Craving Control (Black Shamrocks MC Book 6)

by Kylie Hillman

  This time I will be better.

  Lainey pulls her arm back and punches me in the mouth. My top lip splits and I taste blood. She shakes her hand and swings at me again. I duck under her arm and take hold of her throat. Déjà vu hits me when I walk her backward and press her against the wall. I see her fear when the same memories I’m struggling with flit across her face and I will myself to remain in control.

  My natural instinct overrides my mind. I lift her up the wall until she’s on her tip toes, then I squeeze the sides of her neck. She scratches at me, her nails snapping in my skin. Kicking out at me, she’s a wildcat hellbent on escape. I sustain my grip on her throat but refrain from hurting her any further.

  It’s a miniscule concession—the decision to only damage her a little bit. However it’s all I can manage while she’s behaving like this. It’s an awkward middle ground. I’m stuck between the pain I want to mete out and my mind’s determination to keep me in check.

  There’s blood on her lip from the slaps I delivered in the living room. It calls to me, reminding me how good she tastes. Before I’ve made a conscious decision to do so, I’m licking her rich, red lifeblood. The liquid bursts over my tastebuds, and my monster is instantly out of his cage.

  He wants more.

  “I’ll let you hit me once without punishment, Lainey, because I know I hurt you in the past. Just this once, though. Every time you step out of line from now on, I’m going to punish you or one of your family.”

  Licking the shell of her ear, the calm menace that invades my voice when I continue sets the hair on the back of my neck on end. I haven’t heard that voice since that night—the same night I thought I buried it.

  Apparently not.

  “Is Lachie still catching the bus to practice by himself?” I ask.

  Lainey falls still at my question. I follow suit. She’s as shocked as I am at my audacity. Using her youngest brother as leverage was going to be my last resort. Now, it feels like all my idealistic plans for today are falling apart around me.

  She doesn’t answer me. Her refusal pisses me off. This is all her fault. She is the reason why I’m failing to live up to the promises I made.

  Her stubbornness. Her need to defy me. Her unfettered ability to press all my buttons and strip me of any semblance of rationality. It all adds up to one thing.

  Me hurting her.

  So what are you waiting for? That insidious voice in my head decides to add his input. His return makes me long for the days when I had a second voice to temper his viciousness. That one deserted me the night my life came crashing down around my head and hasn’t been heard since.

  Do it, my demon eggs me on. Put her in her place. You know you want to.

  He’s right. I do want to—but only a little bit.

  I won’t devolve back into the beast I was that night.

  My fingers dig into Lainey’s throat. I lean closer and taunt her again.

  “Do you understand what I’m saying, Lainey? You're mine, and you're going to stay with me this time. The people you love are going to get hurt, one by one, every time you try to leave me.”

  Turning my head, I stare into her eyes. They’re wide, slightly fearful. It’s not enough. I want all traces of her defiance removed from her gaze before I let her go.

  “Now nod if you get what I’m telling you. I’ll let you go when you show that you understand me.”

  She straightens, standing as tall as she can in my hold. I wait for her to blink. Lainey gives me nothing.

  I grin. I love a good battle of wills.

  “This is what I love about you, Lainey. You challenge me like no one else.”

  Nuzzling her ear, I drop my hand to her right breast. When I squeeze, she stiffens.

  Bingo. We have breached the perimeter. I am officially under her skin.

  With the same hand, I rip her torn shirt all the way open. I find her nipple and pinch it until it hardens then I twist until she whimpers.

  “Nod if you understand me, darling.” My voice returns to normal. My monster is soothed by my current actions. He approves of the path I’m taking.

  She shakes her head.

  I lick her ear.

  She jerks away from me.

  I sink my teeth in her ear lobe.

  She screams as much as my grip on her throat will allow.

  “Nod if you understand.” This is her last chance.

