The Emotionally Available Partner

by Marian Lindner

  Phase I V

  ♥♥♥♥

  Power and

  Freedom

  ∙10∙

  Love and Spirituality

  Chapter 10 will show you the connection between love and spirituality. Ranging from acceptance and abundance to faith and miracles, this chapter will remind you of the immense healing power of your spirit. You will learn how to listen to the voice of your soul as you interact with potential partners, how to rely on a power greater than yourself to bring an emotionally available partner into your life, and how to honor your own divinity. Enjoy this chapter because you are a miracle. You deserve a wonderful relationship!

  Day 275

  Spirituality

  I let my Higher Power meet my needs.

  Many of us have been running on our “own steam” for a very long time in relationships. We have been trying to make relationships happen. We believe in our own power to steer the course of the relationship, or we may abdicate our power and give it to the person in our lives. Whatever the case, we have forgotten that a power greater than any human being, man or woman, exists in the universe. To heal our partnership issues, we now acknowledge that human power is not the sole resource for us. Today we tune into the power of the universe.

  A loving power that cares about us can be conceived differently by everyone. Some of us see this power as the ocean, the wind, nature, Great Spirit, or a group of people. Whatever way we imagine it, it is there patiently waiting for us to ask for help. Whenever we let go even a little, a Higher Power is waiting to satisfy all our needs. What makes believing in a Higher Power challenging is that the answers may not come as we think they should or on our timetable; we may wonder if a Higher Power even hears us. Today, though, we trust that we are heard. We know that whenever we give up control even a little bit, grace happens.

  Today I let my spirituality guide me, as well as asking for human aid.

  Day 276

  Support

  I am supported by a Higher Power.

  “I went to the beach and tried to stop the waves from breaking, but it didn’t work.”―Don

  Realizing we are only a part of the whole is challenging for all people. For those of us who choose unavailable partners, though, the humility of asking for help from a Higher Source is hard. We have been running on self-will for a long time. Although human power is finite, the idea of surrendering all of our plans, manipulations, desires, hopes, and dreams to some ephemeral concept can be terrifying. The magic, though, is that letting a Higher Power into our lives allows us to relax and trust.

  Most of us have not experienced much relaxation and trust with people or in our relationships; therefore surrendering to the support of a loving power greater than ourselves gives us a new experience in love. Whether our Higher Power is the ocean, nature, God, Goddess, or a doorknob, we are lightening our process when we give up control. As long as we see a loving creative force outside of us who wants all our good to occur as more powerful than we are, then we tune into all the support available to us from the universe.

  Today I let go. I let a Higher Power carry me as I heal my partnership issues.

  Day 277

  Release

  I release control to the care of a Higher Power.

  It is fun to let go. Willful control takes a lot of work and doesn’t allow much room to play. A Higher Power is a force that is greater than us. It is more powerful than any human being. We may have trouble releasing control to a Higher Power as we heal our partnership issues, however. We may wonder if some ephemeral being even cares about us. When we want that right relationship to present itself to us and it doesn’t; when we want our partner to appear right now and it takes more time than we think it should for them to manifest; or when we try to practice honesty with other people and experience many obstacles, the tendency to get impatient is natural. If we try to get in there to “help” control outcomes, though, we may slip backward.

  Trusting in something larger and more powerful than us can soothe us in moments when we want to “direct the show.” It is always appropriate for us to care for ourselves and do the necessary footwork to interact with people, practice intimacy, and manifest our dreams; however, letting go to a Higher Power feels good and relieves us of pressure. When we know that there is something bigger than us managing our lives well, we are comforted. Then we use our precious time on this planet to play.

  Today I let go of control for fun!

  Day 278

  Rescue

  I let my Higher Power save me.

  “Sooner or later, humans will always let us down.”―Anonymous

  We don’t want to believe that there isn’t someone who can be all things to us all the time. The fairy tales promise this. The rescuer always arrives at just the right time to save the princess who, without the intervention, would be doomed. In real life, though, no one can save us except ourselves. Even when we do all we can to rescue ourselves, sometimes we cannot measure up to that fairy tale personage either. That is why so many women become hopeless of ever finding the right mate, because our human power is limited.

  Learning to trust and rely on the spiritual power of the universe gives us a true rescue. It is not the job of any other person on the planet to rescue us, especially not the job of our partner. We have options today to heal our partnership issues, including utilizing resources to get the help we need, trusting our own power, and ultimately relying on a power that is greater than ourselves.

  Today I rely on the spiritual power of the universe to perform a true rescue for me.

  Day 279

  Divine

  I am a divine being right now.

