A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  ‘Really?’ Ava asked.

  Even Sean looked surprised. Of course, Eve wouldn’t have asked them to do this. She probably would’ve requested some kind of designer cast to begin with. Too late now, she’d need to go with it.

  ‘Of course. Why don’t you try planning on some paper when you get home, a great scene you can draw on the cast tomorrow?’

  ‘I think we should draw butterflies,’ Harriet said to Ava.

  Ava nodded. ‘And zebras. Aunty Leah loves zebras.’

  Leah smiled; she did love zebras.

  ‘I don’t think we’ll have time to cook dinner tonight either,’ Sean said. ‘How about you two give Mummy a hug and we’ll stop off somewhere and pick up something yummy to take home. Gran and Pops will be at our house and will probably be hungry.’

  ‘Chinese?’ Ava asked, her face hopeful.

  He ruffled her hair. ‘Whatever you’d like tonight, princess.’

  ‘Chips?’ Harriet added hopefully.

  ‘We’ll get both,’ Sean said.

  Harriet gave a small cheer, then stopped, her face clouding over. ‘Sorry,’ she whispered.

  Leah drew Harriet to her. ‘Don’t be sorry. When she was seven, Aunty Leah would’ve been cheering too, if she was allowed to have hot chips. She’d want us all to be happy and have fun. It’s okay to be sad, but it’s okay to be happy too. She’d want you to be.’

  The girls hugged her.

  ‘Get better, Mummy,’ Ava said. ‘And remember your promise.’ She lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘You promised you wouldn’t die, remember?’

  Leah did her best to block out all thoughts of Eve so she wouldn’t start crying. ‘I promise. And you two make sure you have all the supplies ready and designs worked out for my cast, okay? That can be the first thing we do when I get home.’

  The twins nodded.

  ‘I’ll come back after dinner,’ Sean said. ‘Unless you are expecting anyone else?’ His eyes searched hers. There was something in them, something questioning that she didn’t understand.

  ‘I told Mum and Dad not to come back in today. They need time to process what’s happened and I haven’t called anyone else yet. Don’t forget you told them you’d help with the phone calls.’

  ‘It’s not something I’m likely to forget. I’ll drop the girls and the food off with my parents and drive straight over there.’

  The girls hugged her one last time, then, hand in hand with Sean, led him out of the room.

  He looked back at Leah and gave her a sad smile. ‘See you in a bit.’

  She laid back against her pillows, giving in to the exhaustion suddenly overcoming her. She heard Harriet’s voice as they walked away from the room.

  ‘Mummy seemed really different.’

  ‘She’s had a huge shock, poppet, we’ll need to give her extra care and love when she comes home,’ Sean replied.

  ‘Do you really think she’ll let us decorate her cast?’ Ava asked. ‘Or was she trying to be nice to us because of Aunty Leah?’

  Leah couldn’t hear Sean’s reply; they had moved out of hearing.

  Guilty tears ran down her cheeks. She’d done what Eve had asked her. The girls hadn’t lost their mother, but was lying fair to any of them?

  She took a deep breath. Whether it was right or wrong didn’t really matter now.

  It was too late to back out.

  She closed her eyes. Sleep eventually came as images of the accident, mixed with images of the girls’ faces, enveloped her.

  The hospital’s windows were shrouded in darkness a few hours later when Leah woke. She had no idea of what time it was, but she was conscious of someone sitting in the chair next to her bed.

  Her head throbbed when she turned, and surprise washed over her.

  Eve’s friend, Nicola, was watching her. Her eyes were red, her face tear stained. ‘Hey you,’ Nicola forced a smile. ‘Pretty extreme measures to get out of coming to my party.’

  The party. Leah had completely forgotten why they’d been in the car in the first place. It hadn’t even crossed her mind to contact Nicola. She hardly knew Eve’s best friend.

  She’d met her a handful of times, but Nicola was the type of woman that Leah found hard to like. Superficial, self-indulgent and judgmental. Eve had said there was more to Nicola. She’d explained the way Nicola came across was a defence mechanism for anxiety. She’d claimed once one got to know her, there was a whole different side to Nicola.

