Whodunnit Mrs Christie

by Robert Challis

murdered her do you?

  Janet: Well did you?

  Greg: Of course I didn't.

  Janet: Then keep calm and tell the truth. It's your best chance.

  Greg: You don't think it's that bad? Why should I murder her?

  Janet: Impatient for her money perhaps?

  Greg: But I have to share it with Sarah. Where's the motive in that?

  Janet: For all I knew, maybe it suits you.

  Greg: What? You know I want a divorce. I want you. You have to believe me. You do, don't you?

  Janet: Even if I do, I'm not your judge and jury.

  Greg: You don't think it's going to come to that?

  Janet: It's murder, Greg. Someone's going to take the blame.

  Greg: Oh no!

  Janet: what?

  Greg: It's just occurred to me. What if they find out about us?

  Janet: How does that affect anything?

  Greg: It's going to look bad if they know I'm having an affair with Lady Bayfield's secretary.

  Janet: It's hardly a reason for killing her, though.

  Greg: (Coming to himself) I suppose not. But hadn't we better keep it secret, I mean when the questioning starts?

  Janet: You'll land yourself deeper in it. If they catch, you lying, it makes it all worse. If you've done nothing wrong, your best hope is to be completely straight with them. It'll come out anyway.

  Greg: What's Sarah going to say?

  Janet: Do you think she hasn't guessed?

  Greg: Do you mean...

  (Sarah enters, left. Glares at Janet)

  Sarah: (To Greg) You were in a hurry to get down here.

  Greg: It's all a strain on the nerves.

  Sarah: (to Janet) And who are you staring at? Haven't you got work to do?

  Janet: I've already done my work.

  Sarah: And don't think I'm blind.

  Greg: What?

  Sarah: I’ve had it in the back of my mind for some time now.

  Greg: What are you suggesting?

  Sarah: There's nothing concrete - nothing I can prove - it's more in feelings, and in gestures I've observed. A certain look in the eye.

  Janet: If you're thinking something, why don't you come right out and say it?

  Sarah: In time. I just wanted you to know that I'm not a fool. And when it comes to holding on to what's mine, I won't lie down.

  Janet: I've no idea what you're talking about.

  Sarah: I'm talking about nine years of my life. The man I married. My husband. I won't give him up.

  Janet: Anyone would think he's your slave, to hear you talk. There are times to face facts.

  Sarah: Do you think I'd take advice from a hard faced little vixen like...

  Greg: Sarah!

  Sarah: If you were any sort of man...

  Janet: He'd ditch you in a flash.

  Sarah: You...

  (Enter Ted and Agnes from left)

  Ted: We'll sit over here. Box seat.

  Agnes: How can you he so flippant?

  (They sit on settee. Rayner, Agatha and Thomas enter from left. Constable Whittaker follows and stands by door)

  Rayner: (To Agatha) Perhaps you could sit with the Buckleys. Mr. Thomas...

  Thomas: I'm quite content to stand.

  Rayner: (Indicating chairs at the table) Mr. and Mrs. Hodges. Miss Drewer...

  Janet: I’ll stand too. I'm only an employee.

  Rayner: Murder has no regard for class.

  Janet: All the same, I’ll stand.

  Rayner: (Thomas and Janet standing, and the others seated as directed) Good, now we're ready. We've been fortunate that Mrs. Christie acted so quickly yesterday, first on suspecting that something was amiss, then her presence of mind when she discovered the body. Perhaps, Mrs. Christie, we'll ask you what you did when you went into Lady Bayfield's room.

  Agatha: I checked Lady Bayfield's breathing and pulse, but it was obvious there were no signs of life. Then I rang for Thomas. I phoned for a doctor, and of course, yourself, Inspector Rayner. Since Lady Bayfield was past help, we searched her room for the obvious, carefully avoiding touching or moving anything. I then left Thomas there to wait for the doctor.

  Rayner: Since then, I've organised a thorough search of the house and grounds, and we've already had some preliminary results of tests we've had done. It all seems to confirm Mrs. Christie's original reconstruction of events.

  Agatha: At around three forty-five, Thomas handed Lady Bayfield the glass of water that was already at her bedside. She drank a little, than sent Thomas down here to announce her death. Other evidence led me to suspect that her water was drugged.

  Rayner: our tests have confirmed a soluble sleeping powder, available without prescription.

  Agatha: The evidence suggests that whoever drugged the water later entered her room carrying a pillow. Finding Lady Bayfield fast asleep...

