Look Twice

by M. Garzon

  “Okay buddy, we won’t do much today,” I murmured to him, and saw his black-tipped brown ears flick back to listen. I walked on a loose rein, then picked up a light contact and asked him to trot. He jumped forward in his usual energetic style, but Stephanie and Gracie were in front of us, so I pulled slightly on the reins to slow him down. He jerked to a stop and flung his head up dramatically.

  “You don’t have to overdo it,” I chided, loosening my hold and squeezing with my legs. He didn’t go forward, though. Instead, he started dancing sideways, flinging his head up repeatedly even though I was leaving the reins slack.

  “Téa, use your stick!” I heard Dec yell from across the arena.

  I shook my head. I wasn’t carrying a crop; Hades was such a fireball that I never carried one. Instead, I gave him a solid kick, followed by a smack with my palm. The last was for effect since I couldn’t hurt him, but he took it personally and reared up, falling half-sideways and half-backward into the wall. The crash reverberated through my head as I slid loosely to the ground. I was vaguely aware of Hades thundering around the ring, mingled with the sounds of startled riders and upset horses. I sat up to find Dec planted in front of me, protecting me from being trampled during the mayhem.

  I staggered to my feet. “I’ll get him.”

  He glared at me. “Don’t you dare move.”

  Hades slowed to a trot and finally stopped. He gave me a triumphant look and snorted, and I couldn’t help grinning. His body was steaming and he was streaked with sweat, but he had made his point. No elevator bits for us. My smile faded fast, though, when Dec headed for him. Luckily Catherine, one of my advanced students, ran over and caught Hades before Dec did.

  “Would you mind putting him away?” I heard Dec ask. Catherine often helped out in exchange for her lessons.

  He came back and took me by the elbow. “Come on, you’re going to the hospital.”

  “I don’t need to,” I protested.

  “You hit the wall head first! And you went down like a limp noodle, Téa,” he said. His anger kept me from protesting further.

  I was frustrated by the wait at the hospital, since I really didn’t need to be there, and hurried back to the waiting room after I’d seen the doctor.

  “I’m fine,” I assured Dec.

  He held out my helmet. “You see this? It’s cracked.”

  “At least it wasn’t my show helmet.” Those cost hundreds of dollars to replace, whereas this was a cheaper schooling helmet.

  “That’s not the point! I swear, Téa, if you make me walk into one more hospital, you’ll be sorry,” Dec growled.

  Dec had hated hospitals ever since he’d watched my mom die in one, and my escapades had often forced him back. He wasn’t being reasonable, though — life as a rider almost guaranteed a few injuries, but I didn’t get the chance to point that out.

  “And that’s not all. That horse has to go. He’s too dangerous, I’m not putting up with him in the barn anymore.”

  I gasped. “That’s not fair! Accidents can-” I winced as he gripped my shoulders, his fingers tightening to the point of pain. He noticed and let go, and after a minute slid his arm around me instead. I felt another tightening, this one around my throat as I struggled not to cry.

  “Sorry,” he said gruffly. “I didn’t realize... I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  I nodded and wondered how often that happened. How many times had he gotten angry and simply forgotten his own strength?

  We didn’t talk on the drive home. I think neither of us wanted to argue in that small space, but once in the house, I turned to Dec.

  “About Hades,” I began hesitantly.

  “It’s not up for discussion, Téa.” He turned toward his office. It was a measure of my desperation that I followed him in there.

  “You don’t understand, he’s so talented! He could take me right to-”

  “I don’t care! You’re risking your life to train the beast, and I don’t trust those owners of his. Likely as not they’ll sell him out from under you as soon as they can make a big profit on him.” Dec’s face was reddening as he struggled not to yell.

  “But-”

  “Whatever is going on?” Gran demanded from the doorway. “I heard Téa took a nasty spill. Are you all right, dear?” She looked me over carefully.

  “I’m fine,” I muttered, slumping onto the small couch. I could feel my muscles stiffening already; I was going to be sore tomorrow.

