World's Worst Parrot

by Alice Kuipers

  She walks down the hallway toward her room. She passes Ava’s open doorway. “Oh, Ava. What is going on here?”

  “I’m going to clean up. I just haven’t got around to it.”

  “That bird needs to be out of my house,” she says. “Now.”

  “He’s doing way better, Mom. We can train him.”

  Ava is shocked to see that her mom is nearly in tears. “Please, Ava. Not now. I’ve had a really long day.”

  Ava looks at her mom’s face. She can tell she’s exhausted. “Mervin will be gone soon, Mom,” she says. “The zoo person is coming over to assess him. It’s just until the end of this week. I’m really sorry.”

  Her mom wipes her eyes. “It’s just been a very busy day, honey. I need to change. I have to go back out. You two can figure out supper, right?”

  Gregg nods. “Sure, Mom. We’re good. Sorry.”

  As their mom disappears into her room, Gregg slides Ava’s phone back over to her. “Sorry, Ava.”

  “I’m sorry too,” she says. But Ava is distracted. She is thinking about Mervin and the zoo coming to take him away. She is surprised that the idea of the noisy, messy bird leaving makes her feel sad. “I better go clean my room.”

  Chapter Eight

  At lunch the next day at school, Ava sits by herself at a table under the trees. It is warmer today, and the sun is shining. But Ava is feeling blue. And she forgot to pack herself a lunch. Being hungry doesn’t help her mood.

  She gets a text message:

  This is Peter, the bird specialist from the zoo. I’d be happy to come over on

  Friday. How is 4 p.m.?

  Ava pauses. She remembers her mom’s face the night before. She messages back.

  Perfect.

  She should feel happy, but she feels like crying. She sighs. She looks up and sees Kim B. heading her way, smiling.

  “Look, Ava, I was thinking,” Kim B. says as she slides in next to Ava. “It’s stupid that we’re fighting.”

  “I’m surprised you’re even talking to me,” says Ava. “Did Kim V. send you?”

  Kim B. shrugs. “She feels bad. I feel bad. We’re friends. We can figure this out.”

  “Well, I guess.”

  Kim wrinkles her nose, something she’s done for years—Ava remembers her doing it when they were little. It means that Kim is trying to figure out what to say.

  “You’re both giving me a really hard time about this parrot,” Ava says to fill up the awkward silence.

  “Well, it is super gross.”

  Ava thinks about Mervin and how quickly he’d responded to Melinda’s gentle voice. “I know he seems gross, but he actually isn’t.”

  Kim B. wrinkles her nose again. Now she’s disgusted—Ava knows Kim so well. “We don’t want to talk about your parrot, okay?”

  “I really appreciate you coming over, Kim,” says Ava. “I hate it when things are awkward between us. But I do kind of like the parrot. Maybe you should come over and meet him sometime.”

  Kim B. shakes her head. “No way. But as soon as he’s gone, can we come over?”

  Ava doesn’t know how to respond. She’s confused. She wants her friends back. Right? She says, “The zoo will probably take him away on Friday—they’ll be assessing him, but he’s so smart they’ll want him for sure. I’m actually sad about it. I like Mervin. And he’s my responsibility. My great-uncle trusted me to look after him. He knew I liked the bird.”

  “When you were a kid!”

  “Maybe my great-uncle saw something in me that I didn’t even know was there.”

  “Whatever, Ava. At least the parrot is going.”

  Ava nods, but really she wants to shake her head. “I guess.” Across the grass, Melinda waves at Ava. She starts to walk over. But Ava drops her gaze and pretends she hasn’t noticed Melinda waving. Melinda isn’t really the sort of person Kim B. wants hanging around. Ava looks up and sees that Melinda has changed direction—she is now walking toward another table. Ava feels her cheeks redden. She hopes Melinda will understand. Ava has to fix things with her BFFs.

  Kim B. opens up her backpack and pulls out a granola bar. “How’s Gregg doing?”

  “Why?”

  Kim B. giggles. “I don’t know. Just wondering. It’ll be good to see him next time we come over.”

  Ava asks, “Did you seriously just come over and talk to me because you think my brother’s hot?”

  “No!” Kim says.

