Junkyard Pirate

by Jamie McFarlane

  "You should say the word comport less," AJ said. "And really, you can't celebrate having a great-looking backside? Where's that written?"

  "I need to take blood samples. I'd bet anything my hormone levels have been adjusted."

  "How's that?"

  "I'm showing off my body and acting like a schoolgirl," she said. "I even got excited at your arousal."

  "Add that one to your list, Doc."

  "List?"

  "Yeah, comport, arousal. Don't say those words anymore."

  "Why?" she asked, mystified.

  AJ shrugged. "I don't know. You just lose some of your hotness."

  Jayne scowled and tossed a short length of pipe in AJ's direction. "I'm not looking to be hot. I'm a surgeon with multiple advanced degrees."

  "Not something you've got a lot of control over," he said, stomping on the ground in front of him. A hollow reverberation told him he'd found what he was looking for and he fell to his knees and started scraping at the dirt.

  "You found it?"

  "Yup, stand back." AJ dusted off a large O-ring. He strained to lift the door, managing only an inch. The movement had been enough to expose the door’s outline and Jayne joined him in clearing a thin layer of sand and other objects from the area.

  "Where's your flashlight?" she asked, as the two pulled the door back, exposing metal stairs that led down into the dark.

  AJ tested the stairs and then started down. "We used to have a shack that sat on top," AJ explained. "I ran over it with the front-end loader by mistake a few years back and never bothered to replace it. We had power, though."

  "You sure?" Jayne asked, pausing after descending several steps. Cool, moist air wafted up the open stairwell. "How deep does this go?"

  AJ disappeared into the darkness and his voice carried back up the stairwell. "Pops was paranoid about a nuke. He dug down thirty-five feet. Fifteen feet of dirt, then an airgap, ventilated crawlspace, living quarters and finally drainage and plumbing beneath. He poured eight inches of steel-reinforced cement above the whole thing."

  His voice trailed off, replaced by the sound of screeching metal.

  "AJ?" she called after him, searching for the flashlight app on her phone.

  Lights flooded the stairwell and Jayne realized she was alone. At the bottom of the stairs was a simple metal platform and an opening in the wall to her left. She descended, peeking through the doorway and discovered another set of stairs that continued down. AJ stood in front of a set of double doors at the bottom.

  "Just kicking on the ventilation system," AJ said. "Smells like maybe something's backed up in the septic. It’ll smell better once we run the dehumidifiers for a few hours. We'll have to wipe everything down."

  Jayne stepped through the doors and into a twelve by twenty room that had ten-foot ceilings. Industrial-looking light sconces were mounted on cement walls. Dilapidated, sixties-era orange shag carpet covered the floor and her eyes caught a lava lamp.

  "Carpet should probably be removed," she suggested.

  AJ shook his head." Not sure about that, Doc. It's a special indoor/outdoor material."

  She sank to her haunches and pulled at the carpet. A foot-long piece tore off in her hand.

  "Or, sure, we could take it out."

  "This was your bachelor pad after the war?" she asked. "I can't imagine what kind of debauchery took place down here."

  AJ waggled his eyebrows and walked through an arched opening. "Kitchenette around the corner here and there are two bedrooms down the hallway. We even have a full bath, complete with shower."

  "Where do you get your water?"

  "We're connected to city water," he said. "It feeds a five-hundred-gallon cistern. In a pinch, we can hand pump from the old well, but that's not a lot of fun. I'm not even sure the old pump still works."

  "You could sell tours," Jayne said. "Or, you could do that thing where you rent your house to strangers."

  "You like it?" Darnell's baritone rumbled through the acoustically active room. "Wasn't as much of a chick attractor as you'd think."

  "I can't imagine why," Jayne said sarcastically, dropping the piece of shag and wiping dust off her hands. "The good girls probably thought you were bringing them down here to fulfill your hedonistic desires."

  "And get wasted," AJ said.

  "I think that's part of hedonistic," Darnell said, clutching at his stomach. "Oh man, is the crapper working? I don't think I'm gonna make it back up those stairs."

  AJ shrugged. "Only one way to find out."

