Breaking Without You: A Fractured Connections Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Because I missed my best friend. And I didn’t want to lose Cameron or myself because I didn’t know how to deal with all of that.

  So, I asked for help.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cameron

  Violet wouldn’t answer my calls. Did she not trust me? I cursed.

  Then again, I didn’t know why I was even asking myself that question. Did I even deserve Violet’s trust? That was the question that needed an answer. I sure as hell hoped the answer was yes, but what if I was wrong? What if I was so fucking wrong?

  “Hey, Brendon and I wanted to talk to you. You okay, bro?” I shook myself out of my thoughts, knowing that I needed to call Violet again, that is if she would answer her fucking phone. Or I could go there. Everything would be okay. I just needed to talk to her.

  “I’m fine. Let’s go,” I said, getting up from the desk. I’d been going over the numbers from the night before, even though Brendon had already done them, and I liked what I saw. I just wished everything else in my life was working out. So far, only the bar was doing well. Considering that was the one thing that hadn’t been doing well recently, maybe I should count my blessings.

  I didn’t want to count those blessings. Well, not just them. I wanted to count Violet among them, too. And that meant I needed to talk with her.

  I followed Dillon out of the office and into the bar. We hadn’t opened yet, so it was just my brothers and Beckham behind the bar, cleaning glasses.

  “What’s up?” I asked, knowing my voice sounded a little on edge. Hell, I was on edge.

  “You want to talk about it?” Brendon asked, playing with the condensation on his water glass.

  “I’m fine.” I ran my hand over my face, knowing I needed to shave soon but not caring. I just didn’t care about anything right now except for fixing what I’d messed up.

  “You’re not fine. Just go talk with Violet.” Aiden glowered at me, and I sighed.

  “I’m going to. As soon as she answers her damn phone.”

  “Go to her house,” Aiden said quickly.

  “Doesn’t that border on stalking?” I was only partly joking.

  “Not if you just do it the once, and you guys are already dating,” Dillon said quickly. We all looked at him, and he held up his hands. “I mean, don’t break into her house or crawl in through her bedroom to stare at her when she’s sleeping or anything.”

  “What the hell are you watching these days?” I asked. Dillon shook his head.

  “It doesn’t matter. All I’m saying is you’re allowed to go to her house. Don’t force your way in, but ask her what is going on. If she tells you that she never wants to speak to you again, after that, well, then you have your answer.”

  I looked at my little brother and frowned. “You’re suddenly a font of knowledge. I’m a little worried about you.”

  Dillon blushed a bit, ducking his head, and I leaned forward, a little concerned. “Well, since you’re all here, I should tell you that I’m going to be a font of more knowledge soon.” He grinned and held up a piece of paper like he was showing off a good grade, and then I realized exactly what it was.

  All thoughts of my other worries slid out of my head, and I couldn’t help but smile widely, elation filling my veins, even if only for a moment. “You got in? You fucking got in?”

  Brendon cheered with his water glass, and Aiden looked between all of us, smiling. Smiling was good. Smiling was not scowling.

  “Yep, I got in to the University of Colorado at Denver for the spring. Which is great because I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but at least I’m going to be spending a lot of money to take classes.”

  “Don’t worry about the money. Just get good grades and pass. Then we can figure out what you want to be when you grow up later. Which is really weird to say because it took me a really long time to realize what I wanted to be when I grew up.” I went around the bar and hugged the kid, and Beckham poured sodas for everyone except for Brendon, who stuck with his water.

  “Aiden?” Dillon asked, his voice soft.

  I froze, not wanting to interrupt the moment, but if Aiden hurt Dillon’s feelings, I was going to get really pissy. I was already on edge, and I didn’t want to hurt anybody because I was so pissed off at everything.

  “What’s up, Dillon?” Aiden asked, his voice calm. Calm was good. It wasn’t being an asshole.

