A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  She returned to the desk and glanced at the paperwork. There wasn’t much. She assumed Eve’s workload had been handed off to one of the other agents.

  Leah opened the top drawer of her sister’s desk to find it neat and orderly. Stationary supplies, a pile of business cards and a loyalty card for the local coffee place.

  She was about to close the drawer when she noticed something else at the back. Her fingers latched onto a phone. It was a basic mobile, certainly not one she’d ever seen, or imagined Eve using. She tried to switch it on but nothing happened. She found the charger in the drawer, too. She’d charge it up and see if there was anything on it later.

  Her own phone rang as she plugged in the charger. It was Nicola. She answered and couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiastic voice at the other end of the line.

  ‘No arguments,’ her sister’s best friend said. ‘Meet me at Café Zee at one. It’s been far too long since I saw you, to the point that I think you’ve been avoiding me.’

  Leah forced a laugh. Yes, she had been avoiding her. She had nothing in common with her sister’s best friend, and Nicola was smart. Smart enough to see through her story and realise she wasn’t Eve.

  ‘I can’t Nic, not today. I’m only just back to work and everything’s a bit overwhelming. I’m trying to get away early to pick the girls up, too. I won’t have time.’

  There was a moment’s silence at the end of the phone. ‘You’re leaving early to pick up the girls?’ Nicola’s voice was incredulous. ‘Please tell me there’s a good reason. Has the nanny run off or something?’

  ‘No, I want to today. How about we have lunch later in the week?’

  ‘Done,’ she said. ‘Café Zee, tomorrow at one. See you there.’

  Before Leah had a chance to point out that tomorrow wasn’t really later in the week, Nicola had hung up, leaving her staring at the phone.

  15

  Sean pushed open the front door, inhaling the sweet aroma of fresh baking. He smiled. He could imagine the mess the twins had made with Kate.

  He put his computer bag in his office before making his way to the kitchen. Sean stopped in the doorway, the scene in front of him making him catch his breath.

  Eve was standing at the kitchen table, her face and hair smeared with flour, laughing as she watched their daughters add food colouring to icing.

  A ton of cupcakes sat in the middle of the table, ready to be iced.

  She looked up at him, her smile reaching her blue eyes. ‘You’re home early.’

  ‘So are you,’ he said. He kissed her on the forehead before ruffling the girls’ hair. ‘Where’s Kate?’

  ‘I gave her the afternoon off.’

  Sean raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I left work early. I wanted to pick up the girls and spend some time with them. Kate made us dinner. We’ll finish decorating these, then I’ll reheat it. Cottage pie, if that’s okay?’

  Sean nodded. ‘And cupcakes for dessert?’

  ‘No, Daddy,’ Ava said. ‘These are for school. We’re having a tea party tomorrow and Mummy said she’d make the cakes. There’s one for everyone.’

  ‘We had to look up a recipe,’ Harriet said. ‘Mummy’s never made cupcakes before but she said if you can read a recipe, then you can bake.’ Her eyes widened with delight as she pointed at the cupcakes. ‘And she was right.’

  ‘I think they’ll look fantastic,’ Sean said.

  ‘Why don’t you grab yourself a beer and relax?’ Eve suggested. ‘I think there’s a game on tonight, isn’t there?’

  He grinned. A beer on a Monday night? Not unheard of in his world, but definitely in pre-accident Eve’s. ‘There’ll be a game somewhere.’ Sean opened the fridge. ‘Do you want a beer?’ If she said yes, then it would tell him something was really wrong. Eve hated beer.

  She shook her head.

  Sean flipped the top off his Corona, kissed Eve’s floury forehead again, and headed for the media room. This was what he called living.

  Eve seemed serious and slightly nervous when she exited the en-suite and joined him in bed.

  ‘Everything okay?’ Sean asked. He gave a small laugh to lighten the mood. ‘Don’t worry, the twins are definitely asleep. No one’s going to interrupt us tonight.’

  His wife smiled as she drew the covers over her. ‘Good, but first there’s something I need to tell you.’

  He braced himself. She looked scared. ‘You’re worrying me.’

