Rules

by Doe, Anna B.

  I take her hand in mine, thinking over her words. “You’ll succeed. If anybody deserves to be happy, it’s you. But please, don’t scare me like that anymore. I was serious when I said it; I cannot lose you.”

  She offers me a smile. It’s weak, but it’s something. “I’ll try not to.”

  “I’m here.” I need her to understand that. Need her to know she can rely on me. That I’m here and I won’t let her down. “If you need somebody to talk to or just want me to sit by you, I’ll always be here. You’ll always come first.”

  Our relationship might be damaged, but it’s not beyond repair. It’ll take time, but we’ll heal. Together.

  She nods, returning my squeeze. “You and me.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  BROOK

  “You’ve been awfully quiet since school started back up,” Mrs. Brown says as she oh-so-nonchalantly stocks the art closet. Her quirky voice makes the vein in my forehead throb.

  “And that’s different from my usual self how exactly?” I ask, not once moving my eyes from the blank canvas in front of me.

  School started last week, and since then I’ve been doing my best to stay away from everybody, most of the time coming to hide in the art room, where I try to work on something.

  The canvas all but mocks me. Puffing my cheeks, I dip the tip of my brush into the paint—don’t ask me which one; I’m not even sure—and start blindly tapping around on the white surface.

  Fake it til you make it and all that.

  “Not this quiet,” Mrs. Brown continues, not noticing—or more likely not caring—about my need for solitude. “Besides, for all the time you spend here, you haven’t even started working on a new piece since you’ve been back.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “Then what are you trying to say exactly?!” I sigh loudly, exasperated with this conversation.

  She stops in front of me, forcing me to look at her. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and although she’s giving me a hard look, I can see the worry in her eyes. “For somebody so young, you’re awfully cranky.”

  I open my mouth but close it almost as quickly, the guilt tasting bitter on my tongue. Mrs. Brown hasn’t done anything to deserve my attitude. She’s gone above and beyond to give me a safe haven to come to when I need space and solitude.

  Clearing my throat, I say, “Mrs. Brown…”

  “There you are!” Lia interrupts, rushing inside like a tornado. Today her hair is down in a wavy mess. Her breathing is elevated, cheeks rosy. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  I look between her and Mrs. Brown, not knowing what to do. I should apologize to her, but I can’t do it in front of Lia. Then she’ll ask what’s going on and I’ll have to lie to her. Again.

  “It’s okay.” Mrs. Brown squeezes my hand in passing. “We can talk later.”

  Nodding, I watch her go back into the art closet, closing the door behind her to give us some space to talk.

  Taking one deep breath, I turn toward my best friend. “What’s up?”

  “What’s up?” Her eyes narrow at me, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think she’s pissed at me. “What’s up with you? It feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

  Then again, maybe she is pissed.

  “Lia…”

  “No.” She shakes her head at me. “Don’t you ‘Lia’ me. I don’t want to hear any more excuses. I know something is going on with you.”

  “It’s been a rough couple of weeks,” I say, not a lie per se, but so far from the full truth.

  Brown eyes soften almost instantly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I’m not sure now’s…” She takes a step back almost like I slapped her.

  Maybe it’s better this way. Make a clean break now before you do real damage.

  “I can’t help you if you won’t let me,” she whispers.

  “Lia...” I wince, the guilt I’ve been feeling over being mean to Mrs. Brown feels like nothing compared to this. I want to tell her it’s not her fault, that I’m doing all of this for her, to keep her safe, but the words die before they even reach my lips. I can’t risk pulling Lia into my world. I won’t risk it.

  She shakes her head, not letting me say more. A soft, wistful smile plays on her lips. “I just wanted to tell you Jeanette and I will be studying later today at my place. We’d love to see you there.”

  With that, she turns and walks away, leaving me standing in the middle of the room with my mouth hanging open and a gaping hole in my chest.

