Deliver Me

by Karen Cole

  There’s a silver SUV Abby has never seen before parked in the driveway. For a moment she’s confused. Then she remembers.

  ‘Shit, I forgot. The adoption people are coming today.’

  She waves goodbye to Danny and walks up the garden path, steeling herself for what she’s about to encounter. She knows it’s not going to be pretty.

  ‘You could have warned us,’ Rob hisses as he opens the door.

  Ellie is sitting in the living room with a man and woman that Abby recognizes, from the photos Chrissie gave her, as Maria and Joel. The atmosphere in the room is frosty. Ellie, straight backed, looks furious, and Maria and Joel look very uncomfortable.

  Maria’s face breaks into an anxious smile as Abby walks in.

  ‘You must be Abigail,’ she says, wrapping her arms around Abby as if she’s a long-lost friend. ‘I’m Maria, and this is Joel.’ Joel, who is about forty, with grey hair and a handsome tanned face, stands up and shakes her hand.

  ‘Lovely to meet you, Abigail,’ he says.

  Ellie stands up. ‘Excuse me,’ she says. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’ She looks pale and Abby can feel her agitation from across the room. It’s emanating from her like steam. What a mess. She should have made sure Ellie and Rob were out before Maria and Joel came.

  There’s an awkward silence after Ellie leaves. Maria perches at the edge of her seat watching Abby as if she’s a rare, wild creature that might startle and bolt at any second.

  ‘Well, you look very well,’ Maria says at last. ‘Is everything going okay?’

  ‘Yes, everything’s fine.’ Apart from the small matter of the rape and stalking, Abby thinks. But she doesn’t want Maria and Joel to know anything about that – as far as they’re concerned, this is a normal pregnancy. Then, because she doesn’t know what else to say, she shows them the ultrasound picture on her phone.

  ‘Look, Joel, our baby,’ Maria breathes. She cradles the phone in her hand. Her eyes are wide with awe, as if she’s gazing at a holy relic or witnessing a miracle. Joel comes and looks over her shoulder and clasps her hand.

  ‘She’s beautiful,’ he says. ‘Would you mind?’ he asks Abby. ‘Would it be okay . . . Could you send us a copy?’

  ‘Sure.’ Abby messages them the picture and then they make small talk for a while. They ask Abby questions about her life and she gives them heavily censored answers. In return they talk about themselves. Abby has the feeling that they are trying to present themselves in the best light, dropping in mentions of the charity work they do and what a great area they live in, how many parks there are, how perfect it is for small children.

  ‘Are there any questions you’d like to ask us?’ Maria asks finally. ‘You can ask anything you like.’

  ‘Not really . . .’ Abby shakes her head. They seem like nice enough people and if she’s honest she couldn’t care less about anything else. All she wants is to get rid of this baby. She’s counting down the days now until it will be out of her life and she can hand it over to Joel and Maria. Everything will be back to normal and she can forget the whole thing ever happened.

  ‘And you’re due on the twenty-third of September, is that right?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘Not long now then.’ Maria beams and reaches for Joel’s hand.

  ‘No.’

  Maria looks at Joel. ‘We’d like to be present at the birth, if possible. I mean, if that’s okay with you?’

  A couple of strangers watching me push a watermelon-sized object out of my vagina. Fantastic, thinks Abby. On the other hand, if Maria is there, she can take the baby straight away. The baby will be Maria’s, and there will be no attempts to get Abby to bond with it. ‘That’s okay.’ She nods. ‘I’ll let you know when I go into labour.’

  Maria beams. ‘What kind of birth were you thinking of? Have you made a birth plan yet?’

  Abby stares at her in confusion.

  ‘I mean, are you planning to have a hospital birth, a home birth, or a water birth? What kind of pain relief are you willing to use . . .?’

  ‘As much pain relief as possible,’ says Abby. ‘If I had my way I’d have it under general anaesthetic!’ She laughs. ‘I had a biopsy last year and I had to be knocked out. I just couldn’t stomach the thought of doing it under just the local anaesthetic.’

  Maria doesn’t smile. ‘Biopsy?’

  ‘For cancer, but it came back negative.’

