Rules

by Doe, Anna B.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  BROOK

  “This can’t be happening,” I murmur softly for the umpteenth time.

  Running my hand through my hair, I find it in a tangled mess. Makes me wish I’d kept it in a ponytail, but my head was throbbing too much. Only now, there is real reason for a headache, and it’s not just a night of no sleep.

  I got to the pharmacy last night only to realize it’s the middle of the night and the damn thing is closed. Swearing all the way back home, I lay down but couldn’t for the love of me fall asleep. My brain was too restless, trying to figure out what the hell was happening. I went over all the times I’ve been with Max, but nothing seemed to stand out. We were always safe. Always careful. Besides, I still had a few days until my period, didn’t I?

  Then how? Just how did this happen?

  I tried to recall what happened the day Jeanette collapsed and I so flippantly suggested she might be pregnant. I guess the joke’s on me now.

  “This has to be wrong,” I mutter out loud.

  Maybe if I repeat it enough, it’ll actually become truth, but the chances are not in my favor. Three positive pregnancy tests are staring back at me from a loose counter in the bathroom.

  “How?” I ask angrily, but I don’t get an answer. Frustrated, I throw all of them down with a swipe of my hand, pounding on the counter.

  How the fuck did this happen? And why me? Why is it always me?

  My head hangs down, my eyes shut tight as angry tears burn behind my closed lids.

  What have I done to deserve this?

  One tear slips down, a broken, strangled sob breaking out of my lungs before I get a chance to muffle it behind my hand.

  Tilting my head back, I look at the ceiling.

  What now? What the hell am I going to do now?

  I was supposed to leave. Get the hell away from this town and never look back. Getting off the grid was the only way I could start over. The only way I could get away from Josephine and the shitshow that’s my life. Get away from Dan and his threats.

  Making Brook Taylor disappear was the only way to protect my friends, to protect Max. But I know that’s not a possibility anymore. I can’t keep this to myself. I can’t walk away, not after everything I witnessed yesterday. Not when I can still see Max’s broken gray eyes staring into mine like they were last night in the hospital.

  If you’re pregnant, I need to know.

  He sounded almost desperate when he said those words. So broken over what happened to his sister. I could feel his pain like my own.

  How could I hide something like this from him knowing the pain he’d be in if he were ever to find out?

  Turning, I look around the beat-down bathroom. Broken tiles. Old furniture. Mold in the corners. Color peeling off the ceiling. I take it all in until it becomes too hard to breathe.

  Josephine was right after all. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

  The image of Max holding on to Lia earlier today comes back to haunt me. The way he clung to her, like his life depended on it.

  Your all, Brook… It all belongs to me.

  He says one thing, but his actions… His actions constantly prove otherwise. Max doesn’t love me, and I’m carrying his baby. The second generation of Taylor women to fall for a guy too far out of their reach.

  Maybe if it weren’t so hard to breathe I’d be able to laugh. Laugh at the irony that’s my life.

  I tried so hard not to become my mother, and subsequently, I became just that.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  MAX

  Dear Mr. Sanders,

  We’re sorry to inform you…

  The rest of the letters blur together in front of me, but I don’t have to read to the end to know what they say. Another rejection letter.

  Dammit.

  Curling the paper in my hand, I toss it away before I fall down into my chair. The open book on my desk mocks me, the list of things that has piled up in the last few days growing by the second. I was hoping for good news, but apparently I was hoping for too much. My life has been one giant shitstorm, so why would this be any different? And the worst thing? I don’t even have it in me to care.

  Leaning back in my chair, I close my eyes, my fingers slowly rubbing my throbbing temples.

  I can’t concentrate for shit. I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe.

  I haven’t been able to for days.

  It feels like all I can do is rehash everything that has happened lately. The accident, seeing Jeanette as broken as she was, lying in that bed, breaking in Brook’s arms. Why is it always her that’s there when I’m at my lowest?

  Things were supposed to go back to normal now that Jeanette is safe at home, but it’s like my body didn’t get the memo, and it’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  When we got home from the hospital, Dad was already gone, along with his things. Nobody said anything about it as we continued with our lives like nothing happened. That was the Sanders’ way of dealing with things. I wanted to stay with Jeanette while she recovered, but then Coach called.

  When both Andrew and I didn’t make it to the morning skate on Monday, Coach made it a point to call and see what the hell was going on and where his two star players were.

  With playoffs approaching, I couldn’t blame him for being a hard-ass, but with everything going on, I didn’t have it in me to care about hockey or anything else. Before the accident, I’d be pumped to start preparing for the playoffs, but now, it just doesn’t matter. How can I think about hockey when my sister almost died?

  However, Jeanette didn’t want to hear it. She all but threw us out of her room herself, threatening that she’d take us by the ear if we didn’t go ourselves.

  Even though the doctors discharged her from the hospital, she still has to stay at home for at least a week until she’s properly healed. And even after that, she’ll have to wear a cast for a minimum of three weeks. Still, I didn’t put it past her to actually fulfill her threats.

