Search Me

by Katie Ashley

  “Thanks.”

  “Did you have breakfast?”

  “I ate a granola bar on the way in. Why?”

  “Oh, I just saw Eula taking out a pan of her legendary fried apple pies and thought you might be hungry.”

  Giggling, I shook my head at her. “You’re a bad influence. Besides, it’s not even time for my break yet.”

  She gave me a wink. “It’s all right. I’ll smooth it over with your boss.”

  A curly blond haired guy I’d never seen before poked his head up the aisle. With his gaze fixed on the clipboard in front of him, he shouted, “Hey Maudie, that shipment of backordered jam just came in from the Duluth plant!” He glanced up, and at the sight of me, flushed. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were talking to someone.”

  Maudie smiled. “It’s quite all right, Drew. This is one of my foster grandchildren, Lane. She’ll be working with us this summer.”

  Drew made his way towards us. He thrust out his hand and gave me a bright smile that accented his dimples. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “N-Nice to m-meet you too.” Somehow I always became a complete and total idiot around members of the opposite sex…especially those who I thought were cute. And Drew, with his lanky figure, curly hair that fell over his forehead, and glasses, was seriously cute…well, in a nerdy kinda way.

  Our hands stayed glued together until Maudie cleared her throat. Drew gave a quick shake of his head. “Yeah, um, I better get to unpacking the crates.” He started back to the storeroom, but then he turned back around. “Nice meetin’ you, Lane.”

  “Nice to meet you, too.”

  When we heard the sound of the storeroom door close, Maudie nudged me playfully. “I think you two were quite smitten with each other.”

  “Oh please!”

  “After your break-up, I think a summer fling is just what you need.”

  My stomach momentarily clenched at the mention of my ‘breakup’. It had been five months since I broke up with my Eli, my boyfriend of two years. Even though I had been the one to end it, I was still a little gun-shy about a new guy. If I were really honest with myself, it wasn’t Eli who had me gun-shy—it was a glaring mistake from my past that made me unable to give all of my heart to any other guy.

  With a nudge, Maudie brought me out of my thoughts. “Of course, if you’re not totally sold on Mr. Drew Lancaster, then there might be someone else to spark your interest.”

  Since I was afraid of her matchmaking skills, I protested, “But I’m here for work, not for romance.”

  Waggling her eyebrows, Maudie asked, “And why not kill two birds with one stone?”

  I groaned. Deep down, a part of me really was ready for a new relationship. But between school and my intense ballet schedule, there never seemed to be lot of time for dating. There was also the fact that most of the time, the only guys I could actually talk to without becoming a stammering, blushing fool wore tights and stage make-up and weren’t exactly attracted to the opposite sex. It also didn’t help that I went to an all girls’ college either.

  Maudie linked her arm through mine. “Now speaking of romance, do I have a surprise for you.”

  I wrinkled my nose as we strolled down an aisle. “You know I hate surprises.”

  “Fine then. Guess what hunky blast from your past just finished his tour in the Army and is back home?”

  I froze right in front of a display of Miss Maudie’s Apple Crisps. An overwhelming wave of nausea crashed over me. Oh no. Please tell me no. This couldn’t be happening. My glaring teenage mistake couldn’t be coming front and center in my life again.

  Maudie grabbed my hand in hers. “Lane, you look positively green. Don’t tell me you’re not happy at the thought of seeing Maddox again?”

  Oh God, she had said his name. My past had come back to haunt me in the worst possible way—trapped for the summer with the guy I hated most in the world. I guess hated really wasn’t a strong enough word—loathed and despised probably came closer to how I truly felt about Maddox Diaz.

  I’d known him since I was seven, and he was ten. His dad was killed in some Special Ops mission in the Army, sending his already fragile mom into full alcoholism. It wasn’t long before she lost custody of him and his older sister. With all of Maddox’s father’s family in Puerto Rico and his mother’s family unwilling to take them, they pinged around to several different foster homes until Maudie took them in, just like she had my dad. But since Maddox was ten and his sister, Neely, was twelve, they were never adopted. Instead, they just stayed with Maudie. Although she and her husband would have formally adopted them, Maddox’s mother had been institutionalized and labeled incapable of being of sound mind for signing legal documents like adoption papers.