  Whether that was true or not, she was going to have to be careful. If anyone would see through her act it’d be her sister’s best friend.

  ‘Sorry,’ Leah said. ‘Your present. It was probably wrecked.’ She thought of the prettily wrapped box Eve had sitting on the back seat.

  ‘I don’t care about a present,’ Nicola said. ‘I care about you. Oh, honey, I’m so, so sorry about Leah. Sean rang me. I can’t believe it.’

  ‘Me either.’

  ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘I will be. I need to get out of here. Get home and look after the girls. Everyone’s devastated.’

  Nicola glanced towards the door. ‘What about Ben? Have you been able to contact him? He’ll be beside himself when he hears what has happened.’

  Ben?

  ‘You look confused,’ her sister’s best friend said. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘I’m having trouble remembering things. Did I work with Ben?’

  Nicola’s mouth dropped open. ‘You don’t remember?’

  Leah shook her head.

  ‘You worked with Ben Styles. You mentioned a large development in South Melbourne you would be working on.’

  Working on?

  Nicola’s tone implied something other than working.

  Leah remembered her discussion with Eve about Ben Styles. She’d warned her to be careful of him; he had a terrible reputation. Her sister hadn’t given her any reason to believe there was anything going on between them. There was no way Eve would cheat on Sean. Leah was certain.

  Nicola squeezed her good hand. ‘You look really pale. Are you okay?’

  ‘Mainly just a headache.’ She touched her bandaged head. ‘Whacked it pretty hard, apparently. It’s making me confused.’

  Her sister’s friend raised an eyebrow. ‘Yes, I’d say it is. If you need me to call Ben for you, let me know. He’ll want to see you.’

  Leah nodded. ‘Thanks, but I’m fine. I’ll contact him later. Sean’s coming back soon, so I’ll get him to check whether they’ve released my belongings. I haven’t got my phone back yet.’ She needed to go through the contacts on Eve’s phone and see if she recognised any of them. She imagined numerous awkward conversations moving forward.

  Nicola stood. ‘I won’t stay long now I’ve seen you. I was so worried when Sean called.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Her brow creased in obvious confusion. ‘Are you sure you’re okay? You seem kind of weird.’

  Leah shrugged. ‘The accident. Shock. No sleep. It’s caught up with me.’

  ‘That, and a face made up of bruises rather than make-up. That’s probably what it is. Did you want me to drop back with some make-up for you? I’m sure you’ll have a lot of visitors, and I know how much you hate not wearing it.’

  She touched her face. Make-up? Her sister was dead, and Nicola was offering make-up. But…she was Eve, and even in these circumstances she’d consider her appearance high priority.

  Instead of declining Nicola’s offer, she smiled. ‘Thanks, but I’ll be going home tomorrow. I’ll worry about my face then.’

  Her sister’s best friend rummaged through her handbag and produced a black Channel make-up purse. ‘Take this for now. It’s got all the basics.’

  ‘You know me better than I know myself. Thanks.’

  It was past eight by the time Sean returned. His face was pale, and he looked like he was ready to drop from exhaustion. He gave a small smile and took his place in the chair next to her bed. ‘I made the calls,’ he said.

  ‘
How did it go?’

  He pushed a hand through his sandy-blonde hair, his eyes filling with tears. ‘Honestly? It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.’

  Her own eyes filled.

  ‘How do you break that kind of news to anyone? It was mainly your relatives we called tonight. Your parents didn’t have the numbers for any of Leah’s friends, or her boss. We’ll need to go through her phone for that.’

  ‘I’ll do it.’ Her voice was low. ‘I think she would’ve wanted me to. I know some of her friends, and work colleagues.’

  Jackie. Leah closed her eyes. She’d be devastated. Absolutely devastated. They’d been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when they were four. She couldn’t imagine how she’d cope if she received a phone call saying something had happened to Jackie.

  A squeeze of her hand brought her back to the present. She opened her eyes to find Sean staring. ‘I can help if you like?’

  Warmth spread through her body at his touch. ‘Thank you.’ Tears filled her eyes again. ‘You’re being amazing with all of this. I know Mum and Dad would be really grateful.’