  "Why is this happening to me?" Darnell complained as he ran to the bathroom.

  "We all did it, buddy. That's just 2-F flushing your system. You'll get through the worst of it in a day or two," AJ called after him, giving Jayne a conspiratorial wink.

  Darnell slammed the door while Jayne and AJ moved back into the kitchenette.

  "I’m surprised this is gas," Jayne said, looking at the stove top. "Aren't you worried about carbon monoxide or even just propane buildup?"

  "The expectation is that in a nuclear event, we'll lose electricity early on," AJ explained. "We have battery backups in the crawlspace and only run a couple of the lights and the ventilation with that. Pops planned to add a generator but never did. I just thought it was amusing. Probably good enough to suit our purposes, though."

  "You should store Beverly's inventions down here," she said. "What do you bet when the cops come to interview you, one of them will be carrying a Korgul? Did your grandfather fill out a permit on this?"

  AJ laughed and changed the subject. "You know, in all the excitement, we never checked on our Fantastium collector," AJ said and then called down the hallway. "Big D, we're going topside."

  "Okay," Darnell called back. "I'm gonna be in here a while. Think you could bring down some tee-pee?"

  "Doesn't seem like very much," Jayne said, as AJ set the Fantastium collector onto the containment unit.

  "It is not," Beverly agreed. "We've barely collected enough for an orbital launch."

  "Are you serious?" AJ asked. "Launch what?"

  "Only the most modest of ships," Beverly answered. "Perhaps forty tons. Our tools are crude, so our measurements are very inaccurate. We might have a little more than that."

  "Do you know how much fuel is required to put a space shuttle into orbit?"

  "Your space shuttle is twice the size of the Korgul ship we've located," Beverly answered. "We would not have sufficient fuel to launch a shuttle. Why? Do you have access to one?"

  "Um, no," AJ said. "I'm just surprised at the efficiency of Fantastium. It would take two hundred fifty tons of fuel for us to launch a ship half the size of the space shuttle into orbit. You're suggesting you could do it with a few grams."

  "Oh, I see," Beverly said. "Did I not name it Fantastium? Sure, I could see some confusion if I'd called it Ordinarium. Seriously. The name is meant to be descriptive."

  AJ stared at the six-inch-tall woman in surprise. "Are you getting lippy?"

  Beverly clapped her hands together with an exuberant look on her face. "I've been studying verbal banter." She gleefully jogged in place. "I've been wanting to try it out, but there's more complexity than I expected. Did I do it right? Tell me I did it right."

  "Yup, I'd say you're a natural." He set the collector to one side and picked up the containment unit. It hadn't escaped his notice that one of the ports in the containment unit was the same size as a port on the device he'd been working on before things had gone crazy.

  "And I'd say you've a strong intuition for mechanical devices," she said as AJ seated the containment unit. With no effort from AJ the unit unseated itself with a barely audible hiss.

  "What's going on, AJ?" Jayne asked as AJ slung the straps of the device over his shoulders and cinched the waist band tightly in place. Reaching between his legs, he pulled two more straps that hung behind him and fastened them in place.

  "Left hand for acceleration along the vertical axis,” AJ said. "Right hand for acceleration in th
e horizontal plane. If I make a fist, use that as neutral."

  "I can facilitate that," Beverly said.

  AJ made fists out of both of his hands and held them out in front of his body. "Use geometric scaling. Maximum values, twenty feet per second."

  "Copy that, Rocketman," Beverly answered, causing AJ's grin to widen further.

  AJ locked eyes with Dr. Jayne as he opened his left hand and lifted it slightly. Her eyes lit up in surprise as his body slowly lifted from the ground, the device on his back making no noise whatsoever. AJ clenched his left hand into a fist and he froze in midair, a couple feet off the ground. Opening his right hand, he swung to the side and then slipped around Jayne.

  "I need rotation," AJ said, looking around at Jayne but continuing forward.

  "I have some suggestions on more efficient controls," Beverly said as she rotated AJ based on where he was looking. With a much sleeker-looking rocket backpack, she puttered along next to him, smiling.

