Ever Caring

by Carolyne Aarsen

  They already looked down on the pastures of Tanner’s ranch. Beyond the fields rose the mountains, skirted with green breaking to rugged rocks, the jagged peaks iced with glistening snow.

  “Pretty incredible,” Tate said. “I’m so glad I made the decision to move here. I can’t imagine that this will be available to me anytime I want.”

  “It is spectacular. I’ll miss it if—” Renee stopped speaking, and Tate knew she was talking about when she and her mother would leave.

  He felt a twist of sorrow and a whispering of second thoughts, but latched onto the last word she ended the sentence with. “What do you mean, ‘if’?”

  Renee sighed. “I’m not sure if we’re going anymore. My mother’s been talking about postponing the program, even dropping out of it altogether.”

  “Is she sure about that?” Tate asked, his optimism rising. Renee might not be leaving.

  “She’s sure enough. I can’t make her do this, and if she’s not one hundred percent committed to the therapy, it won’t work.”

  “Why do you think she’s changed her mind?”

  Renee shrugged. “She was talking about the success rate, which isn’t a hundred percent, but she’s known that from the beginning. My mother doesn’t let go of an idea easily. So whatever is making her change her mind, I think it’s pretty big.”

  Then another thought washed over Tate like a bucket of ice water. “Could she have found out...about Addison?”

  Renee gave a decisive shake of her head. “She doesn’t know. Not from me. I was afraid that if she did find out, she’d postpone the therapy for sure. But I’ve been careful, and I imagine you and your father have, as well. Besides, it isn’t only my secret to keep.”

  Tate nodded, his saddle creaking as he moved. “My father is a principled man. Client confidentiality is sacrosanct with him.”

  “So Addison isn’t the reason, as far as I know,” Renee said, tugging slightly on the reins, holding her horse back to keep pace with Tate’s. “But, as I said, she’s adamant.”

  Tate was unable to stop an uplifting rush of happiness. If the program was postponed, maybe even put off, Renee would be free to make plans. For the future.

  Did he dare take a chance? In spite of what Renee just told him, he couldn’t help but feel cautious, concerned.

  “And how do you feel about her decision?” Tate asked.

  Renee looked ahead, frowning as she contemplated his question.

  “I’m not so sure how I feel anymore. Once, it was the most important thing in my life. I thought her healing would...free me.”

  Tate heard the hitch in her voice and nudged his horse lightly in the ribs, a signal to move sideways. Closer to Renee’s horse. “Free you from guilt?” He spoke the words quietly. Simply.

  Renee nodded. “And though I’ve tried to let go, I still feel guilty about my mother being in the wheelchair.”

  “It was an accident,” Tate said, keeping his voice low, nonthreatening. “A mistake made by a young girl who had a lot to deal with.”

  Renee looked away, out over the vista they caught from time to time through the trees.

  The creek was like a silver ribbon unspooling across the fields. The buildings of the ranch lay below them like tiny boxes dotting the yard. Tate hadn’t realized how far they had climbed.

  “I’ve told myself that, and though my mother has forgiven me repeatedly,” Renee said, her voice a hushed sound barely audible above the breeze whispering through the trees above, “it’s hard to let go when I’m faced with the consequences of what I’ve done every time I look at my mother in the wheelchair. Kind of hard to know what to do with all that guilt.”

  “And you think it would go away if your mother could walk again?”

  “I always thought if she got better, then all the sacrifices I made would be worth it.”

  “The sacrifice of giving up Addison.”

  “Yes.”

  Tate was quiet, uncertain how to deal with this revelation. He couldn’t treat it lightly. Yet, when she had broken down in his arms, she had confessed to feelings she hadn’t shared with too many others. It had created a bond between them that he couldn’t deny.

  Please, Lord, help me to say the right thing. Help her to feel Your forgiveness. To know she is carrying burdens she doesn’t need to carry.

  “Do you think God has forgiven you?” he asked.

