Ardently Loved

by Lory Lilian

  “Oh, you know too well you need no invitation, Darcy!” Bingley replied.

  “Thank you. Just as you and the future Mrs. Bingley will need no invitation to visit Pemberley whenever you wish. And bring Miss Elizabeth with you,” Darcy ended, exchanging a glance and a smile with Elizabeth. His words brought her comfort and support. Slowly, doubts vanished from her heart and her mind. He did not hesitate to confess his faults and his convictions in front of everyone—quite extraordinary for such a private man.

  She could wish for nothing more.

  “We should return to Longbourn before the rain starts,” Jane whispered.

  They all rose from their chairs, walking towards the door. Louisa followed them, but Caroline went in the opposite direction.

  Elizabeth felt relieved to be away from the rude sisters. The visit had lasted less than an hour but had been as tiresome as a battle. She put on her bonnet and gloves, smiling as she remembered Darcy’s early advice.

  The excitement of returning in the same carriage warmed Elizabeth again, and the anticipation of his closeness made her heart race.

  “Darcy, while Bingley accompanies Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth home, I shall need your help. I received a letter from my father, and it is somehow related to you. It needs to be answered soon.”

  Elizabeth noticed Darcy’s immediate distraction. He obviously intended to join them and now appeared confused, looking from the party that was ready to leave to the one that remained.

  “Darcy, I shall not stay long,” Bingley said. “This evening we shall dine at home—sadly. The fight with Caroline has completely ruined my appetite.”

  “We have time to take a look through the papers before Bingley returns,” the colonel insisted.

  “Very well…” Darcy reluctantly agreed. “Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth, please convey my best wishes to your family. It will be my pleasure to see them tomorrow. Good day.”

  Elizabeth curtseyed, her heart suddenly weighted by his absence.

  “Good day, Mr. Darcy. We shall wait for you tomorrow.” She said farewell to the others then walked to the door behind Bingley and Jane. Outside, a cold wind and freezing drops of rain met them, and the fresh air chilled her distress. She stepped carefully and was startled by a sudden touch of her arm.

  “Allow me to show you to the carriage,” Darcy’s voice warmed her.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, silenced by the wind.

  Jane and Bingley were already inside; Elizabeth entered, her hand resting in Darcy’s. Her glove made his touch less burning, but her skin still remembered it.

  “Have a nice afternoon, Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth…”

  “You too, Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth replied, as the carriage slowly moved away.

  She knew her afternoon would be dark and sad—she already felt it—and she secretly hoped that he would also miss her a little.

  Caroline’s rudeness Elizabeth soon forgot. She was pleased to see Bingley gently holding Jane’s hand and speaking to her while she blushed charmingly at his words. She had no doubts about the felicity of the couple, despite any barriers or opposition.

  Just as Darcy said: women that a man would marry despite anything. She knew—she felt, hoped, and prayed—that he was talking about her. For her. He heart told her to put aside any concern, to trust and wait for the second proposal, as it must arrive soon.

  While the carriage moved steadily and the rain rattled on its roof, Elizabeth wondered for the first time what the three ladies from Town looked like. And, more important, whether they were truly arriving for Darcy, as Bingley suggested.

  ***

  Mr. Bingley remained at Longbourn only long enough to greet the family. Mrs. Bennet inquired about their visit, but Elizabeth and Jane offered few details. Instead, they retired to their bedchamber to change for dinner, an excellent opportunity to share their distress after the upsetting afternoon.

  “Dear Lizzy, I cannot apologise enough for Caroline’s rudeness. I still find it difficult to believe everything she said. I never imagined she loathed my marrying Charles so much. And how vile she was to you…”

  “Jane, it pains me to say this, but only your kind heart could refuse to see the true character of Mr. Bingley’s sisters from the beginning. Even their politeness is insincere. They care for nothing but their own plans, which were ruined when Mr. Bingley fell in love with you.”

