Breaking Without You: A Fractured Connections Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “I might take you up on that. I mean, I’m good with the paperwork for the bar, but going to college was not really my thing. At least the paperwork wasn’t.”

  Aiden sighed. “We all went to college, but I think Jack and Rose took care of all the paperwork for us.”

  “And I will always be grateful for that,” I said, laughing. “I know Dillon and I are working on what college he needs to go to. We’ll figure it out.”

  Aiden stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “You know, I hear Violet works at UCD. I mean, she’s pretty close to here and probably knows all about colleges.”

  “Don’t go there,” I said, shaking my head. “We can’t go there.”

  “Sometimes, I don’t think we have a choice.” Brendon said the words softly, not looking at either of us.

  No, sometimes we didn’t have a choice in what happened around us. But, sometimes, we needed to make that choice for ourselves.

  I gave each of them a nod and went down to the bar where, thankfully, a nice, late-evening rush was coming in. I had opened, and I would probably end up closing with Beckham. We couldn’t afford more than the two of us as bartenders right now, but both of us needed the work. Beckham was about my age, had a big beard, and long hair tied behind his head. He looked almost hipster, but I had a feeling he had been like that even before it was a thing.

  That thought made me laugh, and Beckham raised a brow. “What’s so funny?” he asked, his voice low. Beckham rarely smiled, and he didn’t laugh. At least not since I’d known him.

  Jack had hired him on when we were all out of town living our own lives. Beckham and some of the waitstaff were the only ones that stayed on after Jack’s death. It made sense to me. Food service wasn’t an industry where everyone stayed at the same job for years. We could pay them, so that wasn’t the issue. It was more that they hadn’t wanted to work with anyone but Jack, or they had moved on because it was their time.

  Now, we had new staff in the kitchen—people that Aiden was dealing with, thankfully, not me. And we had a few new waitresses. And one new busboy.

  Dillon.

  “I’m just thinking about stupid shit,” I said quickly, finally answering Beckham’s question. “What can I do to help?”

  Beckham just shrugged, pulling two drafts before going down to get a couple more mugs. “I’m filling up some pints for the guys at the end. I think Tracy’s going to come by with an order for some mixed drinks, though.” He tilted his head towards the redheaded waitress who was at a table with five women. “Pretty sure they’re not the beer type.”

  I narrowed my eyes at the group of ladies and nodded. They were all dressed to the nines and giggling. Probably starting their evening before they did a Denver bar crawl. “That happen often? People coming in here dressed to the nines?” I’d been working here for a couple of months but still hadn’t gotten used to the clientele since I was usually in the back—or had been before Brendon came to work here full-time on top of his other job.

  Beckham just shrugged, sliding the beers down the bar into the waiting hands of the men at the end. Then he went back to pulling more drafts, not even looking at what he was doing. He just knew where everything was. He had been doing it for years, apparently.

  “Not often. We have a decent happy hour on vodka, so sometimes people start here, mainly because they came here to eat lunch with their parents or something and know the place. It’s familiar. The girl in the black, the one with all the sequins or whatever glitter crap that is? Her dad comes here often. So, it’s not like we’re a big place that college girls come to for drinks. But we do okay. People like us. They remember us. It’s just making sure that new people can find us, I guess.”

  I blinked, wondering where all the words had come from. Beckham didn’t speak often, but when he did, what he did say seemed to be important.

  Beckham had been right, Tracy slid over five orders of various vodka drinks that would be a pain in the ass to make. But I didn’t mind. This was my job, after all. I might like owning businesses, but I also liked working with my hands and mixing drinks. There was chemistry to it, making sure that everything was just right. Because when you worked with fresh ingredients, the recipe wasn’t exactly perfect. You had to alter it depending on what you were using. That’s what I liked. So, I went back to work, quickly mixing the five drinks. Dillon came by to help as a barback.

  “Anything else?” Dillon asked, glaring. I knew my little brother didn’t like working behind the bar cleaning up, and he sure as hell didn’t like busing tables. But Dillon needed a job, and I needed the help. The kid got paid, and I could also keep an eye on him.

  “We’re good back here. But it’s getting busier, so I guess you working over in that section is probably good.”

  “Is Brian coming in tonight?” Dillon asked, mentioning the other busser we had.

  “No, you’re by yourself here. Do you think you can handle it?”

  Dillon just snorted. “I think I can handle busing a few tables. It’s not brain surgery.”

  “Is that what you want to do? Be a brain surgeon?” I didn’t know what Dillon wanted to do with his life, but then again, I didn’t think Dillon knew either. I also didn’t think that at eighteen you could really make decisions about what you wanted to be when you grew up. You were still growing up, so taking some gen-ed classes and figuring out what your major could be, seemed like the best course of action. The whole idea that you had to figure out your entire life at age fifteen while you picked out where you wanted to go to college seemed ridiculous. Not that I actually told Dillon any of this because I was still pissed off that he had lied to me.

  And I was still mad at myself that I hadn’t noticed.

  “I don’t want to be a brain surgeon. I don’t really like blood,” Dillon said, and I laughed.