  Renee’s head spun around so quickly her horse startled. She reached down and patted Bandit on the neck, speaking soothing words. Then she sat up again, tossing him a puzzled look. “Why do you ask that?”

  “I’m thinking you keep picking up a burden of guilt that your mother and God have tried repeatedly to take away from you.”

  “Forgiveness doesn’t change the repercussions of the accident both for my mother and Addison.” Renee’s voice carried a harsh note, as if she was trying to convince herself more than Tate.

  “If your mother has forgiven you, I would be sure God has even more so.”

  Renee said nothing for a while, and Tate hoped he hadn’t overstepped a line.

  “Maybe.” She conveyed a stark look. “Seems too easy to just let go, though.”

  “Always does,” Tate said. “I think you need to set aside what you think should happen. You need to trust that your mother has prayed about this, as well. Maybe you need to know that God is not only in charge of your mother’s life, but yours, as well.”

  Renee shook her head, her hair falling across her cheek. She pushed it aside, then looked at him. “I think if I were completely honest, part of me is relieved that my mother doesn’t want to go through with the therapy. That’s also what I’ve been struggling with.”

  “But why?”

  “I was worried myself about the program. What if it didn’t help Mom as I’d hoped? What if, after all that time and money, nothing changed? And, the reality is, there are other things to consider now.” She looked directly at him, a smile on her lips. “I have other things on my mind confusing me and shifting my priorities.” She laughed.

  “And that would be?” he prompted, sensing she needed help articulating what they might be.

  “You.”

  That single word found a sweet place in his heart, soothing away his misgivings. This was okay. This could work.

  Right?

  He pushed aside his concerns. Right now he was up in the beautiful mountains, alone with a woman who was growing more important to him by the day.

  He reached over and took her hand in his.

  “You’ve been on my mind, as well.”

  Renee caught her lip between her teeth, her hand tightening her grip on his, her face silhouetted against the green of the trees behind her. “We said we’d go along and see where this led.” Her eyes shone with a light that kindled his hope. “And I like where it’s leading.”

  “You’re allowed to be happy, Renee,” Tate said, trying to sound neutral.

  Renee’s smile blossomed. “It just seems too good to be true.”

  Then she leaned over, and her lips brushed his cheek. The horses pulled away from each other, and Renee laughed. Tate reined his horse in, and Renee did the same.

  Then he leaned closer, and this time they shared a proper kiss. When they broke away, he smiled at her, and lifted her hand to his lips.

  For now, nothing more needed to be said.

  He suppressed all his worries and concerns about Addison. Right now, he was spending time with the woman who had captured his heart.

  The mother of his daughter.

  “That’s a lovely color on you. You haven’t worn that dress in ages.”

  Renee looked down at the dress she had spent half an hour trying to pick out. A soft peach wrap dress that Renee had updated with a wide, brown belt and a shrug. She didn’t usually dress up this much for church. She’d had no reason to before.

  Before Tate.

  “I also love how you’re wearing your hair,” her mother added.

  Renee looked away from her m
other’s knowing eyes. “I thought I would try something different.” She had pulled her hair off to one side and secured it with a pearl comb, allowing the rest of her hair to spill over her shoulder in a cascade of curls.

  Renee swiped lipstick over her lips, trying not to criticize herself and the faults she always found in her features—nose too long and thin, eyes too wide apart, forehead too high.

  “You managed to get all dressed up, too,” Renee said, noticing for the first time her mother’s skirt and blazer. The aqua shirt she wore had an attached silk scarf her mom had tied in a bow. The drop pearl earrings Renee’s father had given her on their twentieth anniversary glinted from her ears. Renee hadn’t seen her mother wear the earrings or the suit since her father’s death. “Special occasion?”

  Brenda gave her a demure smile. “I might ask you the same question.”

  Renee returned her smile, thankful to see her so happy. In fact, Renee hadn’t seen her this carefree in years.

