A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

They’d been at university; he was studying law, she journalism. Finally, he’d asked her out. They’d been to dinner and then on to a party at one of his law student friend’s houses.

  After arriving at the party and being introduced to Sean’s friends, Leah had excused herself to go to the bathroom. There was a line and with only one bathroom in the house, she’d been gone close to ten minutes.

  Ten minutes she’d used to reflect on the amazing night they’d had so far. Their laughter and flirting over dinner. She’d hugged herself, she’d never felt like this before.

  When she returned she’d frozen in the doorway of the living room. Sean had been sitting on the couch laughing, his arm draped around Eve.

  His laughter had been replaced with confusion the moment he saw her. He’d pulled his arm back and glanced from sister to sister.

  Eve had jumped up and rushed over, flinging her arms around her. ‘Lee, come and meet this gorgeous guy. I’ve only known him for five minutes, and I’m going to marry him.’

  Her heart had sunk. She’d forced a smile as she’d explained that Eve was her identical twin sister.

  He’d appeared mortified at first, but Leah couldn’t help but notice that his eyes kept travelling to Eve.

  ‘Didn’t you notice we were dressed differently?’ her sister had asked laughing, one arm on Sean’s.

  ‘I’m so sorry, I was concentrating on what you were saying, I really didn’t notice to be honest. Your tops are different colours but you’re dressed similarly.’

  Leah had dressed in black trousers, boots and a sequined blue top, and other than her top being a different shade of blue, Eve had been dressed almost identically. Even though they appeared identical, and were dressed similarly Sean’s eyes kept drifting to Eve. He’d seemed mesmerised by her.

  Her sister had taken her aside when he’d gone to get them drinks. ‘How much do you like this guy?’

  A lot. But he didn’t look at her in the same way he was looking at her twin.

  To Eve, she’d forced a laugh. ‘It’s our first date, I’m just getting to know him.’

  Sean had arrived back with their drinks.

  ‘So, how would you feel if I stole him off you?’ Eve’s eyes twinkled.

  Leah hesitated. Eve usually got what she wanted but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t put up a fight for something that was important to her. But then she thought of the way Sean had looked at Eve. She couldn’t force him to like her better than her sister. ‘I’d wish you both all the best,’ she’d answered.

  ‘Hold on, don’t be silly,’ Sean said returning with their drinks. ‘This is our date. It’s lovely to have met Eve, but I’m here with you.’

  Her twin had laughed. ‘Leah, you don’t have to leave. Sean and I have only spent five minutes together. If he wants to get to know me better, and you really don’t mind, we can go out another time.’ She looked across at Sean. ‘Right?’

  ‘I guess so.’

  Leah had laughed at the indecision on his face. It was obvious that the two of them wanted to get to know each other right now. ‘Honestly don’t worry, it’s not a big deal.’ She’d put her glass down on a nearby table, hugged Eve and grabbed her coat. ‘Thanks for dinner,’ she’d said to Sean.

  She hadn’t waited for further discussion.

  He’d appeared confused and slightly embarrassed. It was easier to leave the two of them to it.

  Leah saw Sean occasionally at uni after that, but it was at a distance and she’d generally chosen to look the other way and get on with things.

  He and her sister had started dating, and it was over a month later she’d seen him in a social setting. Eve had brought him home for dinner to meet their parents. Sean had seemed uncomfortable around Leah.

  She’d been friendly but distant. She’d liked him, a lot, but deep down, instinct told her if it was Eve he was into, there was no point fighting for him. He’d resent her down the track and her sister would be furious.

  Her relationship with her twin would always be her first priority. To be fair to Eve, she’d checked numerous times that she was okay with her having interrupted their date.

  Leah had assured Eve she’d seen Sean’s reaction first-hand when he’d met Eve, and there was no denying who he was attracted to. There was no point trying to fight physiology.

  So their distant relationship had continued. Eve and Sean had been together for fifteen years now. Happily married with two gorgeous children. It’d been the right choice.

  ‘How’s work?’ Sean’s deep voice shattered her memories.

  They chatted companionably and continued with the dinner preparations.

  Harriet went up and checked on Ava every fifteen minutes, reporting back each time that her sister was still asleep.

