A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  Jackie was waiting inside the door, a glass of champagne in each hand. She handed one to Leah. ‘Good job. She’d be proud of you.’

  She clinked glasses with her best friend. ‘To Leah,’ she said and then downed it in one gulp.

  Jackie smiled. ‘Leah said you didn’t drink. I think she was wrong.’

  ‘She wasn’t wrong. I don’t drink much, but today I think I’ll drink her share too.’

  ‘Your girls are super cute.’

  Leah looked over to where the twins were standing together.

  Harriet passed Ava a cup to add to the growing pile of cups around them.

  ‘I think Harry’s decided to try all the drinks,’ she said. ‘The guy at the bar might have to cut them off the way they’re going.’ She glanced at Jackie. ‘Come and meet them.’

  Her friend put her glass down and followed.

  ‘This is Aunty Leah’s very best friend in the entire world.’ She squeezed Jackie’s arm as she saw her friend’s eyes well up. ‘She helped Aunty Leah through lots of hard times, and lots of good times too. She was like another sister to Aunty Leah. She probably knew her better than I did.’

  ‘Can you tell us some stories about her, Jackie?’ Harriet asked.

  ‘Of course I can. How about we move over to those squishy chairs by the window, and I’ll think of some of the things I loved best about your aunt? Now do you want to hear about when she was good or when she was naughty?’

  ‘Good,’ Ava said.

  ‘Naughty,’ cried Harriet.

  Jackie laughed. ‘A bit of both, perhaps?’

  Leah felt a hand on her back as she watched them go.

  ‘Just wanted to check how you are doing,’ Sean said.

  She took a deep breath and tried to muster a smile. ‘Not very well. This is so hard.’

  He pulled her to him and she sank into the comfort of his arms.

  Leah closed her eyes while he stroked the back of her head.

  When she opened her eyes, her attention was captured by a set of piecing blue eyes staring at her through the window from the beer garden.

  Sean felt Eve stiffen in his arms.

  ‘You okay?’

  His eyes followed her gaze. The most startling blue eyes he’d ever seen stared at them. The guy’s eyes were locked with Eve’s. He appeared to be in his late thirties. The cut of his designer suit leaving no question about whether he worked out or not.

  The man was not someone Sean recognised.

  His gut churned when his wife shifted uncomfortably in his arms. He let her go. ‘Who’s that guy?’

  ‘Ben Styles. He’s a property developer. I’ve done some work for his company, and I’m supposedly working on a large development of units with him.’

  ‘Supposedly?’

  ‘I remember his name but that’s all. Leah mentioned him to me recently. According to Nicola, I’ve worked with him, but I have no memory of it.’

  ‘He looks like he wants to talk to you,’ Sean said. ‘Shall I come too?’

  ‘Yes, come and meet him,’ Eve said. ‘I’m not really sure why he came today. I doubt he knew Leah.’

  They walked outside to the beer garden.

  When they reached Ben Styles, Sean held out his hand and introduced himself.

  Ben did the same.

  ‘Thanks for coming today,’ Sean said. ‘How did you know Leah?’

  ‘Through Eve,’ he said. He leant forward and kissed Eve’s cheek. ‘I’m so sorry. Truly I am.’

  Sean watched Eve closely. Her face was clouded in confusion. She really was having difficulty placing him.

  ‘You might have to remind Eve how you know each other. She had a massive whack to the head in the accident and is finding it difficult to remember things.’

  Ben’s mouth dropped open. ‘Really? You don’t remember me?’

  She gave an apologetic smile. ‘I recognise you, and I remember a little. We’ve worked together before. I have a vague memory of some properties in South Melbourne. A large renovation?’

  Ben glanced at him, then back to Eve. ‘That’s all you remember?’

  Nicola joined them. She slipped her arm through Sean’s. ‘Could I whisk you away for a minute? I had a few questions I wanted to ask you about a legal problem I’m having.’

  He glanced at his wife. ‘Okay?’

  Eve nodded, and he allowed himself to be dragged away by her friend.