  We played together during the summers and holidays, but he always managed to do something mean that had me in tears almost every day. But just before I would go running to my parents or Maudie to tattle on him, he’d wrap me in a big bear hug and give me the sweetest, most charming apology anyone could ever hope for. I’d totally forget I’d ever been mad at him—until the next time he upset me.

  By the time we were teenagers, he’d mastered that charm to woo all the girls within a hundred mile radius….except for me. Well, I guess that’s not entirely fair since he had more than charmed me.

  “Lane, are you all right?” Maudie questioned, bringing me out of my daze.

  “Oh, sorry. I guess I just zoned out a minute.”

  She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I know how upsetting what happened to Maddox is. Why, when I think of the lousy care he got in that Army hospital and how it led to that horrible Staph infection, I get so bitter and sad. It’s just not fair how he ended up being medically discharged from service when he had all those dreams of rising up the ranks and traveling the world.” She was then interrupted by the voice of her secretary screeching over the intercom. “Maudie, you’re needed in receiving. That’s, Maudie to receiving.”

  She huffed in exasperation. “I do so hate interruptions!” Before she turned to go, she said, “Don’t move a muscle. I’ll be right back.”

  I nodded. As I watched her retreating form, my mind frantically spun with excuses to get out of working at Maudie’s this summer. I could probably still teach a class at my dance studio’s summer camp. Of course, anything from picking up trash on the highway to scrubbing toilets would be better than having to be around Maddox for any length of time.

  The stress of the news sent my stomach rumbling into overdrive. Ignoring Maudie’s request for me to stay put, I started toward Eula and the fried pies. I knew nothing would get my mind off of Maddox quite like an apple pie. As I power walked down an aisle, I smiled and spoke to a few regular customers. But then an all too familiar voice sent me skidding to a halt.

  I ducked behind a towering display of Peach Fuzz tea. When I was satisfied he wasn’t any closer, I craned my neck around the bottles. My heart rattled a little at the sight of him. It had been three years since I’d seen him last. Now he was twenty-two—a real man. If it was even possible, he was even better looking. Maybe, he was just more built than I last remembered. His biceps strained against the Miss Maudie’s Homebrew t-shirt he wore, not to mention the unmistakable outline of his chiseled six pack abs. He had inherited his jet-black hair and naturally tan skin from his Puerto Rican father, and his crystal blue eyes from his mom. Of course, his dark hair was still buzzed short from his recent Army days.

  The sound of footsteps caused me to jump out of my skin. I whirled around to find Drew staring at me over his glasses. With his furrowed brows and pinched lips, I guess it wasn’t everyday he caught someone hiding out behind processed peach juice.

  “Oh…um…hi,” I said, ducking my head.

  “Maudie asked me to tell you she’s tied up but to go ahead and keep working on that jams and jellies display.”

  “Sure, of course,” I replied to Drew’s feet.

  He cleared his throat. “She just told me to tell you that. It’s not
like I’m trying to be your boss or anything.”

  I jerked my head up. “Oh no, it’s fine. Really.”

  Drew gave a dreamy, dimply smile before shouting past me. “Hey Maddox!” I cringed as I waited for his response.

  “Yeah?”

  “Grab those green boxes inside the storeroom and bring them over to aisle three for Lane."

  “Will do!”

  Drew nodded. “Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye,” I said, giving him a brief wave as he hurried off.

  I started the sad pilgrimage over to Aisle Three, sickened with the realization that there was no escaping Maddox now. Heaving a sigh, I dug back into the box and started shoving multicolored bottles of jam on the shelf.

