by Liv Brywood
“Yep. But hey, we’re still connected to Ryker’s pack. We’re not too far from the den and we’re welcome to stop by whenever we want to. I think I’d go nuts if it was just the two of us all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, but a man needs time with the pack.”
“I get it.”
“So, what’s going on with Gwen? I haven’t seen her this happy in a long time. I thought maybe with everything that happened with Mazus, she’d be a nervous wreck.”
“She’s a strong woman. Stronger than she looks. I just started self-defense training with her. She about kicked my ass today.”
“What did you do?” Stryde asked with a grin.
Nosh feigned shock. “Me? Nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing from here.” Stryde tilted his head toward the bedroom.
Gwen and Brandy stood inside whispering in conspiratorial tones. What were they talking about?
“You know women, always up to something.”
Stryde laughed. “How long have we known each other?”
“Our whole lives.”
“I know when you’re bullshitting me. Really, there’s nothing going on between you too?”
“I might have stolen a few kisses.”
Stryde arched a brow. “Stolen?”
“Well, she didn’t exactly pull away.”
“She likes you.”
“I think she’s just grateful that I saved her from Mazus. I’m the one who should be grateful though. She nursed me back to health.”
“I think it’s more than gratitude. A woman doesn’t look at a man like that without it being more. She wants you.”
Nosh chuckled. “Whatever you say, man.”
“I know these things.”
“Now you’re an expert on women?”
Stryde laughed. “Hell no. Brandy’s as much a mystery to me today as she was the day I met her. Just when I think I know everything about her, she surprises me with something new. But I guess that’s what love is all about.”
“I’m glad you’re happy. Things were pretty dark for a while.”
“Yeah, but the sun always rises. It’s hard to find a good woman. Don’t let her get away.”
Nosh turned to gaze at Gwen. A smile spilled across her lips and her eyes danced with life. He’d only spent a little over a week with her, and she’d already changed so much. The sad slump of her shoulders was gone, at least most of the time. The aura of sadness had all but vanished from her eyes and she hadn’t had a nightmare in days.
Gwen turned her head slightly and caught him staring. She smiled shyly and quickly looked away. She was still so innocent and sweet. He was glad she hadn’t turned hard and cold.
His hands tingled with the need to touch her. He couldn’t get enough of her silky hair and soft skin. He didn’t want to rush her, but he needed her with every cell in his body. If he didn’t do something soon, he’d die from the overwhelming desire to feel her under him.
Chapter 12
“It looked like you and Stryde were having an intense conversation.” Gwen whispered as they trekked through the inner sanctuary of the Silver Creek Pack’s den.
“Just talking about guy stuff. You looked pretty intense too.”
She grinned. “Just talking about girl stuff.”
As they entered the den, she heard a baby cry. The sound sliced through her heart. A flood of tears threatened to spill over her lashes. She furtively wiped away the moisture, grateful for the dark corridor.
Over the last few months, whenever she’d become overwhelmed with emotion, she’d shut down. The familiar numbness slackened her limbs. She was suddenly tired, so tired. By the time they reached Ryker and Diana’s room, she could hardly take another step.
Nosh hung back a bit from the others. He turned to her and caressed the side of her cheek. “Are you doing okay? You look exhausted. We could get some rest first, then see the baby.”
She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. His gentle touch and soothing tone almost ruined her composure. “No. I’m fine.”
“Okay.” He gave her a look that meant he wasn’t buying it. But he didn’t press her any further.
At the threshold to the room, she steeled herself. She could do this. It wasn’t about her, it was about Diana and her baby. She was happy for her, truly. But she just hated seeing the happy family that she would never have.
Diana sat on the edge of her bed. She held the baby to her breast and rocked her softly. When she noticed Gwen, she perked up. “You made it.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“This is Abby. Would you like to hold her?”
Gwen peered down at the perfect little girl. She had the same oval face and ebony hair as her mother, and the luminous caramel colored eyes of her father. She was stunning.
Diana carefully placed the newborn in the crook of Gwen’s arm. As the baby cooed and smiled, Gwen forgot all about her pain. “She’s going to be a heartbreaker when she gets older.”
Ryker moved to sit by his mate. “Hey, let’s not go there quite yet. I need to bulk up if I’m going to fight off her suitors.”
“Suitors?” Diana laughed. “What is this, the sixteenth century?”
Gwen grinned. “You have a real renaissance man on your hands.”
“Don’t I know it.”
Gwen touched her finger to the little girl’s palm. She closed her fist around it and let out a squeal. Everyone in the room laughed.
Nosh said, “She looks strong.”
Ryker puffed up his chest. “She gets that from me.”
Gwen said, “We know, honey.”
When Abby suddenly balled both of her hands into fists and growled, Diana reached for her. “Oh, no. Here it comes.”
As if on cue, Abby threw her head back and let out an ear-piecing screech. “Wahh.”
Ryker grimaced. “It’s nap time for her.”
Nosh said, “Same here. I’m beat.”
“Gwen, come by later and we can catch up,” Diana said.
