Finding Sky

by Cass Sellars

  “Not your job, Whitney.” Jess was still furious. She had to stop herself from throwing Whitney out of her home. She wouldn’t have actually done it, but she fantasized for just a moment.

  “Come on, love. I’m sorry. Let’s start over.” Whitney attempted a pouty come-on that Jess couldn’t have been less affected by.

  “I think we need a break.” She was no longer trying to soften her words in order to spare Whitney’s feelings. Jess was fairly convinced she didn’t have any real feelings.

  “Exactly. So, let’s get out of the city, go drink some wine, and just be together.”

  She acted as if she were clueless. Jess knew she was anything but. “Did you not just hear me? I told you I needed a break. You lashed out at me, insulted someone who has never done anything to you, let alone completely disregarded the fact that she is my employee, and you think somehow at the end of that conversation we’re going to take a vacation together?” Her tone was incredulous, and Jess couldn’t believe the conversation had degraded to this level.

  “No, what I thought was you were going to be a big girl and stop pandering to every social worker case at your office. If it’s not Kyle’s dating problems, or Yolanda’s cat, it’s Skylar Addison, the poor new girl who likes to sit on the floor and bat her eyes at you.”

  “Did you have your empathy surgically removed?” Jess narrowed her eyes and took a step closer.

  “No, I just don’t need to feel empathetic about women who would like to bed my girlfriend.” Whitney suddenly looked desperate.

  “Well, lucky for you on two counts: she has no interest in me, and you are not my girlfriend.” The final insult was sharp and deep as it registered.

  “Then don’t you worry, my friend, you won’t need to be concerned with my empathy or irrational thoughts anymore. There are plenty of people willing to put their name on my dance card.”

  Jess called up their first conversation where she had joked about Whitney finding room on her dance card at the banquet where they met. Where Jess had thought Whitney had been charming and thoughtful. Jess couldn’t believe she had wasted so much time.

  “I have no doubt, Whitney, that there are plenty of women standing in line for you. You’re an amazing person.” She couldn’t imagine she sounded sincere, but she wanted to bring this ludicrous conversation to an end.

  Whitney rolled her eyes. “Spare me, all right? Please give me a little more credit than that.” She locked her arms across her chest.

  Jess would have paid for the moment that Whitney stormed out in a huff, but unfortunately, she seemed to be willing to stand there, squeezing every last uncomfortable moment from the suffocating interaction.

  “You take your break, Ms. CEO, and watch what happens.” Whitney was pointing her manicured nail in Jess’s direction and speaking just below a scream.

  Jess suddenly found herself praying to be far from her. She silently wished for the tirade to be over and for her home to be her own again. She didn’t say anything, refusing to engage and give Whitney anything new to bounce off.

  “I won’t be there when you realize you can’t replace me.” She spun quickly and pushed through the front door, leaving Jess standing on the patio. She slammed the door so hard the pictures inside the foyer tilted.

  Jess listened as her car roared down the street before she decided to make herself a drink. Jess knew her insistence on living most of her life on the balcony made eavesdropping something Dino didn’t have to work at. Jess heard her door close, followed by heavy footsteps as Dino took the steep back stairs two at a time. Jess sat heavily on the lounge chair, nursing a brandy and an emotional hangover.

  “Is the coast clear?” Dino said with a smile.

  “I guess you heard, huh?” Jess glanced in her direction briefly and returned her gaze to the rows of houses beyond the balcony railing.

  “I think most of the neighborhood heard her last couple of sentences.”

  “Great.” Jess rolled her eyes and swallowed the last of the liquid in her glass, refilling it with the bottle by her feet.

  “Don’t worry. It’s San Francisco, and we live near Little Italy. If the Italians haven’t heard yelling, then they’re not paying attention.”

  “That’s very judgmental of you, Officer Paladino.”

  “I can say it because I am Italian, and I didn’t know that anyone actually spoke below a yell until I met you.”

  “Funny.”

