For All The Right Reasons

by Brownell, Rachael

  You feed the beast. Take a shot. Drink a beer. Get a buzz. And when you come down from the buzz, no hangover. Problem solved. As long as you don’t have to go to work that is.

  “Listen, I think I have a problem.” I take notice of the insecurity and concern in Quinn’s voice. I’ve never heard him sound like this before. He’s one of the most confident people I know, the kind of guy you turn to for advice.

  “What’s going on? Anything I can help with?”

  “Not really. It’s Kara. She’s fucking around, and it’s getting to me. I’m not sleeping. Freaking out every time she leaves the house. Waiting up for her at night.”

  “Dude, she’s your roommate, not your girlfriend. I know you want that to change, but do you really want to be with someone acting the way she is?”

  Last week when we talked, this had just started. Kara bringing home a different guy every night. Acting like a slut. Letting any man who looked her direction between her legs.

  “She doesn’t see her worth, man. If she did, she wouldn’t be doing this.”

  “And if she wasn’t doing this, you wouldn’t be trying to get her attention.” The words slip out before I can stop them. I’ve always been honest with Quinn. Well, except for the lie I’m living with Jade right now. If I sugarcoated things now, he'd think something was up. “I’m not trying to be an ass, but it’s true. You want her because you can’t have her. Because someone else has her. Take a step back. Let her do her thing. Worry about your own shit and try not to let it bother you.”

  “Since when did you get so wise and thoughtful?”

  Since I started dating Jade. Since my heart was completed. Since I’ve been awarded the honor of waking up next to the most beautiful woman in the world.

  I want to tell him all that, but as I stare at Jade, I realize it doesn’t matter if they know now or later. It’s not going to change how I feel about her or the fact I want to be with her.

  “I don’t know. Must be growing up or some shit,” I reply, playing it off.

  It took all I had not to tell him the truth as Jade lay sleeping next to me.

  "Nah. Stayed in and watched a movie on TV."

  "That sounds nothing like the Nathan I know. What's her name?"

  Yeah. I should have come up with a more believable excuse.

  "That is none of your business."

  "Well, I like the way she's tamed you. Staying in on a Friday night is not something I ever thought I'd hear you say."

  Fuck. She has tamed me. I haven't been out in weeks. I don't even miss that lifestyle. The last time I went to the bar was with Jade, and we were only there for a few drinks before we were both ready to take care of each other’s needs.

  We still have a hard time keeping our hands to ourselves.

  It's hot. All the time.

  "Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you. We'll find someone to tame the beast inside you eventually too," I retort, feigning annoyance.

  "Might have already, dude. There’s something I need to tell you."

  And here we go. I'm about to get Quinn's side of the story. I'll be able to piece what I've already heard from Jade together with this and draw my own conclusion. Is my best friend royally fucked, or is this going to turn out okay for everyone involved?

  "Oh, yeah? Do tell." There's more excitement in my voice than I wanted there to be, but he doesn't seem to notice.

  He jumps right in, telling me all about their plan. What the goals are. How they're going to achieve them. How well it seems to be working already after only a few encounters with Kara and Gavin.

  He sounds genuinely happy.

  Thrilled actually.

  And then he tells me about the steps they took to make sure their relationship appeared authentic. The kiss that crossed the line. The tension between them when they're alone. How different things feel between them sometimes.

  That motherfucker has already fallen in love with her.

  Jade was right.

  Of course, he doesn't use those words. He tries to explain the change between them. He doesn't even realize what he's describing. His idea of love, of how it feels, revolves around how he feels for Kara. That's infatuation. That's the desire to have something that's not yours. Something you're not meant to have.

  Trust me. I know that feeling. I felt like that when Jade and I were apart.

  And the second she agreed to be with me as we hid behind the end of the dock last summer, that feeling changed. Evolved.

  Just like his feelings for Gabby are right now. He's no longer looking at her as his friend, and he doesn't even realize it. He's falling in love with her one day at a time.

  The second it sinks in, he's a goner. Just like I was.

  Chapter Eleven

  JADE

  I promised Nathan I'd consider telling Gabby and Quinn at lunch today. We both knew what kind of situation they had put themselves in. We also knew we’d need to feel things out before making any huge announcements.

  And it became clear to both of us that their situation needed to take precedent over ours the second we all sat down together.

  Nathan was late, and it was obvious it irritated Quinn. I’d been sitting next to Nathan as Quinn texted him earlier in the week.

  QUINN: Don't be late, asshole. Gabby's been talking to Jade, and I don't want her asking questions and making Gabby uncomfortable.

  NATHAN: I'm never late. You're the one that shows up when it's convenient.

  QUINN: I promise to be on time if you do.

  NATHAN: I'll be there.

  What Nathan didn't expect is his professor being sick the next day and requiring his students to drop everything and come in for an exam Friday morning. An exam that he had forgotten about and would need to study for before he took it.