  Rayner: (Rayner picks up the pillow to demonstrate) They held the pillow with all their strength over her face. On the amount of sleeping powder she'd taken, she must have awakened, and struggled - with all the strength of a dying woman. Imagine her horror in this moment of realisation. The doctor gives heart attack as the cause of death, so mercifully her week heart cut short her sufferings. Ladies and gentlemen, we are dealing here with a horrible death, and a cold and brutal murderer.

  Agatha: Suddenly they hear a noise - footsteps on the stairs. Not wanting to be caught with it, they throw the pillow under the bed and leave the room. They have no opportunity - or daren't risk returning to retrieve the pillow, and so it stays there.

  Rayner: On our reconstruction of your movements yesterday, anyone of you would have had the opportunity of drugging her water, or returning later with the pillow.

  Ted: So what's all this leading to?

  Rayner: So that you know why it is necessary to take everyone's fingerprints.

  Greg: Is that necessary? I resent being regarded as a suspect. Just because you happened to be alone at a certain time, it doesn't make you a murderer. I, for one, had absolutely no reason for wanting her dead.

  Rayner: Really? I understood you were a main beneficiary of her Will.

  Greg: But I ... I mean all our fingerprints are going to be everywhere. What does it prove?

  Rayner: You can leave that for me to decide.

  Greg: But look here, we have rights. You can't compel us to be fingerprinted.

  Rayner: It would look very odd if you were the only one to refuse. Of course, if you want to force the issue, I can get an order from a Magistrate... All right then. Only one further question. I understand that it's normal for someone else to be in the know in these murder plots. Lady Bayfield must have primed one of you as her murderer. Who was it?

  (Pregnant pause. Agnes looks at Ted, then stands up.)

  Ted: (In a whisper) Sit down, don't be stupid.

  Rayner: Mrs. Buckley.

  Agnes: (Standing) It was I. She phoned me... earlier in the week.

  Rayner: Cause of death?

  Agnes: Poison - in her water. In the game I mean.

  Rayner: Motive? For the game of course...

  Agnes: (Pause) The Will. I had to burn it. Then the old one comes into force. The new Will cut me out. She told me to burn it - in her fireplace.

  Rayner: But she was already dead when you made your little fire. So it wasn't just a game after all.

  Agnes: (Disturbed) I know. I meant I know now, but I didn't check. I thought she was just asleep.

  Rayner: So you went into her room according to prior instructions and removed her Will from her desk and set fire to it, and throughout this little performance, you didn't happen to notice that Lady Bayfield was dead?

  Agnes: No... I...

  Rayner: (To Ted) Do you know anything about this?

  Ted: I think we're all going mad.

  Rayner: Mr. Buckley!

  Ted: I have nothing to say.

  Rayner: It might save us a lot of time later.

  Ted: Nothing, Inspector. Nothing until I
can consult a lawyer.

  Rayner: Well that's your right, but if you've nothing to hide, there's no risk in telling the truth. You can ponder that in the dining room with everyone else. Ladies and gentlemen, there will be an officer there to take your fingerprints. I’ll ask you to be patient, and not leave the room without an officer attending you.

  (With general murmuring, all but Rayner, Agatha and Constable Whittaker exit right. Constable takes a position at the back of the stage. Agatha stands.)

  Rayner: Two heads are better than one, Mrs. Christie, and it may be of interest to you to take part in this investigation.

  Agatha: What do you make of it all?

  Rayner: A rather simple murder case, unfortunately made confusing by the damned murder game.

  Agatha: False clues laid by Lady Bayfield.

  Rayner: Exactly. And she isn't with us now to say which are false trails, and which are real.

  Agatha: The fake murderer should be able to tell us that - Mrs. Buckley.

  Rayner: If she really is the fake murderer.

  Agatha: You don't think she is?

  Rayner: No I don't. Her story was too ridiculous for words.

  Agatha: Then why did she claim she was?

  Rayner: I have my ideas on that, and we'll check them out. It's my hunch that whoever was primed by Lady Bayfield as the fake murderer, is also the real murderer. Now that Lady Bayfield is dead, they are the only person who knows the clues that Lady Bayfield set. My guess is they've tampered with those clues, concealed and changed them.

  Agatha: So where do we go from here?

  Rayner: We have here a very cruel and calculating murderer - someone who has planned well in advance, and put that plan into action with nerves of steel. I propose to apply some heat. Everyone has their achilles heel. I have to find theirs and exploit it until they crack. Constable, could you ask Mr. Thomas and Miss Drewer to come in now?

  (Constable exits right)

  Agatha: The two of them together?

  Rayner: Divide and rule. Set the one against the other. It worked for the British Empire for centuries.

