Rules

by Doe, Anna B.

  “Mhmm.” I step forward and pat him on the back. “You’re a dick, Andrew. And although some habits do die hard, you’ll have to do better than that. Stop playing your games and get your shit under control. Then you might have an actual shot. God help us all.”

  And when the words die on my lips, I know this is it. Reluctantly, I pull away, my hand falling to my side. Pressing my lips in a tight line as not to say anything else, I turn on my heels and start walking after the Sanders twins.

  Don’t turn around. I chant to myself, refusing to give in to the pull. Don’t say anything.

  But I don’t have to, because Andrew is the one who calls after me.

  “You think you’re so much better than me?” His words stop me in my tracks, but I don’t turn around. If I do, I’ll tell him everything, and he can’t know.

  “Not really, but if you can get your shit under control, maybe there’s hope for the rest of us.”

  With those parting words, I finally walk away. I thought it would be easier if he didn’t know, but I couldn’t be more wrong.

  * * *

  MAX

  It feels like forever before Brook comes to the car. She looks in the backseat noticing Jeanette’s sleeping frame. I can see her reflection in the review mirror. She inhales one deep breath as she takes those last few steps to me.

  She looks at me through the closed window with arms wrapped around her. I tilt my head to the side, telling her to get in, but the only reaction I get is a slight tilt of her chin in the air. I curse, lowering the window between us.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “Is she okay?” Brook looks at the backseat, completely ignoring my question.

  “She passed out. She’ll have a wicked hangover tomorrow, but that’s it.”

  You hope so, but what if you’re wrong?

  Gritting my teeth, I ignore the little voice that’s been taunting me since I saw my sister dancing drunkenly on the bar.

  Brook nods, still refusing to look at me. “That’s good. I’m glad she’s okay. Or, as okay as she can be.”

  Silence falls between us. I watch her shift her weight from one leg to the other, the movement making the hem of her skirt rise up and reveal a few extra inches of her skin. That sexy, smooth skin I couldn’t get enough of. Just thinking of it, thinking of my hands caressing her body, makes my mouth water.

  “I should get…”

  “Get in the car, Brook,” I interrupt her through clenched teeth, done with playing games.

  That does it; she looks at me with fury burning in those emerald eyes. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Sanders.”

  Sighing, I tilt my head back. I’m pissed at Jeanette for losing it tonight. At Brook for not stopping her. For hiding from me. At myself for lashing out at her. My head is throbbing, and I’ve just had enough of this day. Enough of this week.

  Unclasping my seatbelt, I open the door and get out.

  “You’ll either get in this car, right now, or I’ll throw you inside. Your choice,” I say softly as I stand toe to toe with her. If she were somebody else, she’d probably stumble back, but she holds her ground, not moving an inch.

  That’s my girl.

  “Do you really think you can bully me into doing things your way?” She pokes me in the middle of the chest with her finger. “I’ve had enough of your asshat attitude for one night.”

  “Oh really?” I challenge.

  In the distance, the party is still raging on. It’s the only thing that’s breaking the peacefulness of the night. It’s hard to believe nobody ever called the cops on us. Then again, this is the house of the person most likely to become the future mayor of Greyford.

  Then the noise grows even louder, and after a second, I realize it’s close to midnight. How is it possible that this night has turned so disastrous before we even got to midnight?

  Brook tilts her head back so she can look at me better. Her lips part, but no words come out. Her eyes grow wide as she realizes it’s almost midnight.

  I can feel my heart slow down, beating in tune with every roared countdown.

  She sucks in her lip, nibbling at the red flesh before she slowly lets it go. Her lips glisten in the moonlight, and I can’t seem to look away.

  I kissed her only a few days ago, but it feels like forever. That’s because she ignored you. For days, she ignored you, not answering any of your calls or texts. Not like it matters. Even if she ignored me a thousand times, I’d want her. My body always craves more. More of her kisses. More of her touches. More of her.