  So he spent the entire morning on campus, at the library, before he took his exam. The plan was for me to pick him up and head to the restaurant together. We'd been riding together for months and neither of them had noticed or commented on it. They ride together all the time. It wasn't a big deal.

  Until Nathan called me before I was about to leave and told me he'd have to meet me at the restaurant. His professor was running late, something about the copy machine not working.

  The fear written all over Quinn's face is expected when they walk in. Not only is Nathan nowhere in sight but I already know Quinn is head over heels in love with Gabby and scared as fuck to lose her. Gabby looks more nervous and a little depressed.

  Nathan may be better at reading people than I am, he may be more intuitive, but it doesn't take a genius to see what is right in front of me.

  They are in love with each other and afraid to admit it to themselves and probably to each other. Afraid to ruin their friendship.

  It makes me want to show them what can happen if they just take a chance.

  Nathan and I are happy. Happier than I thought possible. Things are better between us with each passing day. We're talking about moving in together this summer while we search for jobs.

  This is the start of something more. The start of the rest of our lives. We're ready to jump in headfirst.

  And Gabby and Quinn could be too if they'd just allow themselves to see what was right in front of them.

  I wait for Nathan to arrive before I start interrogating them. I'd been planning all week what I was going to ask. I want them to have to think about what I’m saying, about the answers they’re giving. I’d been hoping it would give them a little perspective on their situation.

  Of course, Nathan and I have to put our backup plan in motion when neither of them seems to realize what was sitting right next to them.

  The love of their life.

  We split them up. I take Gabby into the bathroom and try to get her to admit her feelings.

  I’m forthcoming with Gabby. I tell her what I thought I saw. How I feel she is falling in love with Quinn and that if she just admits it to herself, everything is going to be fine.

  In my heart, I really believe that. I want to tell
her I know what I’m talking about. From experience. That I’m living proof, but I can’t.

  She fights me at every turn. Denies everything I say. Sticks to her guns when I try to suggest she explores what she's feeling.

  “Your imagination is running away with itself.”

  “We’re doing a great job of acting convincing, that’s all.”

  “You’re reading too much into this.”

  What concerns me the most about her denial is the fact she’s not planning on running back to Gavin. She’s not in love with him anymore. I could have told her that. Your heart can only belong to one person at a time.

  “Plans change, Gabs. Sometimes you don’t see the changes coming. Sometimes you’re not meant to. I can say with absolute certainty that neither of you want the same things you used to. That’s fine. What you need to admit to yourself is that you want each other. It’s the only way either of you will ever find happiness. All it takes is a conversation to change course. One sentence, maybe two. All truths, no lies. Lay it all on the table so you don’t regret it.”

  She didn’t respond to that. End of conversation. She was sticking to the plan. They were going to break up in a few days, and she was confident she'd be able to go back to being just friends with Quinn.

  Nathan wasn't as subtle as I tried to be. He laid it all on the table for Quinn, who denied everything at first but finally relented.

  "So what do we do now?" Nathan asks as we walk through his front door and straight into a disaster area.

  The living room is a mess. Takeout boxes litter the coffee table, half-empty mugs on the end tables, and the TV is on yet it doesn’t appear anyone is home. His roommates are messy, this I know. It makes me wonder if Nathan normally cleans up before I come over. With the morning he had, I can’t imagine there was time to pick up before he left the house.

  "There's nothing we can do. If Quinn can't convince Gabby things have changed, neither you nor I will be able to. I wish we could, but until she's ready to admit it to herself, nothing is going to change. It can't,” I explain as I toss my purse on the couch and flop down beside it before continuing.

  "You have to remember, I've been there. I know what she's going through. I was scared to death to like you outside the four walls of your room. I was afraid of getting hurt. Of ruining the relationship I had with Gabby and Quinn because I wanted something you didn't."

  "Does that make me Quinn?" There’s a hint of laughter in his voice mixed with confusion.

  "Um, no. You didn't pursue me. He's trying to get her to see what's in front of her. You let me walk away, dumbass."

  "Are you sure that's what happened?" he teases, grabbing my wrist and pulling me off the couch and into his arms.

  "Yes, that's exactly what happened. You waited months to make your move."

  "I never claimed to be smart, but at least I made my move."

  "Well," I start, punctuating the single word with a kiss. "I'm glad you finally found the balls to say what was on your mind."

  Placing a hand on either side of my face, Nathan holds me captive, taking control of the kiss. Releasing my lips moments later, he smiles and swats me on the butt.

  "My balls weren't the problem. You had a piece of my heart, and I was afraid you wouldn't want the rest of it. So, in a way, I am Quinn in this story. He's already fallen in love with her and isn't sure how she feels. He wants to give her the rest of his heart, but he's afraid of being burned."

  You had a piece of my heart...

  I stopped listening after that. His voice faded to the background, and if he hadn't been holding me up, I would have fallen to the floor.

  I've known Nathan for a year and a half.

  We started out as a fling. We had a lot of sex. A lot of fun. Made some amazing memories alone and with our friends. Our agreement revolved around no-strings-attached. It was what it was. As long as he kept his end of the bargain and kept what was going on a secret, I'd keep mine.