“I will.”
Nosh reached for her hand as they left the room. “Show me which room’s yours.”
She led him down the hall past several other rooms. When she reached hers, she pushed back the curtain and frowned. She hadn’t swept in weeks. Soot and burnt pieces of wood choked the fire pit. The air hung stagnant with the scent of charred pine.
“I’m sorry it’s such a mess,” she mumbled.
Nosh said, “As long as the bed’s clean, I don’t care about the floor.”
She scurried to the dais and grabbed the lone blanket. “I’ll be right back.”
After bolting into the hall, she shook the blanket vigorously. She hadn’t washed it in the river in a while. She bent to sniff it. Okay, it wasn’t as bad as she’d thought. It would do for now, but as soon as they woke up from their nap, she’d take it straight to the river.
She returned to find Nosh passed out on the bed. She carefully lifted his head and stuffed a pillow under it. The air wasn’t as cool here as it had been up on Howling Mountain. They didn’t need a fire, which was good, because she would have had to clean that out too.
As she snuggled into Nosh’s arms, she closed her eyes, fully expecting to fall asleep instantly. But as the minutes became hours, frustration built until she was ready to scream. She flipped back and forth trying to find a comfortable position. Normally she had no problem sleeping in her bed, but tonight, sleep eluded her.
She finally lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Why was she still awake? This only happened when she was trying to avoid thinking of something. But what? Yes, the baby ripped at the scars in her heart, but she’d expected it to hurt. So what was causing the insomnia?
Nosh rolled over and wrapped an arm around her waist. He pulled her closer. His eyes were still shut, his face relaxed. As she watched the rise and fall of his chest, she reflected on the last few days. She’d been through a gauntlet of emotions from sad to happy to scared
and back in a seemingly endless loop. And then there was Nosh.
The weight of his arm lay heavy on her ribs. She moved it slightly. She liked laying in his protective embrace a little too much. Whatever was happening between them wouldn’t last. She wasn’t the kind of woman who would be a good mate for an alpha. The den would expect her to give him many cubs and she knew that was impossible.
If she was smart, she’d cut her losses right now. After the celebration tomorrow, she’d send Nosh home. She’d done her duty of nursing him back to health. He was well enough to get around and she’d be perfectly safe in her own den. She probably wouldn’t want to venture into the woods alone, but she’d find someone else to teach her how to fight.
Nosh could never love her. Love? Why would she even consider whether or not he could love her? That was completely out of the question. And even if she did love him, which she didn’t, but if she did, she sure as hell wouldn’t tell him. He’d laugh in her face.
No, it would be better if she forgot all about him. She still had her friends in the den, including Akila. She’d done so much to help Gwen through the darkest days. Gwen hadn’t thanked her nearly enough.
Maybe one day in the far future she’d find someone to love. Until then, she’d focus on learning as much as she could about healing. And maybe with enough time, she could find a way to heal herself.
***
Nosh made a show of sipping a mug of god-awful mead. A huge bonfire crackled and hissed in the center of a clearing not far from the Silver Creek pack’s den. The other wolves laughed and joked in a sea of merriment. Normally, Nosh would have joined them, but something was wrong with Gwen. She’d hardly spoken to him all day.
When he spotted her across the fire, she quickly looked away. He couldn’t understand why her mood had changed so abruptly. He had no idea what had happened between the time they’d lay down for a nap and the time they’d gotten up for the party.
He stood and brushed a few pine needles off his butt. He wasn’t going to sit around wondering why she’d barely spoken two words to him all night. He was damn well going to get her to talk to him.
As he wove his way through the crowd, Akila stepped into his path. “Nosh, it’s so good to see you up and moving. How are you feeling?”
He kept an eye on Gwen but focused on the conversation. “Much better than a few days ago.”
“I knew Gwen would be able to help you.”
His face relaxed. “She’s great. She took really good care of me after you left.”
“I spoke with her a few hours ago. She seemed really excited about your progress.”
Excited? That was interesting considering she’d hardly said a word to him since they’d gotten out of bed. He snuck another glance at her over Akila’s shoulder.
The older healer turned slightly to follow his gaze. “I’m surprised you’re not together right now.”
His head snapped back to face her. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve never seen her so happy.”
“She doesn’t look very happy right now.”
“She’s smiling.”
Nosh shook his head. “I know what she looks like when she’s really smiling. She’s not.”
Akila regarded him with quiet contemplation. “How are things between you?”
“There’s nothing between us,” he said a little too quickly.
“Really?”
“Nothing.”
Her voice dropped. “Really?”
“Ugh,” he grumbled. “Okay, maybe something’s going on. But I don’t know what.”
“I haven’t seen her look at a man the way she looks at you since before the attack.”
He didn’t know why, but he suddenly wanted to confess everything. The healer had always had that effect on him. “We… I thought we were getting close.”
“In what way?”
Boy, she wasn’t making this easy. He glanced around to find a more secluded spot. “Come over here.”
She followed him to the edge of the gathering. “You know that I’ll keep anything you say confidential, right?”
