Looking for Love

by Barbara Goss

  “Come in,” Fiona said, laying Oliver Twist aside.

  She entered, carrying a tea tray. “I thought you’d like to take tea with me, dear.”

  “I would. Thank you.” Fiona puffed up the pillow behind her and got comfortable.

  Addie set the tray down on the nightstand and poured tea into two china cups.

  “Here you go, dear. How’s that foot?”

  “It’s still throbbing,” Fiona said, taking the cup from her.

  “Sam’s really a good catch, you know,” Addie said.

  “He’s a very pleasant man, and so is Martin,” Fiona answered, “but I don’t believe in marriage before love.”

  Addie pursed her lips as if thinking of another tactic. “If you move on, where will you find this love? The next town you go to might not have a nice young man like Sam.”

  “I’m not really looking for love, Mrs. Jordan. I’m just looking for a quiet town to settle down in.”

  “And what’s wrong with this town? At least here you have a safe place to stay,” Addie pointed out. “Some towns hereabouts are pretty rough, and men haven’t seen a young woman in a long time. It could be quite dangerous.”

  Fiona let what she'd said sink in. She’d never thought of that. What had she thought she might find further up the tracks? She’d found herself in a nice home with the Jordans— maybe she should stay, at least for a while. Then what? She thought perhaps she should have gotten off the train in Topeka with Jane Riley.

  “I'd hate to impose on your hospitality,” Fiona said.

  “Nonsense,” Addie said, waving her hand at Fiona’s words. “I'd love to have another female in the house. If it makes you feel better, you can help me with cooking and cleaning— then you’ll feel like one of the family.”

  Fiona contemplated Addie's words for several moments, knowing it was her hope that if Fiona stayed, she might fall in love with Sam. Well, she supposed like Addie had said, what better situation did she think she'd find in another town further west? She’d have to fall in love with him first—if you could plan something like that. She’d have to at least be open to the possibility.

  “Thank you, I’d love to,” Fiona said.

  “Not only do we have dangerous men in these parts, but we have some dangerous women, too. The sheriff told Sam they’re looking for a woman who murdered someone or something. They think she might be headed this way. Scary, I say, really scary,” Addie said.

  Fiona nearly choked on her tea. “A woman?”

  “I know. Can you imagine?” Addie giggled a bit. “Probably killed her abusive husband. Maybe he deserved it.” Addie stood. “Well, I’ll take this tray back while you take a little nap. You look a bit pale. You need more sleep, dear.”

  After Addie left, Fiona felt ill. What if she was the woman murderer they were looking for? She didn’t think they had her picture as she’d never had one taken, but they could have her name. She had to change it. Why, oh why, hadn’t she pretended to be Jane Riley? Now, she’d have to marry. It was the only solution, other than to keep running from town to town. Sooner or later they were bound to find her.

  When Sam poked his head in later that afternoon, she smiled at him, using a brighter smile than usual.

  “Ma wants me to carry you in to supper. Is that all right with you, or would you prefer a tray in here?” Sam asked.

  “Oh, I’d love to sit at the table and eat,” she said, glad Mrs. Jordan had helped her into a dress that morning.

  Sam picked her up gingerly and carried her to the dinner table. The kitchen was something Fiona hadn't ever seen before. At the orphanage, she’d sat at a large table with many of the other orphans while several maids had spooned the food onto the plates in front of the children, giving them as much as they thought he or she should have. Now, she sat at a large rectangular wooden table, surrounded by sturdy wooden chairs. The table and chairs looked to be solid oak. There was a food preparation area at the opposite end of the kitchen. Though the room was large, Addie didn’t have to walk far to put the dishes of hot food onto the table. The serving bowls and platters were then passed around until everyone had food on their plate, taking as big a helping as they wanted.

  Martin sat at the head of the table. Everyone joined hands and he said a brief but meaningful prayer.

  When they were done eating, everyone pushed away from the table at about the same time, and Fiona saw Addie elbow Sam. She looked away quickly to avoid seeing his exasperated expression again.

  Sam stepped up to her chair. “I’ll carry you into the sitting room where we’ll take coffee or tea.”