  It was unusual for Eve to be so nervous. ‘Sorry, I’m a bit on edge. I’m not sure how you’re going to react.’

  Sean returned her smile. ‘One way to find out.’

  She took his hand, her eyes focused on their fingers. She seemed to be trying to gather the courage to share her news.

  His wife stared into his eyes. ‘I know that before the accident I said I didn’t want any more children.’

  Sean breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been worried. Now he laughed. ‘That’s an understatement. I think your exact words were you’d kill yourself, or the baby, if it ever happened.’

  Shock flashed in Eve’s eyes. She hesitated before she spoke. ‘Things have changed since the accident. What I want has changed. The girls are amazing. I can see that, and I know I’ve missed out.’

  ‘What’re you saying? You want more kids?’

  Eve nodded.

  Sean was silent. He’d tried to initiate many conversations about having another baby after the twins were born. He’d given up. Her flat-out refusal, plus her lack of interest in the two children they already had confirmed it was the right decision.

  She broke the silence. ‘How would you feel about that?’

  ‘If I thought you really meant it, I’d be ecstatic.’

  ‘I do really mean it.’ She took a deep breath. ‘The thing is,’ Eve stopped, as if she was unsure whether or not to continue.

  It was so unlike her to be so hesitant. ‘Tell me, babe, what’s going on? I’m happy to talk about having another baby, definitely. You don’t need to be so nervous.’

  ‘I do actually. I’m really not sure what you’ll think.’ She closed her eyes briefly. ‘The thing is, I’m pregnant.’

  He stared before retracting his hand. Damn her. For the first time in what felt like years, he’d actually had hope for their marriage. Bile rose in his throat.

  Why was she staring at him so adoringly? Surely, she must realise what this would mean for them?

  Sean had managed to convince himself there’d never been an affair. Eve’s time away from home before the accident had been work related. God, he was a fool.

  He slipped from the bed.

  Eve sat up, her face flushed. ‘Stop! What’s wrong? I hoped you’d be happy.’

  ‘Happy? What the fuck are you thinking?’

  He didn’t wait for her reaction. Instead he grabbed the clothes he’d discarded only minutes before and headed out of the door.

  Leah was grateful to be able to rely on Kate the next morning to get the twins ready for school. She moved through her own routine of dressing for work, gulping her tea and trying to smile and interact with the girls, in a daze.

  She’d lain awake most of the night trying to work out why Sean had reacted the way he had. She’d heard him drive off shortly after he’d left their bedroom and hadn’t returned.

  He and Eve had decided not to have any more children. Her sister had had an awful pregnancy and coping with two babies at once had taken her down a route of depression. She’d rushed back to work as soon as possible, employing a nanny.

  Eve had told Leah how relieved she’d been not to be in charge the whole time, and if she’d known what it would be like she would’ve never had them. How Eve felt about having more children hadn’t been a mystery, but Sean hadn’t felt the same way. He’d even said he’d be ecstatic to discuss having more. His reaction the previous night however suggested otherwise.

  He had no reason to suspect that the baby wasn’t his, did he? Leah thought back to her discussions with Eve
before the accident. That she’d been fed up with Sean and his moods and on the night of the accident how he’d behaved like an arsehole. A flicker of doubt settled in her stomach. Sean and Eve had obviously been having problems, but they were still close enough to have been sleeping together. He’d told her that even though it had felt like months, it had only been a few weeks before the accident. What reason did he have to lie about that? It didn’t make any sense.

  Leah stacked her cup in the dishwasher and turned to Ava, whose face was scrunched up in frustration.

  ‘You’re not listening, Mummy, I need to know where the cupcakes are.’

  She took the little girl’s hand. ‘Sorry, darling, I was miles away.’ She led her over to the fridge. ‘I put them all in here. There are two containers full. I’ll help you carry them down to the classroom this morning.’

  Ava smiled. ‘You’re taking us to school?’

  Kate was staring. ‘I can take them,’ the nanny volunteered.

  Leah shook her head. ‘No, I promised I would and anyway, I want to.’ She looked back at Ava. ‘Now go and brush your teeth and hair and tell Harry to hurry up. I’ll be a few minutes, then we’d better jump in the car.’

