Orville Mouse and the Puzzle of the Last Metaphonium

by Tom Hoffman

Orville released the stone.

  “AAAAGGGHHHHH!”

  Sophia slapped her paw over her mouth, trying to hide her laughter.

  “Are you okay?”

  “It didn’t hurt that much.”

  “Maybe you should try it again, this time with a heavier rock. It’s best to perform experiments at least a dozen times, adjusting the variables to insure statistically accurate results.”

  “Go ahead and laugh all you want, but now we know we can get hurt in this world. We’ll have to be careful.”

  Proto had been listening to the conversation with some interest. He turned to Sophia.

  “I am baffled by your response to Orville’s experiment. If I dropped a large rock on Orville’s foot, you most certainly would not laugh, but when he dropped a rock on his own foot, you clearly thought it to be humorous.”

  “It’s funny because Orville was so surprised, it wasn’t at all what he was expecting. Most things that make us laugh are things which are surprising, unexpected.”

  “Are you saying if a gigantic carnivorous centipede sprang out from behind that tree, you would laugh because it was so surprising?”

  “Of course not, that would be terrifying. It’s only funny when no one gets hurt.”

  “Ah, it’s only funny when no one gets hurt. This is excellent data, clearly explaining why Orville did not think my deadly poisonous vegetable jokes were humorous.”

  Orville stepped around a ramshackle warehouse to the wharf. A few rough looking mice were sauntering down the boardwalk, hats pulled low.

  “There’s the pier.”

  “There’s only one ship tied up. Do you think it’s Captain Tobias?”

  “I’ll ask those mice.” Orville stepped over to a group of three disheveled mice leaning against the warehouse, one of them smoking a pipe.

  “I wonder if you could help me? We’re looking for Captain Tobias. The desk clerk at the Elysian Inn said we would find him at Pier 29?”

  One of the ruffians leaned over and spat disgustingly onto the wooden walkway.

  “Avast ye, matey, sittin’ before ye be the Sophia, the finest schooner in all Elysian, mastered by that old sea dog known to all as Captain Tobias, scourge of the Great Sea.”

  “His ship is named the Sophia? Really?”

  The ruffian gave Orville a dark look, his paw inching down to the hilt of a vicious looking ivory handled dagger.

  “Thank you.” Orville turned and darted back to Sophia and Proto.

  “What did they say?”

  “It’s Captain Tobias, and his ship is called the Sophia. That can’t be a coincidence.”

  Five minutes later Sophia was still grinning.

  “I have a sailing ship named after me. That’s so amazing. Orville, how many ships do you have named after you?”

  Orville rolled his eyes. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. Let’s go meet Captain Tobias.”

  The three adventurers made their way down the long wooden pier to a graceful two masted schooner rocking lazily in the early morning breeze. A mouse was sitting on the deck in a crudely fashioned wooden chair, his face hidden behind a large newspaper.

  “That must be Captain Tobias.”

  Sophia stepped onto the gangplank.

  “Ahoy, Captain Tobias, permission to board?”

  The mouse in the chair lowered his paper. Orville’s jaw dropped. Captain Tobias was a crusty old sea captain with a curved pipe in his mouth and a bright green parrot on his shoulder.

  “Ahoy, mateys, welcome aboard the good ship Sophia. We sail at morning light for the Isle of the Silver Ship, if that be your port of call.”

  “It’s lovely to meet you, Captain Tobias, my name is Sophia, and these are my two friends Orville and Proto. We’re trying to cross the Great Sea.”

  Captain Tobias removed the pipe from his mouth, his eyes on Sophia.

  “The ship that sways beneath our feet bears your name, and the name of my truest love, lost to me long years ago. ‘Twas a harrowing tale of the capricious sea, of great magical creatures churning up from the murky depths, of heartbreaking despair and glorious wonder, of a love deeper than any mouse shall ever fathom, but ‘tis also a tale to be spun another day. My dear Sophia, not a single silver shall I take in payment, it shall be my honor to convey you and your friends to the Isle of the Silver Ship. As for passage across the Great Sea, once landed on that distant emerald isle ye must make your own way to those far distant shores, entering into the murky realm of the Shadow King.”