  My hands clench by my sides. Once. Twice.

  Blood rushing through my body rings in my ears, but even that doesn’t dull her voice.

  “M-Max?”

  A question or a plea? I’m not sure I have it in me to wait and find out.

  “Fuck, Brook…”

  With that, I give up all pretense of control. My hands grip her cheeks as I pull her in for a kiss.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  BROOK

  Max is kissing me.

  Those words ring in my head loudly and on repeat as his lips brush against mine. His touch is hard, almost desperate. He nudges me for entrance, and I give it to him, his hot tongue sliding into my mouth.

  I moan at the feel of him, my hands gripping his shirt and pulling him tighter.

  Max Sanders is kissing me, and once again, I’m letting him.

  Push him away. I know I should push him away, let him go once and for all and be done with it. After all, that’s what I’ve done these last few days, avoiding all the calls and text messages. One day. I had one day with him. One day where I hoped there could be more. One day where I gave him my everything, only to have it all ripped into pieces once I got back to reality. My reality. The one where Max doesn’t belong.

  This is wrong on so many levels. This desire I feel for him, this need, when I know we can never be together. We’re so different. Yet the same. He’s still into Lia, while I can’t help but fall for him more every day. We were just at each other’s throats, and now he’s kissing me like his life depends on it. Like he won’t survive if he doesn’t kiss me.

  In the distance, I can hear people shouting as they welcome in the new year, but it’s all background noise. When Max’s lips are on mine, it feels like everything else falls away and it’s just him and me.

  Just this one kiss. One more kiss.

  His tongue slides against mine, and I can hear his loud groan as it shakes me to the core. My heart kicks up a notch, if that’s even possible, and all I can do is slide my hands around his neck, my fingers tangling in the hair at the nape, pulling him closer.

  Our bodies rub against one another, and I can’t escape the heat pooling in my body.

  I move closer, so close that our bodies are flush together.

  Max groans, breaking the kiss. His teeth nibble at my lower lip, sucking it in his mouth. “You’re killing me,” he breathes against my lips, his hot breath tickling my skin.

  “And you’re infuriating me, so I guess we’re even.”

  His lips brush against mine, this time almost playfully. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He trails kisses over my jaw and down my neck. Murmuring in approval, I tilt my head back. “This doesn’t make you less of a jackass,” I whisper softly just as his mouth brushes against the hollow between my shoulder and neck.

  He nibbles at the exposed skin, making my whole body vibrate in awareness. “And yet, you let me kiss you.” I can feel his smile against my skin.

  My fingers dig into his scalp, and I pull him away just enough so I can look him in the eyes. “Next time, I’ll kick you in the groin,” I warn. My leg slides between his, and I slowly slide it upward to drive my point.

  “Next time, I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

  What the hell am I doing? There will be no next time. There can’t be. Hell, there shouldn’t be a this time either. I’m not sure if it’s the pent-up tension that�
�s always burning between us or if it’s the remains of the alcohol still buzzing in my veins, but one thing’s for sure—whatever it is, I’m too weak to resist it. And worst of all? I don’t want to.

  Just tonight. Let me have this one more night.

  So when Max leans forward, his lips capturing mine once again, I return his kiss with everything I’ve got. We kiss for so long my lips go numb, but even then I don’t want it to end. And I’m sure we’d keep at it if it weren’t for a soft moan breaking through our haze and making the choice for me.

  We pull back, breaking our kiss, but Max presses his forehead to mine, not letting go.

  “You should take her home,” I whisper softly, looking at Jeanette. Loving her and hating her at the same time for taking this away from me.

  Max nods, his fingers brushing the hair out of my face before he presses his lips against the crown of my head and finally pulls away completely.

  “I’ll take you both home.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  MAX

  That night, after I get Brook home and Jeanette in her bed, I crash in my room, but sleep avoids me. I toss and I turn to no avail. My brain is too restless to fall asleep, my thoughts too wandering.