  “Oh my god. I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re lying to me, Kim. You do this thing where you touch your eyebrow—just like that. Wow. You and Kim V. are welcome to my horrible brother. But not through me.”

  “You don’t have to be like this, Ava.”

  “I thought it was weird that you came over to talk to me after what happened yesterday. Then I just figured that Kim V. had sent you.”

  “I’m not her puppet.”

  “So she didn’t send you?”

  Kim B. looks away.

  Ava says, “She wants to hang out with Gregg. Well, maybe he’ll ask you over sometime.”

  Kim B. gets up and flips her hair. “Whatever,” she says and stomps away.

  Ava slumps at the table. She takes out her phone and checks her feeds. There’s been hardly any response to her last post, just requests for more photos of Mervin. And stupid Gregg has added another post to the AvaandMervin feed. That post has lots of likes and comments.

  Ava flicks through the photos she took with Melinda the night before. There’s a great shot of Mervin preening himself in the sink. She decides to post it.

  My new #parrotpal @avaandmervin might be feathery but he’s actually a bunch of fun. Now that he’s figured out how to get clean, right @melindaflor ?

  Almost immediately people start liking the photo and commenting. But Ava is waiting for Melinda to comment. She realizes she doesn’t care about all the other likes and comments flashing on her phone. She just feels stupid for having ignored Melinda for Kim B.

  But there is no comment from Melinda. Ava looks over at the table where Melinda is sitting. She’s with people from the chess club. She doesn’t even glance Ava’s way.

  That night both Gregg and Mom are out. Ava eats supper tuned in to Netflix. Mervin sits on the arm of the couch. He comments and clucks along. Sometimes it sounds like he’s laughing. Ava finishes eating and then practices tricks with him. He agrees with Ava, saying, “GOOD BIRD” more than once, and he enjoys his peanuts.

  Neither Gregg nor Mom is home by the time Ava goes to bed. She looks at her phone for a while and reads through all the comments about the photo she posted. She says good night to Mervin. He is shuffling around his cage. He clucks and grumbles and says “IDIOT MONKEY” a couple of times. Ava is so sleepy that she ignores the feeling she has forgotten something. She drifts into a dream about being famous. She’s arriving at a huge party.

  In the dream, she realizes that she doesn’t want to be at the party. She wants to leave and hang out with her family. In the dream, she sees a parrot flying above the party. She tries to get the parrot’s attention. He can’t hear her. People are surrounding her, trying to get autographs and yelling her name.

  “AVA!” a voice yells. She wakes. Her phone is ringing. Where is it? She fumbles around the bed. “AVA!” the voice shouts.

  She finds her phone. But she has missed the call. It was her dad.

  “AVA!” It’s Mervin yelling.

  “Stop yelling, you silly bird. It’s the middle of the night. It was just my phone.” Ava messages her dad.

  Everything okay? Was asleep.

  He replies immediately.

  Was just calling when I realized how late it was. Sorry. Always forget the time difference. Miss you, baby girl. Okay. Night.

  Mervin starts yelling again. “AVA, AVA, AVA, AVA, AVA, AVA!” He is hopping around his cage.

  “What is it?”

  The door flings open. “Why is that bird making so much noise?” Ava’s mom is standing at the door in her
dressing gown. She flips on the light.

  Gregg stands next to her. He’s wearing his boxer shorts. He scratches his chest. Ugh. He’s like a gorilla. “Gotta keep it down, Mervin.” He yawns.

  “MONKEY, MONKEY!” Mervin yells. He flaps and screeches in the cage.

  “It’s my fault, Mom. Sorry,” Ava says. She remembers what Melinda told her. “I didn’t cover his cage—I knew I’d forgotten something. My phone ringing set him off. Sorry.” Ava turns to Mervin and says softly, like Melinda did, “Hey, calm down, buddy. It’s okay.” She reaches to open the cage, thinking she can soothe him better with a peanut. Mervin bursts out in a flurry of feathers. He swoops out and lands on her mom’s head.

  “What is going on?” she shrieks. “Get this bird out of my hair! NOW!”

  “Mervin, shhh, shhh,” says Ava.