  “Thank you, Sam,” she said, smiling up at him, taking note that he had avoided making eye contact with her. She felt an inferiority complex coming on. One thing was for sure: the man didn’t like her at all.

  “I hope you’ll excuse me,” Martin said. “I have a sermon to write. Goodnight, everyone.” He strode down the hall and went into a room at the very end, which Fiona thought must be his study.

  The brothers looked somewhat alike, except that Sam was about two inches shorter, a little stockier, and had lighter hair. Martin’s hair was almost pitch black, while Sam’s was a medium brown like Addie’s hair. Fiona wondered if Mr. Jordan’s hair had also been black. Both men had pleasant faces, except that Martin had a square jaw and grayish-green eyes, while Sam had definite green eyes. She glanced at Addie and noticed her eyes were hazel. Fiona always noticed the eyes when she first met someone. Her own eyes were blue, though she’d always wished they were brown; she loved brown eyes. She wished her hair were a different color, too. She always felt like she stood out from the crowd with her red hair. Her skin was so fair; she couldn’t go outdoors without a bonnet. She supposed she'd wanted to look like Maria, her best friend at the orphanage, who had glossy, dark hair, the biggest brown eyes, and her skin was perpetually tanned.

  Sam didn’t take the seat beside her on the sofa until Addie gave him a stern look as he approached the armchair. He turned and sat beside her, and Addie squeezed in beside him.

  Having set the tray on the table in front of the sofa, Addie asked, “Coffee or tea, dear?”

  “Tea, please, and thank you,” Fiona said. She took the cup and sipped it daintily. Sam took coffee. She liked the aroma of it. “I’ve never had coffee,” she said, looking up at him. “It smells heavenly.”

  “Would you like to try some?” Addie asked.

  “Maybe I will tomorrow, at breakfast,” Fiona said.

  “Tomorrow you’ll be treated to one of Martin’s sermons. He's really an excellent speaker,” Addie said. “Oh, perhaps, not. I don’t think you’ll be able to walk on that foot. I’d forgotten all about it.”

  “Maybe next week,” Fiona said.

  “I have to be there since I’m roasting a chicken for the luncheon afterward. Sam,” she leaned over to look at him, “can you stay home with Fiona tomorrow instead of going to church?”

  Sam opened his mouth to speak, but Fiona cut in. “No, that’s not necessary. I can survive alone. I have books to read. I’ll be fine.”

  “But this is the first Sunday of the month. That means everyone brings a dish and we break bread together after church. It’s ever so much fun eating a bit of this and that,” Addie said animatedly. “So we’ll be gone for at least two or three hours.”

  “I don’t mind, honestly,” Fiona said. She actually couldn’t wait to delve back into her book.

  Once again, Sam remained quiet. If looks could kill, Sam would be dead on the floor, given his mother's sharp gaze. Finally, he said, “I’ll be happy to stay at home with Fiona.” Though he'd said the words, she knew his heart hadn't been in it.

  “Really, it isn’t necessary,” she said rather sternly.

  “Yes, it is,” Addie said. “I’ll tell you what: I’ll bring a plate home for the both of you.”

  Addie seemed pleased, set her cup down, and stood. “I need to check that chicken in the oven. Excuse me.” She left the room, giving Sam another one of he
r looks.

  Fiona and Sam sat, once again, in silence. Sam finished his coffee and set his cup down.

  “I’m sorry, Sam,” she said.

  He turned to her. “For what?”

  “For your being forced to sit with me and to stay with me tomorrow, and for Addie’s constant prodding."

  “I can assure you, it isn’t personal. You see,” he stopped and looked toward the kitchen as if to be sure his mother wasn’t listening, “my mother wants us to marry and I’m…I’m sort of courting someone else.”

  Fiona stared at him for several moments, thinking about the letter Jane had given her before she blurted, “Your last letter never mentioned that. You know, the one with the train ticket so you and Jane could meet and marry.”

  “It was all my mother’s doing,” he said.

  “Oh, so your mother wrote the letters?”

  “No, I did, but she stood behind me the whole time, dictating them.”

