For All The Right Reasons

by Brownell, Rachael

  JADE

  "We need to wait. It's not like anything’s going to change if we wait another day or another month."

  My words are firm. We've been sitting in the booth, holding hands and playing footsie like teenagers for almost a half hour as we wait for them to arrive. We've also been having the same conversation over and over again. I mean, I get it. He wants to tell everyone we're dating, scream it from the rooftops.

  I'm not as open about our relationship as he is.

  My roommates don't know about him. Or my parents. Or our friends.

  The plan was to keep it a secret until school started back up. Nathan and I were at different colleges but only thirty minutes from each other. We could use the excuse we were studying together and things between us changed. We wouldn't have to tell them about how we'd hooked up the entire summer we lived together. Or the fact we'd been seeing each other since we went camping.

  It would be a new development. All our lies would be in the past.

  Then Gavin broke Gabby's heart, and the last thing we wanted was to flaunt our new relationship and our happiness in her face. She was a broken version of herself at lunch last month, and even though we all tried to lift her spirits, nothing worked.

  “I know you don’t want to hear it right now,” I start, taking Gabby’s hand in mine, “but it’s his loss. If he can’t see how amazing you are, he doesn’t deserve you.”

  Quinn and Nathan chime in, agreeing with my sentiment, but nothing changes the look on Gabby’s face. She’s heartbroken, there’s no doubt. Going through the motions and nothing more. It’s all she can handle right now.

  She orders dessert for lunch and drinks two double rum and cokes. Quinn walks her to her car, the first time I’ve ever seen them drive separately, but she doesn’t even acknowledge his presence.

  “It’s bad,” Quinn says as he approaches Nathan and me. We’re standing next to my car, watching as Gabby drives away. Her sunglasses may hide the bags under her eyes, but we know her better than that. It’s going to take time for her to heal, and all we can do is be there to support her.

  Nathan and I were ready to tell them about us today. Excited to share. Until Gabby walked in and the floor fell out from under us.

  “Keep an eye on her, please,” I beg Quinn.

  “Of course. I’ll check on her in a few days and see how she’s doing.”

  As Quinn drives away, Nathan pulls me in his arms and holds me. “I’m sorry,” he states with sorrow in his voice.

  “It wouldn’t have been a good idea. I want her to be happy for us, really happy. She would have had to fake it.”

  “Yes, but that’s not why I’m sorry. I know you’re hurting for her and you can’t fix it.”

  He’s right. I can’t fix it, but I can try not to inflict any more pain on her. We can’t tell them until the moment is right. We’re going to have to keep our relationship a secret longer than planned for the sanity of our friendships.

  I hate lying to them, but it almost feels natural at this point. When it comes to Nathan, all I’ve ever done is lie to my friends. That can’t last forever. We’re bound to get caught. Or worse, destroy each other, and in that case, destroy the dynamic the four of us have.

  The plan is to tell them this month. We worked out all the details, a.k.a. lies. Nathan and I are on the same page, ready to tell our friends. I’m still not about to announce a relationship to my parents. They'd insist on meeting him, and although they'd love him, I’m not ready to take that step in our relationship.

  We aren't there yet.

  Hell, we've only been officially together for a little over three months. We won't be there any time soon in my opinion. Plus, it'll be nice to feel like we're more than just fuck buddies. I know we're both busy, that school is kicking our asses this semester, but sometimes it feels like that's all we make time for.

  I go to his place. We order food. Eat quickly and then jump in bed. Half the time I don't stay over. The other half I feel like I'm doing the walk of shame the next morning.

  Gabby sounded better when I talked to her earlier this week, but there was still pain in her voice. They had been together for years. I knew it would take time for her to heal, but now I'm worried about her. And the fact that she's not back to her usually peppy self makes me want to wait.

  "Here they come," Nathan announces, slipping his hand from mine and draping his arm over the back of the booth.

