Waiting on Love

by Tracie Peterson

  Elise’s mouth dropped open. “Whatever for? I thought you were in love.”

  Caroline sobbed. “He canceled our wedding trip because he said he had an emergency that obligated him to stay.” She began to wail. “He’s hideous and awful.”

  “I’ve tried to tell her that she must go back to him. The poor man has been here several times, demanding to see her, and she won’t even talk to him.”

  Papa’s jaw was clenched tight. Elise had never seen him so angry. She wanted to pat his arm and reassure him that everything would be all right, but she could sense that it wouldn’t be well received.

  “Why did he cancel the trip, Caroline?”

  “He wouldn’t tell me,” she said, looking away as she often did when she lied. Elise knew she was deliberately keeping the truth from them, but why?

  “Jim, did you ask him why?” Papa asked Uncle James.

  “I did, but he said it was personal and none of my concern.”

  All gazes went back to Caroline, who was now sobbing into her handkerchief. Elise knew they’d get nowhere with her. She had told what portion of the story she was willing to share. Despite Caroline’s deception, Elise could sense something was very wrong.

  It was late. Very late, and Booker was very drunk. He had made his way from one disreputable bar to another, hoping no one would recognize him or desire his company. Oswego wasn’t very far from Buffalo, where he was wanted by the law. And he had absolutely no doubt there were wanted posters up for his arrest. Thankfully his beard was coming in nice and thick.

  He hadn’t intended to stay on the Mary Elise for the return east, but then he’d killed Rummy Carlson in Duluth and knew he couldn’t stay there. So he’d stayed on with the Mary Elise, thinking perhaps he could simply hide away on her while the others went to town, but the need for alcohol was much too strong.

  He purposefully didn’t come back to the ship early. He hoped by the time he returned that everyone but the watchman would be fast asleep. With any luck, he could slip into bed unnoticed. But luck had never been his ally.

  “Who goes there?” the watch called out.

  It sounded like young Tom. Booker straightened and smiled. “Duran.”

  Tom stepped out of the shadows. “Hey, you’re back really late.”

  “Yes, well, the evening got away from me.” Duran pushed down his anger at having to answer to this runt of a child. “I’m going to bed.”

  Tom said nothing, and Duran figured he’d gotten away with it by the time he reached the forecastle entrance. But unfortunately, Nick Clark stood there as if awaiting Duran’s appearance.

  “Duran, you’ve been warned about returning to the Mary Elise drunk.”

  “Who says I’m drunk?”

  “I do. I watched you approach the ship and walk across the deck. You’ve clearly been drinking.”

  Duran struggled to focus. “Well, what if I am? You can’t dictate what a fella can do when he’s off the ship.”

  “No, you’re right. I can’t. But I can enforce the rules when on board. Captain Wright said there’s to be no alcohol and no drunkenness. You’ll be on extra cleanup duty this week, and this is your last warning. If you show up drunk again, you’ll be fired once and for all.”

  “You think you’re in charge now, is that it?”

  “I’m the first mate. In the absence of the captain, I am in charge. Captain and Miss Elise sent word that they’re staying with Mr. Monroe tonight. They won’t be back until it’s time for Miss Elise to start working on breakfast, which I believe will be about two hours from now.”

  “I’m going to bed.”

  “As long as you’re back up when the bells chime.” Nick smiled. “As I said, I believe that’s in just about two hours.”

  Duran had had enough. He turned and took a swing at Nick, but in his drunkenness, he telegraphed it so clearly that Nick had plenty of time to get out of the way.

  “You’re only adding to your punishment, Duran.”

  He hated Clark. Hated him more than he’d ever hated anyone. He swung again, and again Nick easily dodged the attack. But then, as Duran turned, Clark had the audacity to kick him in the backside. Duran fell to the deck.

  “Two weeks of extra cleaning duty.”

  Duran stumbled to his feet. “You’ll get yours one day. You’re just as much a murderer as—” He realized he’d been about to implicate himself and backed off. “You didn’t deserve to live. One of these days, the men of the Polaris will come and take you down to the depths.”