  Leah smiled at Ben as Sean was led away by Nicola. ‘I have to be honest with you,’ she said. ‘I don’t remember much about the projects we’ve worked on together, or are supposed to be working on. I can’t even get my head around why I’d be working with you on a development, other than to sell it at the end.’

  He hesitated, his blue eyes piercing hers. ‘You really don’t remember?’

  She shook her head. ‘Sorry. No I don’t.’

  Pain flickered across his face. ‘Is your memory likely to come back?’

  ‘I hope so. The doctors haven’t been able to promise anything. You said to my husband you knew Leah through me. Had you actually met her?’

  He shook his head. ‘No, but you talked about her many times. I came today to show my respect and to be here for you.’

  ‘That’s very kind of you.’

  ‘We were—are—more than work colleagues, Eve. We’re very good friends too.’ His eyes searched hers. ‘Surely you must remember something?’

  Leah shifted uncomfortably. The intensity in Ben’s look suggested he did know Eve. He knew her well.

  When she and Eve had discussed Ben Styles, her sister hadn’t given any indication she knew him well, yet Nicola had implied she did.

  ‘I’m sorry. I don’t remember.’

  Ben shook his head and gave a little laugh. ‘I’m not sure what to say. You’re looking at me like I’m a complete stranger.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but that’s how it feels. You’re not the only one I’m having this trouble with if it’s any consolation?’

  ‘Not really, but I guess all we can do is wait and hope your memory comes back soon.’ He leant forward and kissed her cheek again. ‘Call me when you do remember me. When you remember us. We have something special, Eve.’

  Unease filled Leah’s stomach as he made his way past the bar and out of the room. His words certainly implied something more than friendship. She’d warned Eve about his reputation, but Eve had felt strongly about cheating.

  Her reaction to the news of Grant’s affair had been enough to confirm it wasn’t something she’d ever condone or do. But…Ben’s reputation for getting women in bed was also known.

  She could just imagine her sister enjoying flirting with him. It was another difference between the two of them. Eve had been a terrible flirt. She used her looks and her confidence to her advantage in all sorts of situations, but she never took it beyond the flirting stage.

  Her sister had joked about finding it much easier to close a deal when she was dealing with a male client. Had Ben misread Eve’s signals? Nicola certainly seemed to think something was going on between them. He might be charming, but her sister knew where to draw the line. Didn’t she?

  Leah smiled at Harriet who gave her a little wave and skipped past into the beer garden with Ava trailing close behind.

  Jackie and Richard were sitting together at the window where she’d left the girls earlier. Richard had an arm around her friend and was whispering something into her ear. Jackie gave a slight nod.

  She took a deep breath, wishing with all her might she’d been able to avoid hurting Jackie, and walked back into the pub.

  ‘Eve.’ Richard stepped forward and kissed her on the cheek. ‘How are you?’

  She managed a small smile, her eyes fixed on Jackie. ‘Coping, Richard. That’s about all right now. How are you doing, Jackie? My girls looked like they loved hearing the stories you were telling them. Thank you for that.’

  Jackie met her eyes, causing her to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. The pain that met her
gaze almost made her turn. She stepped closer and took her best friend’s arm.

  ‘You know, Leah talked about you all the time. She loved you like a sister.’ She managed a smile.

  Tears spilt down Jackie’s cheeks. ‘She was a sister to me too. I’m not sure how I’ll ever come to terms with this.’

  ‘Me either,’ Leah said. The grief at losing Jackie’s friendship was as real as if she had died. ‘It’ll take time but, I hope there’ll be a point when we can look back and think of all the great times rather than what’s happened now.’

  She nodded. ‘I hope so.’

  ‘I’m sure Leah would want you remembering that time you two snuck off to Sydney for the weekend and bumped into Kylie Minogue in George Street. Although, from what she told me I’m surprised either of you remember anything at all. Sounds like you were completely wasted for the entire weekend.’