  "That's amazing," Jayne said.

  "Did you know your roots are growing back?" AJ said. "Dark black. Looks funny with the gray ends."

  Jayne subconsciously patted her head. "What'd you expect? Did you also notice your widow's peak is growing back in?"

  "And my ear hair is gone," AJ set down in front of her. "Want to give flying a try?"

  "Really?"

  "Why not? I'm sure Jack can translate controls just like Beverly does," AJ said.

  "He and I aren’t on speaking terms yet," Jayne said.

  "Oh, dear," Beverly said. "I had hoped things were getting better between you. It is not uncommon for host and rider to start off with stress. In ideal circumstances, we test a match between rider and host before the pairing is complete. Our short tenure on Earth has led to many difficult decisions and shortcuts."

  "I'm sure we'll be fine," Jayne said. "Didn't Darnell say he needed some toilet paper?"

  Greybeard chose that moment to woof in the doorway. A cartoon chat bubble appeared over Greybeard's head. "A police cruiser is pulling into the driveway. High probability of Korgul rider."

  "How does he know that?" AJ asked, pulling at the rocket-pack's straps. "Doc, grab Beverly's inventions."

  The two hurried through the back door of the machine shed, placed the items on the top step of the in-ground shelter and closed the heavy door. The squeal of brakes spurred them to work faster and AJ kicked sand back onto the rusted panel.

  Hustling back into the shed, AJ motioned for Jayne to stay back as he strode across the yard. His eyes fell on a policeman who already had the front door of his home half opened.

  "Back here," AJ called, waving an arm and walking faster toward the officer.

  The policeman turned and allowed the door to close behind him. "Albert Jenkins?" he asked.

  "Yes," AJ said.

  "Do you mind if I see some ID?"

  "What's this about?" AJ asked.

  "ID."

  AJ gritted his teeth. The man was standing on his property and demanding to see his ID. AJ was within his rights to demand the man leave, but he decided to let things play out. He extracted the requested driver's license from his back pocket and handed it over. The policeman looked from the ID and then back to AJ.

  "This you?" he asked.

  "Of course," AJ said. "Who do you think it'd be?"

  The policeman took another look and then nodded his head. "Okay, I guess that's right."

  "What can I help with?"

  "Do you know a Darnell Jackson?"

  "Sure, he's my best friend."

  "When's the last time you saw him?"

  "Few days back. He came over and we watched a baseball game. I'm recovering from back surgery. Do you mind if I sit on the porch?" AJ asked.

  "This won't take long," the policeman said, not moving. "Is that the last time you talked to him?"

  "No," AJ said. "I talked to him on the phone, yesterday. He asked me to come over to his house, but when I got there, he'd already left. Ask his wife, I left my dessert with her."

  "Do you have any idea where he's gone?"

  AJ shrugged. "Not like him to disappear, but I'm sure he's got a good reason. Look, don't you guys wait at least twenty-four hours for missing persons?" AJ asked.

  "There are suspicious circumstances."

  "Suspicious?"

  "I can't discuss it," he said. "Would you lift your shirt?"

  "I think we're done here," AJ said. "If you want to ask me any more questions, you're going to need to read me my rights and let me call my lawyer."

  "Don't do that," the policeman protested. "We're trying to find your friend. The more time we spend here playing pattycake, the less time I have to chase down leads. We think your friend shot a burglar in the shoulder. I can't tell you why we think that. If your shoulder is okay, I'll be on my way."

  "Why would Darnell shoot his best friend?"

  "I'm not at liberty to discuss an active investigation."

  "AJ, go ahead." Beverly appeared on the policeman's shoulder.

  He shook his head and pulled his t-shirt up over his head. "Satisfied?"

  The policeman looked him up and down and then nodded. "You can go ahead and put your shirt back on."

  "Thanks."

  "Just a friendly word?"

  "Yeah?" AJ asked.

  "Work out once in a while and cut back on the booze a bit. It's never too late to start." The officer gave AJ a mock salute and stalked back to his vehicle.

  "What was that about?" Jayne asked, emerging from the machine shed.