  She wanted to ask her why, but something held her back. She was still deciding whether to push her mother about the therapy program or leave it be.

  Renee parked in their usual spot close to the church, and as she stepped out of the van, she saw Tate’s father striding toward them, his grin making her wonder what was going on.

  But soon she realized he wasn’t looking at her.

  He was looking directly at her mother.

  “Good morning, Brenda,” he said as the lift holding the wheelchair whirred to the ground. “What a treat to see you looking so well.”

  “Thank you, Arlan.” Her mother’s hand fluttered up to touch her hair.

  Arlan Truscott brushed her shoulder with his hand, then stood aside as her mother maneuvered the wheelchair off the van lift.

  “Can I walk with you?” he asked.

  “That would be lovely.”

  Brenda folded her hands in her lap as Arlan grabbed the handles of the wheelchair. He then shot Renee a quick glance. “I’m sorry—do you mind?”

  It seemed strange to let someone else take over, but she knew it would be ungracious to refuse him.

  “No. Not at all,” Renee said as she hit the button to move the lift back into the van. She watched them go, snippets of their conversation drifting back to her, fragments of laughter. Renee suddenly realized she hadn’t heard her mother’s carefree laugh in a long, long time.

  She closed the door of the van, got her purse, then hurried to catch up. By the time she stepped into the foyer, Arlan was already wheeling her mother to the elevator.

  “Renee. There you are!”

  Addison’s exuberant voice behind her created a frisson of yearning and delight. She turned, and when she saw Tate standing beside Addison, her heart did a slow backflip.

  “I was looking for you,” Addison said, swinging her father’s hand. “Where’s your mom?”

  Tate gave Addison an affectionate smile, then looked back to Renee. “I’m guessing my father absconded with your mother, leaving you all alone.”

  “That means you have to sit with us.” Addison caught Renee’s hand in hers, and Renee looked from Tate to Addison with eyes glowing with pleasure.

  “Renee might want to sit with her mother,” Tate warned.

  “Nope. She has to sit with us. Please, Daddy,” Addison pleaded.

  Renee looked down at Addison, clinging to the little girl’s hand as love swept over her in a tidal wave of emotions. Addison’s innocent gesture opened a place in Renee’s soul she had kept tightly shut all these years.

  Then she looked up at Tate, who was giving her a careful smile, as if unsure of the situation himself.

  “I don’t mind sitting by myself,” she said, giving him an out.

  “No. That would be silly, right, Daddy? You come sit with us,” Addison insisted.

  “I guess it’s easier to do what Addison wants,” Tate said, giving her a lopsided smile, which only enhanced the feelings filling Renee’s heart.

  Hope and love washed over her. Beneath them was the reality that she was falling for Tate. That he was becoming intrinsically woven into the fabric of her life.

  “Let’s go sit down,” Addison said, pulling Renee and Tate along with her.

  They came to the top of the stairs just as Arlan was pushing Renee’s mother down the aisle of the church to her usual spot. He bent over her, as if to make sure everything was okay, then with a wide smile, sat down beside her.

  As Renee saw him settle in the pew, then reach over to take her mother’s hand, all the events of the past week meshed together. Arlan was the reason her mother didn’t want to move to Vancouver anymore.

  Renee suddenly realized she might not be all alone caring for her mother anymore. She drew in a long, cleansing breath, then glanced over at Tate, who was also looking at their parents. But a frown furrowed his brow.

  “Did you know about this?” she whispered, leaning closer to him, tipping her head toward their parents.

  “Not really,” he whispered back. “But my dad’s been acting kind of strange lately.”

  “Let’s go sit down,” Addison ordered, tugging on them again.

  Renee and Tate shared another look, then followed their demanding daughter down the aisle.

  Chapter Eleven

  “I got new shoes,” Addison was telling Renee, swinging her legs back and forth in the church pew, admiring the shiny, black Mary Janes adorning her feet. “My daddy bought them for me.”

  “They are beautiful,” Renee said.