  He barely managed the steps down to the sleeping quarters. He sat on the edge of his bunk, listening to the snores of the other men. Duran fumbled with his boots and finally managed to get them off before falling back against his bed.

  One of these days he was going to kill Nick Clark.

  Nick saw Elise and her father walk up the gangplank just before the watchman sounded eight bells.

  “Welcome back, Captain,” Nick announced in greeting.

  “Nick,” the captain said with a nod. “Thanks for managing the loading. Any problems with the coal?”

  “None at all, Captain.”

  Wright smiled. “Is there anything else to report?”

  “Duran returned just two hours ago and drunk. He took two swings at me, and I kicked him in the backside, knocking him to the deck.”

  Elise giggled. “I suppose it isn’t kind to laugh, but I would have liked to see Duran put in his place. But, for now, I’ll leave you two to your discussion.”

  Nick smiled and watched as she made her way to the deckhouse.

  “Is that all?” the captain asked.

  “I assigned him two weeks of extra cleaning duty.”

  “Good.” Captain Wright’s manner was no-nonsense. “I’ll speak to him after breakfast and make it clear that he’ll be put off the ship if it happens again.” He rubbed his eyes.

  “Didn’t you sleep well, Captain?”

  “I’m afraid not. My daughter surprised us by being at her uncle’s house. Apparently, something happened with her husband having to cancel their wedding trip. Now she’s decided to end her marriage and makes no sense as to why. It’s a good thing I have a tight schedule and a brother-in-law to help in my absence. Otherwise I’d probably be sobbing alongside her. At times like these I miss her mother all the more.”

  Nick frowned. “I am sorry to hear of your troubles. If you’d rather rest, I can take on your duties this morning. I’ve had a good sleep.”

  For a moment he thought the captain would take him up on his offer. After a brief hesitation, however, Wright shook his head. “No, it’s best I stay busy and get us out of here as soon as possible. Have we finished all the paperwork?”

  “Yes. We’re ready to go.”

  “Thank you, Nick. I’m glad I can count on you.”

  Nick watched him go. It wasn’t going to be an easy morning.

  Chapter 15

  August drifted into September, and the sailing was good. The routine of their trips gave consistency to the crew that helped keep the peace among the men. Even Booker had been less trouble.

  In mid-September, they left Oswego behind once again and sailed west toward the Welland Canal. The series of locks would take them from the lower-lying Lake Ontario to the higher-sitting Lake Erie.

  Elise paused in her work to watch for a moment as the Mary Elise was tied off to bollards as the lock gates closed behind her. Elise was enthralled with modern mechanisms of efficiency. Her sister had never been interested in the locks at Sault Sainte Marie nor those at Welland, while Elise had loved both. There were other places along the lengthy trip that always fascinated Elise as well. But the Welland Canal had been built so ships had a way to enter Lake Ontario without having to end their trip at Buffalo due to the Niagara Falls.

  “It’s a good thing they’re rebuilding these locks. The Mary Elise is a snug fit on some of them.”

  Elise looked up to find Nick watching her. “Yes. Papa said the improvements are much needed. He s
aid they’re also arranging it so that the locks will raise the ship higher and reduce the number of locks needed. That will also be very nice and will get us through this daylong production in less time. Not that I mind completely. I’ve always been fascinated by the genius of those who figured this out.”

  “I definitely appreciate it myself. Especially when one sees the falls at Niagara.”

  “Oh, indeed. I stand in awe at the handiwork of God there. Papa took us there to see it when I was nearly fifteen. All I could think of was how mighty God truly was, and how awesome it was that He’s given men minds to figure out an alternative way around obstacles.”

  They fell silent, and Elise watched as the water leveled out and they prepared to open the gates.

  “I enjoyed lunch. It was wonderful, and I didn’t get a chance to thank you.”

  “I’m glad you liked it. I wasn’t even sure I would be on this trip.”

  “Why is that?”