  Memories of Jeanette from before and now mix with memories of Brook. My worst fear and biggest desire all happening in one night. I wanted to bring Brook home with me, but I knew Jeanette needed me. I still can’t believe she would do something like this. After everything she’s been through, everything we’ve all been through. I knew that messing with Andrew would be her undoing, and I wasn’t wrong. Now the only question is, how big is the damage he left behind?

  Rubbing my hand over my face, I finally give up on sleep when the first rays of sun start showing through the shades of my window. I know I have to talk to her, but when I peek inside her room, I find her still asleep in the middle of her bed. With worry still eating at me, I enter inside, careful not to wake her.

  Even in the darkness of her room, I can see her skin is pale, messy hair spread on her pillow. Reaching forward, I tuck one runaway strand behind her ear.

  I can feel the familiar ache in my heart. Jeanette has owned a part of me from before we were born. For years we were inseparable, but when things went downhill at our last school, a gap formed between us that only seems to grow larger and larger with time.

  Will we ever go back to how things were before, Anette?

  Sighing, I take a step back. There is nothing I can do now. Not until she’s awake.

  Turning on the balls of my feet, I softly close the door behind me. Might as well use the time wisely until she wakes up. We’re going back to school soon, which means hockey. I have to put all my efforts into winning that trophy and possibly my spot on a division one hockey team.

  * * *

  “You’re awake,” I say, opening the door to Jeanette’s room wider. She’s sitting in her bed, leaning against the headboard. Still in her pajamas, her hair is a mess, cheeks flushed.

  She locks her phone, sliding it under her pillow. Turning on the light, she sits straighter, pulling the covers until they’re tucked underneath her chin.

  “Yeah,” Jeanette murmurs, her voice all dry and raspy. “Just got up.”

  I nod, observing her carefully from the doorway. “I made you some soup.”

  She frowns at the mention of food. “A bit later?”

  My heart sinks, but I’m not about to let this go. Not after last night. “Jeanette…”

  I enter the room, not bothering to close the door. She looks at me with those wide eyes, and I can’t help but take her in. Really take her in. Questions start rising in my mind as I slowly walk toward her.

  Did I do it again? Did I fail her? Miss the signs that were right underneath my nose?

  Sitting by her side, I take her hands in mine and look at them, not saying anything. Just observing. Her fingers are long and thin, nails cut neatly and painted in dark red. Tucked between mine, her hand looks so small and frail.

  Breakable, just like her.

  Clearing my throat, I lift my gaze to hers, silver eyes clashing as I finally break the silence. “What was yesterday all about?”

  “I’m fine, Max.”

  I’m fine, Max. I can’t remember the number of times I heard her say those exact same words over the last few years. I’m fine. Everything is okay. But she wasn’t fine and nothing was okay. She was just good at hiding, and I was good at pretending. Too lost in my own world—hockey, school, girls—to notice my sister’s suffering. Her literal withering in front of my eyes.

  Not this time.

  “But are you?” The question comes out more forceful than I intended, almost panicked, but I can’t take it back. I don’t want to take it back because I can’t go back to two years ago. “Are you really?”

  I look over her face, hoping to see something. Something that will help me decipher the truth from the lie. I’m panting, but when I try to take a deeper breath to regain even a semblance of control, the breath gets stuck in my lungs.

  “I. Am. Fine.” Jeanette looks me straight in the eyes as she says those words, her fingers gripping mine. Her squeeze is strong, and it helps ground me. “Really.”

  “You don’t look fine, Anette.” I shake my head. “You look like somebody ready to spiral out of control again. All these months I keep looking at you, wondering if I’m missing something again. Are you really fine or are you pretending? Will I be able to see it this time around? If you fall back to the darkness, will I be able to see it? Will I be able to pull you back out before it’s too late?”