  The pasta had boiled, the sauce and salad were ready and Harriet had made a fantastic attempt at laying the table.

  Leah looked at the clock on the kitchen wall then to Sean. ‘Should we feed Harriet first and wait for Eve?’

  Her brother-in-law placed his second beer down on the counter. ‘Nope. Who knows when she’ll be home. She’ll probably use the fact we’re both here for an excuse to stay out even later.’

  She was about to laugh but his face was deadly serious. ‘Surely she’ll hurry back after her meeting? She knows Ava’s sick.’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘Don’t count on it. I’d say her meeting, if there even was one, probably finished hours ago.’ Sean seemed to force a smile. ‘Now come on, let’s eat, that sauce smells amazing.’

  Leah stared after him as he made his way to the table. Eve hadn’t mentioned any marital problems. His tone certainly implied something was going on. She hoped it wasn’t serious.

  Her niece patted the chair next to hers. ‘I’ve saved you a seat.’

  A satisfied smile played on Eve’s lips while she waited for the tram to pass before pulling out into Clarendon Street. She was relieved Ben had also ensured the bathroom was functional, and she’d been able to shower, fix her messed up hair and redo her make-up before leaving.

  They’d ordered Thai and lain in bed eating and chatting. It’d felt incredibly luxurious to have spent so many hours together. Usually they were only able to snatch two hours here or there.

  Twenty minutes later, she took a deep breath and turned into her own driveway, her headlights lighting up the house. As far as Sean was concerned, she’d been working. Eve had nothing to feel guilty or apologise for. What she didn’t understand was why Leah’s car was parked out the front. She’d assumed her sister would’ve left when Sean arrived home. That would’ve been hours ago.

  She checked her reflection in the rear vision mirror; her cheeks were flushed, but that could be attributed to the chill in the air. She pushed the remote to open the garage door and drove forward to park her car.

  Eve frowned when she heard Leah’s gentle laugh as she pushed open the internal access door. She scanned the kitchen, taking in the four empty beer bottles on the counter and the additional two being consumed at the table by her husband and sister.

  Leah was the first to notice her. She jumped to her feet. ‘Eve, you’re back.’

  She deposited her bag and computer case on the kitchen bench. ‘I didn’t think you’d still be here.’

  ‘Eve!’ Sean’s eyes flashed with anger. ‘That’s incredibly rude.’

  ‘What?’ she asked. ‘I thought once you got home, there would be no need for Leah to stay. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have, only that I’m surprised.’

  ‘I’d already promised Harry I’d put her to bed,’ her twin said. ‘And I wanted to check that Ava was feeling better when she woke up. She fell asleep the moment we got her home.’

  ‘How is she?’

  ‘She woke at about seven. Her temperature was back to normal, and she was able to eat the meal that Harry made her.’

  Eve raised an eyebrow. ‘That Harriet made? God, what did that consist of?’

  Leah smiled. ‘She made her a beautiful sandwich and a mineral w
ater drink. Put in on a tray with a flower and everything. She’s an amazing kid.' Her sister moved into the kitchen and stirred a pot on the stove. ‘There’s plenty of dinner left, if you’re hungry? I’ve kept it warm in case.’

  Eve shook her head. ‘No thanks, I’ve already eaten.’

  ‘So where were you?’ Sean asked. Her husband’s face was hard. He was obviously still annoyed at her.

  ‘Working. Like I told you.’

  ‘Until eight?’

  She sighed. ‘That’s hardly unusual, Sean. Coming from you, it’s a bit of a joke, really. We’re lucky to see you before ten any night of the week.’

  ‘Which is why you work a job that allows you to be home for the girls.’ He took another swig of his beer.

  Eve felt Leah’s eyes on them.

  ‘Perhaps I should go,’ her sister said.

  Her husband stood. ‘No, you stay, and thanks so much for all your help today.’ He picked up his beer. ‘I’ve got some work to do.’ Sean went towards the front of the house, pulling his office door shut with a firm bang.

  ‘Everything okay with you guys?’ Leah asked.