  “Will you still help me with the whole food thing? Because I’d like to do it, I just don’t want to get in your way, but I also don’t want to try out for culinary school when I know next to nothing, and then realize I don’t actually want to do it and waste everyone’s time, you know?” Dillon had stuffed his hands into his pockets and said the words so quickly that I barely understood exactly what he was saying as he spoke.

  Aiden was silent for a moment as he studied Dillon, and I held my breath, hoping that they weren’t going to come to blows—if even verbally.

  “Of course, I’m going to help you. You’re my brother.”

  I swallowed hard, emotion clogging my throat. I wasn’t going to cry, but it was damn close. Hell, I didn’t think Aiden had ever used those words when it came to Dillon before, and from the look on the kid’s face, he realized it, too.

  Aiden cleared his throat and looked around at all of us. Brendon leaned back as if he had a feeling he knew what our brother was going to say. I had no fucking clue and was a little worried. Then again, I was always worried these days.

  “Since we’re getting everything out in the open here, I’m sorry, Dillon. I was an asshole. I’m an asshole for many reasons, but mainly because I made you feel like you weren’t wanted. That was never the case. I just didn’t know how to deal with the fact that I had this long-lost brother on top of the fact that Jack and Rose were gone, and Cameron was back. We’ll figure things out. If you want to go to culinary school, I’ll help you there too because I am probably the best chef in Denver.” He winked when he said it, and I laughed, all my emotions warring with each other. Holy hell. “Shut the fuck up, Cameron. I am the best. However, if you want to be second-best, Dillon, I can help you.”

  “And when the student surpasses the master?” Dillon asked, and I snorted, glancing at Brendon, who grinned widely.

  “He has you there, Aiden. Make sure you don’t teach him too well.”

  Aiden flipped us all off. “If he ends up being the best chef in Denver, it’ll be because I’ve retired, but then everyone will know that I taught the best chef in Denver. Anyway, you need help, I’m here for you. And I think I’m a little done with the whole brotherly love thing, but just know that I’m going to stick here. I’m not leaving and going to another place. I like this bar. I loved what Jack and Rose did with it, and I love what we’re doing with it. So, you’re stuck with me for the time being.”

  “Good to hear, because the bar’s doing fucking fantastic, at least for that one night. We’re not out of the woods yet, but I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

  Brendon cleared his throat and looked at all of us, and I leaned against the bar, waiting. Beckham was there, part of our conversation. He might not be family, but he was close enough now. He was helping keep the bar in the black, and that was all that mattered.

  “We need to keep at it. We need to keep working our asses off, but we’re going to be able to keep Jack and Rose’s place, at least for the time being. So, let’s keep at it, and let’s just not fuck up.”

  “Hear, hear,” I said, raising my soda glass. We all clinked glasses and took sips, and I shook my head.

  “I don’t want to lose this place. I can’t lose this place. So, I’m here. For the long haul.”

  Aiden nodded. “All of us are. But the kid’s going to be in school soon, so I guess we’re going to have to deal with a new busser.”

  “Hey, I need spending money.”

  I nodded. “True, but you’re still not getting a raise.”

  “But I may be a server soon. I mean, my training did go w
ell.” Dillon grinned, and I rolled my eyes just like he had a habit of doing. I had been doing it often. No wonder teenagers did it incessantly.

  “Okay, so we’re all in agreement,” Brendon began. “We’re going to make this place work, and we’re going to kick ass. Dillon is going to school to take at least some gen-ed courses until he decides what direction he wants to take. He’ll figure it out, and we’ll be there for him. And, Cameron? You don’t have to pay for all of it. We are Connollys. We take care of each other.”

  “I’m not really a Connolly, though,” Dillon said quietly.

  I cleared my throat again, meeting Dillon’s gaze. I hoped he understood that I was being completely serious now. “Yeah, you are. If you want the name, we can get you the name, but no matter what, you’re a Connolly. You’re our brother.”