  Gregg starts to laugh, and Mervin copies him. Then Mervin hops over and lands on Gregg’s head. He nips him on the ear. Gregg yells. He bats the air around his head. “OW, that hurt!” he yells.

  Ava grabs her phone. She films Gregg as he tries to get Mervin off his head. Mervin keeps laughing and nips Gregg’s other ear.

  Now Gregg is running around in circles in his underwear, yelling. Mervin keeps laughing. And Ava keeps filming. Then she holds up a peanut and calmly calls him. “Come, Mervin.” It is the trick Melinda showed her.

  She keeps filming with one hand while Mervin flies over to her. He lands on her arm and grabs the peanut. He happily goes back to his cage to eat it.

  Gregg yells, “What just happened? That bird bit me! Were you filming?”

  “No, of course not,” says Ava. “You were annoying him. He didn’t bite you—he just gave you a little bird kiss!”

  “It hurt.”

  “Everybody back to bed,” says their mom. “The zoo people can’t get here quickly enough, as far as I’m concerned. That bird needs to be out of my house.”

  “Okay, Mom. The zoo guy is coming on Friday. Can’t we just enjoy Mervin while he’s here?” Ava says.

  Gregg stomps off to his room. Their mom sighs. “Good night, Ava. Keep that bird quiet.”

  Ava plonks back on her bed and writes her post.

  THIS is where it’s happening.

  Hahahahahahaha!

  @Greggtheman1234 @melindaflor #avaandmervin

  Then she attaches the video of Gregg running around in his underwear. She loves the end of the clip, where Mervin comes to her and the peanut. She watches the responses. Lots of people like the video, and within a few minutes it has 150 views! This is, as Gregg always says, internet gold. There is still nothing from Melinda though. Ava totally gets why Melinda is ignoring her now and regrets snubbing her earlier. Or maybe Melinda is sleeping. Like a normal person! Like Ava needs to be. “Night, Mervin,” Ava says and pulls the sheet over his cage.

  “Night,” he mutters.

  “I actually wish I could keep you,” Ava whispers. After tonight, she knows there is no way her mom will ever allow that to happen.

  Mervin doesn’t reply. Ava falls into a troubled sleep.

  Chapter Nine

  “What did you do?” Gregg yells. He bursts into her room and lands on her bed.

  “Get off!” Ava screams.

  “Take it down now.” He pats around her pillows, looking for her phone.

  “I’m not taking that down. EVER!” Ava yells.

  Their mom runs into the room. “What is going on here?”

  “Ava posted a clip of me. With that bird. It’s been watched thousands of times!”

  Their mom laughs.

  Gregg and Ava stop fighting.

  “Are you laughing, Mom?” Gregg asks. “You think this is a joke?”

  Ava watches their mom lean against Ava’s desk, laughing so hard that tears form in her eyes. “Oh, Gregg, honey. I’m sorry. It’s just…you’ve been posting all kinds of pictures of Ava and the parrot. What did you expect?”

  Gregg rubs his hand through his hair. He sighs and shakes his head, but Ava can see the beginning of a smile on his lips. “I guess it is kind of funny.”

  “I am sorry, Gregg,” their mom says. But she’s still laughing. “Can I see the video?”

  “Seriously, Mom?” Gregg asks, but Ava can tell he’s not mad anymore. He’s probably as happy as she is to see their mom laughing.

  The three of them sit on the bed and watch the video together. Their mom howls with laughter again. Which sets off Ava and Gregg. Soon all three of them are laughing. Then Mervin, from under his cover, starts to make his laughing sound too.

  Ava pulls off the cover so Mervin can watch with them. They watch the video again and again. During the third replay a text message comes in for Ava.

  This is Peter from the zoo. I can actually come by around 4 p.m. today to assess your parrot. Would that work?

  Today! He was supposed to come on Friday. Today is way too early!

  All three of them see the text.

  “Good,” Gregg says.

  But Ava wonders if he really means it. His voice seems a bit flat.

  “Perfect,” their mom says. “Once that bird is gone, we’ll all get back to normal around here. Now, we all need to get going. I’ll make us pancakes while you two get ready for school.” She gets up and heads out of the room.

  Gregg ruffles Ava’s hair. “Good one, little sister. Pancakes on a school day!”