  ‘Oh.’ Maria sits back, looking relieved. ‘Anything you can tell us about any health issues in your family or in the father’s family would be welcome. Just so we can provide the best possible care for the little one.’

  ‘Well, my mum died of breast cancer five years ago but apart from that we’re pretty healthy.’ The fact that the baby’s father might be a delusional rapist and stalker she thinks best not to mention.

  Joel and Maria stay a little longer than Abby would like. They’re friendly and kind, but Abby feels the weight of their longing and she’s relieved when they finally decide to leave.

  ‘Before we go . . . We got a little something for you,’ says Maria as Abby heads for the door. She rummages in her bag and hands Abby a parcel wrapped in tissue paper. On a card with a picture of flowers she’s written, ‘To Abigail with all our love and gratitude’.

  Inside the box is a beautiful necklace with what Abby is fairly sure is a real diamond pendant. Abby gapes at it. She’s never owned a piece of jewellery like this.

  ‘It’s too much,’ she mumbles, embarrassed.

  ‘Not compared to what you’re giving us.’

  *

  After Joel and Maria have left, Abby goes up to her room. Ellie’s door is firmly closed, and she can hear Rob and Ellie murmuring behind it. She sighs. She’ll have to deal with Ellie later. She has problems enough of her own right now. Sitting on her bed with her knees pressed against her chest, she takes out her phone and calls Joss.

  Joss answers after a couple of rings. ‘Hello?’ Her accent is plummy, and she sounds slightly breathless.

  ‘Hi, is that Joss?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You probably don’t remember me, but my name is Abigail Brooke. We met at Danny’s New Year’s Eve party.’

  ‘Oh, Abby, yes, of course I remember. Hi. How are you?’

  ‘I’m okay, thanks. You?’

  ‘I’m fine.’ There’s a short silence as Joss waits for Abby to explain why she’s calling, and Abby chews her nail wondering how to broach the subject. ‘I was just wondering if you could clear something up for me,’ she says at last. ‘It’s about that night.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Do you remember much of the evening?’

  ‘Yes. Well, it’s quite a while ago now. What do you want to know?’

  ‘It’s to settle an argument. Mark and I can’t agree. I wonder if you could tell me what we did. I know we were up in Mark’s room. But I don’t remember many details. I’d had quite a lot to drink.’

  Joss chuckles, a deep throaty laugh. ‘Yes, you were completely wasted. Don’t worry, though, you were quite a charming drunk.’

  ‘What were we doing?’

  ‘Just chilling. Oh, and we played Truth or Dare.’

  ‘Who’s we?’

  ‘Me, you, Hugo, my friend Tara and that guy, Mark. We went down to watch the fireworks for a bit at twelve o’clock and after that we went up to the bedroom again and just talked. You got into an argument with Hugo . . .’

  Abby remembers, or thinks she remembers, his smug face smirking at her, a feeling of rage and then the glass shattering. ‘What was the argument about?’ she asks tentatively.

  ‘I don’t really remember. I think he said something sexist. He likes winding people up, does our Hugo.’

  ‘I remember some glass smashing . . .’ Abby holds her breath.

  ‘Yeah, you threw a bottle at Hugo, b
ut don’t worry, you missed, and I don’t think you were actually aiming at him.’ She laughs. ‘Unless, that is, you’ve got a very bad aim. Besides, he probably had it coming to him.’

  It ties in with her memory and what Hugo told her. She could have thrown it. Abby considers all Joss has told her. As far as she can tell, it confirms everything Hugo said. It looks like he was telling the truth after all.

  ‘You were there in the room, the whole time?’ she asks.

  ‘Yes . . . Why? What’s this all about?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Abby says. ‘Thanks a lot. You’ve been very helpful.’

  ‘And look, I know you and Hugo didn’t hit it off and I know he can come across as, well –’ Joss laughs again – ‘a bit of a twat, to be frank, but he’s a good guy at heart.’

  Everyone is a good guy, it seems. According to Danny, Alex is a good guy. According to Mark, Andy is a good guy. Nobody is the kind of person who would drug or rape her, but someone did. This creature inside her is a constant reminder of that. Abby sits on her bed and rubs her hand over her belly. The baby is sitting in an awkward position on her pelvis and she feels uncomfortable and suddenly very tired. She lies flat on the bed staring up at the ceiling. She’s just drifting off to sleep when the doorbell rings.

