Without A Wolf (A Big Woods Pack Novel Book 1)

by Cara Roman

  Vermont, right into the trees. Deep down Emma knew even if the impact hadn't

  been enough she would have died that night. What was going through her head

  as she swerved off the road? Was it blinding terror? Was it sadness that she

  wasn't going to get longer on this earth? Was she grateful that Emma and her

  Dad weren't there with her? Knowing there was never going to be an answer to

  that stole the air from her lungs.

  How had her Dad died? Did Emma even want to know? Was he fighting

  as a wolf? Shot? It hurt too much to imagine. He must have known the end was

  closing in, since she had been sent to public school, so her Dad knew she was

  surrounded by people all day long. It's exactly what she would've done in his

  position. Patrick brought the picture of his Beth along that day. Having her with

  him one last time. Knowing she would never see that picture again was just another blow. That bastard had stolen both of her parents from her, and he

  hadn't even left a picture behind to remember them by. And for what? Because

  he wanted a woman who never wanted him back? She loved someone else, her

  fated mate. He never would have been that for her Mom. Never. That simply

  wasn't the way it worked for shifters. So why the hell couldn't he let go? Was he

  jealous someone else got to love Beth, or was it that he was angry she chose

  Patrick over him? How fucking childish of him. Like a naughty little boy who

  destroyed his favorite toy when he out grew it so nobody else would ever know

  the joy of playing with it. All the lives that man ruined. Vowing one way or another

  Russell wasn't going to win this. He wouldn't get away with taking her parents

  from her, and she damn sure wasn't going to add herself to the list of his victims.

  Finally spent Emma stood up turning her face into the spray erasing the

  salty tracks of her tears. Needing normalcy she went through the motions.

  Washing her hair with the pearly white shampoo. Breathing in the comforting

  scent of apples as she slicked the thick conditioner onto the lengths, careful as

  always to avoid bringing it up too close to her scalp. Nobody wanted to get out of

  the shower with roots already feeling oily. Picking up her razor to shave while the

  conditioner sat on her hair working its frizz reducing magic. Skin smooth and

  hairless she lathered her self up with the thick moisturizing body wash.

  Emma rinsed her hair and body knowing that when she stepped out of the

  shower she wasn't going to be the same person that walked into the bathroom an

  hour before. Her life was smashed to pieces again, but it just wasn't in Emma to

  stay broken. Pulling on a pair of purple cropped sweat pants and a gray tshirt she squared her shoulders and walked out. She would always feel the scars lining

  her soul. Like that cracked plate she bought to hold the candles the other day.

  Determined that this was going to make her stronger, because she knew deep

  down that Russell Decker thought her weak, easily dealt with. Without a wolf she

  might be, but that didn't mean she would cower for a bully.

  Chapter 13

  Seated on the couch staring dejectedly into the fire blazing away in the

  hearth, Lex was the only one left as Emma padded barefoot down the stairs.

  Giving him space she settled on the opposite end of the sectional, tucking her

  feet up underneath her. She could feel the uncertainty radiating off Lex in waves.

  He wasn't sure he was welcome here anymore. "Lex, you know that none of this

  was your fault right? I am incredibly grateful that you told me. It wasn't exactly

  easy to hear, but thats not on you. It takes alot of heart to tell people things you

  know are going to hurt them. Kian is lucky to have you in his life, and I am too.

  Nobody's gonna blame you."

  "Deck might. His family killed yours. Yeah, thats some soap opera shit Emma."

  Lex shook his head. Emma wondered to herself what it would have been like to

  grow up together, as cousins.

  "No, not his family. An evil man killed my family. The rest of the Decker's are

  good, down to their bones good, which is why they didn't know. He hid his true

  nature from everyone."

  "You actually mean that." Lex finally looked over at her. "I haven't told my parents

  yet. I just couldn't. I'll have to someday though. They were both close with

  MaryBeth. I can hold them off for awhile, but they're going to want to meet you. Dad especially. You look so much like your Mom, thats gonna make him real

  happy. I've always thought he blamed himself for not leaving with his sister."

  Not really sure what to think of that Emma nodded. "I can understand that, I

  would want to meet me too if I were them. But, won't they be disappointed that I

  don't have a wolf? That's not exactly something worth bragging about at family

  reunions."

  With a laugh Lex shook his head, "but that doesn't mean we would be ashamed

  of you. It would just be one thing about you. Thats not your whole story Emma."

  "Yeah, I guess. Does that run in your family?"

  "Our family...." Lex said, his brown eyes warming.

  "Our family." Emma murmered with a suprised smile, warmth flooding her at the

  words that she had never said before.

  Seeming happy that she understood Lex said, "not that I know of. Do you have

  stronger senses like we do? Can you heal well?

  "Yeah, I heal just like the rest of you do. I have good senses, better than humans,

  but I'm not sure if its as good as yours."

  "Mine is better as a wolf, but still really good as a man." He replied.