  Fiona rubbed her temples. “I see.” She sighed and blinked back tears of frustration. The high hopes she'd had of changing her name by marrying had just sunk.

  “I’m truly sorry, Fiona,” he said, sounding sincere.

  “But you knew Jane was coming here for the purpose of marriage. How did you plan to get out of it once she'd arrived?”

  “I was going to act like a dolt and hope she’d change her mind.” He took her hand. “I’m truly sorry. I was so relieved when you arrived and said you didn’t wish to marry.”

  “I bet you were,” she said. “So, who’s the woman?”

  “Her name is Abigail Rowley, and she works at the Golden Horseshoe Saloon. My mother won’t let me marry her.” He removed his hand from hers. “Abby’s a decent woman who needed a job and had no other skills.”

  “Oh, I see. Well, why don’t you just elope or something? You’re certainly old enough to do as you please,” Fiona said.

  Sam ran his fingers through his hair. “If I do that, my mother won’t give me the land or the cattle. If that happens, how will I be able to support a wife?”

  “You could get a job somewhere,” Fiona suggested. “If you really care for her, there should be nothing you couldn’t overcome to be together.”

  Sam sat with his elbows resting on his knees, shaking his head. “No, I’m not skilled. I’m a cattle rancher, always have been, always will be.”

  “Has your mother met Abigail?”

  “A saloon woman? No! She refuses to have her in the house.”

  “Does Abigail go to church?”

  Sam hesitated. “Not yet, but she promised to start going once we’ve married. You see, if a saloon woman walked into the church…well, the women would likely all swoon.”

  “I suppose they would,” Fiona agreed.

  “You seem to have changed your mind about marrying me, too, Fiona. Why is that?” Sam asked. “Why have you changed your mind?”

  Chapter 5

  Fiona didn’t know how to answer Sam. She'd changed her mind because she'd realized she needed to change her name, and quickly. The thought of marriage hadn’t exactly been her objective but getting to know him and perhaps fall in love had been.

  “Because I feel so lost and alone, I thought maybe we could at least try to fall in love. I was willing to let you court me, at least,” she answered.

  “What about Martin?” Sam asked. “He’d be a perfect husband. You can’t get any better than a minister.”

  “I do like Martin, but I don’t think he’s in the market for a wife. Besides,” she added, “I’d make a horrible minister’s wife.” How could she keep her past from a minister? Marrying her was bound to ruin him if anyone found out. “I’m also a Catholic.”

  “God’s in all churches. Our services are just more informal than you’re used to. You’d acclimate in no time at all. We do a lot of singing, too.” Sam had become quite animated all of a sudden. “Besides, there aren’t any Catholic churches anywhere around these parts.”

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?” Fiona asked. “You want me to flirt with your brother—a minister?”

  Sam grinned. “Sort of…not really flirt, but consider him and give him a bit of encouragement.”

  “I see. Well, Sam, I’ll think it over. If I decide not to go that route, will you take me to the train station? I feel the need to move on as soon as my foot heals enough.”

  He nodded. “Of course I will.” He stood. “Would you like me to carry you back to your room now?”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  He slipped his arm under her, picked her up with little effort, and walked her back to her room. Fiona liked the smell of whatever he was wearing—was it soap? Shaving cream? Was it because she knew she couldn’t have him that his touch had suddenly made her feel warm all over?

  He set her gently down on the bed.

  “Is there anything I can get you before I say goodnight?” he asked.

  “Yes, there is. Would you mind handing me my nightgown? It’s in the top drawer.” She watched him open the drawer and pick up the white linen. He actually blushed as he handed it to her.

  “Thank you,” she said. He nodded and left the room. Fiona sighed. Well, she'd just have to see how Martin would react to her flirtation and if that didn’t lead anywhere, she’d leave Hays. She needed to find a place where she could be someone else, change her name. She was petrified of the law finding her, taking her back to Boston and most likely to prison. She’d begged God’s forgiveness every day since she’d left Boston.

  Fiona felt badly for Mrs. Littlefield who'd had to return home to find her husband dead, killed by the orphan maid. Just thinking about it caused her to become ill. Would she ever be able to forgive herself and forget?