  “It’s true. You’re one of the most infuriating people to have an argument with because you don’t raise your voice.” Dino smiled at her and Jess managed a glancing smile.

  “Remind me to work on that, okay?” She rolled the crystal snifter in her palms.

  “I just thought I would come up and see what the story was. In case you needed a friend.”

  “Why not? I certainly can’t make things any worse,” Jess said with a sigh and stared over the railing again. She mused that some people would have found living within sight of fifty other houses suffocating. Jess found it pleasantly insulating. She was afraid her neighbors might be considering it a detraction, at least tonight.

  “So, what happened?” Dino reclined in one of the side chairs and eyed the box of strawberries.

  “Whitney wanted us to go away together and stay at her boss’s mansion in Napa for some work thing.”

  “Okay. A free place to stay in wine country, getting tipsy with your rock-star girlfriend, was an unpleasant idea because…” She dragged out the last word for dramatic effect.

  “Because the more time I spend with her, the more times we sleep together and the more things we do together, the more she’s going to expect this to be permanent, and I’m not even sure it ever felt serious enough to be temporary. After tonight, I don’t believe anything I saw in her was particularly genuine anyway.”

  “Wow, who is she?” Dino propped her chin on the back of the chair.

  “There isn’t a ‘she.’ Why is it so hard for you to get that I just might not be attracted enough to Whitney to make some sort of long-term commitment after a few weeks?”

  “Because that’s what you do. So there must be someone else making you think twice.” Dino rambled her latest theory on Jess’s problem with abrupt decision making.

  Jess didn’t know why she thought of Skylar but found some comfort in reviewing their friendly banter and their common interests. She wished she could rewind her evening to pleasant noncommittal chat with Skylar instead of exchanging vitriol with someone who didn’t deserve the energy.

  “Hello?” Dino waved her hand in front of Jess’s blank expression. “You’ve already blown off one woman tonight, the least you can do is listen to me for a few minutes.”

  “I didn’t blow anybody off. I was honest about my feelings, and I’m sorry that’s so beyond the understanding for anyone this evening. Do you know she actually told me that she confronted Skylar, my employee, with some jealousy-motivated warning about staying away from me? I mean, I have to work with these people!”

  “But you didn’t break it off because of that.” Dino reached out and grabbed a strawberry.

  “No, I would have anyway, but I was hoping it would be a little more civilized. I would have felt like a jerk if I went on a trip with a woman that I wasn’t sure I wanted to see again, let alone spend the weekend with.”

  At Dino’s raised eyebrow, she continued, “It’s fine, it’s fun, it’s sexy, but it’s boring. We talk about the same shit every day. She has little to no idea what I do, or she just doesn’t really care about it. Sometimes I want to feel like I’m missing a limb or I can’t function if the person in my life isn’t with me. I want to feel that passion and that infatuation, at least in the beginning, you know? If you don’t feel that in the beginning, what the hell are you going to feel a year from now when all of that is supposed to fade anyway?” She drained her glass.

  “Fair enough. I’m not questioning your choices, I’m simply saying that I wanted to be sure that you were sure.”

&nbs
p; Jess rolled her eyes and filled her glass again. She raised the bottle at her friend.

  Dino shook her head. “I can’t. I have to go to work.”

  “So, you just wanted to visit my charming self before you went and solved the world’s problems?”

  “Well, Pier 39’s problems tonight. I’m undercover as a tourist not paying attention to her belongings. We’ve had some escalating theft issues up there. But I could call in sick if you need me.”

  “I don’t need to be babysat in case my feelings get away from me, Dino.” She looked accusingly at her. She treated Jess like a child at times, but the last thing Jess needed was a chaperone.

  “I know you’re quite capable of making decisions. Sometimes you do let them get away from you, though.”

  Jess was already weary of the conversation and hoped for a peaceful end to a thoroughly distasteful evening.

  Dino hugged her tightly, and Jess felt her emotions pitch for just a second before she recovered her composure. “Thanks. I’m fine.”