  She kept her gaze fixed on the lock gate. “My sister Caroline is in trouble, and she wanted me to stay in Oswego with her. I was torn but couldn’t abandon all of you.”

  “What seems to be the trouble now?”

  Elise sighed and turned to face him. “Oh, Nick. She truly wants to end her marriage. She still won’t really say why, except that her husband allowed some emergency to cancel their wedding trip. I’ve never known her to be so shallow-minded and selfish. I mean, she’s always been willful and liked nice things, but this was different. She’s never been one to embarrass herself by causing a scandal. Scandal is something she’s avoided at all costs.”

  “I am sorry.” His frown deepened. “I think, however, it’s best not to come between married folks.”

  “I agree, but I can’t help worrying.” Elise shook her head. “She’s never been in a situation like this, and I couldn’t help soothe her. I’m not a wife. I wish our mother was alive. She’d know best how to handle the matter.”

  “I’m sorry. You must be very grieved over her situation.”

  “I am. My father is angry because Nelson wouldn’t even speak to him. Papa went to his house, but Nelson wouldn’t receive him. Nor would he see my uncle and, well, Uncle James is the one who helped to make this match and paid a large dowry. He promised Papa he’d see that the problem was resolved, but I’m not sure I understand what that means. Caroline wouldn’t even be honest about the problem. I know her well enough to know she’s holding back the truth.”

  “Again, it’s not good for others to insert themselves into problems between a husband and wife.”

  “Did your parents fight? Ours rarely even disagreed.”

  “They had their issues, to be sure. My father was too often away with work, and my mother longed for him to be at home. I never understood that, however, for I saw my father as mean and temperamental when he was with us. My mother endured a lot for the sake of her marriage and children.”

  Elise watched as the gate began to open. “Caroline’s changed so much. I’m very concerned about her.”

  “Of course you are. You love her.” Nick’s words momentarily soothed her.

  She continued to ponder her conversation with Caroline. “I feel responsible for her in so many ways since Mama is gone. I made promises to our mother that I would take care of her—that I’d always be there for her. But I can do nothing.”

  “Sometimes we make promises we have no right or calling to make. Sometimes you can only stand by and watch as life plays out.”

  Elise thought of his shipwreck. “Is that how it was on the Polaris?” she asked before considering how the question might make him feel.

  Nick’s brows rose, and he looked away. For a long moment he said nothing. Finally, he nodded. “Yes. It was exactly that way. It was like I was chained to the mast. I needed desperately to save the ship but couldn’t. It was like everything had been taken out of my hands. I was nothing more than a puppet—controlled by someone else.”

  The ropes used to keep the Mary Elise from bouncing around in the lock were released from the bollards. The canal men used horses in this section to move the Mary Elise to the next lock not far away.

  “Tell me what happened . . . please.” Elise turned to face him. “I want to know for myself.”

  Nick seemed to consider for a moment. He seemed so apprehensive that Elise immediately regretted her request.

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  “We were running late,” he began. “I saw the storm building to the southwest, but it appeared to be heading northeast and away from us. I figured we might have a bumpy ride from higher waves, but I wasn’t overly worried. We were carrying crated goods and wouldn’t suffer from the load shifting much, so I thought there was little reason to fear. I dismissed the storm from my mind and got caught up with my bookwork. By the time I realized the storm had back-built and shifted directions, it was too late.

  “I could see the storm approaching and thought I could outrun it, but of course I couldn’t. I finally sought a place to ride it out, but the storm was too fierce and powerful. It slammed us from side to side and tried to drown us. When I knew we were breaking apart, I tried to get us near enough to shore, but the water was too powerful and threw us against the rocks. The boat fell apart beneath our feet, and even as I tried to rescue the men, they were swept away. I managed to save two, but the other eight were lost.”

  His face bore the look of a tormented man. “I still dream about them . . . about the storm. It torments me to know my pride caused their death. If I’d kept a better watch—if I hadn’t thought I knew best—it might have been a different story.”

  “It seems to me you judged correctly, but things changed.”