  "Did you hear that asshat?" AJ asked. "Best shape of my life and he's getting all judgy. Do I really look fat?"

  "Korgul have a poor link to their host human's visual cortex," Beverly said. "I manipulated your skin tone, which caused an illusion of age and weight."

  "BB, think you could order those truck parts I was talking about? I think it's time we take this show on the road," AJ said.

  "Interstate Tire has an open appointment this morning. Would you like me to schedule?"

  "Do it. You in, Doc?" AJ asked.

  "I'm not sure what the alternative is."

  "That's the spirit," AJ said. "Now, let's go check on Darnell. I'm not sure I turned the water on. I bet things are getting pretty stinky down there."

  Seventeen

  Contraband

  "It was nice of you to spend time with Lisa, AJ." Jayne said. It had been two days since Darnell was freed from the Korgul and while the bunker was in much better shape, Darnell's emotions were not.

  "How is she doing?" Darnell asked. "She must be out of her mind with worry."

  "Not gonna lie. She's upset, but Lisa's a strong woman," AJ said. "Your daughter and Cody have been staying with her. Police are saying your disappearance is connected to a robbery gone wrong. They're trying to prepare her for the worst."

  Darnell shook his head. He'd been through an emotional roller coaster over the last couple of days. "I hate these damn Korgul. We're in a war nobody even knows is happening. It's not right."

  AJ sat next to his friend and laid an arm over his back. "I know, buddy."

  Darnell shrugged AJ's arm off. "I mean it. We gotta do something."

  "We are. We're gonna get that spaceship and tell the Galactic Empire what's going on," AJ said.

  Darnell shook his head. "I don't think you're getting it, AJ. Have you asked BB what the best-case scenario is? Let's say we fire up that ship, make a run out to wherever the hell she says and make our report. What happens next?"

  It was a question AJ had been afraid to ask. His friend was right. "Beverly?"

  "You're asking the wrong question," Beverly said.

  "What's the right question?" Darnell growled.

  "What are the consequences if this report on the Korgul invasion is not delivered?" she responded. "The answer is, that without the information provided by our survey, the Galactic Empire will take no action at all."

  "Let's say we get past all the obstacles and deliver the report," Darnell sai
d, his voice icy with irritation. "What's the best-case action?"

  "I would expect the Galactic Empire to censure Korgul in the strongest terms possible," she said.

  "Censure? You mean give them a stern talking to?" Darnell asked, standing.

  "It's more than that," Beverly said. "Additional observational operations would be scheduled. The goal of our mission is to bring attention to humanity's plight."

  "Could the Galactic Empire ask Korgul to leave Earth?" AJ asked.

  "They could," Beverly agreed.

  "But they won't," Darnell finished for her.

  "We can't know the future," Beverly said. "The Beltigersk and the Vred stand with Earth. There are many more species who will take up Earth's cause if only we can make a compelling case. Diplomacy at this level takes time."

  "How much time?" Jayne asked.

  "A few years, perhaps," Beverly said. "A case will need to be built. We could also be talking about decades. The Korgul are a wealthy species. They will fight against us."

  "We need weapons," Darnell said. "Something that can kill the Korgul and leave the host alive."

  "That is not advisable," Beverly said. "You will lose the support of many by taking up arms."

  "Are these many willing to take action against the Korgul? Where's the outrage for the Korgul attacking the Vred mission ship thirty years ago?" AJ asked. "How many Beltigersk and Vred died?"

  Beverly looked down. "Too many," she said.

  "Korgul are the enemy," Darnell said. "We need to send a message."

  "They will not hesitate to kill you, Darnell," Beverly said. "Without the three of you, we will have no way to inform the Galactic Empire."

  "Then give us weapons to defend ourselves," Darnell said. "And we need a good way to identify those infected. It sounds like Greybeard didn't have any trouble."

  "It would be better if we incapacitated the hosts," Beverly said.

  "Hold on," AJ said. "If we just incapacitate them, the Korgul could rescue and reuse them. Darnell's right, we need a way to put 'em down and you need to make it work with normal weapons. All these inventions are taking too long to build."