  Our divinity is part of being human. Part of choosing an emotionally available partner is the honoring of our own extreme goodness. Our partnership issues are about the fear that we are not good enough for a loving relationship. We fear that we can’t make a relationship work. The relationship we need most is with our own spirit, though. Fortunately that relationship is always available to us. Finding the spiritual part of ourselves is essential to healing, for it is impossible for us to either abuse ourselves or allow others to abuse us once we see our own magnificence.

  The Buddha said that anyone born as a human being is already highly evolved spiritually; it is a tremendous accomplishment for all of us to just be here in human form. Today let’s remember that who we are right now is precious and divine; we are each a sacred treasure.

  For the next 24 hours I explore my own sacredness.

  Day 280

  New/Old Way of Loving

  I learn my new/old way of loving.

  We are children of a Higher Power. We were brought into this world as beings of pure love. We don’t actually need to fight to attain a loving nature; in fact we were born with it. Now we backtrack as far as we need to in order to uncover that pure part of us.

  Our new/old way of loving is new because we are rediscovering it by letting go of old behaviors that no longer serve us, and old because we have always had it buried underneath the tangle of love patterns we developed in order to survive. Today we affirm that we enjoy following our spirit’s directions in love relationships. Now we know that our new/old way of loving is leading us to a wonderful, available relationship.

  Today I uncover the treasure of my new/old way of loving.

  Day 281

  Pacing

  I love my spirit’s own pace.

  Healing is reclaiming who we are and our unique pace in relationships. Our pace does not need to look like anyone else’s. It is futile to compare ourselves just because we aren’t moving as fast or as slow as someone else. Today let’s really see how fast we want to go with a person and at what pace we feel comfortable.

  Our own pace for moving into a relationship is something special to discover. The process of illuminating our own love pace is not about rules. We become our own authority. We don’t follow specific instructions from a book or magazine telling us how to hook or hold on to a potential pa
rtner; instead, we respect our own pace with a person.

  In this moment, I cherish my own pace in relationships.

  Day 282

  Miracles

  I know a miracle is just around the corner.

  “Don’t give up before the miracle.”―Anonymous

  We will experience good relationships. The miracle will happen. All the challenges, struggle, pain, and slogging through will bring us to where we want to go. It is easy to get hopeless and fed up as we move through this process, though. Fearlessly facing ourselves on this path takes courage. Confronting the reasons we have been in unfulfilling relationships with unavailable people, or have been unable to sustain working partnerships, is hard.

  No matter what our experience in healing, the miracle is waiting right around the corner for us. We will receive the healing of our partnership issues that we crave; therefore, today we do not give up before the miracle.

  For this day only, I am willing to receive miracles.

  Day 283

  Total Peace

  I make total peace with potential partners.

  People deserve to be treated peaceably. Our culture has portrayed problematic partners as the enemy of women; however, we are not at war with those we partner. Other people have no power over us, unless we allow it. Many of us have experienced partners who were neglectful or abusive. We may feel jaded or hurt. Today, though, we realize that our old ideas keep us in bondage.

  Re-conceptualizing our relationship with potential partners heals us. When we make peace with other people we see the wonderful features of safe, available, and appropriate individuals all around us. Our problematic past experiences do not need to be repeated, but we do need to make peace with other people in order to sidestep these problems.

  Making peace does not mean that we stick around individuals who are unsafe for us or that we always love every person’s behavior. What peace with others means is accepting people unconditionally, with all of their foibles and fantastic features. People are good, kind, and gentle. The sooner we believe this, the sooner those individuals manifest in our lives.

  Today I accept others. I know that my peaceful relationship with people manifests in those I meet.

  Day 284

  Divinity

  I awaken to my own divinity.

  When we are stuck, we balk at the idea that we are divine beings. We feel unworthy of love, are afraid we can’t love, or are fearful of potential partners. We forget that our birthright is to love, that we are divine beings created to love divinely, and that a wonderful life-mate is waiting for each of us.

  The process of resolving our partnership issues is about uncovering that natural lover within us so that we can love ourselves body, mind, and soul. Then we attract someone who respects our sacredness. Healing means that we understand that love between partners is about sharing our divinity. By letting a person love us, and in turn loving them back and honoring their divinity, we spread love on the planet.

  Today I know that love is my birthright.

  Day 285

  Natural Love

  I re-experience the natural lover inside myself.

  Reclaiming the natural lover buried within us means going back as far as we need to in our lives to remember our true love responses, or imagining them if we cannot remember. Babies and two year olds who haven’t had their natural love bred out of them yet show us how natural love works. Children respond to people with curiosity, a lack of fear, and the expectance of love and care.

  Interacting with potential partners can be just as simple if we let go of our programming. Of course, we do not want to let go of the common sense that comes with age and experience; however, we can return that small precious child within us all who knows how to love in a healthy way. Returning to the natural lover within us is an experience of uncovering the basis of who we are―beings of pure love. Though the process may take time and patience, it heals.