  You’re doing her a favor. I close my eyes, trying to push the pain away. If she knew the truth, she’d understand.

  That should make it easier, but it’s not that simple. I hurt her, really hurt her. The best, most genuine person I know.

  I know I should listen to reason. I know I should stay away, but knowing and following through are hardly the same thing.

  * * *

  I’ve never believed I’m an especially strong person, but if I ever doubted that, today just showed me exactly how weak I am.

  “You’re here.” Lia blinks when she opens the door and gapes at me.

  “Of course I am,” I say, looking over her shoulder nervously. “I’m sorry for being a bitch earlier, Lia. Things have been… complicated.”

  She gives me a long look, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think she sees right through my mask. Hell, maybe she does, and I’m just fooling myself this whole time because it’s easier.

  You should have been gone by now, then none of this would have happened.

  “I won’t ask because I know you won’t tell me anyway…”

  “Lia…”

  She shakes her head, interrupting me. “I don’t want to fight, Brook. But I need you to know you can come to me when you’re ready. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

  I swallow hard, emotions clogging my throat.

  I want to believe her, I really do, but I can’t let myself think of what ifs.

  Even though I’m here, against my better judgment no less, I know what’s at stake. Keeping people around me safe is my top priority.

  Finally, I settle for a short nod. Lia smiles, her hands wrapping around my shoulders. “Let’s get inside.”

  We go straight to the living room, where Lia already set up everything we need to study.

  “Jeanette here?” I ask, taking off my jacket.

  “She should be…” Lia stops mid-sentence as the front door opens and closes.

  We exchange a look, and then Jeanette all but flies into the room and crashes on the couch.

  “I’m so sorry I’m late.”

  “Yeah, yeah, the queen is never late. Everybody else is simply early,” I taunt, although there is no usual bite to it. To be honest, in the last few weeks the two of us have grown close. I wouldn’t call us friends exactly, but the initial animosity is gone.

  “Brook!” Lia scolds, but I ignore her in favor of scratching Lola behind her floppy ears. She wiggles her tail happily, but as soon as she notices Jeanette, she scurries off.

  “Next time I’ll make sure to arrive in a chariot so I can have my grand entrance,” Jeanette says flatly, taking off her jacket and scarf.

  I watch Lola almost crash into her, barely stopping. She barks happily as she jumps into her lap, giving her wet kisses all over the face.

  Little traitor.

  “Geeez, chill.” I turn my attention back to Lia. “I was just messing around. J knows that. Right, J-J?”

  Jeanette’s body tenses at my words, and I want to burst into laughter but somehow manage to hold it in as she slowly lifts her gaze to me giving me a death stare.

  “Call me J-J one more time and you might find yourself in need of a plastic surgeon.”

  “So sensitive.” I tsk.

  If looks could kill, I’d be a dead girl by now.

  “Let’s get down to business, shall we?” Jeanette asks, grabbing her backpack off the floor
and setting her books out on the coffee table. Sighing, I give up on teasing and get down to business. We go over some tasks when suddenly Jeanette lifts her head. “Lia?”

  I follow suit, looking at my best friend silently observing the two of us, a little frown between her brows. “Why do you always have to bicker like an old married couple? Can’t you two just act like normal friends for once?”

  Jeanette and I exchange a look before we turn back to her, almost simultaneously blurting out, “Hell, no!”

  Lia stares at us for a few seconds longer, shaking her head before she finally shrugs. “Whatever.”

  Giving up on the third degree, she joins us on the floor, and the three of us work on our Spanish. It’s one of the only classes, except for homeroom, that we have together. And since Señorita Rodrigues is a hard-ass, always giving us some project or pop quiz, we have to take this seriously.

  I’m not sure how long we’re at it. We’re covering past tenses at the moment, which are confusing as hell. Jeanette and I are in the middle of a heated discussion on whether we should use pretérito imperfect or indefinido when the doorbell rings, waking up Lola from her slumber.