  Eve sighed again. ‘Yeah, he’s annoyed I asked you to get Ava and didn’t get her myself. Thanks, by the way.’ Eve poured herself a glass of water. ‘Sorry, I should’ve said that when I first came in. I really appreciate you picking the girls up. I know you would’ve had to cancel your afternoon.’

  ‘No worries. Actually, they perked me up a bit.’

  ‘Everything okay? Is work getting you down again?’

  Leah’s dreams of being a hard-hitting journalist were not being met in the property section of The Melbournian.

  ‘Yes. Well, no,’ her sister said. ‘It’s not only work. It’s Grant too.’

  Eve sat on one of the kitchen stools and motioned for her twin to do the same. ‘What’s going on with Grant? Mum’s sure he’s going to propose soon. I think she has the engagement party planned already.’ She glanced at her sister’s left hand. ‘Still no ring?’

  Leah shook her head and her eyes misted over. ‘He ended it.’

  She gasped. ‘What? Really! Why?’

  ‘He didn’t give me a proper reason. Just said it wasn’t working for him.’

  Eve closed her mouth, aware that it was hanging open. Like her parents, she’d expected Leah to announce her engagement any day. She’d even seen a beautiful necklace she’d planned to buy for a special engagement present. Grant was like one of the family. It had to be a misunderstanding.

  She wrapped her arms around Leah. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Her sister sank into her embrace and her short sharp breaths told her she was crying. She rubbed her back.

  Eve was going to kill Grant when she saw him.

  After a few minutes, Leah pulled away and reached across the kitchen bench for a tissue. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘You’re the first person I’ve told, and it makes it real.’

  ‘It doesn’t make sense. Six years and that’s it? No explanation?’

  ‘Appears so.’

  ‘Are you sure it’s definitely over? You didn’t get your wires crossed?’

  Her sister sighed. ‘Nope, it’s over. He’s coming to get his stuff tomorrow night.’

  Eve touched her twin’s arm. ‘I really am sorry, Lee. What a prick. But then, I’m beginning to think most of them are.’

  A flicker of surprise flashed across Leah’s cobalt blue eyes. ‘Who? Sean?’

  ‘Yes, he’s so bloody moody. You’d think he had his period the way he acts most of the time. I can’t seem to do anything right. I work too much and parent too little according to him.’

  ‘Sounds tricky.’

  ‘You’re hardly disagreeing with him,’ Eve said. ‘What, do you think I work too much too?’

  ‘It’s not my life, Eve, so what you do is your own concern.’

  ‘But?’

  Leah hesitated. ‘But—you’ve got two amazing girls, and I think they’d love to spend more time with you.’

  She threw back her head and laughed. ‘Really? You really think they want to spend more time with me? I’m not the fun one, Sean is. They tiptoe around me.’

  ‘Why do you think that is?’ her sister asked.

  ‘I’m sure you have your own opinion on that,’ she said tightly. ‘I hardly need to answer for you.’

  ‘If you tried to lighten up a bit on them, I think you’d see a huge difference. Let them be kids, enjoy treats, get messy, have fun. We did all that when we were little.’

  ‘I try sometimes,’ Eve said. ‘But to be honest, motherhood doesn’t suit me. I know it is an awful thing to say, but I should never have had kids. I’m not cut out for it. From the day they were born, I wanted to hand them off to someone else, someone who’d do it better. Give them what they needed. I thought it would be different, easier. On top of that they’re wrecking my relationship with Sean. He’s critical of my parenting, then we fight and that’s about it for our communication. We hardly ever get any time for the two of us.’

  Leah’s face hardened. ‘Two little girls rely on you to be their mother. Whether you think you’re cut out for it or not you need to make more time for them and more of an effort. If you need help you only need to ask. But, Eve, you need to be more involved. It’s the only way you’ll ever build proper relationships with them. Imagine if Mum hadn’t spent time with us. We’d hate her now.’

  Although she hated hearing Leah’s words, deep down Eve knew she was right. She did need to make an effort, only it felt so hard at times.

  Leah’s face softened. ‘You need to make some time for the girls, that’s all. And regarding Sean, I’d be happy to babysit so you can go out. I’d love to.’