  “A captain should always be aware of his surroundings. He should be constantly on watch for dangers, seen and unseen. I got caught up with my own agenda. I wanted to make up time, and instead I lost everything.”

  “But, Nick, you didn’t intend for those men to die. You are one of hundreds, if not thousands, of captains who have been caught off guard and had no chance to get to safety. Even if you had . . . there’s no telling what might have happened.”

  “There’s no excuse for my lapse in judgment.” He shook his head. “I took the news to each of the dead men’s families. They were brokenhearted—devastated. I gave them my apology as well as a bonus in lieu of each man’s life. It was my own money—not even the company’s funds. I thought it the very least I could do. Later, as the story was passed around the community, some saw no fault in my choices and others did. Some forgave me and others hated me. I hated myself.” He gazed off across the landscape beyond the locks. “I still do.”

  “I wish you didn’t.”

  He looked back at her. His blue eyes bored into her heart. “Why? Why should it matter so much to you?”

  She smiled. “Because you can’t love with hate in your heart.”

  Caroline looked at her uncle in disbelief. “What are you saying?”

  “Nelson doesn’t want a divorce. He will not agree to grant you one. He wants you back at the house, fulfilling your role as wife.”

  “I won’t go. I want nothing to do with him.”

  “He has assured me that he will never again speak harshly to you, nor will he fail to include you in his plans.”

  “Ha! He’s a liar and a beast. Why should I believe him? I thought he loved me, but he clearly only loved the money you gave him. Had I known he demanded such a large dowry . . . well, I never would have agreed to marry him.”

  “But what’s done is done. Oh, I do wish your sister had stayed here. Perhaps you would have talked to her . . . or better yet, listened to her. Your aunt is positively beside herself at the thought of scandal.”

  Caroline shook her head and rose to leave. “That’s what concerns you?” No thought for the beating Nelson had given her on their wedding night. Of course, she hadn’t told her aunt and uncle about Nelson’s striking her. She had held back, uncertain what her father might have do
ne had he known. Now she was beginning to regret not just telling them. Except for Etta, no one knew how black and blue she’d been when she first arrived here. Nelson only hit her where it wouldn’t show.

  “I am sorry that your marriage is less than ideal, but, Caroline, you must give the man a chance to make it right. After all, you are married in God’s eyes, and . . . well, I assume that you have been together as man and wife.”

  She turned a bit too quickly and stared at him blankly. “Yes, unfortunately, we have been together as man and wife, but if I have anything to say about it, we never will again.”

  “Caroline, be reasonable—”

  “I have been reasonable,” she interjected. “Frankly, I’m done being reasonable.”

  She left the room and climbed the stairs to her old bedroom. She’d said nothing about the extent of her injuries nor of Nelson’s indignities, but perhaps she should. Maybe it would give her uncle a reason to reconsider his push for her return to Nelson’s prison.

  “I’m going to lie down,” she told Etta. “Help me rid myself of this gown . . . please.”

  It was odd how Elise’s suggestion to show kindness had changed Caroline’s relationship with the maid. The girl seemed to care about her rather than just go through the paces of her duties.

  “Of course, madam.” The maid went to work unfastening the buttons and hooks. After she’d helped Caroline step out of the dress, she reached for the corset ties.

  “No, leave it. I’m sure I won’t be able to rest for long.”

  The maid nodded. “Would you like the window opened a bit? It’s quite pleasant outside.”

  Caroline nodded and pulled one of the lacy pillows into her arms to hug. “That would be very nice. Thank you.”

  Etta opened the window and then headed for the door. “Should I wake you in time to dress for dinner?”

  “No, I’d prefer you bring me a tray tonight. I don’t want to sit through another formal dinner with Uncle James interrogating me about my situation.”

  The maid nodded and exited the room, pulling the door closed behind her. Caroline sighed. None of them knew how great her pain was. She was humiliated amongst her peers, and all of society would look at her past and her upbringing and whisper about how expected it was that she should embarrass her aunt and uncle and husband in such a fashion. After all, she was just a ship captain’s daughter.