  “I can see that now. I wished so much to gain their affection for Charles’s sake, but that seems impossible, considering their ill intentions. But, Lizzy, how astonishing that Mr. Darcy admitted his error and expressed his support for us. That was also hard to believe. And the praise he bestowed upon us…who would have imagined it? I think that made Caroline even angrier…”

  “Yes, most likely, and yes, both the colonel and Mr. Darcy’s support was commendable.” Elizabeth knew her cheeks had coloured as she told her sister only half the truth. She pondered going further with her confession when Mrs. Gardiner entered, asking for permission to join them. Jane invited her with eager affection.

  “Dear aunt, you must never ask for permission. Any time spent with you is a joy for us. I was sorry we have had so little time to spend with you since you arrived.”

  “You know I feel the same, my dears. I could not help but notice that you both looked troubled when you arrived. Is anything wrong?”

  “We were rather angrier than troubled, Aunt,” Elizabeth answered. “We had a very unpleasant visit. Mr. Bingley has all the kindness and amiability in that family. What was left for his sisters is despicable.”

  “This sounds very bad indeed. Tell me what happened.”

  Elizabeth—more than Jane—felt confident enough to unleash her frustration and speak unguardedly. She related everything to her aunt while Mrs. Gardiner listened carefully. In the end, the lady addressed Jane.

  “My dear, I am very sorry for the distress you suffered—and will continue to suffer in the future, I fear. If I remember correctly, Miss Bingley’s manners were cold and disdainful even last spring when she called on us. As soon as you are married, both you and Mr. Bingley must impose your will! You will be mistress of the house and must not tolerate a single day of rudeness.”

  “I hope it will not be necessary, Aunt. I pray that, once we are married, they will come to see how dearly I love Charles and that I wish nothing but to share a happy life.”

  “That would be lovely if they truly cared about you or their brother’s felicity,” Elizabeth intervened. “Aunt is right, Jane. You must act as the mistress as soon as you are married.

  “Lizzy, I understand why you are so upset. Caroline was so impolite and coarse with you—and in front of Mr. Darcy and the colonel.”

  “I struggled not to respond to her as she deserved, to protect your and Mr. Bingley’s feelings.”

  “I know, Lizzy, and I thank you for your consideration.”

  “May I ask, what did Mr. Darcy and the colonel say?” asked Mrs. Gardiner.

  This time, Elizabeth was more restrained while Jane hurried to relate the harsh conversation and the gentlemen’s generous support.

  “I must say, Aunt, that Mr. Darcy is a daily surprise to me. He is so changed, so amiable, so friendly,” Jane concluded. “I am happy that he is a loyal friend to Charles.”

  “I perfectly understand you, Jane. Mr. Darcy is a continuous surprise to us too. We have come to know and admire his character. Your uncle is honoured by his friendship and declared he is one of the most highly educated and intelligent men he has ever known. He said he has rarely met anyone with such a superior understanding of estates and trade businesses. And his generosity and kindness are exceptional.” Mrs. Gardiner agreed.

  “I doubt he has changed in essentials, Aunt. I believe he has only improved his manners, which allows us to see his true self. And perhaps we have become
wiser in judging him,” Elizabeth answered, her voice hesitant.

  “I completely agree,” said Jane. “The surprise is precisely that change in his manners. A man in his position, with such a private disposition, rarely behaves so openly and friendly to mere acquaintances. He must have a purpose, or he must wish to prove himself to someone. What would you say, Lizzy?”

  “I believe he enjoys your company, too, Aunt. I think he is genuine in his friendship. I know disguise of any sort is his abhorrence.”

  “I never doubted that, dearest. Surely you know what I am asking you…but I shall not force your confidence, and I shall not intrude in your privacy if you would rather remain silent on the matter.”