  “That’s the delivery guy,” Lia says as she jumps to her feet to get the door. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

  “I seriously think that tuviera makes more sense in this sentence,” I insist, but Jeanette is already shaking her head no.

  “It’s a description in the past. Something that’s been going on for a while… It just seems logical to put tenía…”

  “The food’s here,” Lia says loudly, interrupting our discussion. She puts the plastic bag on the coffee table between us, forcing us to finish for now. “If I hear one more conjugation, just one, my head will explode.”

  “I guess a dinner break won’t kill us,” Jeanette agrees, closing her books and pushing them to the side so they’re not in the way as I do the same. Lia tears into the bag and takes out little white boxes.

  “I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for, but we had a craving for Chinese so…” Lia says, opening the boxes.

  I grab one, along with a pair of chopsticks, but I don’t get a chance to even open them before Jeanette stumbles to her feet and runs from the room.

  “What the…” I ask, looking at a wide-eyed Lia, but she’s left just as speechless as I am.

  Jeanette’s loud footsteps echo down the hallway, and soon after, a door bursts open, and the loud bang gets me moving. I jump to my feet, not even giving a second glance to the food I leave behind as I hurry after her, Lia’s softer footsteps following behind.

  It doesn’t take us long to find her, the sound of puking a clear giveaway. I feel my own stomach rumble uncomfortably, but I don’t let it stop me.

  Getting to the little bathroom at the end of the hallway, we find the door open. Jeanette is slumped on the tiles, her body leaning over the toilet.

  The intense smell of puke has the bile in my stomach rising, and I have to take a step back because it feels like I’ll be right there next to her if I don’t. Lia, on the other hand, rushes inside and falls down to her knees next to her. She reaches for Jeanette, one of her hands pulling her hair back as the other moves soothingly over Jeanette’s back as she heaves into the toilet.

  “Jeanette, are you okay?” Lia asks.

  But how could she be?

  Jeanette’s hands are gripping the toilet seat, knuckles completely white. And I know that if she wasn’t holding on for dear life, her arms would be shivering just like her body is.

  When she’s done, she pulls back, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

  After taking a few moments to collect herself, she slowly gets to her feet with the help of Lia. “Yeah… just feeling a little queasy. That’s it. I think it’s a bug or something. I’ll just…”

  As she talks, she moves toward the sink. Turning on the water, she takes a small sip, rinsing her mouth.

  “A bug?” I ask skeptically from the doorway, still keeping a safe distance. Usually, the smell of puke doesn’t affect me in the slightest; God knows I’ve been around it for a long-ass time, but my stomach has been rolling since I got here. “You were fine just a few minutes ago.”

  “I’ve been feeling off the last few days. It just comes and goes…”

  A small, almost panicked chuckle escapes me. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re…”

  I stop mid-sentence, the words getting stuck in my throat as I look at her with wide eyes.

  “Brook, seriously stop it. Can’t you see she isn’t feeling well?” Lia huffs, but neither of us pays her any attention.

  Jeanette’s eyes pop out, her face growing even paler than before. She stumbles a little, but thankfully Lia’s holding on to her forearm, preventing her from smashing face forward.

  “Jeanette?” Lia asks worriedly.

  Jeanette opens her mouth, but only a sharp wheezing sound comes out. Her pupils are dilated, sweat covering her forehead.

  “No, you won’t,” I say, stepping in the small space. The smell of puke is still lingering in the air, but I push back my own discomfort.

  One of my hands digs into her shoulder, steadying her swinging body, while with the other I grab her chin and softly shake her.

  “Jeanette?” I call out, panic setting in. “Jeanette, open your eyes.”

  Her eyelids flutter weakly, but fall closed once again.

  “C-c-can’t,” she rasps, her voice barely audible.

  Her body sways, legs giving up on her.

  “Dammit,” I curse. “Don’t let her fall, Lia.”