  It means a lot to me that he respects my decision to keep our relationship private. Because the plan is to tell them. When the time is right. That's just not going to be today.

  Quinn has a scowl on his face. I've never seen him this upset before, and it makes me wonder what's going on with our friends. We were all so happy the summer we spent together. Hell, we're normally happy anytime we’re together. The last few months, though... I feel as if I've had to hide my happiness.

  "Who pissed in your Cheerios?" Nathan asks as I scoot out of the booth to greet our friends.

  "His roommates, that's who," Gabby answers for him before he can reply.

  "I told you that girl was bad news, but you didn't want to listen," I state, pulling Quinn in for a hug. "She's going to be the death of you."

  The past few months have been pretty much a roller coaster ride for Quinn. Living with Kara and Tess wasn't as grand as he expected. Kara and her drug-dealer boyfriend broke up, which made Quinn happier than I'd ever seen him. Until she started acting like a slut. Out with a different guy every night. Rubbing in his face he couldn't have her.

  Not that she had any idea Quinn was into her. He was respectful of her relationship. Never made a move on her when she was dating the sleazebag. Yet, before he could make his move, she was already on a first date with some guy she met online, I think.

  It's been a whirlwind of dates since then, according to what he's been telling Nathan. Who’s been relaying information to me. Not that Quinn knows that. Or the fact I've been in bed with Nathan while he's been on the phone with him.

  Quinn has horrible timing. He's called at least three times in the middle of us having sex. The first time Nathan answered, put him on speakerphone, and continued to slide in and out of me as we listened to Quinn bitch about Kara. I had to put a pillow over my face to keep from moaning too loudly.

  After that night, I made him promise to never answer again if we were in the act.

  "I get what she's going through, we've all been there before, but she's driving me crazy. I can't be there for her during the day when she's keeping me awake at night screaming random guys’ names," Quinn grumbled, his frustration evident.

  Well, that's a new revelation.

  Taking our seats, Quinn fills us in on all the new developments at his house. Kara has gone beyond dating at this point. She's currently fucking anyone who will give her the time. Bringing men home every night and apparently having so many mind-blowing orgasms that she's keeping him away at night.

  "Dude, you need to move out." Nathan says, unable or unwilling to hide his detest for Quinn’s roommate.

  "And go where? I can't afford to pay rent at two places. I'm trapped there until next August. There's no way out of it. Trust me, I've thought about it."

  "Then do the same to her. Show her what her actions look like.”

  "Are you encouraging me to sleep around? I don't think that's the kind of solution I want to this problem. I'm better than that. Shit. She's better than that too, but she can't see it."

  Gabby's sitting quietly in the corner across from me. Listening to the conversation but not commenting. I tap her lightly under the table with the toe of my shoe, and she practically jumps out of her skin. Nathan stops mid-sentence, and both him and Quinn turn in Gabby's direction.

  "Earth to Gabs," I say.

  "Sorry. I spaced out. What did you ask me?"

  "Nothing. You were looking a little lost."

  Her only reply is an apologetic smile.

  Damn it. I miss my friend. Gabby's always been like a bright ligh
t in a dark room. She can find the good in anyone, in any situation.

  Right now, all I see is her on a downward spiral. Something needs to change. Gavin was important to her. She thought he was her future. We've had multiple conversations about what she envisioned for their future.

  Her wedding.

  The two kids they would have. A boy and a girl, of course.

  Where they might live.

  The successes they would share.

  Her happily ever after.

  She could only see that vision with Gavin by her side. And he shattered that the day he told her they “were on different paths" or whatever lame excuse he came up with. I wouldn't be surprised if he eventually tried to win her back, groveling at her feet. And Gabby... she would take him back. Not because she's weak or insecure. She loved him. With all her heart. And she still does.

  We need to change the subject. This conversation is headed down a dark road. It makes me want to announce my relationship with Nathan to distract them, but after listening to Quinn drone on about Kara and seeing how upset Gabby still is, the topic of relationships seems to be what we need to get off the table.