  “You are not forcing my confidence, dear aunt. I remember you suggested something in your letter too, but truly, there is nothing more to say. I shall admit that Mr. Darcy and I have become good friends. I have come to recognise his worthiness and to admire his excellent qualities that I had missed in the past. And you can imagine how grateful I am to him. I can never repay him, nor would he accept my gratitude. But there is nothing more to say. There are things from the past that…you know part of it; Jane knows other parts. My heart is burdened with memories that are neither pleasant nor light…”

  As she spoke, her voice choked, and her eyes became heavy with tears. Her composure betrayed her, and emotions burst into the open. Jane watched her with profound concern while Mrs. Gardiner apologised for troubling her so.

  “Please do not feel badly, nor worry,” Elizabeth told them tearfully. “It was a difficult time, and I am relieved to share it. There is nobody in the world I trust more than you two…I am just…I do not wish to burden you with my foolish thoughts.”

  “My dear,” both whispered and embraced her warmly for a long comforting moment until she finally regained enough strength to speak.

  “Oh dear, where should I start?” Elizabeth laughed through her tears. “How much time do you have?”

  “All the time in the world, my dear. At least until your mother calls us for dinner.” Mrs. Gardiner smiled and caressed her hair.

  “Very well…then let us go back to last April. This is the part that Jane already knows…”

  An hour later, the rain was falling angrily, and the wind blew against the windows, but Elizabeth’s heart was light and her spirits again high. Countless questions, exclamations, and expressions of disbelief from her astonished sister and aunt accompanied her tormented story.

  She spoke without restraint, confessing the storm of feelings she endured. She blamed herself, accused Darcy, and then found excuses for him and more blame for herself. The only part left out was Miss Darcy’s attempted elopement. But all the details of Wickham’s deceptive character and the compensation he had received from Darcy, as well as her own foolishness in trusting such an undeserving man, were openly discussed.

  Then Jane was astounded to discover Darcy’s involvement in Lydia’s situation, and Mrs. Gardiner told them again of her embarrassment that they were to receive gratitude they did not deserve while being unable to disclose their real saviour.

  “But dear Lizzy, why does Mr. Darcy want to keep such complete secrecy, at least from Papa?” Jane inquired. “He must allow us to reward him with our deepest thanks at least.”

  “I spoke to him…we met in the woods when I went for a walk…he was riding…I asked him, and he said it was his fault that he did not expose Wickham earlier…and that it was his duty to settle the situation…”

  “It is unfair for him to take such a burden on himself,” Jane cried.

  “I agree, but he refused to accept any other opinion. He said no gratitude was needed nor wanted… “

  “Lizzy, would you like to know what I believe?” Mrs. Gardiner intervened.

  “Of course…”

  “I am certain that Mr. Darcy did not want you to know because he feared you would feel obliged to him. Gratitude is not what he hoped to hear from you. I do not doubt his generosity and sense of duty, but I strongly believe everything he did for us at Pemberley and for Lydia in London was done for your sake.”

  “Aunt is right, Lizzy. I believe the same. Oh, dearest Lizzy, he must love you still! He must wish to marry you, despite everything. That is why he has frequently declared his admiration for you in so many ways.”

  “I admit that I have hope…I think of little else but that. I know he would be my chance of happiness. It is not his fortune or his situation. It is…him. I never thought this could be so powerful, so painful, so tormenting…thinking of him, I mean. And when he held my hand…I have had my hand touched many times before, but I have never sensed anything like this. Am I ridiculous? You may laugh at me if you want…”

  “You are not ridiculous, my dearest, you are just in love,” Mrs. Gardiner answered. “And that makes me so happy, Lizzy, as I know he is the man you deserve and the only one who could make you truly happy. At Pemberley, both your uncle and I quickly guessed Mr. Darcy’s admiration for you. It was obvious, and he never attempted to conceal it. But we were uncertain of your opinion. We know how much you disliked him in the past, and we feared you could not return his affection. And I was so sad. I feared you might lose a man so perfectly matched to you or—even worse—that you might guess his feelings and be tempted to encourage an attachment for all the wrong reasons. It pleases me so much to see your distress, your sweet tears of love…”

  “I am glad my torment makes someone happy, Aunt.” Elizabeth laughed, wiping her eyes. “I feel like a fool, but I am not ashamed of it anymore. I hope your confidence will prove correct.”