  The sound of his footsteps behind me caused my breath to hitch. I was still holding it when Maddox placed a box bulging with jam at my feet. I turned around, and our eyes locked. The corners of his lips twitched, and I didn’t know if he was trying to grin or was fighting the urge to say something deeply profound about our reunion. Of course, there was the giant pink elephant loping about the room, and that was our past. I’m sure he was trying to gauge whether I was going to go psycho bitch and maim him, or let it slide. I decided to take the higher road rather than bringing him to his knees with a swift kick to the balls.

  “Welcome home.”

  Any hesitation quickly faded, and he plastered his signature cocky grin on his face. “Thanks, squirt!”

  Inwardly, I groaned at him using my nickname of a vertically challenged kid. Any thoughts I had of trying to tolerate his arrogant and egotistical presence with poise and dignity quickly evaporated. I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know I hate when you call me that.”

  “Sorry.” After his eyes roamed over me, he bobbed his head in appreciation. “Damn, Lane, I’d barely recognize you. You’ve gone and grown up on me.”

  I clenched my fists at my sides. After everything that had happened between us, he had the audacity to focus on my appearance. He was so infuriating! With him being so arrogant, there was no way in hell I’d admit the nights I’d lay awake worrying about him while he away in Basic or when he was wounded and away in the hospital.

  Instead of arguing that I’d been the same height, if not same barely B cup size the last time he saw me, I continued stacking jam. When I remained unresponsive, he cocked his head at me. “So this is all you’ve got for your old buddy and esteemed serviceman?”

  “I told you welcome home, didn’t I?” I winced at the harshness of my words. Was I really being this cruel to him after all he had been through? After I shoved a jar of apricot jam on the shelf, I turned back to him. “Did you really get shot in the buttocks like Forest Gump?”

  He chuckled. “No, that was just something I told Maudie so she wouldn’t worry so much.” He jerked the hem of his shirt up to show a scar just above the waistband of his jeans. “It came awfully close to nicking my kidney.”

  For a moment, my annoyance with his ego was forgotten momentarily, and my heart swelled with sympathy for him. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that. I really am,” I murmured. Then my gaze focused on the way his jeans sat low on his hips, giving me a side view of his washboard abs. A shudder ripped through me as I remembered what those abs felt like against my hands…against my body. I shook my head free of my ridiculous thoughts and started shoving jars of jam on the shelf.

  We stood in awkward silence for a few seconds. Conversation had never been this strained between us—even when we were kids and were mad at each other about something. Maddox rubbed the stubble along his chin. “So…after all this time and everything that has passed, I’d hoped you weren’t going to hold a grudge.”

  A jar of Muscadine jam slipped through my fingers and then smashed onto the ground. “A grudge? I was trying to be gracious and polite by trying to ignore what you did to me. I mean, what happened between us wasn’t like the time you ‘accidentally’ burned my hair as a kid!” As his serious expression turned to amusement, I changed course as well and snapped, “I had to have four inches cut off! I barely could get it up into a bun for my recital!”

  “What can I say? I was a punk through and through. And you,” he leaned in closer to me, “were such a little princess.”

  I shoved him back. “I was not.”

  “Yes you were.” He grinned at me. “You never wanted to play outside and get dirty, go fishing, or do any of the things I wanted to do.”

  “Oh, is that why you’d put worms down my shirt or would shove me into mud piles so you could get me to do what you wanted?”

  “Nah, that was just me being a prick,” he replied.

  “Your main character trait.” I started to bend over to clean up the broken jar when Maddox took my hand in his.

  He gave me a sincerely apologetic smile. “Look, I really am sorry for what happened before.” His jaw clenched and unclenched. “I want more than anything in the world for us to have fun working together, like we did a few years ago. Do you think we can put that one mistake behind us and move on?”

  I gazed down to where his fingers wrapped around my arm. Maddox touching me again made my skin crawl. But most of all, it was the fact he thought he could just brush what he had done under the rug so easily. I jerked my arm away and announced, “I’m taking my break.”

  “What about this mess?” Maddox asked, motioning to the broken jam.