  Orville was stunned. He had laughingly told Sophia he hoped they’d meet a friendly old sea captain who smoked a pipe, had a parrot on his shoulder, and would let them sail for free, and here he was. Brother Solus was right, Elysian was a land of endless surprise.

  Chapter 19

  Over the Bounding Main

  The adventurers rose at dawn, had a quick breakfast, then headed down the cobblestone streets to their early morning rendezvous with Captain Tobias.

  Brother Solus had shown no surprise at the curious turn of events leading to their encounter with Captain Tobias, the crusty old sea captain Orville had wished for.

  “One should not ponder the vagaries of Elysian, their cause lying far beyond our understanding.”

  “You’re probably right, but it’s weird that I thought about a friendly sea captain with a pipe and parrot, and then Captain Tobias appeared.”

  “Elysian is Elysian.”

  “There’s the Sophia. Orville, the Sophia is the ship that’s named after me. I have a ship named after me, it’s called the Sophia.”

  Orville put his paw to his forehead.

  Proto studied the graceful lines of the two masted schooner.

  “I have read several comprehensive discourses regarding the construction and operation of such archaic sailing vessels, and I believe a two masted schooner such as the Sophia would command a crew of five, yet I see only Captain Tobias.”

  It took Orville a moment to grasp Proto’s meaning.

  “Are you saying we’re the crew? I don’t know how to sail one of those things.”

  Sophia gave an excited laugh. “This is going to be so much fun! We get to sail it!” She waved to Captain Tobias. “Captain, permission to come aboard the good ship Sophia?”

  “Permission granted. Ahoy, mateys, we set sail for the mystical Isle of the Silver Ship this very morn. Stand by to release the hawsers and cast away!”

  Orville looked at Sophia. “Are we supposed to do something? What’s a hawser?”

  “Come on, Captain Tobias wants us to release the mooring lines.”

  “The what lines?”

  Proto stepped down the gangplank to the dock. “It’s quite straightforward, we unwrap the hawsers from the bollards, pull them in and coil them neatly on the foredeck. Then we need to–“

  “Eyes in the boat, laddies! Let us make sail in the favoring wind!”

  “I don’t know what a hawser is. Is it this big rope wrapped around the post?”

  “That’s exactly what it is, and that post is called a bollard.”

  Proto and Sophia released the two mooring hawsers and dashed up the gangplank.

  “Orville, pull in the hawsers and coil them on the foredeck.”

  “Shove off and make sail, laddies! Mainmast, rig the sheet lines smartly!”

  Proto used his enormous strength to push the Sophia away from the pier.

  “Come on, Orville, help us raise the sails!”

  Orville followed Sophia and Proto to the tallest mast.

  “This is the mainmast, loosen these sheet lines, then pull them in to raise the sail.”

  The great sail rose, billowing out in the brisk easterly wind. “Pull until it’s tight, then tie it off.”

  The sail snapped taut, the ship surging forward. Captain Tobias stood at the ship’s wheel puffing his great curved pipe, guiding the vessel past the pier into the rolling blue sea. The green parrot on his shoulder squawked, “Set sails, Captain Orville! Set sails, Captain Orv
ille!”

  “Sophia, did you hear that? The parrot called me Captain Orville, just like you do. How do you think he knew my name?”

  “Eyes in the boat, matey, foremast, make sail, rig the sheet lines!”

  An hour later an exhausted Orville slumped down onto the deck, trying to catch his breath. “This is exhausting, I thought sailing was supposed to be relaxing.”

  “This is so much fun, almost as much fun as flying a Dragonfly.”

  “It is sort of fun, I guess. I can’t believe you climbed that rope ladder to the top of the mast.”

  “The extra sails boost our speed. Captain Tobias said we’re cruising at eight knots, about ten miles an hour.”

  “That seems really slow, the Dragonfly cruises at over a hundred miles an hour. Did Captain Tobias say how long it will take us to reach the Isle of the Silver Ship? Why do you think they call it that? He said it was a mystical island. Wait, do you think there’s a ship made out of silver on the island, a giant treasure ship?”