  “But Lizzy, how can you still have doubts?” Jane asked. “Above all the other proofs, he asked you for the first set at the ball. His intentions are clear to me. Did he not say anything when you were alone?”

  Elizabeth’s eyes moistened with tears again—tears of joy.

  “I think he wanted to say something…he started, but Mr. Bingley arrived at that very moment and interrupted us. And we have had no chance since then to finish our discussion. But now that I have spoken with you, I see that you must be right. After misjudging him so, perhaps it is time to have faith and patience. Dear aunt, how can I thank you for your understanding and care? If you could only know how grateful I am to you for always comforting us when we need you.”

  Mrs. Gardiner smiled and caressed her hair. “My darling, just like Mr. Darcy, I do not want your gratitude.”

  “Oh, Lizzy, just imagine when I am married to Charles and you are married to Mr. Darcy. It is more than I would ever have hoped. This happiness is just too much. I feel I might cry now…” Jane whispered.

  “Jane, let us not hurry. You are the one who will soon open the road to blissful marriage. Mr. Darcy and I shall hopefully learn from you.” Elizabeth embraced her sister. “I only hope Mama will not suspect anything about Mr. Darcy. She has already asked me about him, and I succeeded in calming her a little.”

  “You should forget about that wish, my dear. Everybody in attendance will suspect something when they see you dance the first set.” Mrs. Gardiner laughed affectionately. “But hopefully, you will have some news to share by then.”

  Chapter 6

  Following the long conversation with the two ladies most dear to her, Elizabeth gained the first night of sleep in many weeks.

  Her sister and aunt voiced arguments that her reason already told her, but she had dismissed them. Everything became more obvious, and her wit eventually kept her distress under proper regulation.

  The rain and the wind grew stronger and did not stop until dawn. Their sounds were relaxing music that wrapped Elizabeth in calmness and offered her a perfect rest until daylight filled the chamber.

  However, the next morning, the bad weather became a cause of distress for Mrs. Bennet’s nerves and destroyed the lady’s appetite; her complaints did not end during breakfast o
r long after.

  “I am sure Lady Lucas was jealous about the ball and harboured ill thoughts about it, together with Mr. Collins and Charlotte. That is why the weather turned so bad.”

  “Mama, I am quite certain that the weather turns ill because it is winter.” Elizabeth laughed. “And the ball will be inside, so hopefully it will not trouble us. Let us hope the roof of Netherfield is in good shape.”

  “Laugh, Lizzy, laugh away! You always speak in jest and take nothing seriously. Just like your father! You will stand up with Mr. Darcy for the first set. Can you imagine the honour? And what if your gown or petticoat gets wet or dirty while you walk from the carriage? Then the honour will become a horror! Everybody will stare at you!”

  “Mama, I—” Elizabeth attempted to interrupt, but her mother continued with increasing anxiety.

  “And Jane! She must look perfect! The ball is meant for her, and she cannot afford any defect! And with the wind blowing and water all over, her hair will be ruined, her gown altered. Dear Lord, such bad luck—bad luck indeed!”

  Elizabeth ceased searching for any reasonable argument to dissipate her mother’s growing torment. Mrs. Gardiner firmly intervened, calm and compassionate.

  “My dear sister, let us not worry three days prior to the event. The weather might improve. If not, I am sure we shall find a way to avoid any inconvenience. Let us prepare for the ball and keep our good spirits.”

  “If only my poor nerves do not collapse before then…”

  “After knowing them for over twenty years, I am confident they will survive,” Mr. Bennet interjected. “If only it would rain enough for all the roads to be flooded, so I do not have to attend the ball.”

  “Mr. Bennet! How can you say that?”

  “Come Mama, let us have some tea. Papa is only teasing you. Everything will be fine, I promise you,” Jane said, caressing her mother’s arm gently.