  “You clean it up.” I then narrowed my eyes at him. “After the way you treated me a couple of years ago, I think you owe me a favor or two!”

  As he made a strangled noise, I whirled around and started for the refrigerated section. After I grabbed a bottle of my favorite Miss Maudie’s Apple Core cider, I slipped out the door onto the back porch. Luckily, there were no customers eating outside due to the intense heat, so I popped open my drink and eased down in one of the rocking chairs that overlooked a small stream. As the sweet flavor coated my throat, thoughts of that infamous Fourth of July crept into my mind, and for a moment, my stomach tightened so hard I thought I might throw up.

  Three Years Ago

  Turning left and right, I surveyed my reflection in the bathroom mirror. The slinky red sundress was probably one of the most daring ensembles I’d worn off the stage. It showed more skin, mainly more cleavage, than I was used to. But I needed something that would catch his eye. Tonight was the night I was going to finally tell Maddox how I truly felt about him.

  It had all been building to this moment. I’d been crushing on him for the two previous summers, but he hadn’t given me the time of day until this year. It started out small—hanging around me to talk, winking at me from across the store, asking me to eat lunch with him. Then we started spending time together after hours at his house or mine, usually watching movies or playing video games. All the signs that we were a couple were there…except for us saying the words.

  So tonight more than anything, I wanted him to acknowledge how he felt about me. To give me some sign to wait for him while he was gone. You know, the whole old-school romantic notion of being the girl he wrote home to and begged for care packages of homemade cookies. Even though long-distance relationships sucked, I was willing to do anything for Maddox—I loved him that much.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I cast one final look at my somewhat wanton appearance before heading out of my bedroom. “I’m on my way to Sarah’s,” I called to my parents who were watching a movie in the living room. A surge of both recklessness and remorse flooded me at lying to my parents. But as overprotective as they were, they would have never let me go to a party at Maddox’s with Maudie gone.

  “Have fun, honey,” Dad replied through a mouthful of popcorn.

  “See you in the morning,” I said before closing the front door behind me.

  As my flip-flops crunched along the gravel path to Maudie’s, I grinned when I thought about how Maddox had approached me earlier in the week. I’d just finished ringing up some customers when his head poked over the top of the regi
ster.

  “Hey,” he said with a lazy smile.

  “Hey yourself,” I said casually while trying to keep my cool with him so close.

  “Listen, I’m having a Bon Voyage Party Friday night, and I want you to be there.”

  My eyebrows rose in surprise. “R-Really? Me?”

  “Hell yeah.”

  “Thanks. I’d love to come.” As I sprayed down my lane, I cocked my head at him. “So does Maudie know about this little shindig you’re having?”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, she does. In fact, she’s giving me the house for the weekend while she goes outta town for an art auction.”

  “I see.”

  “So you’ll be there?” he pressed insistently.

  “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Maddox winked before swaggering off. I had been staring at his retreating form so intently I didn’t notice when the next customer came up. She had to clear her throat to get my attention. “Sorry,” I’d mumbled.

  When I started up Maudie’s porch steps, I glanced down at my phone. It was a little after nine, and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed there wasn’t a Where r u? text from Maddox. From the sounds of the inebriated crowd inside, the party had been in full swing for hours, so he should have wondered where I was. The moment I stepped through the front door, people stared at me. Nervously, I shifted my purse on my arm and scanned the room for Maddox. The crowd appeared to be made up of Maddox’s friends from high school, and they didn’t seem at all into talking to an underclassman and outsider like me.

  After grabbing a strawberry wine cooler from the kitchen, I eased down on the sofa next to a couple who proceeded to go at each other like rabbits the moment I got comfortable. Nervously, I sipped my drink as I waited and waited for Maddox to come find me.

  But he was nowhere to be found. And there were no texts from him either. So I played wallflower for an hour while couples drank and partially hooked up around me. Finally, with a defeated breath and crushed spirit, I grabbed my purse and headed for the door.