  Sean opened his mouth, as if to say something then closed it again. He moved out of the chair and sat on the edge of Leah’s bed. Careful not to hurt her broken arm, he took her in his arms.

  She melted against his strong chest. She closed her eyes, conscious of the tears dripping.

  The rhythmic circles his hands were rubbing on her back cleared her mind and helped her to only focus on this moment.

  Eventually he stopped rubbing and leaned back. ‘You’ll be okay, Eve,’ he said. ‘You always are.’

  ‘It won’t be the same,’ she said, her words the truth. ‘Ever. I feel like part of me died in the accident.’

  ‘It did. You two had a connection not everyone is lucky enough to have. Leah loved you.’ He smiled. ‘Even though you drove her nuts and bullied her into doing lots of things she didn’t want to do, she loved you.’

  ‘She loved all of us,’ Leah said. ‘She envied us too. Married, kids, a happy life. It’s what she wanted.’

  Sean stared again. ‘Is that how you see our life. Happy?’

  She swallowed. She was a stranger within their relationship. She needed to slow down. Learn about Sean, and what he and Eve had had together.

  Eve certainly had suggested things weren’t perfect, and that he was constantly grumpy. She’d witnessed the hostility between the two of them the day she’d brought Ava home sick from school. Then there were her sister’s comments that he was acting like a prick the night of the accident.

  ‘That’s how I’d like it to be. We have amazing kids and a great life. We should be happy. We owe it to ourselves and my sister.’

  Sean gave a slight shake of his head and managed a weak smile. He stood and kissed her forehead. ‘I’d better get back and relieve Mum and Dad. The girls should’ve been asleep ages ago but I want to be there overnight in case they wake or have bad dreams.’

  ‘Good idea.’

  Doubt crept into Leah’s mind as Sean walked through the door and turned into the corridor without looking back. It was one thing to step in and save the girls from going through the pain of losing their mother, but another altogether to pretend to be Sean’s wife.

  A nurse with a broad smile entered the room after he left. She placed a plastic bag on the tray table at the end of Leah’s bed. ‘The police dropped this in for you,’ she said.

  Leah stared at the bag. The once-carefully wrapped present for Nicola was visible, now ripped and smeared with dirt, in addition to one of the black and gold clutch bags Eve had insisted they both bring.

  She already had her phone. She’d made the call from the scene of the accident and had kept it with her since.

  She waited for the nurse to leave the room then opened the plastic bag and took out the clutch. Inside were a silver lipstick, a phone, a small make-up case, and Eve’s purse. What had happened to her own bag?

  Leah opened her sister’s phone and was immediately confronted with the password screen. When they were younger Eve had used their birthdate for every pin number. She smiled, a tear rolling down her cheek, remembering her sister’s complete incompetence for numbers.

  Their birthdate and year were supposedly the only four numbers she could remember. Leah punched in 1183 and the phone automatically opened to the home screen.

  She shook her head. At least she’d have no problem accessing anything of Eve’s that was password protected.

  She opened the contact section and carefully read through the names. Leah recognised some of them as friends, others were work colleagues and of course, under Donaldson there were plenty of family.

  There were at least two hundred contacts but Ben Styles wasn’t one of them.

  Nicola had certainly implied something was going on between Eve and Ben. An affair?

  There was no way her sister would do that. Eve had always referred to it as a deal-breaker. She’d been disgusted by Grant’s behaviour.

  Eve’s contacts wouldn’t be given the chance to grieve. They wouldn’t even know she was gone. Leah squeezed her eyes shut. She was doing this for Eve.

  She reached to the cupboard beside the bed and took her own phone from it. She looked through her contacts. It wasn’t going to be easy to make these calls. The hardest of course would be to Jackie.

  She switched her phone off and tossed it back on the cabinet. She couldn’t do it now. She was exhausted.

  Leah promised herself she’d do it first thing in the morning. She didn’t want people finding out from anybody else.

  She closed her eyes. It was unimaginable, what she was going to do. Ring people, her own friends, and tell them she was dead. They’d believe her. They’d mourn her. It was a huge lie.

