A Life Worth Living

by Louise Guy

  Sean broke into her thoughts.

  ‘I did some research at work, and think there’s a way you can come clean without it looking like it was something you orchestrated for personal gain.’

  ‘Really? How?’ Leah hadn’t given any consideration to the legal consequences behind her actions. Her concerns had been for her family.

  ‘You received considerable head trauma during the accident, which everyone around you has been led to believe is the reason for you forgetting things. The doctors have gone as far as suggesting retrograde amnesia. I think we can take that a step further and convince everyone that you believed you were Eve. That things have felt very strange since the accident, but you put that down to grief and your memory loss.’

  ‘Will anyone buy that?’

  ‘If I’m by your side, agreeing I believe, they will. Legally, your appointments with the doctor and psychologist where there’s a record of memory loss and disorientation will help to corroborate the story. It means we don’t have to tell your parents that you did this by choice. The girls, too. I’m worried how they’ll feel towards you if they know you deliberately deceived them.’

  Leah nodded. Was it possible there might be a way out of this? ‘Where do we start?’

  ‘I think we should tell your parents first, before we tell the twins. We’ll then tell the authorities, and get the legal side of things sorted out. After we tell the girls, we’ll let Eve’s friends and colleagues know. You’ll probably want to tell Nicola yourself.’

  ‘And then what? What do you want me to do?’

  ‘Be here for me and the girls,’ Sean said. ‘We’re going to need you. There’s a funeral to arrange. Eve’s things to be gone through. You gave so much of your own furniture and belongings away. The money from the sale of your apartment is still in the bank account. I’ll sign that over to you. The life-insurance money is there, too. You’ll need to pay that back to the insurance company. I’ll add in some more money for you so you can buy new furniture and belongings for when you want to move into your own place.’

  Leah took a deep breath, allowing all that Sean had suggested to sink in.

  ‘You’ll always be welcome to visit, Leah. We’ll always want and need you as part of our family.’

  She was doing her best not to cry. The last few months had been both the worst and—at times—the happiest of her life. Those two little girls made life worth living. She’d never realised how encompassing love for another person could be.

  However, she did have own baby to think of now. She’d feel that same love for him or her, of that she was sure.

  ‘You okay?’ Sean asked.

  ‘It sounds like the best way out of this. When do we tell my mum and dad?’

  ‘I’ve asked my parents to have the girls for a sleepover on Saturday night. I thought we’d invite your parents to dinner. Tell them then.’

  ‘There’s probably no point making a meal if we’re dropping this news on them.’

  Sadness filled Sean’s eyes. He shook his head. ‘No, probably not.’

  Saturday night came around too quickly. Leah dreaded the visit from her parents. It was the start of inflicting pain and hurt on so many people.

  The colour drained from her mother’s face when Sean finished explaining what had happened. Leah’s memory had come back in full and what it meant for them.

  ‘Leah?’ her dad had whispered. ‘It’s really you?’

  She’d burst into tears while her father hugged her tight.

  Her mum was next to hug her. ‘My darling, what an awful, awful time you’ve had. You poor, poor thing. You attended your own funeral. Thought you’d had an affair. Oh goodness me.’

  ‘Affair?’ her father asked. ‘Who had an affair?’

  ‘No one, Dad,’ Leah assured him when Sean’s face tightened at the mention.

  ‘Our beautiful Evie has gone.’ He sat on the chair in the living room and looked at Sean. ‘Whisky?’

  He nodded and stood. ‘Can I get you something, Peggy?’

  ‘I’ll have the same, thank you, Sean.’ She sat next to Bill and took his hand. ‘I can’t believe this.’

  ‘I can’t believe that none of us realised we had Leah with us, and not Evie,’ her dad said. ‘And it was obvious. What about the chess game? You said Leah had taught you how to play.’

  ‘I did teach Eve how to play. She wasn’t all that good at it.’

  ‘When you played against me, did you really think you were Eve and Leah had taught you the game?’

