A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  His face was pale, his eyes wracked with guilt. He’d never get the chance to apologise now.

  Leah had gone through Eve’s wardrobe earlier in the week to find something suitable for the funeral. She’d be the best dressed person there if she chose to be. As Eve, she had to be.

  She’d settled for a black Vera Wang lace gathered gown. It was classy, elegant and exactly the type of dress she imagined her sister would wear to a funeral. With the addition of a pair of sage green Miu Miu pumps she would definitely exude Eve’s personality.

  Leah had chosen some of the girls’ party clothes for them to wear. Aquas for Harry, and purples and pinks for Ava. She wanted to ensure there was colour; that it wasn’t a bleak affair.

  Sean came up behind her as she tried to wrap a shawl around her shoulders. ‘Here, let me help you.’ He took the fabric and draped it over her shoulders. ‘You look amazing,’ he said.

  He was dressed in a black Armani suit, silver cufflinks gleaming on his shirt sleeves.

  Leah had chosen his tie. An aquamarine that brought out the green of his eyes. ‘So do you,’ she said.

  ‘Leah gave me this tie.’

  ‘I know, and I’m sure she’d want you to wear it.’

  ‘I hope so. Now, we’d better make sure the girls are ready.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘The car will be here in ten minutes.’

  The vehicle drew to a stop in front of Greyson’s Funerals at ten forty-five. Leah’s stomach contracted as she recognised many of her friends already milling around in the garden leading into the venue. They were here to farewell her. She was having an out-of-body experience.

  She gripped Sean’s hand as he helped her out of the car.

  Ava and Harriet took Kate’s hands.

  Leah had asked her to travel with them and look after the twins. How much she could handle today was unknown. She’d be the only person thinking of, and farewelling, Eve. Everyone else would be saying goodbye to her.

  Her legs trembled when they passed through the doorway and into the reception room. She stopped. The smell hit her first. Jasmine. It was exactly how she’d imagined it when she’d discussed the requirements with John Greyson earlier in the week.

  The room was filled with flowers. A mixture of apricot roses and jasmine. The rich, sweet fragrance of the jasmine wafted throughout the place. It was pleasant, comforting.

  Her eyes travelled to the front of the room. Her parents were standing, their backs to her, in front of the elegant mahogany coffin they’d chosen.

  Leah’s own instructions had been for a basic coffin, but at the funeral home she’d acted more like Eve. She’d upgraded everything to the best and insisted on paying the difference. In fact, she’d acted so much like Eve, her mother had demanded she stop.

  Eve, we have to follow Leah’s wishes. This isn’t your funeral, it’s hers.

  Sean squeezed her hand.

  She still hadn’t moved from the doorway. She put one foot forward and walked towards her parents. Hugs were exchanged, and she smiled gratefully at Kate, who sat with the girls and was pointing out different features of the church and talking quietly to them.

  Leah took her seat in between Sean and her mother and waited. The pews behind them started to fill. She didn’t dare turn; couldn’t bear to look at anyone. She was dreading the wake, and particularly seeing Jackie. Having to look her friends in the eye and make small talk as if she didn’t really know them.

  Music started to play and her friends, family and work colleagues filled the room. Leah never expected so many people would care enough to come to her farewell.

  She snuck a quick glance behind, and spotted Fitzy towards the back. He was wiping his eyes with his handkerchief. Tears filled her own eyes and rolled down her cheeks when she glimpsed Jackie, her eyes red rimmed, face pale, clinging to Richard. She knew exactly the heartache her friend was feeling.

  The service began with John Greyson’s welcome for everyone to the celebration of Leah’s life. He read the eulogy Leah, with the help of her mother, had spent hours preparing.

  It was a true reflection of her life. Leah dwelled on Eve while John’s words of where she’d grown up, where she’d been to school, the places she’d travelled and more filled the room.

  She remembered Eve as a little girl, of the things her sister had loved. Of the naughty things she’d convinced her to join her in doing. Of the protectiveness she’d shown her when Leah had been bullied in the early years of high school.