  “I’m not a huge fan of blood either. We shouldn’t be talking about blood and other bodily functions while we’re working anyway.”

  “True. Okay, I’m off to go clean up after those guys. I think they threw half their wing bones on the floor.”

  “Damn. Do you need some help?” While Dillon needed to work, and I needed to make sure that he was keeping on the right track, I didn’t want him cleaning up after assholes.

  “I said, I have it.” Then he stomped off, and I just shook my head, watching him go. Beckham gave me a look that I couldn’t read, and we both went back to work.

  A couple of hours later, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  I knew it was her before I heard her voice.

  Violet was here. And so were the others.

  I hadn’t known that they came to this bar. I hadn’t seen them since I came back to town, but here they were, in my place.

  “I got this,” I said to Beckham as I went over to where Violet, Sienna, and Harmony were sitting.

  “Hey.” I stuffed my hands into my pockets, wondering if I could be more of an idiot. Probably.

  “Hi,” Sienna said, kind of smiling. The expression didn’t really reach her eyes, but I didn’t blame her. Everything was still so raw and emotional for them. Violet’s little sister felt things strongly. She always had, even when we were younger. I didn’t know how she felt about Allison. I didn’t know how any of them were feeling. Hell, I didn’t know how I was feeling about Allison.

  But I was glad that they were here, even if it confused me.

  “It’s good to see you, Cameron,” Harmony said softly. She grinned, but like Sienna, it didn’t reach her eyes. Damn it. I wished I could help these three, but I was already out of my depth with so many other things, this would just make it worse for everyone.

  I looked over at Violet, clearing my throat. “Can I get you ladies something to drink? To eat?”

  “We’re here to make sure that the Connolly brothers know that we’re supporting the bar,” Sienna said when Violet didn’t reply.

  I turned to Violet’s sister. “Really?”

  “Of course.
We’ve come in on and off over the years, but it’s been more off since we’ve been so busy with our lives. But that’s going to change. We need a new place to actually sit and drink that’s not our house with a bottle of wine. Because while that’s good, sometimes, you just need to get out. So you’re stuck with us. And we need booze. We need lots of fucking booze.”

  Her eyes filled, and Harmony reached out and grabbed her friend’s hand. I cleared my throat and nodded.

  “So, what are we having?”

  “Beer and shots,” Violet said.

  My brows rose. “Really?”

  “Do you think we can’t handle it?”

  I met Violet’s gaze and shook my head. “I think you can handle just about anything, Violet.” I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. “I know what you guys like. I’ll be right back.”

  Then I walked away, wondering if I really knew anything at all.

  Because, right now, it felt like I was nothing.

  Chapter Five

  That’s next level hotness right there

  - Allison in a text to Violet about George Clooney

  * * *

  Violet

  I watched Cameron walk back to the bar and wondered what the hell I was doing. There were many ways to be a masochist, but apparently, watching my ex-boyfriend walk away while we were in his family establishment was a new way to have it happen. Maybe I liked pain, perhaps I enjoyed that burning sensation around my heart that had nothing to do with heartburn or any actual vascular disease, and everything to do with the fact that I was an idiot.

  “The more you watch him, the more I’m afraid that we made the wrong choice.” Harmony leaned forward and gripped my hand.

  She was always doing that, making sure Sienna and I knew that we were loved and taken care of. I hated the fact that Harmony was actually getting used to the idea that this was her lot in life now. Apparently, one of my best friends in the entire world thought it was her job to make sure others knew that they were loved and cared for when the rest of the world was burning down around them. I hated it so much for her, but I didn’t know how to make it better. I didn’t know how to make anything better. I knew the three of us really needed to talk, we needed to make sure that not only were we there for each other but were also open about talking about Allison. I just didn’t know when that time would come. Because it sure as hell wasn’t now.

  “I love this place.” I shook my head as I squeezed Harmony’s hand back and looked over at Sienna so my sister knew that I was telling the truth. “I really do love this place. Yes, it holds a lot of memories, and the current bartender who’s not the sexy, bearded Beckham currently makes me want to pull out my hair, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love this place.”

  For some reason, that sentence made Harmony and Sienna both laugh.

  “What?” I asked, frowning.

  “You just called Beckham sexy?” Sienna asked, looking over at the man who wasn’t really our friend, mostly because we didn’t know him all that well. But he was someone that I considered a pleasant acquaintance.

  “Is he not?”

  “Oh, he’s sexy as hell. But I didn’t think you would actually say that when there’s another bartender at the bar that I would assume you would think is sexier.”

  “We are not going to compare bartenders. Plus, Beckham has this whole I-have-secrets-and-I’m-not-going-to-tell-you vibe.”

  “Oh, he totally has secrets, but don’t you think Cameron does, too?” Sienna asked, giving me a weird look.

  “Let’s get off this subject, shall we?” I asked, keeping my voice pleasant. I felt anything but congenial just then, but it was my fault for coming here and daring to call someone sexy. Just because I thought Beckham was hot didn’t mean I didn’t think Cameron was sexy, too.