  So yeah, apart from my total exhaustion and a royal headache from lack of sleep, I ache from head to toe from the grueling practice Coach put us through, and I’m not even sure if it’s worth it. Not with how uncertain my future is.

  If I thought he’d go easier on Andrew and me because of what happened, I was wrong. He went even harder on us because we missed the practice. Except for our own death, I don’t think the old man deems anything a valid excuse to miss a practice.

  Sighing loudly, I eye the bed longingly. All I can think about is crashing for the night even though it’s barely eight. But no matter how tired I am, I’m so late on schoolwork that going to sleep isn’t an option.

  You’d think teachers would let us off the hook since school will be done in a few months, but they keep insisting they’re preparing us for college and real life. Every piece of homework I complete, every essay I write, there are just more waiting to be finished.

  I’m debating on whether I want to get up and go downstairs to grab something to drink and a quick snack before I start studying when my phone buzzes on the desk.

  Without looking, I reach for it and answer the call. “Yeah?”

  “Max?”

  The front legs of my chair fall on the floor as I jolt in my seat.

  He sounds surprised. Well, that makes two of us.

  Why the hell didn’t I check the caller ID? If I knew it was him, I’d reject the call like I did every other time he’s tried to reach out since the accident.

  I grit my teeth, irritation both at myself and at him spiking. Just as I’m about to end the call, he rushes out, “Don’t hang up.”

  My thumb hovers over the end button, hesitating.

  “What do you want?” I get up, rubbing my face in distress.

  I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t have done it, but a part of me wanted to know why. Why did he do it? Why did he betray Mom? Why did he betray our family?

  When Andrew went to visit his mom, I didn’t understand. Why did he w
ant to meet her? After all this time. After she left him. Why didn’t he just let it go and move on with his life? But now I knew. Now I could understand this restless need to find the answer. To know why.

  Dad continues, accepting my silence as an opening to talk. “I want to speak to my son. Is that too much to ask?”

  “You should have talked with me before you decided to stick your dick in some random ho.”

  “Maximillian Sanders!” His voice grows dangerously low, and if he was in front of me right now, I’m sure I’d be able to see the vein in his forehead throbbing. “I’m still your father and you’ll respect me…”

  “Respect?” A maniacal laugh escapes me. “I respected you! I admired you! All the things you’ve accomplished. But all that was gone the moment I found out what you did.”

  “I said I was sorry!”

  “And you think that’s enough?!” I roar into the phone, walking through my room like a lion in a cage. “You think one ‘I’m sorry’ will make up for your betrayal? That one ‘I’m sorry’ will change what you did to Jeanette? You made her keep quiet. You made her bottle up all that guilt that made her finally snap.”

  “I did make her keep quiet and I’m the reason she harbored all the guilt, but your actions are what made her snap. So don’t you go throwing all the blame on me, Max!”

  Dad’s words are like a punch to my gut. He doesn’t have to remind me of the part I took in my sister’s fall. I know it all too well myself. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t feel guilty. A day that I wouldn’t give anything to go back and change what happened. Maybe if I was more watchful, I would have noticed it sooner. And maybe then, Jeanette’s life would be easier, instead of clouded in darkness.

  The silence stretches between us, louder and more ominous than any words could possibly be.

  “Max, I’m…” he starts, but I don’t let him finish.

  “You don’t have to remind me of my sins; I’m all too aware of them.” I look out the window, the dark sky almost as gloomy as I feel. “The difference is, I don’t want her forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. I just want to see her happy. And I will keep doing everything in my power to do so.”

  I don’t wait for his answer before I hang up. I clench the damn thing in my hand, trying to calm my raging breathing and shaky hands, but it’s no use. Talking to my father has never been easy because, unlike Jeanette, we have nothing in common. And after everything that’s played out, things have only gone further south.

  He can try calling and talking as much as he wants, but I know better than to believe him. He isn’t sorry, not really. What he wants is absolution. And I sure as hell won’t be the one giving it to him. There is nothing that he could say to change my mind. To change the way I feel.

  Giving in to my rage, I throw the phone and watch it crash against the wall. But even that’s not enough to tame the beast within. His words bring back the memories that are better left forgotten, but no matter how hard I try to shove them away, they keep resurfacing. And this time, there is no holding them back.

  * * *

  BEFORE – FRESHMAN YEAR

  “Max, hey!”

  I look up from my phone, surprised to see one of my sister’s friends in front of me. Just a while ago, I parted ways with my teammates, and this was the last place I’d imagine seeing her. Or anybody else for that matter.

  Titling my chin in her direction, I lock and pocket my phone. “What’s up, Maddaline?”

  The guys and I wanted to blow off some steam, so we went dirt bike racing. I wouldn’t peg this as one of Maddy’s usual go-to places. She’s more of a shopping and manicure kind of girl. So polished and girly.

  Maddy’s brown hair is curled in those big ringlets that bounce off her tits as she walks. Her face is always all glittery and shit. And don’t even get me started on those short skirts and tight tops she wears. She might be my sister’s friend, which makes her off-limits, but I’m not blind. No guy in his right mind could ignore a girl like Maddaline Adams.

