Midnight Milkshakes: Ice Cream And Suicide Vol. II

by Jack Ray

  I drown away the pain

  I sit alone in silence

  Wet, shivering, debating whether or not

  To reach out to you

  Knowing damn well it’ll never be the same

  Knowing you’d be angry with me

  Knowing you’d be annoyed

  But not truly understanding how or why

  These feelings came to be

  I really thought you wanted me

  I really thought you cared

  And for a moment,

  I even thought you might have loved me too.

  Painting You

  You opened me up to a world

  I was never ready to be a part of.

  It’s Not The Same

  Our hearts erupted

  And I thought they’d never burn out

  What a shame,

  I was so wrong.

  Lies // Love // Longing

  Maybe I hate you

  You cheated and lied me to death

  A pretender who acted like everything was perfect

  Although you couldn’t shake the hold

  He put you in

  And you came with baggage

  An ex was still on your mind

  In fact the only time he wasn’t there

  Was when my hands were all over you

  Pleasing you when he couldn’t

  But it wasn’t the same I suppose

  Because you made distance

  And when you had your chance to run you took it

  You found yourself back at his place, I’m sure

  Fucking him without remorse for the lonely heart

  You left back home, me

  The one who truly loved you

  The one you truly cheated on.

  Untitled IX

  Just as the stars in the night sky

  She is all too visible

  And all too far away.

  A Dream About You

  In my dreams we’re always so happy

  Then I wake up,

  Breakdown in the bathroom

  Where my only company comes

  From the lost soul in the mirror.

  Homewrecker

  Do you want me to sing you to sleep

  In this violet city

  This underground

  Where all the neon lights

  Have blinded us from the black alone

  We will no longer let you manipulate us

  We rise up

  With pistols in our heads

  And beliefs on our arms

  These firearms fight back the monster in your heart

  The one that left me here

  On our sacrificial honeymoon

  So with sin out of the way,

  Are we even fucking lovers

  Or just tourists to rock bottom

  Where the darkest nights

  Shine just as bright as the purest hearts

  And the purest hearts are nothing short

  Of sinister

  What losers we are

  To have believed this was so right

  When every night with you

  Was so wrong.

  He’s Not Always Bad

  You could either be popping pills

  Or relieving the blood from your arms

  And whichever you choose

  You know it’d be better than facing the truth

  You’re so scared of it

  It makes you look weak

  You won’t even take a glimpse

  At how broken

  You really are.

  Once A Liar

  You promised to tell me everything

  That we would hold no secrets

  And yet you hid this behind my back.

  White Converse

  Thank you for taking it all from me

  And leaving me with black

  That rigid splintered mood cutting into…

  And my hearing had gone black

  STATIC DEAFNESS PAUSED

  With the love on my tongue still black

  Never to shake your taste in everyone everywhere

  And I try to hide from you

  But I know my life will always be black.

  No Such Thing As ‘Wrong Timing’

  For your sake I hope the memory of us dissolves

  That you never think of me again

  You never wonder what if

  You never whisper my name

  Cause I know that’s what you’d want

  To believe we never met

  Believe we never made love

  Believe we never burned out

  As for me

  I hope to never love again

  Never open myself up to this horror

  Denying all friendships

  Because you took my heart and robbed me

  Of everything I was willing to give

  And in the rain you’ll find me

  After all the times we shared

  Cursing to the heavens;

  Fuck you for breaking me down

  Fuck this world that our paths ever crossed.

  Tatted // Pierced

  You did it once before

  Did you do it again?

  Did it seem right?

  Did it seem fair?

  Did loving him behind my back

  Remind you of our own

  Forbidden fire.

  Are You Okay?

  She leaves the crime scene without a scratch

  A trail of blood stains the concrete floor

  Her withered grey eyes are anything but innocent

  But her pearly lace dress stays pure

  The man she left- forgotten

  A lover of the past

  The one who’d give his dying breath for her

  Has traded in his last

  With a stunning 231 stab wounds

  He has surely passed away

  A hole for every compliment

  A hole for every day

  A hole for all the times he said I love you

  Or every time he begged you stay

  A hole for all the fun they had

  A hole for all the hours

  And every time they went to Comics

  To talk about superpowers

  And in his final moments

  He still whispered to her love

  One last puncture finally sent him above

  Now the killer in this plot

  Well she’s too sly to catch

  No one on planet earth

  Could have, would have guessed

  She made him believe in love

  Made others believe it too

  But that’s what makes a brilliant killer

  The twisted side of you.

  Infamous Snap

  Months later

  I’m still plagued by your smile

  Where did you go…

  My little one.

  Over Our Summer

  You pretend to be pure hearted

  You pretend that you miss me

  But you refuse my calls

  Claim you’re ‘too tired’

  ‘Too busy’

  That’s why I know

  If I really needed you

  I can find you sleeping with your ex.

  WW

  Let it be known

  That if our eyes shall ever meet again

  I will not have the strength

  To hold back the loss

  So much loss

  You’ll be able to read it on my face

  And by the time you look away

  Our whole life from birth to chaos

  Will have flashed before those eyes

  Breaking your heart

  Just as you have broke mine.

  Hopefully Eternally

  Nowadays I can’t even find the time to sleep

  I’m too busy spending nights

  Waiting for your return

  Waiting on that text

  I’m certain you’ll never send

  All the while aching from the pit in
my heart

  And just praying for some rest.

  Left Handed Driver

  How quickly you became my enemy

  After countless nights of wishing

  You were more than just a friend,

  That is the great tragedy in young love.