  Lainey digs her nails in my wrist and tries to pull my hand away. She attempts to knee me in the balls, so I slam her against the wall. She’s done her dash. I’m over playing the nice guy.

  My entire body is overwhelmed by a red-hot rage that leaves me shaking. Lava-like fury races through me and I decide it’s time to put her in her place.

  Squeezing her throat, I wedge my knee between her legs and force them open. She tries to keep them closed, but it doesn’t work. I’m bigger and stronger than I was back then—prison does a body good.

  Lainey didn’t stand a chance then and she has even less of one now.

  Not that she’s ever got the memo. Fighting me until the bitter end, she headbutts me. It barely registers, but I slap her anyway. Determination is my middle name as I run my hand up her thigh and grasp the front of her panties.

  The fabric pulls tight when I wind it into a knot then I shred the material around her body with one harsh tug. They hang from her knee then fall to her ankle when I spread her and caress her heat. A shudder runs the length of her body. My hand roams free, exploring every inch of her delicious flesh that I can reach—her clit, her core, her puckered asshole.

  Her head drops to my shoulder. I feel her mouth move against my skin and she nods.

  Lainey has conceded.

  She gets it.

  It’s unfortunate that I’m not feeling remotely charitable any longer.

  Shifting my weight from hers, I wait until she’s lifted her head and met my eyes before I spread her folds and thrust two fingers inside her warmth.

  “Too little, too late, my darling.”

  Lainey sags, her tears hitting my neck. I lean against her, holding her upright, revelling in the feel of her. I’m not ready to let her go. Of course, my poor deprived cock has other ideas, thickening in my pants now he knows she so close to giving in. He twitches, a subtle protest that it’s his turn next. Pumping my hand, I bury my fingers deeper inside her.

  “Boss, we have a problem,” Stu declares as he runs into the room.

  Lainey tenses, lifting her head from my shoulder and squirming to get away from me. I hold her in place, my hand remaining between her legs.

  “The GPS on her mobile is active. It’s just been accessed. They know our location.”

  “Bloody hell. How did you overlook that?” I bark at him. “I paid good money for you to prevent this sort of fuck-up.”

  Removing my fingers from Lainey’s trembling body, I let her slide to the floor. She yanks her skirt back into place, then hold her shirt closed over her chest.

  Despite my emerging panic, I take the time to mess with her a little more. I suck on the fingers I had inside her, then lick them clean.

  “You still taste like honey.” She flinches, and I laugh.

  I can imagine the images floating around in her head right now. Memories of our first time together when she screamed and cried, and I stole the ultimate prize from her.

  Her virtue.

  As nice as it is to remember, I have a more immediate problem.

  “I asked you to check for any tracking, and you said it wasn’t enabled on her phone. Are you completely useless?”

  “They had it hidden well.” Stu defends himself. “I could only see that it’d been activated once they accessed it.”

  He starts to fall apart—some mercenary he is. Conversely, my thoughts tighten, my need for answers becoming clearer. With the right information, I can formulate a way through this.

  “Obviously, this is something he can access through his little motorcycle gang.” I sneer at Lainey as I hurry over
to the telescope. What I see has my blood turning cold in my veins. “Goddamn it, he’s heading across the reserve right now. Your oversight has put a major kink in our plan.”

  I punch the wall, cracking the plaster. Shaking my hand, I look out the window then back at Lainey. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

  “Calm down, boss,” Stu offers some more lame advice.

  My hands tighten into fists. I’m on the verge of knocking him out so I don’t have to listen to any more of his incessant platitudes, when he finally says something useful.

  “He only knows where her phone is. If you can deal with her, I can get rid of him and the phone at the same time.”

  He has a point. I nod, then immediately begin plotting. I need to get Lainey in the sound-proof master bedroom and I need to make sure that Mik doesn’t find out that I’m here—he can’t learn my connection to the house either.

  Here’s hoping the shell company my grandfather brought it through is airtight and untraceable.