  She’s tempted to ignore it, but it could be Maria and Joel back again for some reason. It would be awkward if Ellie or Rob answered, so she races downstairs to get there before them.

  But when Abby opens the door there’s no one there, just an orchid sitting on the doormat, wobbling in the breeze, its bright pink petals obscenely splayed, the lower petal protruding like a flickering tongue.

  She shudders. Him again. But where the fuck is he?

  Pure rage surges through her, blotting out fear. She sprints down the path and stops at the gate, looking up and down the road. But it’s empty. There’s just one old woman shuffling along in her direction at the far end of the street. Determined, Abby opens the gate and runs around the corner but again the street is empty. Where the hell did he go?

  Bastard. She sighs and heads back into the house, picking up the orchid on the way. Its cloying scent makes her want to vomit. She’s never liked orchids. Right now, she positively hates them. She carries it upstairs and places it on the floor in the corner as far away from her as possible. Then she takes a deep breath and opens the attached note.

  Moments that take your breath away. The first time I knew you were carrying my child. I knew we were meant to be. You must have known it too.

  Thirty-One

  ‘I’m sick and tired of this,’ says Abby, banging the orchid down in the middle of the table at breakfast next morning, making Rob jump and spill the coffee he’s holding down his shirt.

  Ellie looks up from her toast and juice. She hasn’t spoken to Abby since Joel and Maria turned up yesterday, but this shocks her out of her silence. ‘Again?’ she says, the colour draining from her face. ‘What the hell’s going on with this guy? He didn’t break in again, did he?’ She looks over her shoulder nervously as if he might be in the room with them right now.

  Abby shakes her head. ‘It was outside on the doorstep yesterday evening. He rang the bell but when I got there he was gone.’

  ‘Jesus.’ Ellie shakes her head. ‘What a creep. I don’t understand why the police aren’t doing more. He has been in our house, what else does he need to do before they take this seriously?’

  ‘There was a message with it, too.’ Abby hands the envelope to Ellie. ‘He makes it completely clear this time that he’s the father of this baby.’

  Ellie reads the note, and shows it to Rob, her expression increasingly grim. ‘Yes,’ she says slowly. ‘It does look that way. Or if he isn’t, he certainly thinks he’s the father of your baby. ‘I knew we were meant to be,’ she reads aloud. ‘Jesus, Abs, he’s obviously completely delusional . . .’ She picks up the pot and turns it slowly, lost in thought. ‘You know, I’ve seen orchids like this in the florist’s in town – the one near the bank,’ she says. ‘What’s it called?’

  ‘Flower Power,’ Rob chips in.

  ‘That’s the one. They were in that same blue pot outside, on special offer. I’ll bet he got them there.’

  ‘Hmm, maybe.’ Abby puts her head in her hands. She feels exhausted, defeated by the whole thing. Nothing she’s done has worked. She’s no nearer to discovering who did this to her than she was five months ago when she first found out she was pregnant.

  ‘Listen, I’ve got an idea,’ says Ellie. ‘Maybe they’ll remember who bought it in the shop. They can’t have sold that many, not in a town this size.’

  Abby lifts her head and smiles at Ellie. ‘You’re a genius,’ she says, standing up and kissing her on the cheek.

  ‘Wait. Where are you going? Aren’t you going to have something to eat?’ Ellie says as Abby heads for the door.

  ‘I’m going to the florist’s, of course.’

  ‘Hold on a minute. Can’t you wait till later? I’ve got to work today but I could go with you tomorrow.’

  ‘No.’ Abby shakes her head vehemently. ‘I need to do this now.’ She’s tired of being frightened all the time, tired of feeling that he’s the one in control.

  ‘At least stay and eat something. You need to eat for your baby.’

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  Abby rushes out of the room before Ellie can protest anymore. She flings her bag over her shoulder and opens the front door.

  Halfway down the garden path. she takes her phone out.

  ‘Danny?’ she says when he answers. ‘Are you busy?’

