A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  The little girl nodded. ‘I slept forever. Daddy says I should stay home from school today but I think I’m okay to go.’

  Eve shot her husband a look. ‘Are you working from home today?’

  Sean pulled himself up off the floor. ‘No, of course not. I’m in court at eleven.’

  ‘Why suggest Ava stay home then? I can’t take today off either.’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘Why not? What’s happening in the world of real estate that’s so important?’

  Eve glared. ‘Don’t undermine my work, Sean. What you do is no more important.’

  ‘But Daddy helps people, Mummy,’ Ava said. ‘People who wouldn’t have anyone to reper . . . reper . . . present them. His job is very important.’

  She looked at her daughter. When had he fed her that speech? ‘I think you mean represent, honey. And yes, Daddy does represent people, but they usually have quite a lot of money to pay for that representation.’

  The little girl’s face clouded with confusion. ‘But I thought they had no money, and that’s why Daddy had to fight for them.’ She turned to look at Sean. ‘That’s right isn’t it, Daddy?’

  ‘Sure is, pumpkin. I do a lot of pro bono work. It’s not something Mummy knows much about. Now, how about we head downstairs? We’ll make some pancakes for breakfast and let Mummy go back to bed. She looks like she needs a bit of extra beauty sleep.’

  The girls giggled and followed her husband.

  Eve retreated to the bedroom. Pro bono work? Since when was he doing that and why had he told their seven-year-old and not her? He used to laugh at the lawyers doing cases for free.

  She was now wide-awake, so she might as well forgo the extra sleep. Eve pulled on her running gear instead. It was still dark out but the early chill of the winter morning would do her good.

  Eve slipped out of the front door without seeing Sean or the girls. They’d assume she was still in bed, which was fine by her. She shivered in the fresh morning air.

  The streetlights were still on, but the sky was beginning to lighten. She put on her thermal running gloves and set off down the driveway.

  She’d started running at university. Initially it’d been to get the attention of a boy she’d liked but quickly she’d enjoyed the time to herself. The rhythmic thump of her feet pounding the pavement brought her to a state of relaxation she rarely experienced elsewhere. Yoga certainly hadn’t done it for her. All that breathing and calm talking.

  Eve turned left and ran out past the letterbox. She’d head along Bay Street to the Esplanade and continue a short way along the beach track. Not that she’d be able to see much this early in the morning. That would have her in the shower before seven, and out of the door by quarter to eight.

  Ben.

  What they had felt so real. Like him, she wasn’t expecting it to turn into anything more, but she couldn’t imagine him sharing the same intimacy with anyone else, not even his wife.

  She shook herself passing New Street. Eve still had sex with Sean, and to a degree shared intimacy with him. Was she kidding herself to think Ben wouldn’t be doing the same?

  Sean had been so moody lately. Ever since Kate had taken holidays, in fact. Her running slowed.

  Sean and Kate? That couldn’t be why he was moody, could it? A lump rose in her throat. Screwing the nanny?

  It was textbook, but not her husband. Surely not? Kate was hardly his type, and she was only twenty-three. Although that could be in her favour; a younger woman.

  Eve shook her head. No, she was too solid, too frumpy and too forthright. Anyway, wasn’t she a lesbian?

  Sean had joked when she’d started working for them that her unshaved armpits suggested that might be the case. Eve had whacked him when he’d said it. She had three lesbian friends—acquaintances really—and they were all groomed beautifully.

  No, Kate wasn’t the reason Sean was moody. Sexual frustration perhaps? She tried to recall the last time they’d had sex. It’d been ages.

  She eventually reached the Esplanade and joined the throng of other early morning runners. Eve increased her speed, enjoying the sensation of her lungs burning. She pushed herself faster and faster.

  She reached Highett Street and turned around to start the run home. She could see her breath as she puffed out the cold morning air.