  Looking around the house, "when did they leave? It was pretty rude of me to

  leave everyone down here like that."

  "Nah, no worries. They left right after the shower turned on." He hesitated. "I can hear the half truth there. I got that handy ability too Lex."

  "Of course you did. They, ah, shit Emma, we heard you break up there. It was

  rough hearing that knowing there wasn't anything to do to fix it for you. Kayla

  started to go up to you, and Kole had to stop her. He said you needed to get it all

  out before you could deal with it. She was crying, so I told them I would stay until

  Deck gets home. Since this is all on me."

  "Oh." If it was one of them up there bawling like that she would have had a hard

  time listening too. "Wasn't thinking about shifter hearing."

  They sat there in silence for awhile. Too much had happened, there was

  too much to say, but words didn't seem to be enough. The only sound the wind

  moving through trees. Leafless branches creaking. Thinking her stuff looked

  good scattered around Kian's house Emma wondered if he would still want her

  as a mate. Lex was no doubt hoping he hadn't lost his best friend. And Kian, her

  love was running through the night trying to burn the hurt out of himself. She

  could feel him pushing himself, trying to find relief. It occured to her that if she

  was still feeling him then he had felt all her tears in the shower. It would have

  been nice to spare him that. Wishing she could take Russell Decker down herself

  right now for making Kian feel her pain she asked Lex, "do you think I could be

  turned? Like with a bite? Would that give me a wolf?"

  Hell, I don't know, it could kill you Emma. Even if it didn't, it might not give you a

  wolf. You were born to shifters, maybe that would canc
el it out or something."

  Lex looked really worried. "Don't worry I'm not asking you to do it. I was just wondering, is all."

  "If Deck wasn't already pissed off at me, that would definitely do it. Changing

  someone else's mate is on hell of a big no-no." Lex said visibly relieved that she

  didn't want him to try and turn her.

  Emma figured they could both use a distraction. She asked Lex to tell her

  about his childhood. What it had been like for him growing up. He thought about

  it for a moment, like he wasn't quite sure where would be a good place to start.

  He told her how humid the summers in Michigan got, that the air was so thick

  with moisture it could almost choke you sometimes. So his family and Kian's

  brought all the kids to Lake Michigan to cool off every chance they got. That

  people called it the 'big lake' around here since you were never more than 6

  miles from a lake. They would trek across what felt like miles of scorchingly hot

  sand to pick the perfect spot to set up their blanket. Everyone would be loaded

  down with coolers full of sandwiches and cans of 'red pop'. Or beach bags filled

  with toys, towels, a few bottles of sunscreen, and a half dozen bags of chips.

  When they were really little they would build giant sandcastles with moats dug

  deep and filled with buckets of water. Once they had buried Kian's Dad and

  made him look like a mermaid.

  Then when they were teenagers and could drive themselves they would

  go in search of girls. Couple of scrawny 16 year olds, tall but not quite filled out

  yet. Kole sometimes convincing them he should tag along even though he was

  two years younger. One time they walked down the pier and jumped off the end, even though you really weren't supposed to. They figured since they were

  badass shifters and all it was no big deal. That rip current was pretty intense

  though, and it was harder than they thought to swim into shore.

  Emma could see the three of them swimming for all they had. Taking more

  than they planned, battling the churning waters. Apparently youth held bad

  decisions and teenage stupidity for shifters too. Laughing hard at how they had

  probably looked like half drown cats when they reached the shore. Emma told

  Lex she would have liked to see that. Shaking his head he said it hadn't

  impressed any of the girls, and they all drove home feeling sore and throughly

  water logged. When the laughter died down they looked at each other smiling.

  Chapter 14

  It had been one of hell of a night. Kian was still fighting the rage and pain

  swirling inside of him. But he was finally able to gain enough control to shift back.

  His wolf needed to run the hurt out since he couldn't rip into his uncle yet. He was

  more determined to put and end to all of this with each beat of his paws on the

  ground. How would he ever be able to erase all the damage his uncle had

  caused?

  Kian checked on his siblings before heading home. Kayla was in bed,

  tossing and turning, probably feeling completely helpless to fix everything. Kole

  was down in the living room feet up on the glossy red coffee table bottle of

  whiskey half gone, it wasn't easy for their kind to get drunk. With their

  metabolisms they processed the alcohol too quickly, so they had to drink a whole

  lot rather quickly to get sloshed like humans. But Kole was just trying to take the

  edge off. Numb the pain a little. Knowing Kian's wolf was outside checking in he

  raised the bottle in a silent toast before taking another swallow.

  He would never have even known about all the evil things his uncle had

  done if he hadn't met his Emma. With another reason to be grateful for her in his

  life he walked up the front steps to his porch. Hearing his oldest friend in the

  world laughing with his mate eased his soul a little. They were finding a way past the pain together, like family was supposed to. Let this be the good that came out

  of all the shit stirred up tonight. Emma had a family she never even knew about.

  Kian knew exactly how great it was to have Lex. He would do anything in the

  world for the people he loved, and Emma was one of his people now.