  I wouldn't get emotionally attached. At least as far as he knew.

  Yes, I developed feelings for him that summer. I fell for him. Hard. But he never showed any signs he had fallen for me. That he wanted anything from me beyond another roll in the sheets.

  So I let him go. Sort of. I pined after him in private. But I kept those secret feelings to myself. I told no one, not even Gabby when I thought I was going to break.

  I let him move on. He had Heather. He was happy even if it meant I was miserable.

  And then he says something like that. That this entire time I've held a piece of his heart.

  "Jade," he whispers in my ear, his lips kissing a trail down the side of my neck to my collarbone. "Where'd you go?"

  "Just thinking."

  "About?"

  "Nothing," I lie. If I tell him what was going through my mind, he'll think I’m crazy. Plus, I don't think I'm ready to admit to him that I started to fall the day I met him.

  And not because he was standing in front of me in all his naked glory.

  It was the smirk on his face. The confidence in his stance. The look in his eyes that reached deep into my soul.

  Nope. Not ready to admit any of that yet.

  Because at the end of the day, he's going to think it was about his cock. Yes, that's a nice little bonus in our situation, but it's about so much more than that.

  He’s my perfect match. He challenged me that summer, from day one, to break out of my shell. To show my true colors. To do things I'd never thought I'd do.

  "I hope that smile on your face is because of me. Because you're thinking about how much you want me. I know that's what brings a smile to my face every morning. The thought of being deep inside you. Of you in my arms. The smell of your hair and the taste of your sweat."

  And there is the smart mouth guy I fell for showing his true colors. I may have a piece of his heart, if he even meant that, but I know for certain I own his damn cock. If I say jump, it jumps.

  Chapter Twelve

  NATHAN

  What the fuck is wrong with me? I almost told her I loved her.

  Jesus!

  I'm losing it. It’s way too soon for that.

  And then I'm the asshole that tried to distract her by getting her beneath me.

  Well, that's pretty normal, actually.

  Quinn's fucked with my head. I blame him one hundred percent. He's screwing up the vibe in our group. I want to blame Gabby, but he's the one who came up with their brilliant but damned plan. He's the one who pulled her into it. Used her to get what he wanted.

  Even if his intentions have changed.

  Even if he's now in love with her and afraid to destroy her all at the same time.

  He needs to man the fuck up.

  Like I did.

  Well, better than I did. I waited far too long to make my move with Jade, and now we're stuck in this weird limbo place where it seems we're still having a fling. An extended one, but it's still a fling of sorts.

  We're not telling anyone. We're lying to our friends and sneaking around behind their backs.

  I'm tired of having to pretend that we're just friends in public. I want to hold her hand, to brush the hair off her face, and to kiss her whenever I damn well feel like it.

  Pacing the length of my room, I scrub my hands over my face and try and figure out my next move. That's all I've been doing lately. Attempting to decide what I want to do next. How I want to convince Jade that what we have doesn't need to be hidden.

  No matter what's going on in our friends’ lives.

  No matter what they might have to say about it.

  They're going to be happy for us as long as we're happy.

  But there's no convincing her. She cares more about their feelings than she does her own it seems. And, if I'm being honest, she cares even less about mine.

  My phone chimes in my pocket as I'm about to change. I'm supposed to pick Jade up for the concert in a little over an hour. We haven't seen each other all week. My professors have no consideration when it
comes to holidays. I've been stuck at the library studying most of the week, missing out on the fun of Halloween.

  And missing my time with Jade.

  The concert will be fun, though. A great way to wind down after a stressful week.

  JADE: Have you heard from Quinn?

  ME: No, why?

  JADE: Gabby was supposed to let me know how things went the other night. I haven't heard from her, and she's not answering her phone or texts.

  ME: I'll call Quinn. I'll fill you in when I get there.

  JADE: K. Hurry.

  Is she rushing me because she wants to see me or because she wants answers? I'm guessing it's the latter. If I'm being honest with myself, I'm interested in what happened as well. Quinn said he'd keep me posted, but with all I had going on this week, it didn't even register that he hadn't called.

  His phone goes straight to voicemail, the first sign that things are probably worse than we think. In all the years I’ve known him, never once has his phone been off. Never once has he not answered by the second ring or responded with a text immediately. A huge red flag.

  Gabby's phone rings, but she doesn't answer, and her voicemail is full. It makes me wonder how many messages Jade has left her. How many texts have gone unanswered. There’s really only one reason they would be avoiding us, avoiding everyone, but I try and remain optimistic.

  "Maybe they locked themselves away, together, to have hot sex all weekend," I say to Jade as I open the passenger door for her.

  "If that were the case, she would have called to tell me in advance."

  "Really? Because it's just that easy to tell your best friend that you're seeing someone," I remark, shutting the door before she can respond.

  That was rude, and my mother taught me better than that. I didn't mean to snap at her, but she's more focused on their relationship than ours.