  Would she be able to live with it? She’d have to live with it.

  Two little girls were counting on her.

  10

  Sean smiled at his mother, grateful for the warmth of her hug. Both she and his dad had been wonderful. They’d ended up staying overnight, and offered to help him this morning.

  He didn’t have the heart to tell them that Kate would be here early, and he didn’t need them. Instead, he’d rung Kate and told her about the accident and suggested she not come in until lunchtime, once Eve was home.

  Sean had woken to find his mother already in the kitchen. Coffee made, the girls’ lunches packed neatly into their lunch boxes, and a stack of pancakes warming in the oven. She’d even poured him a coffee.

  ‘I couldn’t sleep, so thought I’d make myself useful.’

  He studied her carefully as he took a seat at the counter and gratefully accepted the coffee.

  She had dark rings under her eyes and was uncharacteristically pale.

  ‘Thinking of Leah?’ he asked.

  His mother nodded. ‘And Peggy and Bill. I don’t know them very well, but I can only imagine what they’re going through. On one hand, they’ll be relieved that Eve is all right but on the other…’ She busied herself pouring juice into cups for the girls, unable to meet his eyes.

  He sipped his coffee, the lump that’d stuck in his throat since the moment he’d been told about Leah’s death making it difficult to swallow. He closed his eyes. If only he hadn’t spoken to Eve that way. She must’ve been distracted. Angry as she drove. Why her blood test had showed up without alcohol in it, he still couldn’t fathom. That glass of wine would’ve affected her.

  ‘You okay, son?’ His father crossed through from the living room into the kitchen. He sat on a stool next to Sean and put an arm across his shoulders. ‘Anything I can do?’

  Sean shook his head. ‘No, you guys have been great. Thank you.’ He glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. ‘I’d better make a couple of quick calls and get the girls moving. I wasn’t sure whether to send them to the drama workshop today or not, but I think it’d be a good way to keep their mind off things.’

  ‘They’re already dressed and moving,’ his dad said. ‘They’re fin
ishing off the last touches for a Welcome Home banner they’ve made for Eve. They’ll be down any minute.’

  As he finished speaking, the girls’ voices floated down the stairs. They were speaking softly, not full of their usual raucous early morning excitement.

  They entered the kitchen, stopping when Sean and his parents looked them over simultaneously.

  ‘Where’s Kate?’ Harriet asked. ‘I thought she’d be making breakfast today.’

  ‘Gran’s made you pancakes,’ Sean said. He crouched in front of them and drew them into a hug. ‘Kate will be here when you get home from drama. I asked her to come at lunchtime to help Mummy once she’s home.’

  ‘We could help her,’ Harriet said. ‘We don’t need to go to drama. It’s all pretend stuff, anyway.’

  ‘No, it does matter. You’ve both been looking forward to it for weeks. Gran and Pops need to go home to their own house, and I need to go and get Mummy. You’ll be helping all of us if you go.’

  The twins nodded.

  ‘Now sit yourselves down,’ his mum said, placing the girls’ drinks on the table. ‘I’ll bring your pancakes.’

  ‘Pancakes?’ Harriet said. ‘Whose birthday is it?’

  ‘No one’s,’ June said. ‘I thought it would be nice to start the day with a treat.’

  Ava shook her head. ‘Mummy would say no. I think we should do what she says today. Don’t you?’ She glanced at Sean.

  ‘I think you’ll find Gran’s made healthy pancakes,’ he said. He winked at his mother. ‘Haven’t you, Mum?’

  ‘Sure have. I’ve used whole-wheat flour and if you like I can cut up fresh fruit and yoghurt to go on top, rather than maple syrup. Would that make Mummy happy?’

  Harriet’s face clouded over. She glared at her sister.

  Sean stepped in. ‘How about we have both? Gran will put some fruit and yoghurt in a bowl and you can eat it separately or put it on your pancake. Okay?’

  Harriet’s pancake dripped with maple syrup, her fruit and yoghurt untouched, while Ava left her pancakes and concentrated on the healthier option.