  On the other hand, I’m a mess. My clothes are all dusty and dirty from hours of racing under the strong Californian sun. My sweaty T-shirt clings to my skin, and I’m positive I reek.

  “Just… hanging around, I guess.”

  “Mhmm…” I nod my head non-committally.

  We stand there, in the middle of the road, not knowing what to say. Jeanette has just recently started hanging out with Maddy and her crew. And although I saw them in passing, we never talked much.

  I’ll be honest and say I was relieved. My sister is so shy and withdrawn. Always has been. I tried to include her in my group of friends, but since we started high school, she’s pulled away more. But then one day, Maddy approached her, and they’ve been hanging ever since.

  I focus my gaze on hers. Crystal blue eyes are surrounded by thick, dark lashes.

  “Thank you.” Long lashes flutter, confusion written on her face, so I explain. “For approaching Jeanette.”

  “Oh, it’s not a problem.”

  “She’s just so shy, but there isn’t a better person out there…”

  Maddy smiles, her full, pink lips curling. “She’s… something else.”

  My smile grows even bigger. If there is one thing I love in this world more than hockey, it’s my sister. “Yes, she is. You going home? Why don’t I walk you?”

  * * *

  “Maddy.” My hushed groan is stopped with another fervent kiss.

  Our hands roam freely. Her fingers dig into my scalp, scratching lightly down my neck and making me shiver. My hand is intertwined in her long curls, while the other cups her ass cheek, squeezing the soft flesh in my palm and pulling her closer to me.

  “Shut up and k-kiss me.” Her voice breaks at the end, interrupted by a trembling moan.

  Our lower halves brush, my aching dick pressing into her so much that I can feel her heat.

  “We should stop,” I mumble between kisses.

  But we don’t. It’s the same old story we tell each other every time.

  We shouldn’t do it. It’s wrong. We should stop. What if somebody sees us? What if Jeanette finds out?

  So many excuses. So many what ifs.

  Maddy hooks one of her legs around my waist, bringing us closer. Our hips slowly start to grind together in tune with our tongues. Dipping deeper, stroking harder.

  My cock is painfully hard in my jeans, pressing against the zip, which barely keeps it contained. The thought of going inside and finding the first available room enters my mind. My hand slips underneath her shirt, caressing soft flesh.

  “Let’s.” Kiss “Take.” Kiss. “It.” Kiss. “Inside.” Kiss.

  Just as I’m about to agree, a door slams shut somewhere. The sound is so strong it can be heard over the loud bass that’s making the walls of the house shake, breaking us out of our horny haze.

  “What was that?” Maddy asks, breathless. She burrows her face into the crock of my shoulder. We look around, but we’re all alone in the backyard of Maddy’s house.

  “Somebody probably left the door open and the wind slammed it shut.” I run my hand through my messy hair.

  “Probably.” She pulls back a little, just so she can look into my face. Her blue eyes shine at me, the familiar, wicked gleam in them. “Let’s go inside.”

  Chuckling, I brush a strand of her long hair behind her ear. “In a bit,” I promise. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

  “What is it?”

  Her leg slips down mine, and she takes a step back.

  “Winter formal.”

  She sighs, good mood gone. “What about it?”

  “We have to tell Jeanette.”

  “Can’t you do it?”

  “It’d be better if we do it together.”

  “She’ll hate me.”

  I take her hand in mine. “She won’t hate you. She’ll probably be pissed that we were hiding it from her for so long.”

  Maddy huffs unhappily. “You’re the one deliverin
g the news.”

  * * *

  “Hey! Have you seen Anette or Maddy?” I look at my group of friends playing beer pong. They all shake their heads.

  Where the hell are they?

  I’ve been looking for them for the last half hour and still nothing.

  I wanted to tell Jeanette about me and Maddy. Tonight. But it seemed like we kept missing each other all night long.

  Actually, I wanted to tell her a while ago, but Maddy has been putting it off. According to her, it was never the right time.

  Sighing, I make a full circle, my eyes scanning for both girls.

  Jeanette was in a shitty mood before we left for the party. She was moody a lot lately. Either closed off or lashing out. I’m not sure what’s happening with her. Between hockey, keeping up in my classes and sneaking behind everybody’s back with Maddy, I had my hands full.

  Still, I should try harder. Maybe I’ll ask Anette to spend the night watching some cheesy movie. Nothing like a ridiculous rom-com to cheer her up.

  Just as I’m about to turn around to check the kitchen and backyard again, I see a flash of long, black hair rushing down the stairs.

  My gut clenches instinctively, a bad feeling spreading through my body. My legs start to move on their own accord, following behind Jeanette.

  I call her name, but the room is too noisy for her to hear me.

  Her head is bowed down, loose curls hiding her face, and she isn’t watching where she’s walking, so it’s not surprising when she crashes into some guy. Throwing something quickly over her shoulder—probably an apology—she continues without stopping.

  “Anette!”

  It’s as if she can’t hear me. I manage to grab her shoulder, making her stop in her tracks.

  Jeanette turns around, lifting her filled-with-tears eyes to meet mine. My gut clenches tighter. It’s like some invisible hand is inside of me, squeezing the life out of my organs.