  Ava grinned and dashed out of the kitchen, her footsteps falling heavily on the stairs.

  Leah took the cupcakes from the fridge and put them next to the girl’s school bags.

  Kate was pushing lunch boxes and drink bottles into them. ‘Feel free to leave me a note if you want me to do any baking with the girls for school,’ she said.

  Leah stared at the nanny. Her sister had let Kate do pretty much everything when it came to the twins, yet Leah was getting involved and taking over a lot of the jobs.

  Kate was looking at her strangely. ‘You’re very different since the accident.’

  Her heart quickened. Had she acted too differently? ‘In what way?’

  Kate shrugged. ‘You’re doing things you’ve always said you hate doing. Picking the girls up, making cakes, letting them eat sugar and treats.’

  Was the nanny merely observing or complaining? ‘Things I should always have been doing. The accident has given me a different perspective. Showed me what’s important and that life can be short. That it needs to be celebrated and enjoyed.’ A lump formed in her throat.

  Kate nodded. ‘I understand. The changes have come as a bit of a surprise, that’s all.’ She gave a little laugh. ‘Are you sure you need a nanny?’

  She didn’t answer immediately. At this stage, she still needed Kate’s help. She probably could manage work and the twins on her own but it wasn’t the right time to do that.

  Perhaps when the baby came, and she was home full-time, she could do without the extra help.

  ‘We do for now, Kate. The girls love you and you’ve been so wonderful for our family. But, and this is between you and me, I’m pregnant. When the baby comes, I plan to stop work, and will be around for the twins and the new baby. I’m not sure how much extra help we’ll need then.’

  Kate’s eyes went wide. ‘Pregnant?’

  Leah nodded.

  The nanny gave a soft whistle. ‘Wow.’

  The whistle and wow were not congratulatory; more said in disbelief. ‘Is it that big a shock?’ Leah asked.

  Kate snapped out of her shocked expression and managed a smile. ‘I’m sorry. It wasn’t what I was expecting. How’s Sean taking the news?’

  She swallowed, managing to make her voice sound jokey. ‘You make it sound like it’s bad news. I’m very happy about this.’

  The woman’s smile appeared forced. ‘Congratulations, then. I hope Sean feels the same way.’ She continued packing the girls’ school bags.

  Leah made her way out of the kitchen. She still needed to brush her own teeth and finish her make-up.

  Ava and Harriet rushed past her on the stairs, their giggles and laughter hardly registering.

  Kate’s reaction to the pregnancy news wasn’t much better than Sean’s.

  Leah worked with Penny for most of the morning, going over the client files she was supposed to be working with. She’d apologised on numerous occasions, explaining the memory loss she’d suffered was affecting her recollection.

  Stepping into Eve’s role with no formal real estate training was going to be hard, if not impossible, to pull off.

  She breathed a sigh of relief when Penny declared at twelve-thirty it was lunchtime and headed out of the office.

  It gave Leah a few minutes to google where Café Zee was. She didn’t know the food eatery scene around Eve’s office well. She discovered it was less than a five-minute walk and collected her bag and coat, smiling at Linda when she passed reception and walked out to the bustling thrive of Chapel Street.

  Only moments later she found herself sitting across from Nicola, feeling as uncomfortable as she had in the office. Playing the role of Eve in both situations left her the most vulnerable and was definitely the most stressful.

  ‘You’re what?’

  ‘Pregnant,’ Leah said through a mouthful of sticky rice.

  ‘Pregnant? Jesus, Eve, what’re you going to do? Does he know?’

  She swallowed her rice and nodded. How she wished it was Jackie sitting across from her. She’d know exactly what to say, and certainly wouldn’t have turned ghostly pale.

  ‘I told him. He acted really strangely, to be honest. I stupidly thought he’d be happy.’

  Her sister’s best friend dropped her sandwich on the plate, her eyes wide. ‘Happy? What? Do you think he’s going to leave his wife? What about Sean? What about the girls? I know you love him, Eve, but you said it’d never lead to anything more than what the two of you had. I don’t know that a baby is going to be as welcome as you think.’