  Today I love naturally.

  Day 286

  The Spiritual Feature of Men

  I see the spiritual feature of men.

  Men are miraculous creatures who have many wonderful qualities. They are admirable, adorable, and precious. Men are often good at setting boundaries for themselves, know that they are entitled to pleasure, can really listen to women, and are good at noticing our amazing qualities. For all their villainization in America’s current pop-culture, men have the ability to truly love. There are wonderful fathers, brothers, workers, and partners out there.

  Not every man is right for us, yet today we have the chance to meet men who are wonderful. Letting positive male energy into our lives is so much fun, too. Today nothing has to be so serious. Men are children of the universe; they are not as different from us as we may think. Men want to be happy and loved, too. The more nurtured men feel, the better able they are to let us shine.

  For the next 24 hours, I honor men.

  Day 287

  Attunement

  I tune into my partner and my soul as I love.

  Love feels good. For those of us who have chosen unavailable partners in the past, though, love experiences can bring up major issues. Being present and in tune with our partner may seem impossible at times; therefore, the moments when we earnestly need to put our healing into play are during love experiences.

  Also, in those moments of love, we must remember that we do not have to do this alone. We have another person in front of us with their own issues and needs surfacing, too. Sharing intimately with our partner by gently asking them how they are feeling, what they need, and what they want helps. Then taking the further risk of sharing our needs, desires, and feelings attunes us to a person as well.

  Love is risky, yet it is worth it. Love is about warmth and caring. Now we know that tuning in to our partner feels good, because attunement brings harmony.

  Today I am attuned to my needs and the needs of my partner.

  Day 288

  Gratitude

  I express my thankfulness.

  Even though the energy of gratitude builds on itself, it is challenging for many of us to feel grateful when we are not in a relationship. Even if we have a person in our lives, gratitude can be hard to come by. We have many wonders in our lives to be thankful for today, though.

  Now we know that focusing on our gratitude reaps real rewards. As we write three things we are grateful for, we see that we are blessed beyond measure. For starters, we have loved ones, our own self-love, nature, the next twenty-four hours, and the knowledge that we have progressed far on our journey to heal. No matter what shape our gratitude takes, today we remember what we are truly thankful for and let the light in.

  Today I am grateful for the joys in my life.

  Day 289

  In This Moment

  In this moment, I am perfect, complete and loved.

  This moment is perfect. We have been moving toward this moment for our whole lives. Everything we have done has led us here. Let’s take some time today to really appreciate the moment. Listening to the sound of the birds singing, seeing the light streaming in through the window, touching the softness of our own skin, we know that right now we are just fine. The experience is right.

  Complete, cared for, and healing, we know that this moment was created for us to enjoy. With a deep breath, we relax and enjoy this moment.

  Today I appreciate the moment.

  Day 290

  My Soul

  I let my soul tell me who I am interested in.

  Inside ourselves is a still, peaceful place that knows who we are interested in. Separating the ego from the soul is difficult, yet it is possible. Many of us are very invested in partnering who we “should” be with. We were raised to know what types of people were “marriage material,” and what types weren’t. Now we see that whenever we are trying to manufacture an attraction that is weak or even nonexistent, we are stuck in our issues. Women often think that if a person is interested us, we “should” feel the same. We try to talk ourselves int
o feeling interest in people we may not even truly like, people whose values are very different than ours. We may go to the other extreme, too, by talking ourselves out of a strong attraction we do feel because they are not the “right” type for us.

  Whenever our issues rise up, connecting with that soulful place inside gives us all the information we need about who interests us. Now we know our partnership issues are not out to hurt us when they pop up; our issues are only trying to get our attention so that we can love an emotionally available partner.

  Today I release all “shoulds” that dictate my attractions. I let my soul direct me.

  Day 291

  Faith

  I have faith.

  For women, loneliness is hard to deal with. Even though many of us choose on some level not to be in a relationship, the loneliness is terrible. We experience the challenge of trusting that we will be taken care of around sex, love, and partnerships. Whenever we begin to doubt and fret about when or how it will happen for us, our hopelessness signals that our partnership issues are rising up.

  Our fears are a signal to move deeper inside. Now we ask questions. “Are we in an uncomfortable situation? Are we having an uncomfortable feeling? What is going on in our lives right now? If we weren’t worried about our partnership status, what else would we be concerned about?” Learning to honor our lack of faith as an indication that we need to take care of ourselves helps us.

  Our relationship issues are not surfacing to hurt us; the issues only pop up to get our attention. Actually our issues are trying to move us toward healing. Today we have faith that we will come out the other side.