  “Before he comes back, quick question,” Sienna said quickly. “I never asked, did you ever find Aiden sexy? Because if you find Cameron sexy, then his twin has to be sexy too, right?”

  There was something in my sister’s eyes when she said that, and it kind of worried me, but now we were going way off track from any conversation that I wanted to have right then, and it wasn’t like I could really figure out what was going on.

  “Of course. But I was never truly attracted to Aiden the way I was to Cameron. I don’t know why. But you know they are different people. Hell, I used to think Brendon was sexy, too.”

  Harmony snorted. “Oh, I used to think Brendon was cute, as well. Moyer told him once, I think. Mostly because he knew it would make me blush.”

  I smiled. “I forgot that the two of them used to work together. “As soon as I said the words, I wanted to take them back. Because the reason that Harmony knew Brendon as well as she did was because Brendon used to work with Moyer, Harmony’s late-husband. Everything was so convoluted and connected that it sometimes hurt to think about it. Especially because it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to lose so much all at once. And Harmony sure as hell wasn’t supposed to lose everything either.

  “So, what do you think he’s really bringing us?” Harmony asked, thankfully moving on and away from the subject of Brendon and any other conversation that could be awkward. Of course, everything that we were talking about today would likely be strange. We were sitting in my ex-boyfriend’s bar, a place he owned now with at least his twin, someone who happened to be the love of Allison’s life at one point. And the other brother in the place was a former friend of Harmony’s late-husband. To say that everything was awkward would be an understatement. Of course, it was all strange. Because that was how we lived now. This was our life. Thankfully, before I could put my foot in my mouth again or wonder what the hell we were all going to talk about, Cameron showed up with a tray of pints of beer and six shots.

  “Now, this is good Irish whiskey, but I’m going to hope that you all took a car service here. Because, if not, you’re not getting a shot.” He held up the tray and did indeed hold them back from us.

  “Of course, we took a car service here. We want to get drunk. Being drunk is helpful.”

  Sienna smiled, and I wished I could be happy like that. I would have loved to act like everything was okay, as if I didn’t feel like I was dying inside. It was all just too much. Being here with my friends and trying to act like we weren’t missing our fourth, being here where I knew we would end up seeing Cameron, it was just hard. But I had put it out of my mind because we were trying to support the family who had always supported us. Jack and Rose had been part of our lives ever since we met the Connolly brothers. They had been an amazing couple who had taken on three foster brothers and brought them back together. They had even made sure to put Cameron and Aiden in the same home because they knew that the twins had been split up when they were younger.

  When Cameron and I were dating, we had talked about how he felt about that, at least in a sense. We’d never gotten too deep, never dove beneath the fragile surface that was his pain. I had understood at the time that it would take longer. And I loved him. So, I would have waited.

  But that time never came. Cameron had walked away.

  “Well, now I can give you your shots.”

  “Well, we were going to pay for them anyway,” I said and then groaned. “Never mind, ignore I said that. Of course, you’re going to make sure we’re not going to be drunk and getting behind the wheel. It’s been a long day.”

  It had been a long week. A long month. But I had a feeling Cameron knew that.

  “Of course, I’m going to make sure you guys are okay. I’m not going to let you guys get hurt.”

  I knew he hadn’t meant to say that because his jaw suddenly went tight, and my belly clenched. Harmony and Sienna looked between us, slowly moving their beers and shots towards them as Cameron set them on the table. Nobody was talking. It had been awkward before, but now it was even worse. I swear I could feel every single eye on me like their literal eyeballs were sliming down my body as I tried to figure out what to say next. Why w
as I so awkward? Why was this so awkward? Why was my life so awkward?

  “Do you want me to start a tab for you guys? Or is this going to be all for the table?”

  Sienna was the one who answered. “Just a normal tab for the table. You might want to send out some wings or whatever Aiden’s making, though.”

  “I’m sure Aiden will make you something fancy.” Cameron didn’t sound like he was too happy about that, and it had me wondering if Cameron liked any of the changes that I knew were probably coming to the pub.

  I knew the bar was in trouble, only I didn’t know exactly what was going on. But the fact that all three brothers were back in town trying to take care of it meant that something else was going on. Aiden was like a Michelin-star chef or something close to that, and that meant that he probably wouldn’t be happy making bar food all the time. I knew that Brendon worked with fancy companies and dealt in all the money—not that I actually knew anything about that since I made barely any money in my job. I might like shoes, but I also liked them gently used.

  “How about wings and something that Aiden wants to make for the table.” Harmony said it with a smile, but I still watched as Cameron’s jaw clenched once again.

  “I’ll let him know you’re out here.” Cameron glared over at the teenager I’d seen at the funeral. “Hey, what are you doing?”

  The boy looked up guiltily from his phone that he had pulled out of his apron pocket. “Nothing.”

  “What did I say about your phone?”

  Cameron grumbled something under his breath and then nodded at the table before going off to join whoever that was. His brother? No, I knew all the Connolly brothers. Maybe his son? I froze at that thought. No, that wasn’t possible. That kid had to be in his late teens. There was no way that he was Cameron’s son. He did look like he was related to him, though.