda gave him a withering look. She was sick and tired of his insults.

  Suddenly she realized she was carsick. “I’m going to hurl.” She turned her head and threw up all over the floor.

  “Gross,” said Hugh. Blixus shrugged.

  “Don’t you ever get carsick?” Amanda said. Hugh grinned. Did that mean yes or no?

  Then Blixus said, “I hear your father is in Tibet. Very scenic.”

  “How do you know about that?”

  Blixus laughed. She didn’t like what he was implying.

  “You wouldn’t.” Not that he could hurt Herb under the circumstances—unless he’d already put a scheme in place.

  He laughed again.

  Why hadn’t it occurred to her that her father could be in danger anywhere in the world? “Don’t you dare.”

  She tried to kick him but couldn’t reach him. He just laughed. Now she was worried sick.

  “So this is your new stepfather.”

  “Shut up!”

  The Moriartys laughed. But then the vomit smell became too much for Hugh and he threw up
all over himself.

  “Idiot,” said Blixus.

  Amanda was so sick and tired of him she couldn’t stand it. He deserved to be taken down a notch, and now she knew how to do that.

  “So, Amboy Moriarty,” she said.

  Blixus grabbed for her and managed to get his foot in her vomit.

  “We’re here!” Waltz called out cheerily from the front seat. “Look lively.”

  Amanda glanced around but it was futile. She was sitting too low to see out of the windows. Wherever they were it had taken maybe half an hour to get there from Blackpool. She tried to picture a map of the UK. They could be anywhere from Kendal to Liverpool, but she guessed she’d know soon enough.

  Waltz got out of the van and came around to the back. “Try anything and I’ll destroy the Bible,” he said. “I will also kill you,” he said, looking at Amanda. “Now, boys, that isn’t meant as an incentive. Remember the Bible.”

  “I’m beginning to think you don’t have it,” said Blixus.

  “But I might,” said Waltz. “Willing to take the risk? Besides, if you’ll let me I’m about to do your dirty work for you. You see, I’m going to kill Amanda and make it look like an accident. You won’t even have to get your hands dirty. Er, dirtier.” He smiled sickly.

  “Where are we?” said Hugh.

  “Amanda here should recognize it easily,” said Waltz. “We’re at the Osric Movie Studio.”

  23

  BUT I REALLY WANT TO DIRECT

  Waltz got out of the van and fiddled with something on the side, then got back inside and drove a short way. He opened his window, handed the guard a piece of paper, and said, “Peruke’s Wigs for Jagged Water Productions.” She heard a man say, “Go ahead,” and the van moved forward again.

  After a few turns Waltz stopped the van. He came around to the back, sprayed the Moriartys, and grabbed Amanda. Then he brought out the jar with the spiders in it.

  When she got out Amanda saw that Waltz had attached a sign that said Peruke’s Wig Company to the side of the van. So that was it. He was pretending to deliver wigs to the studio to gain access. He’d thought of everything. She wondered how long he’d been planning this, whatever “this” was.