  Then Addison leaned against Renee.

  Tate’s heart faltered at the sight. Yes, Renee was Addison’s mother, but the situation between them was tentative. He had to be careful.

  And yet...

  Then Addison elbowed him. “Daddy. Can Renee come to my school play next week?”

  Tate looked down at his daughter, feeling as if he was being pulled in two directions. “I think she might be working at the store,” he said, giving Addison a careful look.

  Addison frowned, then glanced over at Renee, who had the same expectant look on her face.

  In that instant he saw Renee in Addison’s face. In the curve of her jaw and the set of her eyes. His heart faltered.

  Then Renee gave a perfunctory nod. “Of course,” she said quietly. “I...I will be busy.”

  “Can’t you get Ashley to help you?” Addison asked, her voice rising in protest.

  “Inside voice, please,” Renee said, touching Addison lightly on the nose.

  “Maybe Renee can come another time,” Tate said, slipping his arm around Addison’s shoulders.

  Addison wrinkled up her face in dismay and looked as if she was about to lodge another protest. Thankfully, the choir started up, and Addison joined in, switching easily from disappointment to exuberance.

  Glancing over at Renee, he saw that she pulled her hand out of Addison’s and folded hers on her lap. Tate reached across Addison’s shoulder and touched Renee’s, giving it a light squeeze, reconnecting with her.

  She looked at him, and her smile seemed to say, I understand.

  Which made her all the more appealing to him.

  But where did her relationship with him end and her relationship with Addison begin?

  Truth be told, he would prefer to keep Addison and Renee in different parts of his life. At least until he was sure of how things were proceeding with Renee.

  He forced his attention back to the minister, who was announcing that he would be preaching on a passage from Psalm 52 today. Tate picked up a Bible and, as he always did, gave it to Addison. She found the passage, then held it up so they both could read the words.

  “But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.”

  Tate repeated the words again, centering himself. He knew that he had to trust in God’s unfailing love to guide him through this tangle. And he also knew, in every decision of his life, he had to learn to put God first.

  When they were done, he
dropped the Bible back into the rack, ready to focus on the minister and not the beautiful woman sitting beside his daughter.

  “So, Mom, you’ve been running around the store all morning,” Renee said, standing in front of her mother’s chair to block her way. “We need to talk.”

  They stood in the ribbon aisle, with Renee located between her mother and the back room.

  “What do we need to talk about?” she asked, her mother’s voice as innocent as a child’s.

  “Sunday.” Renee dropped her hands on her hips in an I-mean-business gesture. “How we ended up at the Truscotts’ again for lunch, and how you’ve been so busy since Sunday that you haven’t had much time for the store?”

  Her mother gave her an arch look. “Or we could talk about that little walk you and Tate went on after church.”

  Renee tried without much success to suppress the blush that raced up her neck.

  Arlan and her mother had urged her and Tate to go for a walk after lunch. They wouldn’t leave it alone, so she and Tate had gone, Addison staying behind. They hadn’t talked much, but once she and Tate were away from the house, they’d managed to steal a few kisses. Since then, he’d been texting her every day, each trill of her phone sending an answering trill in her heart.

  Renee hadn’t been this happy in years.

  However, she needed to discuss important things with her mother.

  “Then let’s talk about how, when you pushed me and Tate out the door to go for that walk, you and Arlan left with the van and took Addison, and Tate had to drive me home in his vehicle. Maybe we should talk about what’s happening between you and Arlan.”

  Her mother gave Renee a coquettish smile, then tilted her head to one side. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  Renee tried not to get frustrated with her mother. “I’m thinking your matchmaking had more to do with you and Arlan than me and Tate.”

  Brenda merely smiled, and stayed silent.

  “So you and Arlan...?” Renee let the question linger, encouraging her mother to finish it.

  Brenda gave her daughter a coy look. “And you and Tate?”

  “C’mon, Mom, this isn’t junior high. I’ll tell if you will.”