  Martin popped his head in through the door the next day. “How many books have you finished?”

  Fiona didn’t think it would be difficult to flirt with Martin, for he was even handsomer than Sam, although Sam was good looking, too. Martin had a warm, dimpled, smile, while Sam had eyes that gleamed with joy whenever he smiled.

  “I have just one more chapter of Oliver Twist to read. It’s fantastic,” she said.

  “I’m glad,” he said. “How’s the foot?”

  “It doesn’t throb as much anymore,” she said. “I wonder how long I’ll have to stay off it. I’m anxious to hear one of your sermons. I’ve heard they're very impressive.”

  “I certainly try, and the Lord has given me my skills,” he said. “Maybe next Sunday,” he said with a wink and left.

  Fiona knew he was off to church, as he was dressed in a suit with a vest and string tie. Would Sam go to church like she’d asked him to? She hoped he would, as she didn’t need a child minder, and she’d use the time to finish the book.

  No sooner had she picked up Oliver Twist, than Addie came storming in like a tornado. “Come, I’ll help you dress. You’re going to church with us.”

  “But how?” Fiona said, filled with disappointment. She was dying to read that last chapter.

  “Sam has offered to carry you to the carriage and into the church,” Addie said.

  Fiona’s mouth hung open in surprise. “He has?” she asked once she’d recovered.

  “And without any prompting from me,” she said. “I knew he’d come around. I’d love to have you for a daughter.” She opened the tall armoire and pulled out a dress, the one the nuns had given her for her job interview. It brought back memories of the Littlefields and must have put a frown on her face, for Addie put it back and held out a green skirt and a white, ruffled blouse.

  “Is this more to your liking?” Addie asked.

  “Much more,” Fiona said with a smile. All of her clothes had been given to her by the nuns, except for the skirt and blouse she’d bought for church when she'd lived with the Littlefields.

  “You really need more clothes, my dear. I’ve taken the liberty of tailoring more of Sam’s pants for you to wear while riding. I’ve fixed a few of his old shirts, too. You still need some dresses so you can go to ba
rn dances and on straw rides. I’ll see to it, don’t worry.”

  “That’s very kind of you but—”

  “Nonsense! Now, let’s get you dressed.”

  True to his word, Sam arrived looking as handsome as Martin had in his suit and tie. He picked her up and headed outside where an open, two-seater buggy—instead of the hay wagon—was waiting for them. Addie was already seated in the back seat. Sam placed her beside his mother and then hopped up onto the drivers seat and started the horse at a trot.

  When they arrived at the small church, Sam carried her inside and set her down on a bench. His aroma gave her senses another tingle. What was he wearing?

  He sat on one side of her and Addie on the other. Fiona gazed up at Addie’s pleased face. She really thought Sam was interested in her. How she’d hate to see her disappointment when she found out otherwise.

  The service was nothing like what she was used to. It was informal, but friendly. She was duly impressed by Martin’s eloquent sermon, about Daniel in the lion’s den and the faith he had. He then turned the sermon toward people today and how everyone should have faith like Daniel, following it up with examples from real life. It was fascinating.

  As Martin spoke, she tried to picture herself married to him, but she couldn’t. Even though he was pleasing to look at, she could never, given her past, even consider such a thought. She knew, as she sat there, that she wouldn't even consider what Sam had tried to convince her to do. She’d just have to move on and keep moving on so the law wouldn’t catch up to her. Getting a job in another town with a new name would be her next move.

  After the service, the congregation filed outside, where tables had been set with food of every kind. Sam set her into a chair and then brought her a plate with a little bit of everything on it. She was lucky if she'd finish even half of it. It was a pleasant get-together, and everyone seemed happy as they enjoyed the fellowship.

  When the luncheon was over, Sam carried Fiona to the buggy and just as he'd seated her, he waved to someone standing in front of the Golden Horseshoe Saloon. Fiona noted it was a pretty woman dressed in a bright red dress with bright colored flowers in her hair. She stood with her hands on her hips frowning at them. Fiona gazed quickly at Sam and saw him motion the woman over. Fortunately, Addie was still talking to some people on the sidewalk in front of the church.