He nodded. “I honestly don’t know what’s going on.”
“Tell me about the last few days.”
As soon as he started talking, the floodgates opened. Talking with Akila reminded him of what it had been like to talk to his mom. Although, he never would have confessed to kissing Gwen to his mother. That would have just been too weird.
“…and everything was fine until we got up from the nap today,” he finished.
“She’s been through a lot the last few months. Honestly, I half-expected her to come running home. She’s a brave girl, but she’s still very, very scared.”
“She has nightmares.”
“I know. They can get really bad.”
“Did you hear that Mazus attacked her?”
“Yes, Ryker told me. He’s very concerned about her. We all are,” Akila said.
“I am too. I hate that she feels so defenseless. After Mazus attacked her, I promised her that I’d teach her some self-defense moves. We did some training, but I really want to work with her more. I think she’ll feel a lot safer if she knows she can protect herself.”
“That would help with the fear of physical harm, but she’s still healing mentally.”
“I wish I could help her.”
Akila smiled. “You have. Before I took her to help you, she refused to leave the den and wouldn’t go into the forest alone. You’d said she went to get water a few times alone. That’s a lot of progress in a short amount of time.”
“I guess you’re right. But why is she ignoring me now?”
“I’m not sure, but you could go talk to her.”
“I was headed in that direction when I ran into you.”
“Go talk to her, but be gentle. She’s still fragile.”
“I will.”
He squeezed Akila’s shoulder in a gesture of thanks. She was right, Gwen wasn’t back to her old self yet. He hadn’t known her very well but he’d seen her at some of the larger gatherings over the years. She’d always seemed so carefree and playful. He wanted to see her like that again.
As he snaked a path through the crowd, he scanned the other wolves’ faces. A group of younger wolves had shifted into their wolf form and were rolling and kicking up a whirlwind of dust. Oh, to be so young again.
He spotted Gwen a few yards away. Her back was to him. Firelight caught the edges of the deep scars and elongated them into vicious little canyons of pain. He’d never asked her if they still hurt. Just looking at them made the hair on his back stand on end. He couldn’t imagine going through what she’d gone through and ever wanting to leave the den again. The sight enraged him. If anyone ever tried to hurt her again, he’d kill him.
Gwen turned as if sensing his presence. “Oh, hi.”
“Are you having a good time?”
She smiled but it was clearly forced. “Yep.”
He nodded toward where Diana stood holding court with Abby. “She’s a cute kid. They had a heck of a turn out tonight.”
Gwen frowned. Her gaze drifted to the fire. “Yeah.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yep.”
“You realize you’re giving me one-word answers, right?”
She sighed. “I’m just tired.”
“Maybe we should go to sleep soon. I want to get back to the den somewhat early tomorrow so we can do more training.”
“About that…”
“What?” A sliver of fear bisected his stomach.
“Well… you’re back on your feet and feeling better. So, I was thinking that you should probably go back alone.”
“What?” He felt as if he’d been punched in the gut.
She wouldn’t meet his gaze. “I was just there to help you heal and now you’re healed.”
He reached for her hand and clasped it gently. “Talk to me. What’s going on? I thought you wanted to go back with me.”
“I just… I
miss my own bed.”
“I can understand that. Why don’t I stay with you for a few days? We can train here.”
She shook her head. “I think it would be best if you went home alone.”
His tongue tied into a knot. He wasn’t ready to let her go, but what could he say that would convince her to let him stay? “Mazus is still out there. I won’t feel comfortable if you’re roaming around unprotected.”
“I have Ryker and the other wolves. They can protect me.”
“But they won’t be by your side all the time.”
She pulled her hand away. “And I don’t need you by my side all the time either. You’re smothering me.”
His jaw dropped. “I… what? Are you kidding? I’m helping you.”
“I don’t need your help.” She crossed her arms over her chest, but her bottom lip quivered.
“Why are you being so stubborn?”
“Why are you so insistent?”
“Because…” Because what? Because he cared about her? Because he couldn’t imagine walking out of her life right now.
She uncrossed her arms and embraced him awkwardly. “Thanks for everything.”
He pulled her into a tight embrace. Her head tucked under his chin, a perfect fit. They were a perfect fit. Why didn’t she feel the same way?
His voice was husky when he finally said, “I guess this is it then.”
“I guess so.”
As she walked away from him, the acrid smoke from the fire filled his chest. He couldn’t stand around amidst all the other revelers. He couldn’t fake being happy when all he wanted to do was fall to his knees from the pain of losing her.
He forced himself to put one foot in front of the other as he made his way to Ryker. He managed to reach him without incident.
Ryker smiled. “Hell of a party, right?”
“Yeah, it’s great. I’m going to take off in a few minutes.”
“But it’s not even morning yet.”
“I know. I’m beat. I just want to get home and get some sleep.”
Ryker leaned over and in a conspiratorial voice said, “Why don’t you go bunk up with Gwen again?”
“Uh, she’s really tired so I don’t want to bother her.”
Ryker arched a brow. “Trouble?”