  (Enter Constable with Thomas and Janet from right. Agatha sits on settee)

  Rayner: Mr. Thomas, Miss Drewer, please sit down. (He indicates the seats at the table and they sit, Janet at left) We already have a fairly good picture of people's movements yesterday. I thought we might go back before yesterday. (He gets pillow from coffee table) May well be labelled exhibit number one in court. (Inspecting pillow and case) Unusual sort of murder weapon when you think about it. Drugging the victim first to prevent noise or struggle. Almost a feminine touch, don't you think, Miss Drewer?

  Janet: If you can say there's anything feminine about murder.

  Rayner: (Inspecting pillow) Well said. Odd thing. At first sight, all the pillows used upstairs, and the pillow slips too - identical. Presumably that's how they looked to all the guests. But I notice there are initials sewn into the pillow, and on the inside of the case. Do they have a meaning, Miss Drewer?

  Janet: Lady Bayfield was very particular about sheets and pillows. She insists that the same sets be always used in the same bedroom. So she has a code sewn into each. Hygiene she says. Frankly, I wouldn't be bothered with the performance of matching them all.

  Rayner: (Disappointed) So there's no way of identifying where a particular pillow came from?

  Janet: I'm Lady Bayfield's secretary. I don't make the beds.

  Thomas: Janet is always careful to make sure she doesn't do anything that's not one of her formal duties. I made the beds.

  Rayner: And?

  Thomas: I made up the beds an Friday. I make sure I follow the coding system. It’s what she wants.

  Rayner: I see. Now on this particular pillow and pillow case, we have the code G one. What does it mean?

  Thomas: M stands for the master bedroom - Lady Bayfield's. G stands for guest room. G one is guest room one Where the Hodges sleep.

  Rayner: And this code you use - are you sure, I mean absolutely sure, you followed it exactly on Friday? Take your time Mr. Thomas.

  Thomas: I distinctly remember checking. There's no mistake.

  Rayner: (Pleased) So this one must have come from the Hodges' room.

  Thomas: It could have, but more likely it came from the linen closet in the bedroom corridor. We have spares for all the bedrooms. Some people like two pillows on their bed.

  Rayner: And the Hodges?

  Thomas: They sleep with one pillow each, so there are two spares in the corridor closet.

  Rayner: Then this pillow marked G one was taken either from the Hodges' bed, or from the hallway cupboard?

  Thomas: That's right, sir.

  Rayner: Very good. You've been most helpful. From the sounds of it, Mr. Thomas, you do more than a butler's job here.

  Thomas: (with pride) That's right, sir. I make - I beg your pardon - I made it my task to satisfy Lady Bayfield in every way I could.

  Janet: (Laughing) You old rogue - I always knew you two were up to something...

  Thomas: (Interrupting) I beg your pardon, Inspector. Miss Drewer has chosen to misinterpret me. I've worked here for thirty years, and there's been nothing of that sort. But I've always been more than a butler here - chauffeur, handyman, housemaid and cook on their days off. I have no liking for firearms, sir, but Lady Bayfield has even had me learn to use a pistol.

  Rayner: A pistol - whatever for?

  Thomas: She's afraid of break-ins. The way things are in society today, I don't blame her. But I've never had to use it. To tell the truth, faced with the situation, I don't think I could bring myself to pull the trigger.

  Rayner: A Jack of all trades, then.

  Themes: That's right. And I believe Lady Bayfield fully appreciated my work.

  Rayner: It appears she showed her appreciation in a rather generous way.

  Thomas: I beg your pardon, Sir?

  Rayner: The Will. You get a very generous mention.

  Thomas: I'm very grateful for that.

  Rayner: Any plans of what to do with it?

  Thomas: I really haven't had time to think about it.

  Rayner: But surely you must have made some retirement plans.

  Thomas: I've lived here so long, I suppose I imagined dying here.

  Rayner: You must have considered the possibility of Lady Bayfield dying.

  Thomas: She always seemed... indestructible.

  Rayner: Come on man, you have a life of your own.

  Thomas: This has been my life - serving Lady Bayfield. I've no family of my own to speak of. After thirty years, you get to know someone very well - all their little ways. It comes to be like a habit in the end - a part of your life. I suppose it really was a bit like being married - although I can't really say, since I've never been married.

  Rayner: Obeying her every order, pandering to her every whim - not much like marriage in my book.

  Thomas: I've heard some would disagree with you there.

  Rayner: Hmmm. But what about your spare time? Hobbies, vices?

  Thomas: I've no hobbies. This is my life twenty four hours a day.