  Now I’m in full-on panic mode. I can feel my blood pumping through my veins and hear its echo in my eardrums. Every word comes out faster and faster. All the fears that I’ve been pushing back, the worry and heartache that have been haunting me want to get out, and there is no stopping them.

  “Max…”

  The palms of my hands are sweaty and I want to brush them against my pants, but to do so I’d have to let go. And I can’t do it, because what if I let go and I lose her forever?

  “I can’t lose you, Jeanette.” I shake my head, my vision turning blurry. “I can’t. That time you broke. So small. So pale. So fragile. You’ll never understand the fear I felt as I watched you literally fall apart in front of my eyes. I don’t think I even realized until that moment how breakable, how mortal you are. The fear, the panic… it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. You and me, Anette. We’re a team. We’re one person. Losing you would be like losing a part of myself. I almost lost you once, and I barely survived it. To lose you for real…”

  I stop, choking on the words. There is no way I can say them out loud. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

  “Max, I’m fine.”

  “But are you really?” I take her in, her pale face and slim frame. “You look skinnier than you did a few weeks ago. I’ve seen you barely touch your lunch a few times at school.”

  Her throat bobs at my words.

  “Did you know I always notice it? Even when I’m not consciously looking or listening, I always see when you leave something on your plate. Or when you say you don’t feel hungry. Every time you give yourself a critical look in the mirror I wonder—what does she see? Will this be the time the monster comes back and makes her see something that doesn’t exist?”

  “Oh, Max…” Jeanette whispers, and I can feel the pain in her voice. Tears fill her eyes, but before I can do or say anything, she pulls her hands out of mine and throws herself at me. Her arms wrap around my shoulders, squeezing tight.

  I stand still, stunned. We haven’t hugged like this in so long I forgot how it feels. When we were close before, hugging like this was a given, but like our relationship, this also disappeared. Curling my hands around her, I squeeze her tighter. She leans into the crook of my neck, and I can hear her inhale. My whole body relaxes, savoring this moment to the fullest. I can feel my eyes burn, and I have to close them to hold in the emotions wanting to break f
ree.

  “I missed this,” Jeanette whispers softly.

  I nod, too choked up to say anything else.

  My hands run up and down her back in slow motion. “You’re skinnier.”

  Sighing, Jeanette pulls back, her tear-stained eyes meeting mine.

  “I’m trying, Max. I really am, but sometimes…” She inhales sharply and her eyelids flutter, tears falling down her cheeks. “But sometimes, it’s hard. There are days I can fight it, days I can look at my reflection in the mirror and say, ‘Screw you,’ and move on, but then there are days when nothing I say or do will ever make it better. Days when all I want to do is rip my skin off my bones and hide. Days when just the slightest of comments will ruin weeks of good days and make all the light submit to the darkness lurking underneath. I want to be strong, Max. I do. And not for you or anybody else, but for myself. I want to be confident and happy and whole. And some days I can be just that. But some days… some days it’s just too much.”

  “Is it Hill?” I have to ask harshly. He might be my friend, but if he’s messing with Jeanette, so help me God, I’ll kick his ass.

  “Andrew?” Jeanette frowns. “What does he have to do with anything?”

  Is she shitting me? Does she really think they’re so smart with their sneaking that nobody’s noticed?

  I give her a knowing look. “I’m not blind, Jeanette. And your sneaking skills are shit. Only a fool couldn’t see through the two of you.”

  Sighing, she leans against the pillows and looks at the ceiling. “It’s not Andrew.”

  It’s hard to suppress the scowl at the sound of his name falling from her lips because whatever she says, I can see the look in her eyes, hear the undertone in her voice. Her feelings, they’re stronger than she wants to admit, even to herself.

  “For a while, you seemed happier, J. Content. What changed?”

  Jeanette nibbles at her lip. The silence stretches between us as she thinks it over until she finally breaks. “I was happy. He made me happy. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I should start learning how to be happy on my own.”