  *

  They’re in the middle of a heatwave and the lilies outside the florist’s are wilting in the heat, their stems drooping sadly. Even though it’s still early in the morning, Abby feels as if she’s wilting herself and although she’s only wearing a light, cotton maternity dress, she can’t seem to get cool – the baby inside her seems to act like a heater, making her hotter. She stops in a patch of shade and rests her head against the cool glass window.

  ‘Where are the orchids?’ says Danny. ‘Are you sure this is the right place?’

  ‘Yes, they must have sold out. They were definitely here a few days ago. Ellie saw them. Shall we go in and ask?’

  Danny looks at his watch. ‘Okay, Abs, but I can’t be too long.’ He has an appointment at the hospital to have his splint removed. ‘I don’t want to be late.’

  The scent of frangipani and orange blossom hits their nostrils as they enter the shop. A bell tinkles and the florist emerges from a back room, wearing rubber gloves and holding a pair of secateurs. ‘How can I help?’ She smiles. She’s young and fresh faced, with long brown hair and a slight limp.

  ‘Um . . . We wanted to buy an orchid. I noticed there were some in the window the other day,’ says Abby. ‘In pots? But they aren’t there now.’

  The florist nods. ‘Yes, I’m afraid the last one sold yesterday. They were very popular. We’ve got some beautiful lilies on special offer now.’

  ‘It was really an orchid we wanted.’ Abby pauses. ‘Do you remember who bought the last one?’ She runs her fingers over the tips of a large tub of cornflowers.

  The florist is taken aback. ‘Um . . . Can I ask why you want to know?’

  Abby is lost for words. But Danny comes to her rescue.

  ‘I suppose it seems like a strange question, Sadie,’ he says smoothly, reading her name badge, ‘but my friend here received an orchid from your shop the other day. Whoever sent it didn’t sign his name. She has an idea who he might be, but she wants to make sure. If you told us, you’d be helping the course of true love.’

  Sadie laughs. ‘I see. Well I’d really like to help but I wasn’t here yesterday. I don’t work on a Wednesday, you see.’

  ‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ says Danny ‘If you weren’t here yesterday, who was?’

  ‘U
m, Rachel, that’s my boss. She’ll be in later this afternoon. If you came back at about three, you could speak to her then.’

  ‘Okay, thank you.’ Danny turns to the door. ‘We’ll come back this afternoon.’ It seems there is nothing more to be gleaned from Sadie, and Abby is about to follow him out of the shop when she notices the camera in the corner of the room.

  ‘You have CCTV?’ she asks.

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Could we take a look?’

  ‘Oh . . .’ Sadie looks flustered. ‘I’m not sure if that’s allowed . . .’

  ‘Please,’ says Danny with his most charming smile. ‘She wants to know if it’s the guy she likes. It could be the start of a beautiful romance. Right, Abs?’

  Abby nods mutely.

  Sadie hesitates. ‘Can’t you just ask him?’ she says to Abby.

  ‘It’s complicated.’ Abby clasps her hands together. ‘Please . . .’ she begs.

  Sadie blushes a little. ‘Alright then, it can’t hurt, can it?’

  ‘Who said romance is dead?’ says Danny, winking at Abby.

  The florist takes them into the back room, switches on a TV screen, and starts rewinding the footage.

  ‘Here we are. This is yesterday,’ she says, stopping the recording and pressing FAST FORWARD.

  Abby and Danny peer at the screen as people jerk in and out of the shop like an old black-and-white comedy sketch until Sadie freezes it at 2.15 in the afternoon.

  ‘There,’ she says. The screen shows a young, blonde girl approaching the counter carrying an orchid.

  ‘I don’t think she can be your secret admirer,’ Danny comments.

  Abby nods, though there is something strangely familiar about her. An uneasy feeling stirs inside. A thought nudges at the back of her mind but it slips away before she can grasp it.

  ‘I feel like I’ve seen her before somewhere. Do you recognize her?’

  Danny shakes his head. ‘I don’t think so. It’s a small town. You’ve probably just seen her around.’

  They trawl through the rest of the day’s footage until the shop closes at 5.30 but no one else buys an orchid.