  Lex was telling her about the time their dumbasses had jumped from the

  end of the pier. He left out that nobody was supposed to go into the water that

  day. There had been red flag signs posted all over the beach. Or that the current

  along the structure dragged people out further from shore. Lake Michigan was

  the deadliest of all the Great Lakes, and she had taken them down a peg that

  day. The cocksure shifter boys who thought themselves invincible. Letting them

  have their moment he stood there buck naked on his porch in awe of the way

  fate worked.

  When their laughter quieted he walked in. Emma immediately jumped up

  and ran into his arms. Wrapping his arms around her rocking them back and forth

  a bit. This wasn't going to ruin what they found in each other. Neither one of them

  would let it. Words weren't necessary, Emma didn't have to tell him her feelings

  hadn't changed, he could feel her love weaving around him through the bond.

  Taking a breath he nodded his head. Kian was going to fix this, avenge his mates

  parents. If there was evil in his family, his pack it was on him to eradicated it.

  Lex got up from his spot on the couch to leave. Head down, eyes on the

  floor. That was not right. Still holding onto Emma he reached out, laying a hand

  on his friend's shoulder. "Lex, shit, I didn't handle that well. Its not on you though man. You're my best friend, my brother. Thank you for telling us, and for helping

  my mate when I didn't."

  Raising her head to look into his eyes, "Kian, we both needed space to absorb

  that blow. I felt you whole time, you didn't really leave me." Emma said reaching

  a hand out to Lex linking the three of them. "You have always been his, now

  you're mine too."

  "OK." Giving Emma's hand a squeeze, "I don't know what is going to happen

  next, but I've got your back Deck. It fucking killed me to tell you."

  "I know man. We need to figure out where the bastard is hiding." Kian said.

  "I'm all over that. I will know as soon as that piece of shit moves." Lex said his

  voice gone cold. "I should go, my shift starts soon."

  Lex walked out of the house as the sky was lightening toward dawn. Kian

  turned toward Emma, she was his whole world. But just being in his life had put

  her in danger. He knew that made him selfish, but every man had his limit. Her

  golden green eyes were rimmed red and puffy from crying, but he had never

  seen anyone more beautiful. Cupping the back of her neck he leaned down and

  rested his forehead on hers. "Nobody but you."

  "Nobody but you Kian."

  Chapter 15

  Kian's forehead still resting on hers Emma knew he wasn't going to like

  what she had to say. But it needed to be said none the less. "I need your bite.

  We have to try and turn me."

  Pulling away from her far enough to stare into her eyes Kian shook his head. "We

  can't. There are no guarantees it will work. And I'm not going to do something

  that could kill you."

  Getting frustrated with him, "I was born a shifter. Your bite won't kill me. I just

  know it won't."

  Kian didn't say anything. Just walked up the stairs. Emma got
distracted a

  moment at the sight of her beautiful mate. There was nothing hiding his

  deliciously scuplted muscles. Emma had the sudden urge to sink her teeth into

  the globe of one perfect ass cheek. Her man really was hot, like on a scale of 1

  to 10 he was at least a 12. The fact that he didn't seem to notice his beauty only

  made it more appealing. Reminding her hormones to chill, she strided with

  stubborn purpose up after him.

  "Kian! Don't walk away from me! I'm serious. You need to bite me."

  Closing the bathroom door on her he said "Nope." Emma crossed her arms at the sound of the shower turning on. It would be easier if she could just

  bite him and turn. That wouldn't work though. It would just bleed him. She

  understood why he didn't want to. It wasn't about not wanting to give her a wolf. It

  was that not everyone survived the turn. He was scared. Once he bit her there

  was nothing he could do if it started going wrong. That was probably why her

  parents hadn't done it when they figured out she didn't have a wolf inside. They

  had wanted her alive more than they needed her to be like them.

  Kian walked back out of the bathroom, a white towel wrapped around him,

  hanging low on his waist. Water still running down from his dark blonde hair. "I

  won't be able to keep myself safe without your bite Kian. Please don't leave me

  so vulnerable. Your uncle is going to come for me. We can't keep me hidden

  here forever. Eventually I have to go back to work. I can help you guys."

  Dropping the towel and openning the dresser drawer Kian said, "I love you

  Emma. More than anything else in this world. Even if I bit you, and it didn't

  immediately kill you, and you got your wolf, that doesn't mean the danger passes.

  He got to both of your parents Emma, and they had wolves. Clearly my uncle has

  no fucking honor. That isn't our way. We don't fill in this form. We fight our battles

  as wolves. If thats what he wanted then maybe, just maybe I could get over the

  risk. But a wolf won't stop him from cutting your break lines, or from putting a

  bullet into your head as you walk down the damn street."

  "You're right. He won't fight fair. But he expects this. He doesn't think you will turn

  me. So by not biting me you play right into his hands." Emma said running her hands up Kian's back. "I don't want to die Kian. I want to raise babies with you,