  Leah’s stomach churned. ‘Nicola.’ She formed the words slowly, almost too scared to ask. ‘Who are you talking about? Who’s not going to leave his wife?’

  ‘Ben. Who else?’

  They stared at each other until recognition dawned in Nicola’s eyes, and she broke the silence. ‘Eve, do you remember anything about your relationship with Ben?’

  She shook her head. The uneasy feeling she’d had looking at the flowers the previous day returned.

  ‘So, you have no idea you’ve been sleeping with him for at least twelve months? You’ve been talking about him nonstop. You told me you wished it was an option to be with him permanently.’

  Leah closed her eyes. Oh God. ‘No. I’d never cheat on Sean. Maybe we were just friends or something?’

  Nicola shook her head. ‘You were much more than that. Much more. You spoke to him at Leah’s funeral, didn’t you?’

  ‘He said we were friends, that’s all.’

  ‘He hasn’t contacted you since the funeral?’

  She swallowed, thinking of the flowers on her desk. ‘Penny mentioned he’s rung a few times, but she passed him through to Curt. Curt’s dealing with the South Melbourne development now, not me. He sent me an email yesterday, but it was professional.’

  ‘You were completely in love with the man, and him you. I don’t know what’s going on with your memory, but when it comes back, you’ll remember everything.’

  Leah shook her head. She didn’t want to believe Eve was capable of this.

  ‘Your phone,’ her sister’s friend said. ‘Surely that’s enough evidence for you. All the texts and phone messages he sent you?’

  ‘He wasn’t even a contact in my phone, Nic. There are no texts or messages.’

  ‘You had a separate phone. You never used your own phone, in case Sean saw a message.’

  Heat flooded her cheeks. The mobile phone in the office. She’d put it on to charge the previous day and forgotten about it.

  ‘From everything you told me before the accident, this baby is his,’ Nicola said. ‘It can’t be Sean’s.’

  ‘Yes, it can,’ Leah said. ‘It definitely can.’

  ‘Oh.’ Nicola frowned. She lowered her voice. ‘I didn’t realise you and Sean were, you know, still sleep
ing together.’

  Her mouth went dry. ‘He’s my husband, of course we are.’ She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. Again she thought back to the conversation she and Sean had had about it being months since they’d made love and then him correcting himself and saying it was only weeks. It didn’t make sense for him to have lied.

  Confusion clouded Nicola’s face. ‘The way you spoke before the accident, I thought it’d been months. You said you were worried he’d get suspicious at some stage, and were surprised that he wasn’t pushing for it.’

  Leah’s throat constricted. She couldn’t believe Eve had had an affair. She wanted to doubt Nicola, but the woman seemed certain, of everything.

  Sean storming out would make complete sense if he knew about the affair. But, why would he have tried to make love to her, if he thought she’d cheated on him?

  Oh God, what a mess. Here she was trying to convince her best friend the baby she was carrying was her husband’s, not her lover’s, when in fact it was her ex-boyfriend’s.

  She needed to play it carefully with Nicola. ‘We weren’t doing it much, but enough to be able to get pregnant. It could definitely be Sean’s. Couldn’t it?’

  ‘If the dates work and you can pass it off for Sean’s, then great,’ Nicola said. ‘But what about Ben? What’re you going to tell him?’

  ‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘It’s not his, and as I have no recollection of ever being with him, it would seem weird.’ That was an understatement.

  Nicola signalled to the waitress. She ordered a vodka martini and looked expectantly at Leah, who pointed at her stomach and shook her head.

  ‘And anyway,’ she said after the waitress retreated. ‘I have to go back to work after this.’

  ‘So do I,’ her sister’s best friend said, ‘but, I’m in shock. Pregnant and the affair’s over? The hours I’ve listened to you talk about Ben and how important he is to you. I find it hard to believe you can forget it—him—so easily.’

  Leah hesitated. It wasn’t a case of forgetting it. It was a case of trying to get her head around the fact Eve had cheated. ‘Firstly, I can’t even remember it, but even if I could, the accident changed everything. It’s put so many things into perspective. I need to make my family work. I’ve been distant with the girls, and cheating hardly makes me a good wife. It’s time to fix that.’