  Dec rubbed the back of his neck. “Hades threw himself into a wall while she was mounted.”

  “It was the new bit!” I insisted. “He’d never do that otherwise.” At least, he never had before.

  “The elevator bit?” Gran asked in horror. She shook her head ruefully. “I’m terribly sorry.” She turned to Dec. “That was my idea. I thought if he couldn’t yank downward he’d be more manageable. Was that the disagreement?”

  “I want that horse gone,” Dec said shortly.

  “Well now, that doesn’t seem reasonable,” Gran said briskly. “They’re good clients, and he doesn’t pose much more of a risk than Schweppes did in the beginning. And look how well he turned out.”

  Dec and I both gaped at Gran — him because he’d had no idea about Schweppes’ problems, and me because I’d had no idea that Gran knew. Dec’s eyes narrowed as they moved to me.

  Gran acted first. “Now’s not the time for reprimands,” she told Dec. She peered at me in concern. “You should lie down, dear. You look a bit peaked.”

  I had barely stretched out on the bed when Seth rushed in, his eyes dark with concern. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s no biggie.” I sat up carefully.

  Seth dropped down next to me, his expression easing as he looked me over.

  “Well, it was about time you had your head examined, anyway,” he teased.

  I gave him a sly smile. “Well, the joke’s on you. They said my problems are genetic.”

  * * *

  I woke up the next day feeling stiff but hopeful. Gran was my best possible ally in keeping Hades. Things hadn’t always been easy between us; Gran was of the generation that believed children should be seen and not heard, and Seth and I hadn’t been quiet children. When we were younger she’d had no qualms about reporting our misdeeds to Dec, which made us leery of her. But she was fair-minded, with a lively sense of humor, and we’d grown to love her.

  She was bustling around the kitchen when I went down, so she must have spent the night. Her white hair was tied back rather than in its usual bun, falling down her still-strong back.

  “Where is everyone?” I asked as I started making toast.

  “Helping unload the feed delivery. How are you this morning?”

  “Okay, just a bit stiff.” I examined her face. “Did you and Dec talk about Hades?”

  She sighed. “He was too wound up last night to hear reason. I’m going to get some coffee and breakfast into him and then I shall try again. By the way, the hospital called, you left your health card yesterday. You’d best go pick it up straight away.”

  I groaned. I had a busy day ahead, one that wouldn’t be made easier by the soreness from my fall. I didn’t really want to start it off with an hour of driving, but I slouched out the door.

  I had almost reached our battered red Toyota when Seth showed up. “Where are you off to?”

  When I explained, he climbed into the driver’s seat. “I’ll go with you. I want to avoid Dec and stop at the auto parts store, in that order.”

  Uh-oh. “Dec’s still upset about yesterday, then?” I looked worriedly over at Seth’s profile as I got in the car.

  He shrugged. “Who knows? But he’s in a mood, dude.”

  I slumped against the seat, feeling suddenly very weary. I was tired from not sleeping well, but more than that, I was tired of the constant discord with Dec. Why couldn’t life just be easy for once?

  By the time we got to the hospital I was in a veritable funk. Seth tried to draw me into conversation a f
ew times but I resisted, preferring to sulk. We retrieved my health card and stepped into the elevator to leave, joining two women and a man who were already inside. Seth glanced around; I recognized the mischievous glint in his eye and gave my head a small warning shake. He ignored me.

  “So,” he said seriously, looking at the elevator’s other occupants. “I suppose you’re all wondering why I gathered you here today.”

  The three passengers sidled slightly away from us, shooting Seth little looks from the corners of their eyes. I could practically hear their thoughts: He looks normal enough. I tried to hold in my laughter but it snorted indelicately out through my nose; at that, I let go and it pealed forth into the small space. That didn’t make the other folks any less nervous and they squeezed more tightly into their corner, their expressions fixed straight ahead. The second the doors opened they dashed out, leaving Seth and me to stagger after them, laughing so hard we had to lean against each other for support.