  Heat rose up her neck. She hoped her cheeks weren’t glowing. ‘I guess so, Dad. It’s hard to explain. Some things seemed really strange to me, or I didn’t remember or know the answer to them. It makes sense now why.’

  He nodded.

  Sean returned to the room with the drinks, and passed a box of tissues to her mother.

  She wiped at her eyes. ‘Thank you, Sean. This is all a huge shock, as you can imagine. Have you told the girls?’

  Leah glanced at Sean and shook her head. ‘Not yet, we wanted you to know first.’

  ‘The doctors only finished with Leah yesterday,’ he lied. ‘They wanted to check that she was completely okay so ran a bunch of tests. Luckily she is, and it seems her memory has fully returned.’

  ‘What does it mean for Eve, then?’ her mum asked. ‘We need to say goodbye to her. Honour her life.’

  ‘Of course,’ Sean said. ‘We thought that once the girls knew, perhaps, if you’re in agreement, we could organise a memorial service to celebrate her life. A proper funeral will be a bit difficult. Her body was cremated at what we thought was Leah’s funeral.’

  ‘God, what a mess,’ her father said. The whisky was helping bring some colour back into his cheeks.

  ‘The poor girls,’ her mother said. ‘We’ll be here for you, Sean, with whatever you need. Please know that. I’m sure your parents will be too. Do they know?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’m going to stay behind tomorrow morning when we go to pick up the twins. I’ll tell them then.’

  ‘How will you manage? There’s so much to do.’

  ‘Leah has offered to stay and help me for the next little while. Which is very generous of her.’

  Leah felt the familiar prickling sensation of tears, listening to him talk.

  ‘Once we feel that the twins are settled into a new routine, she’ll work out where she’s going to go. Whether she buys a new apartment, or whatever is next for her.’

  ‘But the baby,’ her mother said. ‘Whose is it then?’

  ‘Grant’s,’ Leah answered. ‘And no, he won’t be having anything to do with it. That’s a story for another day though, Mum.’ She forced a smile. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.’

  More tears filled her mother’s eyes. ‘Poor Evie. My poor Evie.’

  She swallowed the lump in her throat as her father drew her mother towards him.

  They sat together, her father’s eyes were squeezed shut, tears formed at the edges and began to tumble down. He opened his eyes and rubbed them roughly with his sleeve. ‘We might go now,’ he said. ‘Come on Peg, let me get you home.’

  ‘I’ll drive you,’ Sean said. ‘I’ll drive you in your car and get a taxi back. The shock and the whisky and all that.’

  Her father handed him his keys without needing to be convinced. He moved to Leah and drew her into another tight hug. ‘It’s a gift that we have you here, Leah. A true gift.’

  Her mother hugged her and she managed to hold herself together until she heard the sound of the car reversing down the driveway. Then she collapsed on the couch in a flood of tears.

  The next morning Leah and Sean arrived in separate cars at his parents’ to pick up the girls.

  She and the twins said their goodbyes and left him to spend some time with June and Abe. Leah could only imagine how they’d react to the news.

  Sean arrived home before lunch and asked everyone to come into the living room for a family meeting. He told Harriet no when she’s asked whe
ther she should go and wake Lewis from his morning nap.

  ‘Why can’t Lewis be part of the family meeting,’ the little girl asked. ‘He’s a very important part of the family.’

  He smiled at his daughter, who sat with her arms crossed, a scowl fixed firmly on her face. ‘He’s asleep, Harry. I don’t think he’d be very happy if you woke him. You can fill him in later. Okay?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Are you okay, Mummy,’ Ava asked. ‘You look strange, kind of green.’

  ‘I’m okay, sweetie, thanks for asking.’ Leah was anything but okay. She’d spent a good part of the morning vomiting. She dreaded this discussion.

  When she’d been in the hospital, she’d thought she’d avoided them ever having to go through this.

  Sean cleared his throat. ‘We have something very important to discuss with you both. You need to know we love you both very much and that will never change.’

  Ava stared to cry. ‘You’re getting a divorce, aren’t you?’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s a bit more complicated than that. Please let me tell you everything, Ava, and then you’ll understand what’s happened.’