  They were only seventeen, and had decided to go and see what King’s Cross in Sydney was really like. Their adventure had included lying to their families, using most of their savings for flights and accommodation and discovering very quickly King’s Cross was not for them. That hadn’t stopped them having a fantastic time and of course drinking far too much.

  Surprise flickered across Jackie’s face. ‘I didn’t realize you knew about that. We swore each other to secrecy. We were taking it to our graves.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Sorry, but you know what I mean. Not that it matters now.’

  Leah could’ve kicked herself. She’d never told anyone that story. Not even Eve. She hated Jackie thinking she’d betrayed her. Even if it was years ago. ‘She only told me because one of my friends saw you in Sydney at the airport. Asked me how come Leah got to go and I didn’t. Don’t worry, she swore me to secrecy too. I’ve never told anyone, until now.’

  The shadow of a smile flickered across Jackie’s face. ‘It was an amazing weekend,’ she said. ‘I’ll never forget it. Leah’s face when she realised it was Kylie Minogue was priceless. You’d think she’d bumped into the queen the way she acted. She practically curtsied.’

  She laughed.

  Jackie was right, she almost had.

  ‘Eve,’ Richard said. ‘Jackie and I thought we might give our condolences to your parents, and then leave, if that’s okay? The kids are with my parents but we need to get back to them. I think Jackie’s probably had enough.’

  Leah nodded. ‘Of course. This might sound weird, but can I come out and visit you one day?’

  Jackie exchanged a look with Richard.

  ‘We don’t know each other very well,’ she said, ‘but I feel like we should. Leah was so important to both of us. We definitely have that in common.’ Butterflies flittered in her stomach waiting for an answer.

  She couldn’t imagine not seeing Jackie, losing her friendship completely.

  Jackie searched in her purse for a card. She handed it to Leah. ‘Why don’t you bring your girls with you,’ she said. ‘Leah was always telling me how wonderful they are. I’m sure they’d get along with our two. Poppy’s six, so not far behind your two.’

  She took the card. ‘I’d like that. I’ll wait until my arm is better, and I can drive. Then I’ll give you a call.’ She stepped forward and enveloped Jackie in a one-arm hug. ‘She really did love you, you know.’

  Her words resulted in another flood of tears from her friend, causing her own tears to spill. She was grateful for the tissue Richard held out for her.

  They said a final goodbye and, with Richard’s arm wrapped around Jackie’s waist, moved over to where her parents stood.

  Her poor parents.

  Her dad had stuck close to her mother all day. His grief so raw it was hard to look at him. She felt another stab watching him extend a hand to Richard. He was trying his hardest. He’d do anything for her.

  Tears continued to flow as the family said goodbye to the last of the guests and began making their own preparations to go home. The twins were tired, yet Harriet seemed to be talking constantly.

  ‘Is she okay?’ Leah asked Sean.

  He looked at his daughter and grinned. ‘Harry, how many of the drinks did you try?’

  A guilty flash crossed the little girl’s face. She glanced from her father to Leah. ‘Not many,’ she said.

  ‘It’s okay. I don’t mind what you drank,’ Leah said.

  ‘She tried them all,’ Ava said. ‘Three times each.’

  Sean exploded with laughter. ‘You’ve had fifteen sugary drinks?’

  Harriet grinned. ‘Guess so. I feel great. Did you know that Ava and I …’

  Sean clapped a hand across his daughter’s mouth. ‘Time to go Harry Barry. We’ll get you home and have you run around the garden for an hour. Burn off some of that sugar.’ He winked at Leah taking Harriet’s hand in one of his and Ava’s in the other. ‘We’ll meet you out the front,’ he said. He lowered his voice. ‘Your dad looks like he wants to have a chat.’

  Her father was waiting behind them. Her mother was talking to the pub’s manager.

  Leah took a step towards her father, noticing his hands were shaking. ‘Dad? Are you okay?’

  He shook his head and allowed her to guide him into one of the foyer’s chairs.

  ‘It’s been a big day,’ she said. ‘A very hard day.’

  Her dad’s face contorted with pain. ‘The hardest.’

  She took his hand in hers.