  How Eve had excelled at basketball and soccer, but hardly bothered with her school work. Of nights out drinking and dancing with Eve and her friends. Of birthdays and celebrations. Of being in the birth suite when she’d delivered the twins.

  Her eyes closed and memories flooded over her in waves. A squeeze of her hand brought her back to the present as John finished by saying Leah’s nieces would like the opportunity to say goodbye to their aunt.

  There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when Harriet, hand-in-hand with Ava, went to the small podium and microphone.

  Ava’s lip trembled as she clung to her sister.

  Harriet smiled while the microphone was lowered to her height. ‘Good morning,’ she said. ‘Ava and I would like you all to know our Aunty Leah was the most special aunty in the world.’

  Leah felt like her heart would break watching the little girls.

  ‘She was kind and funny and made the best cakes ever. She loved us and she loved her beautiful cat Lewis, who we are now looking after.’ Harriet stepped back and pushed Ava towards the microphone. ‘Your turn,’ she hissed.

  The look on Ava’s face was of pure terror.

  Leah wasn’t surprised. A room full of people staring and crying. She doubted Ava would be able to speak, but the little girl proved her wrong.

  ‘My Aunty taught me and my sister many things. She taught us how to tie our shoelaces, how to play monopoly and twister. She even taught us how to draw animals. Especially her favourite, the zebra.’

  Smiles and soft laughs could be heard throughout the room.

  Leah wiped her tears. The twins were doing a wonderful job. Eve would be so proud of them.

  ‘But,’ Ava said, ‘the most important thing our Aunty taught us, and we will always remember, is we were special to her, and she would’ve done anything for us.’

  Harriet joined Ava now at the microphone for what was obviously a pre-planned moment.

  The girls spoke at once.

  ‘We love you, Aunty Leah. We’ll think about you every day and we’ll miss you forever.’

  The smiles and soft laughs were immediately replaced with sniffles and more eye wiping, as the girls returned to their seats.

  ‘Thank you, girls for that wonderful tribute to an aunt we can all see you loved very much,’ John Greyson said. He looked over at Leah. ‘And now Leah’s sister, Eve, would like to say a few words.’

  She took a deep breath before standing and making her way to the front of the room. She cleared her throat, acutely aware everyone was waiting for her to speak. Leah couldn’t make eye contact with any of them. She’d break down.

  She tried to muster a smile and shifted her focus to Ava and Harriet. Ava with her sombre little face. Harriet a beaming smile.

  ‘Leah would’ve wanted to thank each of you for attending today. I think she would’ve been overwhelmed with how many people have come to farewell her. I know she would’ve wanted you to remember the friendships you had with her and see you smiling thinking of the good times.’ She closed her eyes briefly.

  This was the only chance she’d ever get to farewell Eve. There was a lot she needed to say.

  She cleared her throat again. ‘Last Friday, I lost a part of myself, a part that always kept me accountable and seemed to know my own mind just as well as her own. I was lucky, beyond lucky, to have a twin. We were identical in looks, but many of you will know, that’s where our similarities ended. Leah was known to be gentle, loving, kind.’ She smiled. ‘As sisters, we had so much to learn from ea
ch other and we did. Our triumphs, our failures. We shared them together. I know that moving forward, I’ll be trying to integrate the best of Leah’s qualities into my own life to make sure she continues to live on for both myself and my family.’ Leah wiped at the tears streaming down her face.

  Many of her friends and family dabbed at their eyes.

  Her voice broke as she managed a few last words. ‘I will never forget you.’ There was so much more she wanted to say about Eve, but she couldn’t.

  She walked back to her seat.

  Sean put an arm around her.

  More tears flowed when her parents stood together and read a poem in Leah’s honour. Her dad’s hand shook so violently that her mum had to take the paper from him and hold it for the two of them.

  They took their seats while Robbie Williams’ Angels filled the room.

  Eve had loved that song and Leah had insisted when planning the service it was the perfect song to accompany photos of her sister’s life.