  Janet: (Cheerfully) Hang on, Thomas, you do have one little vice.

  Thomas: Nothing that need concern Inspector Rayner.

  Janet: He has a fetish for slow horses. He likes to put money on them.

  Rayner: Oh?

  Janet: Caused a disagreement with the mistress recently, didn't it Thomas?

  Thomas: (uncomfortably) I don't think this is anyone's business.

  Janet: Inspector Rayner might think it is. (To Rayner) It's the reason he was cut from her last Will. He came to her for a little loan.

  Thomas: That was all sorted out.

  Rayner: How much was it?

  Thomas: I'd had a run of bad luck. I was just temporarily embarrassed.

  Rayner: How much?

  Thomas: A hundred pounds. But she came through with the money.

  Janet: Then cut you out of her Will as punishment.

&n
bsp; Thomas: It was no less then I deserved. But she graciously forgave me.

  Rayner: But you must have felt aggrieved to say the least.

  Thomas: Not at all.

  Rayner: What if she'd died when the old Will was still in force?

  Thomas: Then it would've been my own fault.

  Rayner: Any new gambling debts?

  Thomas: None at present.

  Rayner: We can check the local bookies.

  Thomas: None at present. And if I may say so, sir (glancing to Janet) it seems to me some people are too fond of blabbing other people's secrets. Particularly people with something to hide themselves. (To Janet) I can't say you were ever very fond of Lady Bayfield.

  (Rayner looks at Janet)

  Janet: (As if answering Rayner) That's putting it mildly.

  Rayner: How long have you been working here?

  Janet: Seven years.

  Rayner: No mention in her Will. It leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

  Janet: Does it? Hardly enough reason to bump off the old dear.

  Rayner: Pique can be very powerful.

  Thomas: Hadn't you better tell the rest of the story?

  Janet: What are you talking about?

  Thomas: (To Rayner) She was given a letter of notice on Friday. Lady Bayfield specifically instructed her not to open it until Sunday. She didn't want Janet spoiling the weekend. I happened to overhear from the bedroom when they were in the corridor.

  Rayner: She gave you a letter, instructing you not to open it until Sunday. But you opened it. Why?

  Janet: I wanted to know what was in it.

  Agatha: And what did Lady Baylield say when you opened it?

  Janet: Nothing. She goes to her grave in ignorance.

  Rayner: Do you still have the letter?

  Janet: (Looking at Thomas) Yes. I thought this might he raised. (Takes a letter from her pocket and hands it to Rayner)

  Rayner: (Looking at letter) She was afraid of you spoiling the weekend if you knew you were sacked. I suppose killing her would be a good way of spoiling the weekend.

  Janet: (Cheerfully) I suppose it would.

  Rayner: She mentions fifty pounds severance. Do you have the money with you?

  Janet: (Producing it, then returning it to her pocket) Quite sporting of her, I thought, after all our differences.

  Rayner: (Handing letter to Agatha) I notice the letter's typed, and unsigned. Can you explain that?

  Janet: I suppose she must have forgotten to sign it.

  Rayner: Forgery not your long suit?

  Janet: I couldn't say. I've never tried it.

  Thomas: There was something else I overheard, that still puzzles me. I couldn't hear the rest, but I distinctly heard the words, 'trip to Paris'. Janet told me Lady Bayfield was thinking of a trip to Paris.

  Janet: It was just a passing remark - she thought it might brighten her up.

  Thomas: Well I don't know. It really sounded emphatic to me.

  Janet: Maybe you ought to have your ears cleaned out.

  Thomas: (To Rayner, pointedly ignoring her remark) There was something else I wanted to mention, Inspector. But I'd be happier if I could tell you in confidence. (Glances to Janet)

  Rayner: If you don't mind, Miss Drewer.

  Janet: (Getting up and heading to exit right) I don't mind. I've nothing to hide. (Gesture of cleaning out her ears as she looks at Thomas just before she exits)

  (Rayner sits in the chair left that Janet has vacated.)

  Thomas: (Making sure Janet is out of the room) Inspector, I don't like spreading gossip in normal circumstances, but since this is a police investigation, I think there's something you should know about Janet. She and Mr. Hodges have been carrying on together.

  Rayner: ReaIly?

  Thomas: Disgusting it was - in this very house - right under the noses of Lady Bayfield and poor Mrs. Hodges. I felt really sorry for his wife. Such a nice lady she is. You have to be careful where you go in this house so you don't find them crawling over each other.

  Agatha: Did Lady Bayfield know about it?

  Thomas: Yes. She had to be told. I didn't like doing it. And that's why she rewrote her Will this