  ‘I need to ask you something, Eve,’ her father said. ‘Something about Leah. About the accident.’

  Leah swallowed. Talking about the accident wasn’t something she wanted to do at all. It was hard enough, blocking out memories of the horrific crunching sounds as the car was tossed and smashed. They plagued her at different times throughout the day, particularly when she lay down to go to sleep.

  The blood. Eve’s final words. Her broken, dead body.

  She tensed waiting for her father to speak.

  He took a deep breath and brought his eyes up to meet hers. ‘Did she suffer? Was she in pain?’

  The truth would kill her father. Eve had been in pain. Agony, she imagined. She had known she was going to die. It’d been horrific. Her stomach churned as she relived the last few minutes of Eve’s life. She brought her hand to her mouth and tried to shake the feeling. It did no good.

  She excused herself and made a hurried dash to the bathroom which luckily was situated off the foyer. Leah pushed open the cubicle and emptied the contents of her stomach into the bowl.

  Her good hand trembled as she flushed and then came out to the sink to wash her face and mouth. She looked into the mirror. Whether she was Leah or Eve, she was a very pale version of herself.

  She splashed water on her face and rinsed her mouth, her thoughts going back to her father. What on earth would he be thinking with that reaction from her?

  Leah could hardly tell him how traumatic she was finding even thinking about Eve.

  She stood for a few moments willing some colour back into her cheeks before returning to her father.

  He was sitting on the edge of his chair, her mother now next to him. He stood up when she approached. ‘You okay, love?'

  She nodded. ‘Sorry, the day caught up with me, that’s all.’

  Her father shook his head. ‘No. I asked you a question and thinking of the answer made you sick to your stomach.’ He wiped beads of sweat from his forehead. ‘That gave me my answer.’

  Leah shook her head. ‘No, it didn’t.’ Lying to her father would be the only way she could do this. ‘Leah was unconscious, perhaps not even breathing, by the time the car stopped rolling. If she felt anything it would’ve been for a split-second only.’ Tears filled her eyes. ‘She never came to when I tried to revive her. She was already gone. She didn’t suffer, Dad. We’re the ones suffering.’

  His eyes searched hers, needing confirmation she was telling the truth.

  ‘Really. She would’ve been frightened, like I was, when the car left the road, but it all happened so quickly.’

  Tears slid d
own her father’s face. He pulled her to him, careful not to hurt her broken arm. ‘Thank God,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘Thank God.’

  12

  The stale air of the hospital corridor permeated Leah’s nostrils. She shuddered. It’d been two weeks since they’d buried her sister, three weeks since the crash. Once again, she was back staring at a crack that ran the length of the white wall.

  She’d been to see her own GP the day before; who’d been insistent Leah not only see a neurologist for an MRI and have further tests relating to her memory loss, but she should talk to someone about the accident.

  When she’d originally been in the hospital, they’d given her the card of a highly recommended psychologist who dealt specifically with grief resulting from road accidents. Leah had put it aside, not wanting to go there just yet. With her own doctor so adamant, perhaps it was a good idea.

  Only twenty-four hours later, she sat in the waiting area in a different part of the hospital. She’d managed to get an appointment due to a cancellation. The wait to see her own psychologist in Richmond was more than three weeks.

  Although the consulting rooms in the hospital were more clinic-like, for Leah they still held memories of a few weeks earlier.

  Sean’s face was buried in a magazine. He’d taken the morning off to bring her. His eyes scanned the page.

  She hadn’t quite figured out what was going on with him. He said the right things, did the right things, but there was a huge distance between them. It wasn’t because of the accident, or the fact she wasn’t actually Eve. This issue existed before the accident.

  The night Harry was sick, Sean had been angry with Eve. Dismissive of her working late. Her sister had commented on his moods but hadn’t elaborated on the cause of them.

  Then there’d been the night of the accident. Eve had chosen not to talk about what Sean had said to her, but from her mood it had obviously been bad.

  Leah would have to talk to him at some stage and try to get to the bottom of it, but nerves fluttered in her stomach at the very thought.