  Eve needed to talk to Sean. They were drifting further apart, and deep down she didn’t want that. Her husband’s mood was generally a reflection of his work and no wonder if he’d slumped to doing pro bono work, but she’d better make an effort.

  Although her heart was often with Ben, her reality was with Sean. He earned good money, was a great dad, and until she’d met Ben, they’d always had a good time together.

  Until she’d met Ben.

  That looped in her mind as she turned into Bay Street and headed home. If she were honest with herself, her interest in Sean had slipped when she’d met Ben.

  Eve had withdrawn, her mind often preoccupied. It was out of respect for Sean. She couldn’t be joking and laughing with him one minute and wishing she was being seduced by someone else the next.

  She sighed and slowed to a brisk walk at their driveway. Bloody men, they always complicated things. She pushed open the front door to the smell of pancakes and sound of laughter.

  Sean’s voice floated through the house. ‘I’m sure Mummy has something special in mind for your lunch boxes today, so let’s leave it for her, shall we?’

  Eve stopped. Was he kidding? He’d been up with them for hours and he expected her to make their lunches? Whether he was screwing her or not, she really couldn’t wait for Kate to return. Only three more days.

  She couldn’t imagine how anyone managed to parent and work full-time. Lunches, homework, after school activities, play dates with other kids. It wasn’t conceivable that one person could manage all that and have any life of their own.

  Eve glanced at the clock at the bottom of the stairs. It was almost seven, there was no way she’d have time to start making lunches. She contemplated Leah’s words about being nicer, giving the girls a treat now and then.

  Her sister was right; she did need to relax more with the girls. Stop telling herself that she was a bad parent. If she tried harder, maybe she’d even enjoy it.

  Regardless, for today, a treat was in order. Eve would give the girls ten dollars each for the tuck-shop with specific instructions to buy whatever they liked.

  She smiled, imagining the shock on their little faces. They’d probably think she’d gone mad.

  Eve raced up the stairs, her mind already having moved back to Ben. She needed to work out how she was going to approach him, and the possibility he was seeing other women.

  5

  Leah heard the key turn in the lock at exactly seven o’clock. He hadn’t knocked.

  She lifted the sleeping Lewis from her lap, put the book down she’d been trying to distract herself with, and stood.

  Surprise registered on Grant’s face. ‘Sorry, I assumed you’d be out.’

  She folded her arms across her chest. ‘What, and make it easy for you to skulk off after six years?’

  He had the decency to blush. ‘How are you?’

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s any of your business right now.’

  Her ex nodded. ‘Fine, I’ll get my things and go.’

  Leah moved and stood in front of the three boxes she’d packed for him. ‘No, I want a proper explanation first. None of this, it just isn’t working. We’ve been together for six years. Only a couple of months ago, you were the one talking about where we should go for our honeymoon. It doesn’t make any sense.’

  Grant struggled to meet her eyes. ‘Not everything has to make sense. I woke up one morning and decided I didn’t want to do this anymore.’

  ‘Sorry, that’s bullshit.’

  He ran a hand through his hair. ‘It’s not bullshit, it’s how it is.’

  She stared at the man she’d loved so deeply for the past six years. He’d s
parked in her the same feelings Sean had many years before. She’d never had the opportunity to explore those feelings with Sean, but with Grant it’d been wonderful and real. How could he switch those feelings off so quickly? A pain developed in her chest thinking about it.

  ‘What did you tell your parents?’ Grant’s mum and dad had accepted her into the family like a daughter from day one. The thought of never seeing them again caused her stomach to twist.

  His mouth turned to a frown.

  She sucked in a breath. ‘Really? You haven’t told them? Your mum was expecting a wedding, not a breakup. So was I.’

  Grant finally met her eyes. ‘Mum will probably get one.’

  Leah stared at him. ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘Oh, Jesus.’ His eyes filled with tears. ‘I really didn’t want to have to tell you this.’

  Her legs began to tremble. She had a strong feeling she didn’t want to hear what he was about to say. ‘What?’ her voice was a squeak.