  “You’re such a spaz,” I giggled. I smacked him on the arm without any real conviction.

  He gave me a goofy grin. “Yup... but you’re smiling.”

  When we got home Gran was smiling too. “I spoke to your father and Hades may stay, for now. But you’d best get his behavior under control.”

  I thanked her profusely before dashing out to the barn as fast as my stiff body would allow. I found Dec talking to the farrier, who was trimming Chocolate Chip’s feet.

  I stuck my hands in my back pockets. “Thanks, Dec. For letting Hades stay.”

  He nodded. “But if he throws you again, I’m getting on him.”

  I gulped. I knew what that meant — whip marks on Hades’ body, which would almost certainly cause his owners to move him out. And with him would go my dreams of riding high-level jumpers, because Marty had reached the limit of his ability and Cal wouldn’t be ready for another four or five years. If ever.

  Six

  It was a good thing my head wasn’t damaged because the deadline for university applications was fast approaching. Teri and my other best friend, Julia, came over to work with Seth and me. We arranged our papers and Julia’s laptop on the kitchen table.

  “I can’t believe I’m spending so much time on this,” I grumbled an hour later. “I don’t even know if I can get in.”

  “Why wouldn’t you?” Teri said. “You’re smart.”

  “Yeah, I’m such a genius I almost flunked out last year,” I said. After Blaze’s death, I had stopped caring about school for a while.

  “I’m sure you’ll make it up this year,” Teri encouraged.

  I sure hoped so, because university had long been a bone of contention between Dec and me. I hadn’t thought it necessary, but he was adamant that I go.

  “Oh, I hope we get into the same school!” Julia exclaimed, taking Seth’s hand and flashing him her jaw-dropping smile. Teri averted her eyes and bent her head over her application.

  “You’re going to make an amazing nurse, Ter,” I commented.

  It was true because, in addition to being very down-to-earth, Teri was one of the most empathetic people I knew.

  “I’m thinking of going into PR,” Julia mused to the table at large. “What do you think?”

  “That’s a perfect job for you, Jules,” Teri said quietly, and Seth and I nodded our agreement. Not only did Julia’s stunning looks ensure that she was always the center of attention, she was also vivacious and not the least bit shy. I was pretty sure those things would serve her well in PR.

  “Where are you applying?” she asked me.

  “To schools within driving distance.” I grimaced. We couldn’t afford for me to live away from home, not only in terms of rent but because I had to keep helping out in the barn.

  Dec wandered in and pulled up a chair. “It does my heart good to see you all planning for your futures,” he said heartily. “Where are you applying to, girls?”

  The last was directed at Teri and Julia; after they told him Dec turned to Seth. “We never did finish our career talk. What do you want to do, son?”

  “I told you, I want to be a Formula One mechanic.”

  Dec gave him a withering look. “Working on cars is a hobby, not a career. You’re going to university and that’s not negotiable. You should aspire to something better than grease monkey.”

  Seth gave a jerky shrug, clearly irritated.

  “I have no idea what to apply for,” I said, drawing Dec’s attention away. “Not that it matters much since I want to ride for a living.”

  Seth grinned at me from under his fringe of floppy pale hair.

  “Téa, you’re a bright girl,” Dec said. He paused. “I wanted to be a professional rider once, you know.”

  My eyes widened in surprise and I sat up straighter. I’d never heard this before.

  “My father made me go to university, and in retrospect, I can see he was right. You’ll have so many more opportunities, and an injury won’t mean the end of your career. You’re small, honey — this life will wear you right out, even if you’re not hurt riding.” The look he gave me was concerned, and I felt a strange tightening in my chest.

  “And your mother would have wanted more for you,” he went on.

  I considered that. “I think mom would want us to be happy, regardless of our jobs.”

  “Even at the cost of your safety?” Dec challenged. “She was already petrified by the size of the fences you were jumping at fourteen, Téa. Even though half the time I didn’t let her see them.”

  Understanding dawned slowly. “Is that why you always made me take the jumps down?”

  He nodded.