  Lia’s panicked eyes meet mine over Jeanette’s shoulder. “What’s wrong with her?”

  I want to reassure her that everything will be fine, but first, we have to make sure Jeanette is okay.

  Swallowing hard, my eyes dart between the two girls in front of me, one almost unconscious, the other one freaking out. I can’t help them both.

  “I think she’s having a panic attack,” I say. “Help me get her on the ground. Jeanette, open your eyes.”

  Once she’s lying down, I try softly slapping her cheek, but when that doesn't help, I get up and grab a towel. Wetting it with ice water, I squeeze out the excess before I get back on the ground and pat the rag over Jeanette’s face.

  “Why? Because she has a bug?” Lia asks, confusion and fear written all over her face.

  “No, because she’s pregnant.”

  I see Lia’s mouth fall open, but no words come out. Not knowing what to say, I turn back to Jeanette, but she’s still out. I nibble at my lip, debating what to do.

  “B-but…”

  Frustrated, I puff a strand of hair out of my face as I look at Lia. “Snap out of it, Lia. She needs us.” My words are harsher than necessary, but I can’t coddle her right now. Not when inside I’m scared and panicking too. But we don’t have the luxury of falling apart. Not now. Trying to recall the knowledge of first aid, I say, “Get over here; help me lift her legs in the air. It should get more blood to her brain, which will hopefully help.”

  Lia moves to do as she’s told. “Do you think we should call an ambulance?”

  Working her sweater off and leaving her in a tank top, I tilt her chin back to open her airways. Then I rinse the now-warm towel and reapply it to her newly exposed skin. “Give her a few minutes. If she doesn’t wake up…”

  I shake my head. The image of an angry and worried Max from last week enters my mind. I’m not sure what their deal is, but one thing is for sure. If he finds out about this he’ll freak. If something happens to Jeanette…

  “Ugh…” The moan is so soft it’s almost inaudible, but I can feel her body stir.

  “She’s waking up,” Lia says, her big eyes searching mine before they look back down at the girl lying on the floor. “Jeanette?”

  Dark eyelashes flutter a few times before they open, narrowing at the sudden light. “W-What ha-appened?” she rasps, blinking.

  I move away a strand of hair glued to her fore
head. “You fainted.”

  Silver eyes find mine, and I know the exact moment when it all comes back to her. Her eyes grow even wider than before, her complexion ashen. Her fingers grip mine in a deadly lock so tight I want to wince in pain, but I swallow it down.

  “I-I…” Her voice trembles, breaking at that one word.

  “It’s all okay,” I whisper softly, my hand brushing her hair in a steady movement. “We’ll figure it out. But first, I need you to calm down, okay?”

  My heart constricts in my chest at the pain and fear I see etched on her face, but not once do I let go. I continue whispering, in hopes of soothing her, when inside I’m a panicking mess.

  Chapter Forty

  BROOK

  “Are you sure you’re feeling better?” Lia meets Jeanette’s gaze in the review mirror. “You scared us to death.”

  My hands grip the steering wheel tighter, but I concentrate on driving.

  Once Jeanette was feeling okay, we helped her straighten up and took her to the living room. The food was long forgotten, none of us feeling hungry after all that happened, and there was no way we could go back to studying since the only thing we could think about was the elephant in the room. So in the end, we decided to go out and get the answer to our question.

  “Maybe you’re not pregnant,” I say softly, meeting her gaze for a flash before I return it back on the road.

  I don’t get a chance to drive often, better yet at all, but when Mr. Campbell was teaching Lia how to drive, he taught me too. And since Jeanette was in no condition to drive herself and Lia was pretty shaken, that left only me.

  “Maybe,” Jeanette murmurs, and although I don’t see her, I can feel her look away.

  Silence stretches in the car; not even the radio is on to break the tense quiet that has fallen over us.

  In the end, it’s Lia who breaks it first. “How late are you anyway?”