  Dillon looked like he was on the verge of crying, but then again, I thought the rest of us were, too. At some point during the conversation, Beckham had quietly walked out. While I appreciated it, I kind of felt like we were all in need of a beer or something, even if the kid wasn’t old enough to drink and it was still a little bit early.

  “While we’re on the subject of brothers…” Aiden said softly. I stiffened and looked over.

  “Yeah?”

  My twin let out a breath. “Don’t ever walk away again. We’re brothers. I walked away, too. That much I know. Not answering your call for a fucking year? That’s on me. I didn’t deserve for you to ever call me again after that. You tried. You even came here to my house to try and tell me about Dillon, and I didn’t even bother answering the door because I was so pissed at you for going off to Mom. That’s on me.”

  I nodded, remembering that cold night that I had stood out on Aiden’s porch, banging my hand on the door, willing him to come out so we could just talk. But Aiden had been so pissed off, and then I had been so livid that nothing had happened at all. We lost so many years.

  “I won’t let that happen. I’m not leaving. We’re going to talk shit out.”

  “Good,” Aiden said. “Because if we don’t, I’m going to kick your fucking ass. Because you’re my fucking brother. You don’t get to leave like that. You don’t just get to say things are too hard.”

  “Same goes for you,” I said, this time growling just a little bit. “And I don’t know what’s going on with you, but if you need us, we’re here.”

  “I’m fine. You’re the one who seems to be in the doghouse, though,” Aiden said quickly.

  “That much is true,” Brendon put in. “Go get your girl.”

  “I’m going to. Because I’m a fucking asshole, but I love her.”

  “Yes, use those words. It’s very sweet. Very romantic.” Aiden lifted his glass up in cheers, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Fine. I’m going to be a little late for my shift then, most likely. I have to go get my girl.”

  Dillon hooted, and Aiden shook his head, but Brendon was the one to reach out and stop me.

  I frowned. “What? I’m not on until later tonight.”

  Brendon sighed. “Oh, that’s fine, and I can work behind the bar if you end up not showing up at all.”

  “Please don’t do that,” Beckham called from the back, and we all laughed.

  Brendon scowled. “I’m just fine as a bartender.”

  “No, you’re not,” Beckham called again.

  My brother just stared, the tick at the corner of his mouth in full force. “Anyway, if we ignore that asshole—”

  “Not an asshole. Just a better bartender!”

  “Shut up, Beckham!”

  “You’re not my boss.”

  “Yes, I am. We all are. Anyway,” Brendon continued, “I know we just talked about the whole not being a stalker thing and going to her house, but you really don’t want to go to her house.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Yeah, why?” Dillon added.

  Brendon shrugged. “Because she’s not there.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “And you would know this why?”

  “Because I was talking to Harmony about it, and it seems that she, along with Sienna and Violet, are off in Colorado Springs visiting Mace for the day. They’re having a nice family meal even though the Knight parents are out of town.”

  “You were talking with Harmony?” Aiden asked.

  “Off-subject.”

  “No,” I said softly, “that might not be off topic at all.” I sighed. “I guess I’m driving down to Colorado Springs.”

  “You’re going to go grovel in front of her entire family?” Dillon asked. “That’s actually pretty good. Groveling in front of others accentuates the groveling I think. It probably adds more points for later grovels, too. So, yes, do that.”

  I threw my hands up into the air. “Where are you finding these things? Is there a special book I should be reading about groveling and how to deal with women?” I asked, but I wasn’t actually joking just then.

  Aiden and Brendon laughed, but Dillon just grinned. “My ex-girlfriend really liked romance novels, so I started reading them with her. You learn a lot about women by reading romance. You should pick up a book. They’re interesting, and there’s some hot sex in there, so that’s a plus. Don’t worry, they use condoms, so I get extra safe sex lessons. Plus, whenever one of the heroes is an asshole, he still gets the girl because he grovels. And he actually means it. So, do it. Mean it. Get down on your knees if you have to, but just do it well.”

  I looked at my little brother in an all-new light and blinked. “Romance novels?”