  The little girl continued to cry and her sister’s scowl was replaced with fear. Her eyes widened.

  ‘This week Le…’ He hesitated. ‘This week, Mummy’s memory has returned. All the things she’d forgotten, she can now remember. The doctors have been able to say she’s now a hundred percent better from the accident.’

  ‘But that’s a good thing isn’t it?’ Ava asked through her tears.

  ‘Except, we’ll never bake or eat chocolate cakes again,’ Harriet said, her scowl returning. ‘Mummy will return to what she was like before the accident now. Won’t you?’ The accusation hung in the silence of the room.

  Leah took a deep breath. ‘No, honey, that’s not going to happen. There’s a lot more to it than we realised.’ She took one hand of each twin. ‘When the accident happened, there was a lot of confusion. I was scared and couldn’t remember a lot about what’d happened, or even who I was. The paramedics at the accident site and the doctors at the hospital all called me Eve and told me that my sister had died. I remembered some things about myself but not everything. I knew that I loved you guys, and I loved cats and chocolate, and things but the rest, I just let you all fill in for me.’

  ‘But you didn’t love all those things,’ Harriet said. ‘Except us, maybe.’

  ‘I do, actually.’ Leah took a deep breath. ‘The thing is I’ve been so confused I didn’t realise who I was. I’m not Eve, I’m actually Leah.’

  Shock registered on the girls’ faces.

  ‘You’re not our mummy?’ Ava said.

  She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, honey, but no. It was Mummy who died in the accident.’

  ‘Our mummy died?’ Harriet said as if she couldn’t begin to believe it.

  Sean moved to the twins and took them both into his arms. Tears ran down his face when the little girls began to cry.

  Leah had to leave the room. She couldn’t take any more tears. Couldn’t bear to watch the pain her actions had inflicted on the girls.

  She’d tried to convince herself it wasn’t her fault, that the girls would’ve grieved when the accident happened, but it wasn’t true.

  Being the mother they’d always wanted and now taking her away, was definitely her doing.

  Leah poked her head into the twins’ room that evening after they’d had their bath and were in bed.

  They were so tired from the emotion of the day. She’d made them their favourite pizzas for dinner but they’d hardly eaten a thing.

  ‘Can I come in?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Harriet answered.

  Ava turned and faced the wall.

  She sat on Harriet’s bed. ‘I love you guys as much as if you were my daughters. I want you to know that. I also know that your mummy would want me to spend time with you both and look after you. She’d want me to be a big part of your lives right up until you’re old enough to tell me you don’t want me around anymore.’

  Ava turned back over and faced her.

  ‘It was a real shock for me this week when everything suddenly came back. When I realised I was Leah. It made me very sad, too. The last few months living with you guys, being your mum, has been the best time of my whole life. I want you to both know that. I love you both and your daddy very much.’

  ‘Then why can’t you stay?’ Harriet asked. ‘We could still be a family.’

  ‘She’s not our mummy,’ Ava said. ‘She never could be, even if she pretends.’

  ‘That’s true.’ Ava’s words stabbed into her heart. ‘Your mummy’s in heaven and will be looking down on you every day. She wouldn’t want someone else to replace her. She loved you both very much. It was the two of you she was talking about before she died.’

  ‘What did she say?’ Ava asked.

  ‘She said you were the most important thing in her life and she asked me to be part of your life, to look after you.’

  That was true at least.

  ‘She actually said that?’ A small smile appeared on Ava’s face. ‘That we were important?’

  Leah shifted to Ava’s bed and pulled the little girl into a hug. ‘Of course she did, Aves. People have different ways of showing how they love people, but I can guarantee your mummy loved you very much.’

  ‘I’m glad,’ Ava said. ‘I was never really sure. We used to annoy her all the time, and she’d always get Kate to do everything for us. I thought she hated us.’

  ‘She wasn’t much fun,’ Harriet said. ‘Although, sometimes she did funny things.’