  Following the slideshow, the congregation was invited to sprinkle rose petals on the coffin and say their goodbyes before they all stood for the Lord’s Prayer. Finally the recognisable music of Somewhere Over the Rainbow filled the church, signalling it was time for people to leave.

  Leah wiped her eyes and checked on how her parents were coping.

  They were both crying. Her father was slumped forward, his head in his hands.

  She put an arm around her mother and hugged her. Her mother shuddered; her tears turning to great sobs. Leah drew her close and held her until they subsided. By the time she pulled away, the room had emptied; the music finished.

  ‘I’m sorry, love,’ her mother said dabbing at her eyes. ‘This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.’

  She squeezed her hand and glanced at her father.

  Sean had moved around and taken him by the arm. ‘Come on, Bill,’ he said. ‘Let’s get you out of here. Do you think you can handle the wake?’

  Her father drew himself up to full height. ‘For Leah, of course.’

  Leah’s heart swelled watching her parents. Guilt kept sweeping over her, but each time it rose she was able to push it away. She wasn’t putting them through something unnecessary. The bottom line was their daughter had died.

  Kate was wiping Ava’s tears.

  She left her parents and went to the twins. She sat on the pew and pulled Ava into a hug.

  Harriet shifted closer, but with her arm still in plaster she couldn’t hug them both.

  ‘Aunty Leah would be so proud of you. It’s a very grown up thing to speak at a funeral. This is the first time I’ve ever done it, too. She loved you both so much.’

  The twins nodded.

  ‘Now, after a funeral we go and have a party to celebrate the person’s life. There’ll be food and drinks and lots of people. Some you might know, and some you won’t who might want to talk to you. Does that sound okay?’

  Harriet nodded, but Ava looked uncertain.

  She rubbed Ava’s arm. ‘If you don’t like it, Ave, Kate will take you both home. Okay?’

  ‘We’ll try the drinks first,’ Harriet said. ‘Won’t we, Avie? They might have pink lemonade.’

  Leah smiled. She hoped Harriet’s ability to live in the moment would rub off on Ava.

  They made their way out of the funeral home to the now crowded lawn area.

  A group of her work colleagues were standing together, Fitzy with them. Her extended family were gathered in a group. Her grandmother was dabbing her eyes, being comforted by one of her aunts.

  There were quite a few people she didn’t recognise at all. She waved at Nicola who was standing with a few of Eve’s friends. She went over to them and was immediately drawn into hugs and constant murmurs of condolence. She thanked them all for coming and made a little small talk before Nicola took her aside.

  ‘Ben’s here.’

  ‘Ben Styles?’

  Eve’s best friend looked at her quizzically. ‘He’s hoping to talk to you.’

  A feeling of unease immediately settled over Leah. She didn’t know Ben Styles, so why would he have attended her funeral? ‘Tell him I’ll see him at the wake. We’re about to head off.’

  Nicola squeezed her hand. ‘Okay, I’ll let him know.’ Her sister’s friend moved through the throng of people to the back.

  A pair of brilliant blue eyes stared back at her from a rugged, incredibly handsome face.

  It was obvious why he’d have no trouble with women. She turned as an arm touched hers. It was Sean.

  ‘Come on, it’s time to leave for the wake.’

  Leah allowed him to guide her through the foyer, and out to the waiting cars.

  She sank against the back seat and closed her eyes.

  This had been hard enough, and she hadn’t even had to talk to any of her own friends yet.

  Leah was pleased her parents had agreed to hold the wake at The Hove, an upmarket pub in Brighton Eve had always called her favourite. The funeral home hadn’t had a room big enough and she didn’t want her parents, or herself, having the extra work of hosting it at home.

  Booking the pub exclusively for three hours with an open bar and finger food had seemed a perfect solution.

  A murmur of conversation filled the main bar area and people were already spilling out into the beer garden.

  She checked that the twins were happy with Kate then disappeared to the ladies’ room. She studied her reflection. Leah needed to do some damage control. The tears at the funeral service had left their mark. She went through the bag of Eve’s she’d chosen for the service and selected her supplies.