  ‘I’m sorry, Lee, so sorry.’

  A lump formed in her throat and her gut cramped. Her voice was barely a whisper. ‘For what?’

  Grant cleared his throat. ‘I did something terrible while we were together. It was stupid, really. Remember that weekend trip I took for work a couple of months ago?’

  ‘What about it?’

  He and six of his colleagues had gone to Sydney for a team building retreat.

  ‘We had a few drinks, and I sort of ended up in bed with Katrina.’

  ‘Katrina Dixon? Who you complain about constantly and can’t stand?’

  Grant nodded. His expression spoke of his misery and guilt.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me when it happened? Break up with me then?’

  His eyes were fixed firmly on his feet. ‘Because I didn’t know she was pregnant then.’

  Leah’s legs crumpled and she barely made it to the couch.

  ‘Oh, Jesus,’ Grant said. ‘I really wish I hadn’t done this, but it wasn’t only once. I’ve been with Katrina a few times in the last two months. It just happened. Turned out, we didn’t hate each other after all.’

  ‘Obviously not.’ She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. His behaviour towards her hadn’t changed at all the past two months. If anything he’d been more loving.

  ‘When she found out she was pregnant, I knew I had to tell you.’ Guilt tinged his tone.

  ‘But you didn’t tell me. You were just going to leave.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Lee. Really, I am. I didn’t know how to tell you. I love you. That hasn’t changed. I wish—’ He pushed his hand through his hair. ‘I wish I could turn back time. This isn’t how I want things to be, either.’

  ‘But you made the decision to leave, without any discussion,’ Leah said. ‘You hardly know Katrina.’

  ‘We need to give it a chance. If our relationship doesn’t work, we’re still going to be connected by the baby. Forever by the sounds of it.’

  Leah stared.

  He didn’t seem all that happy at the forever prospect.

  ‘I don’t get why you’re doing this. You don’t seem all that happy about it.’

  Grant sighed. ‘Whether I’m happy or not is irrelevant. I have responsibilities. It’s my baby too, which Katrina’s father keeps pointing out.’

  She might vomit. This was really happening. Their future, their plans, were all destroyed. She pointed at the boxes near the door. ‘It’s all there.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Leah. I really am. I never meant for this to happen.’

  Anger flooded her senses. She pulled herself up from the couch and faced her ex. ‘Never meant to accidentally screw someone else multiple times, while we were together? You’re a cheating bastard.’ She pointed to the door. ‘Get out.’

  He opened his mouth then appeared to think better of it. He placed a set of keys on a small table by the front door and stacked the three boxes on top of each other. He looked back at Leah. ‘I really—’

  ‘I said get out.’

  Grant opened the door, allowing it to snap shut behind him.

  She sat back on the couch next to Lewis, her anger turning to tears. How could he? He’d acted like a complete stranger.

  Her phone vibrated as she stroked Lewis. Caller ID said it was Jackie. Jackie, who was expecting news of an engagement.

  Leah picked up the phone, willing the tears to stop. ‘Hey, Jacks.’ It was all she could manage before bursting into tears again.

  The sickness in the pit of Leah’s stomach carried over to the next morning. She’d spent over an hour on the phone with Jackie. Her friend was as shocked as she was. They’d finally hung up with Jackie promising to ring again that night to check up on her.

  She dragged herself out of bed, considered calling in sick, but then dismissed the idea. Leah needed something to take her mind off Grant, not wallow in self-pity.

  Vomit rose in her throat; her thoughts consumed with Grant. She made her way into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

  Would he even have told her if Katrina wasn’t pregnant or would he have kept on seeing both of them?

  Had Katrina known about Leah? She shook her head. The man she thought she knew better than anyone on the planet, she obviously didn’t know at all.

  Showered and with a strong coffee in hand, Leah felt marginally better while she waited for the elevator to reach the sixth level. She stepped out into the empty reception area. It wasn’t yet eight, so the offices would be quiet for the next half hour or so.