  ‘Like what?’ Leah asked. She sat back and listened to the girls speak of the funny things they could remember about their mother.

  Giggles erupted when they spoke of Eve’s attempts at roller-skating, and how she’d been unable to stand up without holding onto the side barriers.

  Leah smiled, glad Eve had at least done some normal things with the girls.

  The twins’ laughter quickly turned to tears when the reality—that their mother was gone—sank in.

  She held them close and wiped their tears and went on to tell them a number of funny stories about her sister from when they were children. The trouble they used to get into and what a wonderful sister she’d been.

  Lewis joined them part way through the discussion, jumping from bed to bed, enjoying plenty of strokes and cuddles.

  ‘Time for sleep girls.’ Sean came into the room. ‘It’s a special night, I know, but it’s also getting late.’

  She hugged the girls tight.

  ‘Can Lewis stay with us tonight?’ Ava asked.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Will you live with us?’ Harriet’s question was urgent. ‘Or will you and Lewis move out?’

  The lump reappeared in Leah’s throat.

  ‘Nothing’s been decided yet,’ Sean said. ‘Let’s get through the next few days. Plan a nice celebration for Mummy’s life and go from there. There’s no hurry for anything else.’

  The girls seemed content with this response, and Leah and Sean left the room.

  There were some muffled whispers as the twins argued over whose bed Lewis would prefer to sleep on.

  Leah heard quiet sobs when she passed the girls’ bedroom the next morning. She pushed the door open to find Ava lying on her bed, head buried in her pillow.

  Harriet was nowhere to be seen.

  She sat on the bed. ‘You okay, Aves?’

  The little girl rubbed her face on the pillow before looking up. ‘I’m sad about Mummy.’

  She reached for her and took her into her arms. ‘Me too, Avie. We are all going to miss her very much.’

  ‘What if something happens to Daddy?’ Ava asked. ‘Then Harry and I would have no one.’

  Leah squeezed her. ‘Do you really believe that?’

  She nodded. ‘We’d be orphans, like Annie.’

  Leah had to suppress a smile. Little Orphan Annie had always bee
n a favourite with Ava. ‘You’d have me, and two sets of grandparents. And Lewis of course,’ she added as a white ball of fluff appeared at the door. ‘But I don’t think anything is going to happen to Daddy.’

  ‘We didn’t think anything would happen to Mummy.’

  ‘That’s true, we didn’t. But what happened to Mummy was very unlucky. The likelihood of it happening to anyone else in our family is very, very slim. But, if it did, then I’d ask you and Harry to come and live with me, and Lewis of course.’

  Ava snuggled against her. ‘I’m glad you’re alive still, Aunty Leah. I just wish everyone was.’

  Leah stroked the little girl’s hair. ‘Me too, Aves, me too.’

  21

  It took several weeks for the legalities surrounding Leah and Eve’s switch of identity to be worked out. Luckily the doctors and psychologist reports contained enough information for Sean to be able to convince the authorities Leah was as much a victim of all that’d happened as Eve. She’d gone through further medical testing to ensure that her brain function was clear of trauma and it appeared that it was.

  She’d been wracked with guilt listening to him discuss what she’d been through. He was a very good lawyer. She could see that in the way he presented the facts, even if those facts had been manipulated.

  He’d said absolutely no to her when she’d suggested telling the authorities the truth. Sean had said it might clear her conscience but would also most likely land her in jail.

  That was hardly any use to the girls, or anyone around them, and certainly not what Eve would’ve envisaged when she asked Leah to look after her family.

  In the end, he’d pointed out her parents would also need to know the full truth if she did confess, and she’d been forced to agree with him.

  Peggy and Bill seemed to have aged another ten years since the revelation that Leah was alive and their other daughter had died in the accident.

  They’d mourned in different ways for Eve, assuring Leah how much they had loved Eve but also how blessed they felt that they still had her with them.

  The task of telling Eve’s friends and colleagues the truth was a difficult one, but one she tackled one person at a time. She’d started with Nicola who’d been upset, but strangely not all that surprised.