  “Orville, we’re sailing across the mysterious Great Sea in the world of Elysian. It’s a glorious sunny day with a brisk wind and Captain Tobias is a friendly old pipe smoking sea captain with a squawking parrot on his shoulder who knows your name. What could be more amazing than that?”

  Orville took Sophia’s paw. “You’re right, it is amazing. How do you think the parrot knows my name?”

  “Elysian is part real and part dream, odd things like that are bound to happen.”

  “I don’t really understand how it can be half dream and half real.”

  “Elysian is Elysian.”

  “You sound like Brother Solus.”

  Orville leaned back against the mainmast, enjoying the warmth of the noonday sun on his fur, the smell of the salty sea air, the wind whipping through the ship’s rigging, the shrieking of the gulls overhead, the creaking of the ship as it plied its way through the sparkling blue sea. Sophia was right, this was a singularly perfect moment, one he would remember for all of his days.

  Chapter 20

  The Blue Pirates

  Six days passed and Orville was feeling like a seasoned deck hand, an old salt. They had fallen into a comfortable routine, working the sails and taking shifts at the wheel, guided by the sun during the day and the stars by night. More precisely, they were guided by the star at night, since there was only one. As was the way in Elysian, the star was fortuitously positioned directly above the Isle of the Silver Ship. Captain Tobias instructed the adventurers on the proper use of the ship’s wheel, each of them sharing the duty of guiding the Sophia toward the Isle of the Silver Ship. Orville had a wide grin on his face whenever he stood at the ship’s wheel.

  “Arghhh! ’Tis the brave Captain Orville at the helm!”

  On the morning of the eighth day, Captain Tobias raised his gleaming brass telescope, peering across the stern of the ship.

  “Sails on the horizon, following in our wake! She’s a three master and showing her colors! Look lively, mateys, it’s the dread Blue Pirates!”

  Orville’s eyes popped open. “Pirates?”

  Sophia jumped to her feet. “What do we do, Captain?”

  “The blue demons hold twice our sail, there’s no outrunning them. We have no choice but surrender.”

  “They’re blue?” Sophia was remembering the tall ship crewed by four-armed blue creatures she had seen as they were flying across the Vesarak Sea to the Isle of the Serpent. “Do they have four arms?”

  “Aye, lassie, they be the scurvy blaggards come up from the darkest depths of the sea to plunder the very likes of us.”

  “How long until they catch up to us?”

  “Four bells and they’ll fire a deadly broadside if we don’t furl the sheets and yield.”

  Orville’s eyes were wide. “How long is four bells?”

  “Two hours. Relax, we can shape a sphere of defense around the ship to protect us from their cannon fire.”

  Captain Tobias shook his head. “They wield no ordinary cannons, the Blue Pirates dispense the darkest of all magic, a broadside of deadly purple light, turning ships to dust before a mouse can take a second breath.”

  “Vaporizing beams! This is bad, our sphere of defense won’t stand up to an attack like that.”

  “They’re getting closer!”

  “I wish we had a cloaking device like the one on the Dragonfly.”

  Proto drummed his long silver fingers on the ship’s wheel, deep in thought.

  “I have analyzed all possible options regarding our impending assault by the Blue Pirates. As you well know, we are Metaphysical Adventurers, sworn never to harm another living creature, but we are also clearly unable to withstand a broadside of heavy particle vaporization beams. As Sophia has noted, we are currently not in possession of a cloaking device. Our singular remaining option is to outrun the pirates. According to my calculations, we must increase our current velocity to thirteen knots.”

  “How can we do that? We don’t have any more sails to put up.”

  “What about shaping some kind of duplonium motor?”

  “Too complicated, there’s too much engineering involved to fit the ship with a propeller. We don’t have time.”

  Orville’s mind was racing. “More sail! We could shape more sail.”

  “We have nowhere to put it, the masts are filled already.”

  Orville gave a shriek. “Wind! More wind! Just like we did when we crossed that subterranean lake on Tectar.”

  “That’s it! You’re brilliant, Orville. We can link minds and shape a windstorm.”