  “I have a few on my phone that I can send you links to after you beg for forgiveness. Because no matter what happens, you’re going to end up having to apologize again later for something that you do. It’s what we do. We’re men.”

  “Aren’t you eighteen?” Aiden asked.

  Dillon smiled wide. “Yes, but I know all.”

  “Yeah, not so much,” Brendon said but pulled out his phone anyway. “So, where should I start?”

  As Aiden also had his phone out, I just laughed, then shook my head and walked out of the bar, knowing I had a place to be.

  The drive wasn’t going to be fun on my way to Colorado Springs to go see my girl, but I needed to grovel. If my little brother was on the right track, I needed to bow and scrape well.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Love you. Always

  - Allison in a text to Violet

  Violet

  I was okay. I was better than okay. Mostly because I was out of my house with people that I loved, and I knew that with just a few more breaths, I would be fine.

  I had called Mace the night before, and he had told me that he was going to come and get me and that I wasn’t going to sleep alone in my house. That I was going to be just fine, and that I was going to find a therapist that worked for me, and we were going to get through this.

  My big brother was a lot of things, and amazing was just one of them.

  He was a little older than Sienna and me, so there’d always been some distance between us, but no matter what, he was there for us. And he was there for me today.

  I ended up driving myself to Colorado Springs after letting Sienna know that I was going to spend the night at Mace’s. I didn’t have to work until Monday, so I planned to take some time for myself. I might even take Monday and Tuesday off, too, because I was allowed to when I had the vacation time. I might as well use it for my mental health.

  I wasn’t depressed, at least I didn’t think so. I did not have thoughts of ending my life or doing anything to harm myself. But I needed to work out my feelings about Allison, and I needed to get through my grief. And to do that, I needed to talk to someone beyond my friends and family.

  I was aware of that, and I was going to lean on my friends while I did it.

  So now, I was at Mace’s house, his fiancée leaning into him as their daughter Daisy danced around the kitchen.

  Sienna and Harmony were with me in the living room, laughing as we ate some appetizers and waited f
or dinner. We were doing an early meal since it was the afternoon and Daisy wanted to play, but I didn’t mind. I was surrounded by people I loved who loved me.

  And, yes, we all needed to work through our emotions and our feelings, but we were doing it. And I wasn’t afraid to ask for help. I’d always been a little bit scared to ask for help because I had to deal with my migraines and then the fact that I was worried about school and then my divorce and Cameron and all of that. It was hard for me to want to ask, knowing that I might ask too much.

  But I was going to get over that, even if it annoyed me sometimes.

  “Okay, so we have cheese. Lots of cheese.” Adrienne grinned from the kitchen, and I looked over at her.

  “What is it with you Montgomerys and cheese? It’s like every time we come over here, it’s cheese this and cheese that.”

  “One does not mock the cheese,” Adrienne said serenely.

  “Cheese, it’s good!” Daisy exclaimed, and we all laughed.

  “Seriously, though,” Mace said quickly. “Don’t mess with cheese with the Montgomerys. At least the Colorado Springs ones. Thea, Adrienne’s sister? She’s insane with the cheese.”

  “Hey, I’m going to tell her you said that. And then you’re not going to get the brie with the pepper jelly on top. You know, the stuff made from the gods. It’s like ambrosia.”

  “Okay, I retract my statement. I will never, ever mention anything bad about cheese.”

  My brother looked me directly in the eyes with a very somber expression. “Because that cheese is the best thing I’ve ever had in my life, and I will not risk it. Never. Not even for a joke.”

  “Mace got weird,” Sienna said, not quite whispering in my ear.

  “Very, very weird,” I agreed.

  “I don’t know,” Harmony said, shrugging. “I kind of agree with him about the cheese. I’ve had some of that pepper jelly. It’s pretty amazing.”

  “No, you had pepper jelly,” Mace said, “but you’ve never had Thea’s pepper jelly.” He kissed his fingertips like a chef. “The best thing in the world.”