  "Halloween's coming up." It's the first thing that comes to my mind, and I spit it out without thinking about it. "What's everyone doing?"

  The sudden shift works. Nathan and Quinn start talking about how excited Quinn is to decorate his yard. Part of the reason he wanted to move in with Kara and Tess was because he could decorate for the holidays. It's a small part of his reasoning, but I knew it made the pro vs. con list when he was trying to decide.

  In fact, I'm not sure there were any cons on the list after he finished. Maybe because he was blinded by the idea of being with Kara. The girl he's been waiting in the wings for all these years.

  I want to meet this chick. To figure out what it is about her that has Quinn tied up in knots. Because as far as I can see right now, she isn't someone I'd want to be friends with.

  Maybe Gabby’s can shed some light on what magical powers this woman holds. When I turn to ask her, my voice catches in my throat. She’s staring over Nathan’s shoulder. Her eyes are glassed over and her breathing is labored.

  My friend is broken. Shattered.

  There’s a sense of guilt that swells in my heart for the happiness I’ve found. It’s swirling around, mixing with the despair I feel for Gabby and the love I have for Nathan.

  No, that’s not right. I don’t love Nathan. I like him. What we have. The sex. Because anything more than liking him means there’s a good chance he’ll hurt me. Then I’ll look as lost and defeated as Gabby does right now.

  Panic begins playing with the despair and guilt. My heart beating loudly in my ears. Teasing me. Reminding me what it felt like to fall flat on my face all those years ago.

  Fuck.

  Listening as the boys drone on, I keep my attention focused on Gabby. Reaching out, I take her hand in mine, giving it a squeeze. She’s barely able to force a smile when she glances in my direction.

  This is worse than I thought. There’s no way to help her. She needs to work through this on her own. All we can do is be there for her, to listen and support her. To catch her before she falls. Make sure she knows she’s loved.

  I didn’t have anyone but that’s not the case for Gabby. She has us. She just has to let us help.

  Chapter Ten

  NATHAN

  What the actual fuck?

  They're dating. I mean, not really dating... but dating. Making out. Acting like a couple. Doing whatever they can so people will think their relationship is real.

  And fucking me over in the process.

  I've waited months—months!—for the opportunity to tell them about Jade and me. And in the blink of an eye, they ruin it all over again.

  First it was Gavin who fucked me over, breaking Gabby's little heart. We wanted to be sensitive to her feelings. It was the right thing to do. She was a hot mess.

  Then it was Quinn's hot but slutty roommate causing issues. She was destroying him and didn't even know it. Or, if she did know, she didn't give a shit.

  And now... now Gabby and Quinn are the ones raining on my parade. Sort of. I guess I could still technically blame Gavin and Kara. They are, after all, the reason two of my best friends have decided to date each other.

  "Explain this to me again," I beg Jade as we walk into the diner around the corner from my apartment. I'm still half asleep and irritated that I was woken up by the sound of her phone ringing. Gabby called at a little after eight to talk things out, and I could only hear one side of the conversation.

  "What don't you understand? They made an agreement. The plan is to date each other for a little while to make Gavin and Kara jealous. It's not going to work if you ask me. In fact, it's probably going to backfire on them, but Gabs seems to think it's a great idea."

  "And after only ever being just friends, they believe people are going to buy it? That no one will question why they're dating now? After all this time."

  "They obviously didn't think this through. You heard me playing twenty questions with her. She was having a hard time answering them. And the ones she did answer, I could tell she was lying to me a few times."

  "Like when? Not that we can judge since we're still lying to them."

  Jade's head whips in my direction, her glare murderous. I know I'm pushing her to tell them. I get that she isn't ready because of the timing of all this is shit. I don't care. I'm sick of hiding from everyone. It's not fair to us. We shouldn't have to.