  Captain Tobias was puffing madly on his great pipe, trying to keep up with their conversation. “Impossible, the sea wind bends for no mouse, great or small.”

  “We’re not just any mice, Captain Tobias, we’re Metaphysical Adventurers.”

  Proto studied the three masted ship cutting smoothly through the sea behind them, now less than a mile away.

  “I have magnified my vision by a factor of thirteen. The ship which is trailing behind us is the very same ship we saw when the stormy world of Saevio overlapped the Vesarak Sea. The markings are identical, as are the blue creatures with four arms.”

  “Of course it is, we’re in Elysian. We have to hurry! Orville, take my paw!”

  Orville and Sophia stood paw in paw on the deck of the Sophia, their eyes closed. Proto knew they were concentrating deeply, leaving their physical selves behind, merging their minds, multiplying their shaping powers. When their minds linked, each shared completely the other’s thoughts, feelings, and memories. It had been a little frightening at first for Orville to reveal his deepest thoughts and memories to another mouse, but he was used to it now. Besides, Sophia was his best friend in the world, and the mouse he trusted more than any other.

  Sophia felt her awareness merging with Orville’s. It became difficult to tell where her thoughts ended and his began.

  “We need to create a windstorm trailing behind the Sophia, about twenty-five knots should be enough to outrun the Blue Pirates.”

  “Hey, I found one of your memories. You went out with a mouse named Percival?”

  “I went to one dance with him. Some of the mice used to make fun of me because I was so smart. I thought it would make me seem more normal if I went to a dance instead of studying all the time.”

  “Did you like him?”

  “Search my memories.”

  “Oh, right. You thought he was kind of shallow.”

  “He was nothing like you, he wasn’t curious about the world, he didn’t notice things the way you do, he didn’t find puzzles like you do.”

  “I like sharing our memories.”

  “It’s nice, but we’d better shape this windstorm before the Blue Pirates catch us.”

  “Okay, let’s do it.”

  A brilliant golden glow appeared around Orville and Sophia, casting long shadows across the deck. Captain Tobias took a step back, his eyes wide. Proto pointed across the stern of the ship.

 
“Watch the water.”

  Dark ripples appeared on the rolling sea behind them, the ripples transforming rapidly to ragged windblown waves, then to whitecaps, the salty spray blowing toward the ship, the sails snapping out sharply. The wind was howling now, the sails billowing, the masts creaking wildly under the strain, the ship surging forward, leaving a broad white wake behind it.

  “Merciful heavens, what have they wrought? What manner of dark magic is this?” Captain Tobias’ paws were clasped together tightly, his eyes on the windblown raging sea behind them.

  Proto took the ship’s wheel, setting them on course for the Isle of the Silver Ship. “That did it, our current speed is fourteen knots, more than enough to outrun the Blue Pirates.”

  “You didn’t have anyone special you really liked either. You went to a few dances but still felt lonely even when everyone thought you were having fun.”

  “No one wanted to talk about the things I wanted to talk about. No one was interested in the puzzles I found.”

  “That’s the thing I like about you most.”

  “Thanks. I’m glad you didn’t like Percival.”

  “We should go back. Captain Tobias is probably very confused by what’s happening.”

  The golden glow surrounding Orville and Sophia faded away, their eyes opening.

  “Whoa, we did it, check out that wind!”

  Orville grinned at Captain Tobias.

  “How’s that for a windstorm?”

  “You are magicians, wielding great and terrible powers?”

  “It’s not magic, it’s science. We’re using the combined power of our minds to manipulate energy fields, in this case to create a powerful windstorm.”

  Brother Solus was silent, his dour face displaying undisguised disapproval.

  Orville sent a cloud to Sophia. “A certain Mintarian Gray Monk doesn’t approve of our tampering with nature.”

  A cloud flashed back to Orville.

  “One should never tamper with nature unless bloodthirsty Blue Pirates are closing in, about to turn you and your friends into glowing space dust.”

  Chapter 21

  Orville’s New Watch

  With the Blue Pirates safely behind them, long lazy days aboard the Sophia rolled by, the indigo blue sea extending out to the four horizons. Other than a few errant shrieking gulls there was not another soul in sight.