  “I know you are. At least, I know you will be eventually.”

  “Hey, I just thought of something. Can I borrow your truck?” Jess formulated an irrational plan having nothing to do with Napa, arguments, or Whitney.

  “The keys are in the kitchen as always. Are you trading me for a Mercedes?”

  Jess tossed her the extra set from the hook on the wall. “I may not need it, but just in case.” Jess declined to analyze her actions, let alone answer the unasked question in Dino’s eyes.

  “I feel like you need to tell me more stories, Jess. A lot more. Can I have another strawberry?”

  “Go to work and stop interrogating me, Officer.” Jess pointed at the berries. “Take the box.”

  “Love you, ass.” Dino grabbed the box from the chair happily. “And thank you.”

  “Love you too, ass.”

  Why did sticky remnants of expensive fruit feel like an irrational metaphor for her evening? Whitney was the quintessential rare and expensive treat that everyone thought they wanted until they got it. Actually, maybe Jess just had more reasonable taste. Hell, maybe she should consider herself allergic to all of it and give up the thought that any woman was worth the drama. But Skylar Addison seemed like she was worth all of it. In fact, she was everything that made tonight tolerable and was likely what gave Jess the strength to finally confront the elephant in the room. What the ramifications of that were, she didn’t yet know.

  Chapter Ten

  At seven a.m. Sunday morning, Jess felt hungover but somehow freer when she stared up at the bedroom ceiling. She had even taken the time to change the sheets and clean the bathroom before falling into bed at one in the morning, a welcome addition to her feeling of a new start.

  She replayed the events of the prior evening, and while she had wished for a calm and mature resolution, she knew the outcome had been the right one.

  Whitney had texted her twice. The last text said, Reply to my message if you want to fix this. She deleted the text instead and felt guilty but somehow triumphant.

  She selected a name from the contacts app, and the phone started ringing before she could give much thought to her plans or motivations.

  “Hello?”

  Jess could hear rustling of sheets through the phone. “You asleep?” Jess rolled onto her side and curled into her pillow as she spoke.

  “No, just lying here. You?” the sleepy voice replied.

  “Obviously not. I was thinking.” The cadence of their conversation was familiar and comfortable and not at all expected.

  “Sounds ominous.” Skylar yawned softly.

  Jess found the sensation of it coursing over her skin. The sound of Skylar’s morning voice was some mixture of raw honey and fine espresso.

  “Did you find a dresser yet?” She dreaded the thought that she had.

  “No. I was running through San Francisco with you yesterday, remember?” Skylar replied with a smile in her voice.

  “I do remember.” Jess held her breath briefly before exhaling her next words. “So, I had a thought.”

  “Okay. Why don’t you wow me with your genius?”

  “Have you ever been to the Alameda Antiques Faire?” Jess held her breath. What was she doing?

  “No. It’s only on the first Sunday of the month, and I either forget or there’s always something else happening.”

  “So, today is the first Sunday and I was thinking we could go and look for your dresser and see if there’s anything else we can’t live without. Like jars of doll heads or X-rated mannequins—there is a little bit of everything.”

  “Sounds charming. But unless we get an inflatable dresser, it’s not going to fit in either one of our cars.”

  “I happen to have Dino’s truck and a taste for something questionable from a food truck.” She waited for the answer like a five-year-old getting clearance for pre-dinner ice cream.

  “Promise you won’t make me haggle? I hate negotiating at these places.”

  “I am a champion haggler and you can look away, my dear.” She was already pulling jeans from her closet.

  “You’re awesome, but I hate to take up your Sunday looking for used furniture for me.”

  “You’re not taking it up. I wanted to go and you’re the perfect excuse.”

  “First I’m your pizza alibi and now your eccentric shopping excuse. Very curious, Ms. Ivan.”

  “Sounds like I need to stand on my own two feet.”

  “I’m only kidding. I need a shower and ten minutes to wrestle this mop into a ball cap.”

  “If I leave now, I can pick you up at eight-ish with coffee.”