  A few minutes later she stood back, admiring her work. With scarlet red lipstick, she was the spitting image of Eve. She was putting everything away and zipped the bag when the door to the ladies’ opened.

  She froze. It was Jackie.

  Her best friend took one look at her and burst into tears.

  Leah immediately went to her, putting her good arm around her. ‘Oh Jackie,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Jackie pulled away. ‘You’re sorry? God, ignore me, it’s just that with you looking so much like Leah…it’s really hard.’

  ‘Looking exactly like Leah, you mean?’

  She nodded. ‘Although, I could always tell you apart. The way you dress, your make-up. You were both so different.’ Her best friend burst into tears again. ‘I miss her so much, Eve. I can’t even imagine how you’re coping. And the girls, too. Thank God you weren’t badly hurt. Imagine your poor girls if—’ She stopped.

  Leah was glad for what she’d nearly said. Once again it reinforced she’d made the right decision.

  ‘I was lucky,’ Leah said. ‘Very lucky.’

  ‘I feel so bad for her. Everything was so messed up before she died. Grant. Then her shit of a boss. She felt like nothing was going right. She was suddenly thirty-five, single and in a job that had no future. She was really down when I last saw her.’

  ‘Perhaps it was better that way? Imagine if she and Grant had announced their engagement, and she’d got promoted to a different department at The Melbournian and then this happened. It would seem so unfair.’

  ‘It’s unfair, regardless,’ Jackie said. ‘He’s here you know.’

  ‘The shit of a boss? Yes, I saw him.’

  ‘Not him. Grant.’

  Her heart raced. ‘He better bloody not be. He didn’t bring the pregnant girlfriend, did he?’

  ‘He’s with someone,’ Jackie said.

  Anger seethed through Leah. ‘He does not get to come here and pretend he cares.’ She checked herself in the mirror one more time and gave Jackie another quick hug. ‘I know you were Leah’s friend, not mine, but I’d like to stay in touch. I think she’d want us to. Now, time to get rid of an unwanted guest. Leah would not want that cheating son of a bitch here.’

  Jackie managed a weak grin. ‘She always said you were the fiery one. You’ll be doing her proud, Eve.’

  With those words firml
y planted in her head, she stepped out of the ladies’ room. She scanned the friends and family who stood in small groups throughout the room.

  Then she spotted him.

  His face was pale. His suit new, more appropriate for a wedding than a funeral.

  Her anger went up a notch. Had he actually worn his wedding suit to her funeral?

  A woman hung onto his arm. She was attractive. Early thirties, long brown hair and slim. Leah assumed she was Katrina. Although she was dressed carefully, the ruffled front of her dress could definitely hide a small bump.

  Sean was walking towards her and she held up her hand to indicate for him to stop. She made a direct line for Grant.

  He looked up as she approached him. ‘Eve. I’m so . . . ’

  She grabbed him with her good arm. ‘Save it. I want to speak to you outside.’ Leah dragged him after her, aware that the woman was following.

  The moment they were standing on the footpath outside the pub she turned on him. ‘You’ve got a cheek showing your face here. You need to leave.’

  ‘I needed to pay my respects.’

  ‘Really? Respect. Do you think any of your actions in the past few months have shown Leah respect? You need to leave. Now.’

  Grant had the good grace to look at the ground.

  She glared at Grant’s girlfriend. ‘Make sure he treats you well and your baby. I know Leah still cared about him, but she was hurt by him, hurt badly.’

  The girlfriend nodded. ‘I know, and I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for what happened.’

  Leah stopped. ‘You knew he was in a relationship?’

  She was unable to meet Leah’s eyes. ‘I feel awful, so awful.’

  ‘Because she’s dead, or because of what the two of you did to her?’

  The look that passed between them gave her the answer. Their guilt was because she’d died, not because they’d cheated.

  ‘You deserve each other,’ she snapped. ‘I only wish for Leah’s sake she’d realised six years ago you weren’t good enough for her.’ She didn’t wait for an answer, but instead turned on her heel and made her way back inside.