  “Why didn’t you just make me stop?” I asked suspiciously. That seemed a much more Dec-like response.

  Dec shook his head ruefully. “Karen would have killed me. She was going on as though you were the next Eric Lamaze.”

  I felt my mouth hanging open at the multiple revelations and closed it quietly. So much had been going on that I had never suspected.

  Dec patted my shoulder on his way out.

  “Wow. That’s the deepest conversation I’ve ever heard you two have,” Teri commented.

  She had a point. Dec had changed over the past year; he was less angry, and a lot more open with us. We had his therapy with Aunt Paloma to thank for that, although I realized with a jolt that he hadn’t gone to a session in months — not since they’d discovered my relationship with Jaden. The knife of guilt twisted afresh at that thought.

  * * *

  The next day began under a dark cloud. I barely spoke at school, and when I got home I wished I had canceled my evening lesson. I hid in my room under the pretense of homework, but Teri found me there soon after.

  “I think you should come downstairs.” She peered at me through her billows of caramel hair.

  “Why?” I said grumpily.

  “Trust me.”

  I sighed and went. At the foot of the stairs, I followed her smiling gaze to a huge bouquet of flowers sitting on the coffee table. I walked over slowly and picked up the card.

  My heart is always with you. Be strong. Love, Jaden

  I sank down onto the couch and wiped my eyes. Teri came and put her arm around me.

  “I didn’t think anyone would remember,” I murmured. “I didn’t want to remember.”

  It had been one year ago to the day that my life had been shattered by Blaze’s death. Without Jaden, I didn’t know if I could ever have crawled out of the dark hole I’d lived in afterward.

  We were still on the couch when Seth came home. He was unexpectedly early.

  “What happened to your swim team practice?” I asked.

  “I bailed.” He gave me a searching look before slipping his arm through mine. “C'mon, we're gonna go find us the biggest banana split ever.”

  I knew that Seth was feeling Blaze's loss too, so I tried to smile at him. “It's January, Seth. Where are we going to find ice cream?”

  “No matter where, no matter how far, I will track some dow
n!” he exclaimed, striking a superhero pose. A rather ridiculous one, too. I smiled for real this time.

  “I'd love to, Moo, but I have a lesson to teach.”

  Seth gave Teri a beseeching look. “Ter... would you?”

  Before she even opened her mouth to agree — and there was no question that she would do what Seth wanted — I interrupted.

  “Dec won’t like it if Teri teaches my class.” I shook my head regretfully.

  Seth gave me a look of empathy and I suddenly felt immeasurably better. Despite my sadness, I had Seth, who did understand. My deep feeling of loss, my worry over Dec’s disapproval, my sense of duty to my students and my disinclination to ask Teri to teach on a school night; all these things, and every subtle nuance in between, would be instantly grasped by my brother. Only Seth, who had shared my entire life, could inherently appreciate its every twist.

  He put his hand on my shoulder. “Dec will deal with it, Sis. I'm not letting you sit around here tonight.”

  Jaden returned from Florida a few days later. I came in from the barn and found him in the living room, looking vibrant and sun-kissed. I kicked off my boots and ran into his arms, but his lips had barely touched mine before Dec’s angry exclamation broke us apart.

  Dec’s nostrils were flaring, and he took several deep breaths before meeting Jaden’s gaze.

  “Welcome home, son, but you seem to have forgotten the rules while you were away.”

  I spoke up. “But Dec, the family already knows. I thought that was the hard part. And we went to Florida together...” I hesitated at the look on Dec’s face.

  “You went to Florida to get away from Tom and to help your cousin, remember? I hope you’ve been upholding that story.” He waited for me to nod before going on. “Have you forgotten what business we’re in? We don’t get to have a private family life — people bring their children here. Why do you think I’m so strict about swearing in the barn?”

  I thought it was because of Dec’s personal distaste for cursing, but he had a point. I lived here, but the stable was a place of business and the tone we set affected a lot of people. Still, I doubted any of them would be as disturbed as our family.