  “You’re absolutely screwed; you know that?” Lainey decides to add her two cents to the situation. “Mik’s going to kill you both.”

  Stu’s head whips toward her, his mouth hanging open like he can’t believe she just said that. I ignore her. She’s as transparent as glass. Lainey wants to send me into a rage, so I’ll make a mistake and give Mik the upper hand. That might have worked four years ago. Thankfully, I’m wiser now.

  Taking hold of her arm, I drag her out of the office. We get halfway across the living room before she starts fighting. Lainey punches me in the chest, then drops to her knees. She’s dead weight, but nothing I can’t manage.

  I wrestle her upright, then grab a handful of her hair.

  She shrieks. Pulling her toward the bedroom, my frustration grows when she makes another run for the front door. My grip on her hair stops her in her tracks, although it doesn’t stop her from trying again straightaway.

  “Don’t even think about it, Lainey. He’s getting nowhere near you ever again. I’m your man. Always have been. Always will be. Your first man and your only man. He won’t even breathe the same air as you again. If he does, you’re not going to like the consequences!”

  My tirade has no effect on her. Instead, Lainey makes another dash for the door. I’ve had enough. After slapping her—and hoping like hell it will knock some sense into her—I swing her over my shoulder and carry her into the bedroom.

  She kicks and screams and punches my back.

  I don’t miss a step.

  It’ll take more than a tantrum to stop me.

  Throwing her on the bed, I lock the door behind us and pocket the key. Lainey watches me from underneath a veil of wild hair when I close the electric shutter on the window and set the alarm for it.

  Once that’s done, I return my full attention to the troublesome woman laying on my bed. Her beauty is never more on display than when she’s like this. Franticly fearful. Fearlessly fighting.

  The bruises I’ve given her are a stark contrast to the pale tan of her skin. Her knees are red from me dragging her across the floor. Her clothes hang in tatters from her body.

  Even dishevelled, she takes my breath away.

  Lainey must read my thoughts. She pushes herself upright and scrambles away from me.

  “Back off,” she shouts. “I’m going to scream at the top of my lungs if you touch me again. Someone will hear me.”

  By someone, she means Mik.

  She’s wrong.

  “Go ahead,’ I say with a shit-eating grin. “I had this room soundproofed just for you. We both know all about your inability to keep quiet when you’re told. It was the cause of all my trouble last time.”

  This is the first time I’ve openly spoken to her about that night.

  She shivers.

  I sit down next to her and she scurries over to the other side of the bed.

  My pride is dented by her reaction; however I understand it. The events of that night will remain between us until we purge our souls and admit our individual wrongdoings.

  With a level of gentleness I can’t usually manage around her, I pull her back to me by her ankle then lift her onto my lap.

  Lainey holds herself away from me, but I refuse to let it deter me.

  We need to start the healing process.

  No more lapses like I had in the office. I have to find a way to get through to her without resorting violence and threats.

  It’s time to make amends, the second voice in my head finally comes back to me. That’s how you’ll get Maddi back.

  This is the advice I wanted to hear. Holding Lainey tighter in my arms, I rejoice.

  Maybe we will get our second chance, after all?

  Planting kisses on her temple, I open my heart and purge my soul.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  I kiss her cheek.

  “I still love you, you must believe that.”

  I catch the tear that runs from her eye with my tongue.

  “I forgive you for sending me to Hell. I understand why you felt you had to, but I’m better now and I’m back to prove myself to you.”

  She lets out a single sob, then pulls her knees to her chest and hugs them. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight, relishing our renewed connection, before I lower my mouth to hers.

  Kissing Lainey is like coming home after months away. Everything about her is familiar, comforting, perfect. Absence always helps you appreciate what you had. I know it did for me.

  I press my tongue against her tight lips. She refuses me entry, exactly like she always did. I try again, and this time Lainey parts her lips the tiniest of ways and lets me back in.