  Fitzy passed her on her way to her cubicle. ‘Hey, hot stuff,’ he said then stopped, his eyes searching her face. ‘Although, not looking so hot this morning.’ He took a step backward. ‘Not sick are you?’

  She shook her head. ‘Didn’t sleep well.’ While he made her cringe with his inappropriate greetings and horrible manner, she needed him on her side if she had any hope of moving to a different part of the paper.

  Fitzy laughed. ‘Good, glad that’s all. Now, no sleeping on the job okay? There’s plenty of hard-hitting stories out there waiting for you to grab.’

  Leah rolled her eyes. ‘Not sure Property really brings out the hard-hitting stories.’ Fitzy needed to give her a chance. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘Anything for you, doll.’

  ‘As you know, I work hard and do a good job with Property.’

  ‘Can’t disagree with that. Clients love you. Can’t get enough of you in fact. Best damn reporter I’ve ever had in Property.’

  She forced a smile. ‘That’s great, but don’t you think my skills should be tested elsewhere? Business, Finance, general reporting? I’d really like the opportunity to show you what I can do.’

  Her boss patted her arm. ‘Don’t be silly. You don’t need to prove anything to me or anyone else. I already know you’re good. Moving to another department and wasting the talent and insight you have for property isn’t going to prove a thing.’

  ‘That’s not really the point. I need a change. I’m sick of Property. You said when I accepted the position there would be opportunities to move within the paper.’

  Fitzy’s smile no longer reached his eyes. ‘The only opportunities to move right now would be to move straight out the door and get yourself a job somewhere else. Don’t push it, Donaldson. I like you but you’re dispensable.’

  Anger rose in Leah. She studied her boss. He’d told her she was the best reporter he’d ever had in property and now she suddenly was dispensable?

  ‘So let me get this straight,’ she said. ‘You’re quite happy to lose me?’

  ‘That a threat?’

  ‘Of course it’s not a threat. I’m wanting to make sure I’ve got the picture clear.’

  He moved his hands to his hips. ‘Like I said, in Property you’re fantastic, but not indispensable. There are a lot of amazing writers out there, Leah, ones that would kill for your job. They come with fantastic references and a lot of experience.’

  ‘So would I if I was going somewhere else.’
r />   Fitzy’s grin was sly. ‘Experience maybe. Don’t count on the fantastic reference.’

  She stared as he continued through the office towards reception. He was a pig. A sexist, nasty little pig. He shouldn’t be able to get away with the way he spoke to staff, particularly females, in this day and age. Somehow he did. She probably should lodge a complaint but she’d likely be the one who’d end up worse off.

  Leah sighed as she reached her own workspace. She dumped her bag and coffee cup on her desk and switched on her computer. She glanced around the office while her system booted.

  She’d looked at these same walls and same faces for eight years now; expecting she’d move sideways to another department at some point and that was when she’d get her big break. That she’d be working on the sort of stories that interested her, rather than writing up descriptions of over the top, ridiculously priced, elitist homes. That wasn’t going to happen. She opened her Internet browser and typed in SEEK. It was time to find out what her options were.

  Leah was exhausted by the time she arrived home from work that evening.

  Lewis greeted her enthusiastically, and she was glad of the distraction he provided. He rubbed around her helping take her mind off the fact that it was Wednesday night, the night she and Grant usually went to Victoria Street for Vietnamese.

  She’d just changed into her sweat pants and flicked the television on when there was a knock on the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone. It had better not be Grant.

  Leah opened her front door and immediately burst into tears.

  Jackie stood in front of her, a bottle of red wine in each hand. Her best friend’s smile was instantly replaced with concern. ‘Hey, I’m here to cheer you up. Not make you cry.’

  She smiled through her tears. ‘They’re happy tears.’

  Jackie stepped into the apartment, placed the bottles of wine down, and drew her into a tight hug.

  Leah sank into her friend. ‘It’s so good to see you.’