  She fiddled with her water glass. ‘Maybe, although, I’m not sure I want to be around him at the moment. In fact, I don’t even want to talk about him. It’s you we should be talking about. I can’t believe Grant’s walked out. Do you want me to speak to him? Find out what the hell he thinks he’s doing?’

  ‘No, but I appreciate the offer. I’ll see him when he picks up his stuff. He’s not walking out without a proper explanation.’

  ‘If you want me to come over and be there when he arrives, I’d be happy to.’

  ‘Thanks, but this is something I need to do on my own.’ Her sister took a deep breath. ‘Now, I really don’t want to talk about him anymore. Tell me about something different. How’s work going? What’s this big development?’

  Eve dived in about the development Ben was proposing.

  ‘Ben Styles?’ Leah asked.

  She nodded.

  ‘Be wary of him.’

  Eve arched an eyebrow. ‘Why? He seems like a nice guy. Do you know him?’

  ‘I’ve never met him, but he comes with quite a reputation. I heard the guys at work laughing about him. I think a few were jealous. Apparently he likes to work with female suppliers. Has a very high hit rate with getting them into bed. Seems to prefer the married ones. I assume it’s because he can be assured if they’re cheating, too, then they’re probably not going to let on to his wife what’s going on.’

  Eve’s chest ached with each breath. Her relationship with Ben was special. At least she’d thought it was.

  Was she the first woman he’d brought to the plush round bed in South Melbourne?

  ‘You okay?’ her sister asked. ‘You look really pale. You might be getting whatever Ava has.’

  Eve didn’t respond. She’d assumed she was the only woman—other than his wife—in Ben’s life. Had she been stupid to believe that?

  ‘You’re right,’ she finally managed. ‘I’d better go and check on the girls and I might go to bed, too. I’m beginning to feel a little hot.’

  Leah felt Eve’s forehead. ‘You are a bit warm. Let me tidy up a bit, and I’ll get out of your hair.’

  She helped her twin clear the beer bottles from the table and poured the pasta sauce into a container ready for the fridge.

  Warm? She was downright boiling. If Ben was
sleeping around, where did that leave her?

  The sounds of the girls playing filtered into Eve’s sleep. She groaned, opened one eye, and peeked at the alarm clock. It was only five-thirty. She turned over, ready to poke Sean and tell him to go and shut them up, but the other side of the bed was empty. If he was up already, why didn’t he quieten them?

  She laid back, her annoyance now ensuring she was fully awake. Sean had still been working when she’d come to bed the previous night. She assumed he’d come to bed, although the neat pillows on his side suggested he hadn’t. He’d probably slept in the guest room. Again.

  A scream of laughter jolted her upright. Eve threw off the covers and stormed out onto the landing. She opened her mouth about to tell the girls to quieten down but froze.

  Sean was lying on his back, arms and legs in the air with one of the twins balanced on them. He was pressing his arms up and down as if doing reverse push-ups.

  Their other daughter stood next to them squealing with delight.

  ‘My turn, my turn,’ she shrieked.

  Eve shook her head. She couldn’t even tell the girls apart this morning. They were wearing the same pyjamas, which was unusual.

  Usually Harriet insisted on dressing differently. Both girls were having a great time which was at least one positive in being woken so thoughtlessly. Whichever one was Ava was obviously feeling better.

  Her husband laughed, lowering the child to the floor. ‘Next victim,’ he called. He glanced across to where Eve was standing. His face immediately hardened. ‘Oh, you’re awake.’

  Morning to you, too. Of course she was awake. No one could sleep through this.

  ‘Mummy,’ squealed the twins, rushing over to her. They looked like they were about to fling themselves on her but suddenly stopped. The girls knew better. They stared up at her, their faces full of love.

  Eve swallowed. She really wanted to tell them to quieten down so she could get another hour’s sleep. She’d tossed and turned, obsessing about Ben the night before and was going to be a zombie today if she didn’t.

  However, the girls were excited to see her and Sean’s expression told her to tread carefully. She leant down and gave them both a quick hug, noticing Ava’s stuffed squirrel poking out from one armpit. That at least confirmed who was who. She ruffled Ava’s hair. ‘Feeling better this morning?’