  “Don’t touch my hair,” Ava replies. But she smiles.

  “IDIOT MONKEY,” Mervin squawks as Gregg leaves the room.

  Ava checks her phone. There is still no like or comment from Melinda. And now Mervin will be leaving this afternoon. How did the day start so well but turn so terrible? At least she’ll get pancakes with her family.

  At school Ava sees Melinda by her locker. She forces herself to go and say hello.

  Melinda chews on a strand of her hair. Her cheeks are red, and she avoids Ava’s gaze.

  “Look, Melinda,” Ava says, “I’m really sorry about yesterday. I thought Kim B. was trying to be friends with me. I didn’t know how to deal with both of you together. I’m sorry.”

  “I get that being friends with me is too embarrassing for you,” says Melinda.

  “No,” says Ava. “I mean, yeah, that might have been what I used to think. But that was before I…I really enjoy hanging out with you and with Mervin. And I’m sorry.”

  Melinda pulls her hair from her mouth. “Thanks. I like hanging out with you too.”

  “Although Mervin is going to the zoo today.”

  “Really? You’re not keeping him?” Melinda says. “Wow, Ava, for a moment there I thought you were actually turning into a nice person. I mean, I know you have a reputation for being someone who just wants to be famous and who only cares about yourself. But I can’t believe you’d just get rid of a living creature like that.”

  “What do you mean, a reputation?” Ava asks, stung. “I’m not like that.”

  “You are! At least, you seemed like that online, but as I got to know you in real life you seemed way kinder. Mervin is an amazing creature. I thought you knew how lucky you were to have him. I saw that video you posted last night with your brother. You seemed to be having a great time. Then you posted a photo this morning of your family and Mervin having pancakes. It seemed like you were finally being real online. But none of it is true with you.” Melinda shakes her head. “I’m so dumb. I thought we’d be great friends.”

  Ava is shocked. How did her apology go so wrong? “We will be. We are!”

  Melinda slams her locker shut. “I’ve got to go. You’re welcome to the Kims of this school. You guys suit each other. You’re all fakes.”

  Ava watches Melinda storm away.

  In social studies Ava sits alone. Melinda has moved back to her old seat, and the two Kims are whispering behind Ava. The others are working on their personal projects. Suddenly Ava knows what she is going to research. Parrots! African grays! She’ll do a project on Mervin.

  She opens up a search engine on her p
hone and begins to make notes. On a whim, she texts her mom and gets Great-Uncle Bertie’s full name. She looks him up. Her mouth drops open. She’s found a Wikipedia page all about him. She learns that someone wrote a book about him. She texts her mom to ask if they can buy the book. She learns that Great-Uncle Bertie fought in North Africa during World War II. After that he traveled and worked as a naturalist throughout Africa. He even discovered various species of birds and plants!

  And then, right there online, she finds the story of Mervin! There’s even a picture of Mervin and Bertie. He found Mervin as a baby parrot, sick and with no feathers. He figured that Mervin’s mother had been killed or captured. But he waited to see if she would return. When the parrot’s mother never came back, Bertie nurtured baby Mervin to health. Mervin ended up traveling all over the world with Bertie. Ava learns that in those days it was easier to travel with animals. And Bertie did a lot of traveling.

  The bell rings. Class has passed so quickly. Everyone packs up and starts heading out of the room.

  Mr. Patel comes over. “I was happy to see you working so hard on your project, Ava. You sure made a lot of notes.”

  She looks at the pages in front of her. She has written loads. “Yes,” she says. “I thought I was going to do a project about African gray parrots, but I think I’m going to do a more personal project. All about my Great-Uncle Bertie and his travels. And his parrot. Mervin is a great bird. Great-Uncle Bertie left him to me in his will.”

  “That’s so interesting, Ava,” says Mr. Patel. “I look forward to your presentation. Maybe you could even bring Mervin to class with you when it’s your day.”

  “Sure!” says Ava. And then she remembers. The zoo is coming to take Mervin away this very afternoon.

  Chapter Ten

  Ava rushes home from school. She opens the front door. Her mom calls out, “Hey, honey! I was hoping you’d be back.” She waves.