  Contentment consumes me. My worry about Mik Kennedy finding us evaporates. My concern over my inability to keep my monster under control disappears. My fear that Lainey will never love me again turns into hope.

  Now that we’re back together, the sky is our limit.

  THIRTY

  All serenity deserts me when Mik Kennedy’s voice reverberates around the bedroom. Hearing him rips me from my reverie and reminds that he stills holds a proverbial gun to my head.

  If he works out what’s happening in this house, I’m going to have to run with Lainey and that’s going to put a gigantic crimp in my father’s plans. It will displease my grandfather, and I could potentially lose his blessing and his funding of my crusade.

  Lainey jerks in my arms. She pulls her mouth from mine and turns her head left and right, searching for the speaker that allows us to hear the conversation Stu is currently having with her now ex-boyfriend. I rest my chin on her head, and breath evenly so the tension I’m feeling doesn’t spill over to her.

  The last thing she needs is to backslide after the progress we just made.

  “Yeah, sorry to bother you, but my fiancée’s missing. The GPS on her phone says she’s here.”

  What. The. Hell?

  Nobody mentioned a word to me about an engagement.

  I pull her left hand free and inspect her fingers. A princess-cut diamond sits proudly on her ring finger. The sight of it makes me ill. It’s a physical testament to her disloyalty. I don’t know how I missed it before.

  Pressing my lips together, I breath through my nose and try my hardest to stay calm. It doesn’t work. My eyes bulge and my body shakes. I’m close to the edge. Forcing my attention to my betrayer, I focus on how good it feels to have her in my arms and try to will away all the rest.

  In true Lainey fashion, she chooses right now to take the situation from bad to worst.

  She crawls off my lap and heads for the end of the bed. I follow her, tossing her onto her back and straddling her waist. When she slaps at me, the ring catches the light, its presence mocking me.

  Stripping it from her finger with a series of harsh tugs, I throw it against the far wall. Lainey bucks beneath me, attempting to dislodge me only to fall still when the sound of Stu speaking fills the room.

  “Sorry, mate. There’s no one here but me. I did find a phone i
n the park about half an hour ago when I was walking my dog. Maybe it’s your fiancée’s? I was just about to see if it had any emergency contacts in it, so I could reunite it with its owner. I’ll go grab it.”

  My apprehension lessens, and a small smile lifts my lips. He’s good—it’s a plausible story that shouldn’t arouse any suspicion.

  “Would appreciate it,” Mik replies.

  Lainey’s body slackens beneath me. It’s a curious response. I hope she isn’t getting her hopes up too much. Mik Kennedy deserted her once before when the going got too tough for him. His track record as her hero isn’t exactly great.

  She looks around the room, searching for something. I leave her to it. The window is secure. The door is locked. The room is sound proofed. All precautions have been taken. The only way she’s leaving without my permission is over my dead body.

  While she examines the room, I think about the news I just learnt. When I found out he was her boyfriend, it rocked me to my core. Then, I had a month to really think about it and I decided that she was too wrapped up in the fairy-tale girls are sold about sex and virtue to be sleeping with him. It took me a year to get in her pants, and she wasn’t exactly willing the first time. But, now. Learning that he’s her fiancé. Discovering that she’s pledged to marry him. That puts a different spin on things.

  It’s possible that she’s spread her legs for him.

  Righteous rage—the kind I haven’t felt since that night—takes hold of me. I lean down and get right in her face. I want answers.

  “Did you let that dirty biker fuck you? Did you let him inside your body? The body that only I’ve been in? Did you let that trash touch what’s mine?”

  Lainey closes her eyes and turns her head away from me. Her face turns white and she sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. I scrutinise her face, but I find nothing.

  Did she or didn’t she?

  I breathe deeply. The rage continues to pound through me. I sit up straighter and cradle the back of my head with my hands. I want to turn into the Hulk. I want to kill the pair of them.

  But I don’t want to hurt her without proof. I’ve been wrong about her before.