  Will You Still Visit Me?

  How hard my life has become

  How much more complicated

  How one person can manipulate my world

  I can’t escape you

  I can’t escape you in anything

  You’ve left your mark on me

  Now I have to find a way to live with it.

  The Current

  While you’ve moved backwards

  Just to have your heart broken as before

  I’ve learned to never trust anyone ever again.

  Do You Really Want Me Making A Decision At Two In The Morning???

  When we talked for the last time

  I never really believed it was you

  Cold, direct, unaffectionate

  That couldn’t have been you…

  Or maybe that was the only time

  You ever chose to show your real self.

  Unfriended

  It’s so hard to understand

  I was always there for you

  No matter what

  But in a moment of weakness

  You wouldn’t even listen to me

  And I tried to fix us

  I would have done anything

  But you were hellbent on leaving me to die

  And I’ll never forgive you for that.

  Bunny

  All I ask

  Is that you feel the pain you’ve dealt me

  I hope you fall in love

  I hope you’re happy

  And most of all

  I hope it comes crashing down before you

  Then

  Maybe

  You’ll know what it feels like

  And better yet

  Maybe

  You’ll know regret.

  Ever Be Friends Again?

  For the longest time it was difficult without you

  I couldn’t think of anything I had to hate

  I couldn’t think of anything that was wrong

  But I guess that’s what I hate

  That nothing was ever wrong

  You just gave up

  And so I thought

  And thought

  And thought

  And I realized how much he still meant to you

  You see I know you better than you think

  I know the guilt of cheating

  It must have killed you…

  It killed us

  You felt like you didn’t deserve me

  That it wasn’t right after what we did

  And that’s shitty

  You lied to him

  And you used me

  You threw me away when you couldn’t take it

  How selfish

  How immature

  Every decision you made was wrong

  And you’re still so fucking wrong

  Because you tried to have it all

  And baby, I told you from the beginning

  You can never have both.

  DDT

  Whether you knew it or not

  I always understood your depression

  And I would’ve done anything on this earth

  To help you conquer it

  But I guess you just found it easier

  To give it all away.

  One More Lap

  You left me for dead

  But you underestimate my resolve

  I will come back from this stronger

  Better than before

  And one day I’m sure you’ll regret this.

  Bus Ride

  I felt like I knew you all my life

  And then you lied to me…

  You told me you wanted me forever

  But every morning I awake in awe, alone

  Seeing that I have survived

  Another day without you

  Another day without my better half

  Another day wishing to break this silence.

  Triple Word Score

  The thought of you tortures me

  When it used to bring me peace of mind

  How I wish it still did

  More than anything

  And I know

  It still should.

  Bleed Me Dry

  To be apart from you

  Is to be torn from you

  And to let you go

  Is to be taken from you

  And as I wait

  Across this world for you

  Know I am thinking

  Of ways to get to you

  And every night

  I’ll say goodnight to you

  Through the distance

  May not seem right to you

  Just know no bounds

  Will keep my heart from you

  This guarantee

  I’m always part of you.

  Would You Like To Read It?

  And how difficult it is to write about you this way

  When all I ever did was love you

  From that very first moment.

  I finally got around to writing that book about you.

  Untitled X

  You can still find me at our favorite spot

  Wishing upon the midnight sky

  For the day

  When our timing will finally be right.

  And The Eyes Were Our Thing

  Eyeshadow of oceans and evergreen

  Finally fade from face

  Needles from your grey pines fall

  Pikes and lances to pin me down

  I beg for your release

  I beg to be saved by you once more.

  More Than Anything

  Sometimes I find myself still writing about you

  Just to see if I remember how much

  I really loved you.

  August

  And maybe one day

  We’ll get the chance to do it right

  Maybe one day

  We’ll lock eyes in the pouring rain

  Reliving the union of two lost souls

  Becoming intertwined like we first met

  And maybe just maybe one day

  You’ll walk up to me in that beautiful storm

  And say;

  You’re still the one with all the love to give.

  The One I’m Waiting On // Don’t Wait For Me

  I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for you and yet

  I would do them all again to get you back

  And I’m sure you believe that.

  Barefoot On The Grass

  And after everything

  You’re still you

  And I still love you

  That may be the worst part of it all.

  A Level Beyond

  Maybe one day these will reach you

  And I hope you remember all that I was

  Doing whatever I could to make you happy

  Even if it took everything

  Especially if it took everything

  Because unlike you, I did feel something

  Something so powerful

  That to say you didn’t feel it too

  Is nothing but you lying to yourself.

  Blueberry Muffins

  And in those moments

  You were lacking what it meant to be truly loved

  So at least now you understand

  What to look for in friends

  Family

  Lovers

  Now you know who to be

  And with that,

  I believe I was meant to be in your life

  Even if

  We were only ever young lovers.

  Our Quiet Place

  This pain you traded me for my love

  It burns like a fire inside

  All the ways I showed you my heart

  Meaningless to you now

  The lengths I
went to make you mine

  The lengths I went to please you

  Christmas, birthdays, Valentines

  Bloodshot eyes and swollen lids

  From tears that sever layers of skin

  All the ways I showed you my heart

  Anything I’d do to love you…

  …And after it all there wasn’t even a moment

  A sliver of a second you ever felt it back

  No matter what I did or didn’t do

  So I lie here,

  A stream of drops from the shower head hit me

  And as I pick up the knife

  You collect your razors too

  And we cut and sever and slice

  Miles apart, hearts now torn apart

  Houses alone

  We cut and cut and cut

  And for a second,

  I feel I share one last moment with you.