  “Bring me a caramel latte and I’ll owe you big.”

  “My treat. See you in an hour.” Jess chucked the phone on the bed and spun the shower knobs until they were boiling. She relished the sensation of being free and managed to make herself feel guilty again, all in one five-minute shower.

  * * *

  Jess honked the horn on the small pickup when she saw Skylar waiting on the curb.

  “One caramel latte for you.” She presented the drink and Skylar appraised the tomboy version of Jess as she clambered into the cab. She knew her light-colored cuffed blue jeans, canvas slip-ons, and a red flannel shirt thrown over a white tank made her look ten years younger. She hoped Jess wouldn’t be put off by the unpolished look. She watched her sip her coffee and then forced herself to look away.

  “I don’t normally get chauffeur and beverage service this early on a Sunday.” Skylar looked appreciatively at Jess and squeezed her arm.

  “You’re indulging my secret treasure-hunting passion, remember? More than a fair trade.”

  “If you say so. What if we don’t find anything? You’ve wasted your day and Dino’s loan.”

  “Something tells me that hanging out with you has never been a waste for anyone. We have fun, and you make me forget about work.”

  The dusky timbre in Jess’s voice made Skylar close her eyes for a second and listen just a bit harder. “That’s what friends are supposed to do.” Skylar hoped she hadn’t assumed too much and flashed back to the conversation with Whitney about knowing her place.

  “So, where’s Whitney this morning?” She reminded herself that the tiny woman and her not-so-tiny personality were a very real factor in Jess’s life.

  “Ooh. Long story. I’ll need more coffee for that. I also want to talk to you later about something. Just not right now.” Jess steered through the gates of the old naval base and found a spot quite a distance from the ticket booth. “Let’s go buy other people’s old crap.”

  “You make things sound so appealing.” Skylar laughed and slid out of the truck to the gravel lot. She jogged to catch up to Jess, who was already marching in the direction of the tents.

  Skylar reveled in the next three hours with Jess, wandering the acres of the faire, eating breakfast burritos and churros and forcing each other into ugly hats and silly masks. Skylar made Jess pose with a Mr. T cutout and Sk
ylar agreed to a photo op with a fruit-covered sombrero and a life-sized R2-D2 replica.

  Skylar briefly forgot why they were even there. She forgot to keep her distance or remind herself that Jess was simply being kind. She had no indication that Jess thought of her as anything other than her employee, but she liked the fact that she was, perhaps, starting to regard her as a friend. Skylar found the concept a surprisingly welcome one.

  Jess was studying an antique mirror when Skylar waved at her frantically from the next booth. She pulled at Jess’s shoulder and urgently whispered, “There it is. See the mid-century piece behind the ugly table?”

  Skylar saw a playful, sexy look pass over Jess’s face and briefly wondered what it was like to be Whitney. Jess smelled like fresh air and the same eucalyptus shampoo, and Skylar let herself sink into the effect, if only for a moment. It felt warm and safe and comfortable.

  “I see it. Don’t you want to look closer?”

  Jess turned to look at her and Skylar hoped the shaky breath that escaped wasn’t too loud or obvious. She told herself to release Jess’s arm, disconcerted by the unexpected connection she felt. She didn’t let go.

  “Yes, but I didn’t want to look too excited in there. I’m good now.” Reluctantly, she released her arm and put a little distance between them.

  “Remember I’m the haggler, so look disinterested.”

  Skylar shook off the intensity of the past few seconds and chastised herself for being silly.

  Skylar offered an abbreviated salute and said loudly, “I don’t think I even need a dresser.”

  Jess laughed at her weak attempt at downplay and Skylar followed her through the tiny aisles created by old furniture.

  Skylar pulled open the drawers and caressed the sixty-year-old teakwood surface. She mouthed to Jess, “I want it.”

  Jess stood behind her and spoke quietly. Skylar felt the words land on her neck and she hoped the goose bumps she felt spring up on her skin weren’t visible to Jess.