  And at the end of the day, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of our relationship.

  "Like when I asked her if they'd kissed," Jade finally replies, focusing her attention on her menu. "She said no, but I heard the swift intake of breath. Shit, if I'd been standing next to her, I probably would have seen her pulse beating in the side of her neck. Something’s already happened, which means this plan is already going to shit."

  "Did you try and talk some sense into her?"

  "I started to, but she is convinced it's already getting to Gavin. Something about a frat party last weekend. I was trying to focus on what she was saying to me, but someone decided they wanted to start feeling me up and distracting me."

  Wiggling my eyebrows at her and smiling proudly, the urge to beat my fists against my chest is strong. Not to mention, I couldn't help myself. We’d just woken up. She was sitting on the edge of my bed naked. If she didn't want my attention, she should have put some clothes on. I can't be held responsible for my actions when presented with perfection like that.

  "I can't wait to hear what Quinn has to say about all this."

  "I'm sure he'll be calling you and telling you all about it. She made me promise not to say anything to anyone, so keep your trap shut and act surprised when he tells you. From what I understand, we're the only people they're telling what's really going on."

  "Maybe I can talk some sense into him since you couldn't talk sense into Gabby."

  Jade looks up from her menu and tilts her head as she stares at me. I can see the wheels turning, her smile growing the longer she stares at me.

  "Don't. Let them work through this.” Jade states firmly.

  "What? Why? They could ruin their friendship. Ruin what the four of us have." I can’t hide my shock at her statement.

  "We're not ruining anything. We're making it work. In fact, I think the bond between the four of us would be even stronger if they were together. For real together, not this fake dating shit they're pulling."

  "You just said you thought their plan was going to backfire,” I point out. She’s flip flopping. Changing her mind about their relationship every two seconds. I can’t keep up with her at this rate.

  "And I think it will. I think they're about to fall in love with each other. Think about it. They're perfect together. They have a lot in common. And some of the best relationships are born from friendships. They know everything about each other. The good, the bad, and the ugly. This just might be the push they bot
h need to let Gavin and Kara go and find their own happiness."

  "So I'm not allowed to intervene is what you're telling me,” I state, needing clarification.

  "Not if you want to get laid any time soon."

  There's a hint of laughter in her voice, but I can also tell how serious she is. If she wants me to stay out of their relationship, or whatever it is, I will. For her, not for them. And for the simple fact I do want to get laid again. Soon.

  As if he knew we were talking about him, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I grab it out to see Quinn's name on the screen.

  "I'll order for you," Jade says when I stand, blowing her a kiss as I press the button to answer the call.

  "What's up?"

  "Not much. You sound wide awake for so early on a Saturday. Didn't go out last night?"

  Last time he called me before noon on a Saturday, I told him I was nursing a severe hangover. He wasn't aware Jade was lying next to me in bed. That she'd kept me up most of the night and that the signs of a hangover in my voice were from an overabundance of sex and not enough sleep.

  “Hey, man,” I answer, closing my eyes again and relaxing back against my pillow. The sun is too bright to handle right now. The time on my phone said a little after eleven o’clock, which means I’ve only been asleep for five hours.

  After countless hours of mind-blowing sex.

  My body needs to rest. My legs ache. My arms feel like jelly. Even my mouth is dry.

  Blindly reaching toward my bedside table, I find the bottle of water I grabbed from the fridge last night. Tucking my phone against my shoulder, I twist off the cap and sit up, taking a giant gulp.

  “You sound like shit,” Quinn says as I swallow.

  “Thanks,” I grumble.

  “Hungover again?”

  Nope. Not even close.

  “Maybe a little. Nothing I can’t handle. Nothing a little hair-of-the-dog won’t fix,” I lie.

  Quinn didn’t know what that meant until the first morning he woke up with a hangover that summer. I introduced him to the method that was certain to cure any hangover in a matter of minutes. Hair of the dog.